There’s Nothing to Wrong Except Wrong Itself
I hear this question all the time; never directed at myself, but while hearing shrill she-devils screech and harp on their man-friends while standing in line for the cinema or the man-theater or a meat restaurant.
“Were you checking out that girl?”
I carry around a special stash of Man Points for the first man to answer it correctly. I haven’t given them out yet, so if you see me hanging about the correct answer is:
“Yes.”
Honesty is not the best policy. Lying is always the best policy. It’s fun and it gains you Man Points by the boatload. I was at the pub the other week and the lady-bartender was wondering if I should have another seven and seven. As an aside, can I comment for a moment on how men are better than women at being bartenders? Always go to the female bartender. They’re a curse on a money making bar who pour drinks like the liquor is free. A bartender’s job is getting women as drunk as possible, not men.
I said yes just like I answer most questions women ask. See, women don’t ask anything unless they want you to say no — and that’s only because they want you to agree with their ‘no’. Women don’t give a shit about what you think or what you want, it’s all them, them, them. Anything that ends in a question mark is their way of telling you you fucked up somehow. You think they would be the experts at spotting fuck ups, but they’re not. They’re just the experts at fucking up.
I gave myself 65 Man Points for lying.
The reason you should simply say “Yes, I was,” when some daft princess asks if you’ve been checking out another woman is because you were and it doesn’t fucking matter. It’s not your responsibility to explain the complex workings of the man-mind to a woman. All the reasons you were checking her out for are beyond her limited comprehension.
1. Men notice everything. We notice everything and we need details. We need details to occupy the cogs of our massive brains so they keep spinning. Man brains are like boats and motorcycles. If you let them sit they need an expensive tune-up.
2. Men are wary of all creatures that come within our personal space. Our personal space includes (but is not limited to) our field of vision.
3. Halter tops are fascinating. How do they stay up like that?
If you’re going to explain to a woman the motivations men subconsciously consider before everything they do, why not start with the free market system which no woman anywhere understands? Why not explain democracy to a woman — who all have the attention span of a fucking child. Teach her why she has her precious right to vote. That ought to be a treat!
Why not just sit down and teach the poor girl why the men in her office want to help her move so badly?
There’s no fucking point.
Women will take whatever they’re given with a smile. They need to know when they’re supposed to get upset. That’s why a simple, “Yes,” works so well. There’s no mumbling or nonsense. You didn’t do anything wrong anyway so there’s nothing to get upset about.
This brings me to a point about why women consider it their job to raise children. Children give obvious clues when they’re supposed to be punished. A child might throw food on the floor or defecate on the wall. At that point a woman knows to punish the child. The same works in relationships. If you act like you didn’t do anything wrong, you didn’t.
Two hundred Man Points.
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December 2nd, 2007 at 11:02 pm - IP Man-Hash: 7b55501cead9a
Welcome back. Do join up at the forums when possible. (No, I am not on the payroll *Laughs*)
December 3rd, 2007 at 12:41 am - IP Man-Hash: f68191fe56ea6
I honestly don’t get the whole deal with sex. Why is it so important to adults?
December 3rd, 2007 at 2:17 am - IP Man-Hash: 955ecd7b9aea4
Poor Clair. She couldn’t find a man willing to screw her in a room full of Marines. I doubt even a hockey team would have such low standards.
December 3rd, 2007 at 2:48 am - IP Man-Hash: f68191fe56ea6
sw, that was a pretty lame attempt at an insult. I bet you’re one of the guys here who bitch about women coming here and saying that to. Heh.
My question still stands though, why is sex so important to adults? I honestly don’t understand.
December 3rd, 2007 at 3:01 am - IP Man-Hash: 0a379370a5fd8
Probably because evolution and god gave me a giant cock, and you a giant pussy, together, it means pheromones, and plain good times!
Damn Clair, by now you oughtta know bumping uglies IS part of what we were designed to do right? The old Hide The Snausage, Horizontal Mambo, Chicken Snake Stuffing, you name it. Bologna Pony, come on now.
Of course ADULT guys dig it, we biologically create enough sperm in one man to make every female human, sheep and dog on the planet pregnant in a single day.
Of course ADULT females may or may not even be ready for it once a MONTH much less once a day, so what does that say to you?
WOMEN ARE NOT COOLER WHEN IT COMES TO SEX.
Oh yeah, BIGGER IS BETTER< BUT NOT WOMEN
One key difference between ADULT males and supposedly MATURE females is the simple fact that men, in their infinite wisdom are smart enough to track multiple target poon for free, while women in infinite stupidity, price themselves right out of the market.
That is MAN-FUCKING-TASTIC! I can make 50,000 kids a day on a SLOW day, you can only make one a year. That SUCKS! With your odds, I won’t be taking YOU to Vegas this year……………..
December 3rd, 2007 at 3:12 am - IP Man-Hash: f68191fe56ea6
lol…um ok.
Well, I’m pretty sure that when I do start to have sex, it’s not going to be like that guy, that got angry at his wife for not wanting to have sex with her. I still don’t understand, why it is such a big deal. I mean, I like ice-cream but I don’t get angry at people for not giving me any…
December 3rd, 2007 at 3:31 am - IP Man-Hash: 0a379370a5fd8
Well, that is because as a woman, you don’t understand basic economics.
For example (ice cream):
You just said that it is ok for me to buy a $50,000 a year non-functional ice cream cone. Maybe a cool ass Nestle Crunch Bar, whatever.
Now, I just bought this, it won’t work, it just lays there. But in a womans’ case, they do all that and bitch too.
So, it is NOT ok for me to buy that Ice Cream of superiour inferior quality and function and bitch about it not being worth a fuck.
By the way, I have a cherry ‘57 Chevy 2-Door Hardtop, for only $15,000.
Problem is, it won’t work, won’t start, won’t drive, but just sit there and whines when I turn it over…………..would YOU buy it?
December 3rd, 2007 at 4:08 am - IP Man-Hash: f68191fe56ea6
Well…no. But I don’t think you can equate humans to that. Even Ice-cream. I always thought sex was supposed to be all nice and lovey dovey, with someone you love. But since you love them, just being around them should be enough, shouldn’t it?
December 3rd, 2007 at 6:59 pm - IP Man-Hash: 5408eaae3757b
Are you fucking retarded are just plain naive? Sex is sex. It’s a wonderful expression of love if both people are open about themselves, otherwise it’s a good way for me not to bash your head with a rock for denying my man-urges.
I’ve been lurking for quite some time and I can honestly say that some of the female responses and thought processes are so archaic and rooted in some ‘lovey dovey’ notion of fairytales, diamonds, and eternal happiness. No wonder men are better than women.
December 3rd, 2007 at 7:47 pm - IP Man-Hash: f68191fe56ea6
I stand by that statement.
December 3rd, 2007 at 8:09 pm - IP Man-Hash: 0a379370a5fd8
Give Nickster some Manly Man-Points or something. He’s finally stepped up to the plate and is playing T-ball with womens’ thinking.
December 3rd, 2007 at 8:49 pm - IP Man-Hash: f68191fe56ea6
IT HAPPENED AGAIN!!! I WENT TO CHAUVINISTOS PLACE (god I hate going there…it scares me so so much) AND I LOOKED AT THAT CHAT ROOM THINGY…AND LOW AND BEHOLD I WAS FRIGIN THERE!!! ITS NOT ME.
December 3rd, 2007 at 10:07 pm - IP Man-Hash: e5ec0e56ca184
@ Nick: Welcome aboard. We know that there are many men lurking this site. Feel free to join in and sign up at the forums.
January 4th, 2008 at 2:31 pm - IP Man-Hash: b34d838df3a73
I agree. Completely. Looking is not cheating, so why the hell should it bother me or anyone? What’d I do next, yell at him for having porn?
February 19th, 2008 at 5:00 pm - IP Man-Hash: 983ce4d2ace95
Poor baby, your wife doesn’t get turned on by you, and only gives you pity sex? That is indeed tragic. Do you not satisfy her? But wait, she’s actually nice enough to hide it in the hopes of not destroying your male-ego, ya gotta hand it her, right?
You’re pathetic for choosing a woman who can’t support herself in the first place, what does that tell you about yourself? IF she was actually independent, you would seem insanely superflous, would you not, seeing as uh, you can’t even SATISFY her sexually, so the least you can do is support her financially? But than again, this is the mess you chose when you were enough of an flaming imbecile to even MARRY at all.
Hopefully this was simple enough for your two brains cells to register….
The solution is obviously DIVORCE, free her… uh, I mean yourself, of your misery, ‘kay?
February 28th, 2008 at 10:58 pm - IP Man-Hash: 637a64b430fde
Typical woman. “It’s YOUR fault for not sastifying her! You should be ashamed for being nice to your woman and loving her despite her childish tenancies, you horrible saint of a man you ”
And then they wonder why more and more men are hitting and quitting it instead of getting married, who would want to get married to that?
February 28th, 2008 at 11:07 pm - IP Man-Hash: 637a64b430fde
and it’s also a example of why not to go into the army, no respect at all. This man is working for the defense of the nation while his wife is pulling this and the only thing you can say is bullshit about pity sex?
March 2nd, 2008 at 3:17 pm - IP Man-Hash: ea58b8c7f189e
it is great to be a man!!!!!
April 10th, 2008 at 10:41 am - IP Man-Hash: 23c39f4848443
This dude is like Tom Cruise in Magnolia, he’s charismatic and funny, but something’s got to be a little fucked up. He must hate his mother or something?
April 10th, 2008 at 8:23 pm - IP Man-Hash: 24e7d06ce0f74
Not to sound crude, but why does it seem like Nick (made a comment several weeks ago that “sex is sex…just a good way to keep me from bashing your head in with a rock for denying my manly urges”) is a rapist?
I have to admit that although I try to be relatively understanding when men get irritated with women, that’s a little extreme, and technically assault if you actually follow through with your comment..
I pity the woman you’re with.