Turkey Gobblers!

Women are obsessed with plastic surgery, and one of the fastest growing surgical trends this Thanksgiving is the rejuvenating, revitalizing, reinvigorating vaginoplasty.

The rejuvenating, revitalizing, reinvigorating vaginoplasty puts the “tight” in a twat; it takes the “loose” from a labia; it crams the “new” into a snootch; and it takes at least three kids off the odometer. When marriage counseling doesn’t work, and since women are too possessive to give threesomes a shot, they’re turning to the same thing that brought us taxes, Charles Manson, and the Vagina Monologues.

The vagina.

Nothing proves that women hate sex — while simultaneously being obsessed with it — like “the vaginoplasty”. Their obsession with sexual perfection consumes them and manifests in shame, hatred, and bitterness. Women are obsessed with their vaginas like that woman in Misery was obsessed with Stephan King. If it was legal, vaginas should all get restraining orders.

Women and their vaginas remind me of a man with a classic 1958 California Spyder Ferrari, who spends all day polishing it and talking dirty to it without ever taking it out for a test drive. What a waste.

At least the Ferrari is still good to look at.

Turkey Gobblers

Since women don’t want to use their vaginas, they’re trying to turn them into something a vagina will never be: easy on the eyes. I have news for you ladies out there. You can’t turn a turkey into a swan. You can’t turn a floppy whoopie cushion into The David. You can’t turn a turkey gobbler into a 16 year old clam, no matter how much bleaching some man is paying for.

Women are disgusted by themselves and stupid. Forget about makeup and perfume, they can’t even figure out what their vaginas are for.

They’re ATM’s, not works of art.

Vaginoplasties are like Viagra for women

False. Viagra is for women. Without Viagra thousands of men would leave their old, boring wives every year for young, hot ones who could put some lead in their pencil. Then they would use that pencil to sign the divorce papers.

A vagina is a lot like a boat. You dump tons of money into it and no matter how great it sounds, it’s only fun a few times a year during the summer. Otherwise, it’s a lot of expensive upkeep.

Women all over the country are trying to put some vitality back in their vag and some “clamp” back in their clams this season with expensive and risky plastic surgery. Since I know it’s not going to work, I’ve got a procedure women should try first which is guaranteed to improve their sexual attraction:

Shut up and hit a treadmill.

Happy Thanksgiving.

HitTheTreadmill.com

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350 Responses to “Turkey Gobblers!”

Pages: « 112 13 14 15 16 [17] 18 » Show All

  1. Clair Says:

    Danielle said:

    dicks are the ugliest things i’ve ever seen…

    Yeah, they are pretty gross.

  2. Dace Says:

    maria said:

    Wow in all my experience of the horrors of the internet i have not yet come across something so pathetic. I am a 20 yr old woman from Australia and im currently completing a bachelor of law/human resource management. So yes you could say I’m smarter then you Dick. Plastic surgury has never crossed my mind, and YES i do have a mind! This website is designed to make low-life men feel better about their own pathetic lives.. I actually pity you! your articles are based on sexist thoughts that have no real relavance in todays world! Noone wants to hear your thoughts.. Your not important enough.. Anyone who spends so much time creating websites like this CLEARLY have no life.. Soahh Dick or whatever ur name is.. Why dont you go suck on a Dick? Because if u despise women so much then i dont see why youy would want to have sex with them.. Anyways im off to live a worthwhile life earning my own living, which is more then i can say for you Dick! haha

    1. Your not smarter than Dick because your “completing” your degree. You just replaced your books with knee pads.

    2. IF you were so “smart” you would also be able to read the sentance on the first page of this site that says… “Ladies, as always, this site is off limits”.

    3. Dont forget condoms while you go “earn” your own living. STD’s suck. (From what I hear)

  3. Danielle Says:

    “Ladies, as always, this site is off limits”.
    I’m pretty sure you men are just saying that because you don’t wanna destroy your ego by hearing the other side of this stupid argument.
    Grow some balls mate

  4. Mark Says:

    You guys are dicks. you clearly haven’t had any attention from women and this is the only way you can cope. women are great both friend wise and relationship wise. i pity you, and i hope you come to your senses soon.

  5. Doubt Says:

    Henry said:

    I think Dick Masterson is so fucking hot. I think he is gay.

    You little cunts disgust me beyond words.
    http://encyclopediadramatica.com/Image:Women.jpg
    There ya go. That’s how you deserve to end up, and will eventually.

    Danielle said:

    dicks are the ugliest things i’ve ever seen, and us woman who have to put up with them don’t judge you men.
    and it’s so pathetic that you’re judging people for what their private parts look like. fucking grow up.

    http://encyclopediadramatica.com/Image:Cunt_Punt.jpg
    ‘The Cunt Punt is a common manuever used to release demons and other evil spirits from within a womans Vagina. Turns a bitch back into a respectable woman in .5 seconds or less.’
    -ED

  6. Dace Says:

    Clair said:

    Dace said:

    Clair said:

    I think .

    First mistake of society, letting women think.

    Women would not be so fucking vulnerable if they stood where they were meant to stand, behind men.

    This is evidence that women are still standing behind men. The fact that they think they need this surgery shows complete lack of confidence, and value of sexual desire towards men. They are not doing it for fun, they are doing it to please the man they are with and consequently themselves.

    If women had anything better to give men than their bodies they would not get plastic surgery.
    I have never met anyone who actually loves their wife, (seriously) ever ask her to get “bigger boobs”.
    The reason why men love plastic surgery so damn much is because us STRAIGHT men NEED something to like about fucking women.

    “Shes a bitch dude. Why the fuck are you with her”?

    “She has a nice rack man”. “Nice racks out number good women these days”.

  7. Mark Says:

    doubt, what the FUCK is wrong with you.

  8. Dace Says:

    Danielle said:

    “Ladies, as always, this site is off limits”.
    I’m pretty sure you men are just saying that because you don’t wanna destroy your ego by hearing the other side of this stupid argument.
    Grow some balls mate

    A woman could never destroy my ego. That would simply be a massive loss of man points.

  9. dazedandconfused Says:

    10003 said:

    hi dick
    i have just watched you on DR Phil and was disgusted by what you were saying although i am young and am not from America so i don’t no what it is like over there and don’t have a clue if this kind of childish behavior is common but i would like to say a few things what you say and think about women is kind of funny and weird at the same time that you truly believe that women are worthless you make your self sound like a complete wanka do you talk about women like this because no women would ever touch you because you are so repulsive
    men are just as bad and word that you speak have no evidents to back you up i have a part time job and work hard for my money i don’t need a man to look after me and fuck men you are apart of the group of men i hate you think you are better then me because you have a penis pfft
    and if women are such bad parents then why is it that when people split up the children stay with the mother you fucking dick head your name suits you, you are a DICK i take pity on you

    Damn bitch where’s the fullstops. I wish people who would try to prove that their sex is smart would at least ensure that they are in fact intelligent. It makes for a poor representation.

    *D3C*

  10. Danielle Says:

    I don’t understand how you can judge a whole gender’s intelligent because one person doesn’t use full stops? besides, sinse when does that equal intelligence? it doesn’t!

  11. Danielle Says:

    *intelligence

  12. Doubt Says:

    Mark said:

    doubt, what the FUCK is wrong with you.

    I’m sorry, my head is spinning. Who am I answering vacant speculations to, you or your imaginary male alter-ego? Some little cunt forgot to think about the actions we are doing - hence the necessity to strip her privileges off of her. She is not deserving of equal treatment due to her stupidity, partially because of the fact that her ’sisters’ have seen to it that all young girls are socially and emotionally inept from excessive pampering.
    I suppose a better question would be why you don’t jest get around to getting your fat ass kicked by a man, tough ‘guy’?

    # November 22nd, 2007 at 6:28 pm- IP Man-Hash: b834198921367

    dicks are the ugliest things i’ve ever seen, and us woman who have to put up with them don’t judge you men. and it’s so pathetic that you’re judging people for what their private parts look like. fucking grow up.
    # Danielle Says:
    November 22nd, 2007 at 6:59 pm- IP Man-Hash: b834198921367

    “Ladies, as always, this site is off limits”. I’m pretty sure you men are just saying that because you don’t wanna destroy your ego by hearing the other side of this stupid argument. Grow some balls mate
    # Mark Says:
    November 22nd, 2007 at 7:03 pm- IP Man-Hash: b834198921367

    You guys are dicks. you clearly haven’t had any attention from women and this is the only way you can cope. women are great both friend wise and relationship wise. i pity you, and i hope you come to your senses soon.
    # Mark Says:
    November 22nd, 2007 at 7:14 pm- IP Man-Hash: b834198921367

    doubt, what the FUCK is wrong with you.
    # Danielle Says:
    November 22nd, 2007 at 7:21 pm- IP Man-Hash: b834198921367

    I don’t understand how you can judge a whole gender’s intelligent because one person doesn’t use full stops? besides, sinse when does that equal intelligence? it doesn’t!
    # Danielle Says:
    November 22nd, 2007 at 7:24 pm- IP Man-Hash: b834198921367

    *intelligence

  13. Mark Says:

    Idiot, i’m her boyfriend

  14. Clair Says:

    Dace said:

    Clair said:

    Dace said:

    Clair said:

    I think .

    First mistake of society, letting women think.

    Women would not be so fucking vulnerable if they stood where they were meant to stand, behind men.

    This is evidence that women are still standing behind men. The fact that they think they need this surgery shows complete lack of confidence, and value of sexual desire towards men. They are not doing it for fun, they are doing it to please the man they are with and consequently themselves.

    If women had anything better to give men than their bodies they would not get plastic surgery.
    I have never met anyone who actually loves their wife, (seriously) ever ask her to get “bigger boobs”.
    The reason why men love plastic surgery so damn much is because us STRAIGHT men NEED something to like about fucking women.

    “Shes a bitch dude. Why the fuck are you with her”?

    “She has a nice rack man”. “Nice racks out number good women these days”.

    I pity you. You are shallow. One can never truly be happy if the only things in life that they treasure are materialistic.

  15. Clair Says:

    With out happiness, one has no reason, no zeal to live.

  16. dazedandconfused Says:

    Danielle said:

    I don’t understand how you can judge a whole gender’s intelligent because one person doesn’t use full stops? besides, sinse when does that equal intelligence? it doesn’t!

    Hmm since (yes that’s how you spell it) when does using proper grammar equal intelligence. Well, for a start, it shows you completed year fucking two you dumb fuck.

    *D3C*

  17. Mark Says:

    well i’ve used proper grammer, and according to you that equals intelligence. i spelled one word wrong and you judge my enitre mental capacity? you’re not sticking to your original statement. moron.

  18. Mark Says:

    seriously grow up you’re idiots for judging people by what gender they are.

  19. dazedandconfused Says:

    Mark said:

    well i’ve used proper grammer, and according to you that equals intelligence. i spelled one word wrong and you judge my enitre mental capacity? you’re not sticking to your original statement. moron.

    Yes Mr. Pussywhipped I’m not sticking to my original statement. Now fuck off and come back with a real argument.

    *D3C*

  20. Clair Says:

    What? Cause he doesn’t like the idea that some asshole are speaking shit about all women, and hence including his woman and every other positive female influence in his life, makes him pussywhipped?

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