Turkey Gobblers!

Women are obsessed with plastic surgery, and one of the fastest growing surgical trends this Thanksgiving is the rejuvenating, revitalizing, reinvigorating vaginoplasty.

The rejuvenating, revitalizing, reinvigorating vaginoplasty puts the “tight” in a twat; it takes the “loose” from a labia; it crams the “new” into a snootch; and it takes at least three kids off the odometer. When marriage counseling doesn’t work, and since women are too possessive to give threesomes a shot, they’re turning to the same thing that brought us taxes, Charles Manson, and the Vagina Monologues.

The vagina.

Nothing proves that women hate sex — while simultaneously being obsessed with it — like “the vaginoplasty”. Their obsession with sexual perfection consumes them and manifests in shame, hatred, and bitterness. Women are obsessed with their vaginas like that woman in Misery was obsessed with Stephan King. If it was legal, vaginas should all get restraining orders.

Women and their vaginas remind me of a man with a classic 1958 California Spyder Ferrari, who spends all day polishing it and talking dirty to it without ever taking it out for a test drive. What a waste.

At least the Ferrari is still good to look at.

Turkey Gobblers

Since women don’t want to use their vaginas, they’re trying to turn them into something a vagina will never be: easy on the eyes. I have news for you ladies out there. You can’t turn a turkey into a swan. You can’t turn a floppy whoopie cushion into The David. You can’t turn a turkey gobbler into a 16 year old clam, no matter how much bleaching some man is paying for.

Women are disgusted by themselves and stupid. Forget about makeup and perfume, they can’t even figure out what their vaginas are for.

They’re ATM’s, not works of art.

Vaginoplasties are like Viagra for women

False. Viagra is for women. Without Viagra thousands of men would leave their old, boring wives every year for young, hot ones who could put some lead in their pencil. Then they would use that pencil to sign the divorce papers.

A vagina is a lot like a boat. You dump tons of money into it and no matter how great it sounds, it’s only fun a few times a year during the summer. Otherwise, it’s a lot of expensive upkeep.

Women all over the country are trying to put some vitality back in their vag and some “clamp” back in their clams this season with expensive and risky plastic surgery. Since I know it’s not going to work, I’ve got a procedure women should try first which is guaranteed to improve their sexual attraction:

Shut up and hit a treadmill.

Happy Thanksgiving.

HitTheTreadmill.com

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349 Responses to “Turkey Gobblers!”

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  1. Clair Says:

    Yeah Ben. Real men don’t need instruction manuals and they sure as hell don’t need to pull over for directions. :P

  2. Me Says:

    Clair said:

    dazedandconfused said:

    Logical but wrong. I have never given up, I still hold the hope that at least one girl in my age group hasn’t got a pole stuck up her arse. I’m certainly not gay, but you go on thinking that if you wish.

    The thing is though, it is only logical for one to come to the conclusion that people here may be gay, and dick himself gay (just an angry gay). I’ve asked someone, in all genuineness no malice intended, and people just go ape shit crazy. They jump all over it and call you homophobic. It’s just bizarre.

    No malice intended. You’re just pure innocence aren’t you? It’s interesting that you think the only reasonable conclusion for “people” to be here is because they are sexually attracted to men. Because thinking men are better than women obviously means I want to jam my cock up another guy’s ass. Like somehow it’s impossible to like candy without realizing its nutritional value is low.

  3. Dick Masterson Says:

    Me said:

    Because thinking men are better than women obviously means I want to jam my cock up another guy’s ass. Like somehow it’s impossible to like candy without realizing its nutritional value is low.

    That was a stroke of genius.

    Fuck off the site, Clair. Your desperation for male attention is transparent.

    -Dick

  4. Clair Says:

    Well I like attention. And you’re just feeding me, you have no one to blame but yourselves.

  5. Doubt Says:

    I love stumbling into the ladies room and asking if that video they’re making means they no longer crave football player cock.
    Questioning someone’s sexuality is a great way to make friends. And people say that girly-girls have worst social skills than male autistics. Absurd! They could stop sucking cock for attention, the girly-girl brain is just better in that it craves negative sexual attention!

  6. Doubt Says:

    Clair said:

    Well I like attention.

    You like being proven wrong? Now it’s that you get attention?
    Bitch, anyone can get people to hate them. You aren’t being fed, you’re making a fat-titted imbecile out of yourself.
    You’re just pulling absurd claims out of your ass and moving on to the next thing after the bitch has been proven wrong.
    In the name of equality, you must be a lonely internet faggot with no real friends who jacks off and gets sodomized by random men.

  7. Necroswordsman Says:

    Clair said:

    Well I like attention. And you’re just feeding me, you have no one to blame but yourselves.

    Well it is very much like a zoo. Which a sign saying ‘Angry woman here: Beware. Hates men. No feeding after 8 PM. During the menstrual cycle, MOVE THE FUCK AWAY’.

    We could probably make some specialised peanuts too.

  8. eyz Says:

    Fucking cunts and manginas running their mouth just because Dick has the grace to not ban them, blathering on and on about subjects of zero value to the discussion.

    I say ban them all. No point trying to shove reason into their skull when it’s too thick and filled with shit already.

  9. Necroswordsman Says:

    eyz said:

    Fucking cunts and manginas running their mouth just because Dick has the grace to not ban them, blathering on and on about subjects of zero value to the discussion.

    I say ban them all. No point trying to shove reason into their skull when it’s too thick and filled with shit already.

    You speak the truth my friend. But it’s quite funny to watch them ridicule themselves. Like at the zoo.

  10. Doubt Says:

    Funny how we’re always gay and girly-girls are automatically an elevated race when they end up impersonating men.
    Unusual, to say the least. But then, never underestimate exactly how stupid someone who has never used her little head in her life is.
    Really, if you just bitch and whine, and your family provides because God knows girls are somehow superior to men and yet require preferential treatment, you’re going to be a bulemic dumb-shit who is only good for fucking. Hence the fact that teenage girls today do not get kidnapped by perverts - they invite them to their fucking parent’s house!
    And these bitches talk about female superiority and yet demand this continue happen! What the fuck?

  11. Sgt Reyes Says:

    Clair said:

    Alice said:

    i think that anyone who has time to make a site like this either has had a very traumatic experience in which they were rejected by many women, so they gave up and started this site OR they are gay.

    Now they’ll jump all over this comment and call you homophobic…even though this is a very logical conclusion.

    Actually we on this site have heard these comments so much that it’s just a repeat. Unfortunately for pathetic women such as yourself, I happen to be straight and a Marine which gets me laid more in a week than you probably have in a lifetime. Do every Man on this site a favor and get the fuck off this site. Your attempt at logic is any woman’s attempt at anything.

    Utter failure.

  12. Geeza Says:

    Clair said:

    Now they’ll jump all over this comment and call you homophobic…even though this is a very logical conclusion.

    Just out of interest could you tell me how women come to such a ‘logical’ conclusion?

    I’ve got my own theory as to why women pull out the instant ‘you’re gay’ card, but I would like to hear a womans honest perspective.

  13. Necroswordsman Says:

    You know, IF any of us were rejected by women, it’s quite underhanded using it to make a point.

    Personaly, I love women. Nice to hug and cuddle. When they aren’t backstabbing you.

  14. khylil Says:

    Just thought this might clear a few things up.

    http://www.brissc.com.au/resources/for/for_1.html

    Also interesting how everyone thinks differently. Doesn’t mean you have to take it on board. Just take it or leave it. Everyone has a right to their own opinion. For myself I disagree to most of what is being said.

  15. Billy Says:

    khylil said:

    Just thought this might clear a few things up.

    http://www.brissc.com.au/resources/for/for_1.html

    Also interesting how everyone thinks differently. Doesn’t mean you have to take it on board. Just take it or leave it. Everyone has a right to their own opinion. For myself I disagree to most of what is being said.

    By the broad definition of the the wacko who wrote that garbage you yourself are raping us men here because the sign on the entrance page clearly says “No women allowed.” Your unwanted advances means rape bitch.. leave now.

  16. Clair Says:

    Geeza said:

    Clair said:

    Now they’ll jump all over this comment and call you homophobic…even though this is a very logical conclusion.

    Just out of interest could you tell me how women come to such a ‘logical’ conclusion?

    I’ve got my own theory as to why women pull out the instant ‘you’re gay’ card, but I would like to hear a womans honest perspective.

    Honestly? Well, it just seems logical. When all you see is hostility directed directed to women on this site, it brings us to two conclusions, a. You have had really bad encounters with women and as such have just decided all women are like this or b. You’re homosexuals, because although you say you don’t hate women, we don’t see any love…so we assume that since you are throwing nothing but anger and hostility at us and think all women are [insert trait here], it must be because you think of women as less then men. Why would you want to be with someone or have sexual desires for a less then satisfactory person? You can’t love someone that you have no respect for, so since there is no respect for women here (that we see….yes there may be some hidden discourse, but I doubt dick is this smart), and only respect for men, we assume you’re gay.

  17. MansVoice Says:

    Clair said:

    Honestly? Well, it just seems logical. When all you see is hostility directed directed to women on this site, it brings us to two conclusions, a. You have had really bad encounters with women and as such have just decided all women are like this or b. You’re homosexuals, because although you say you don’t hate women, we don’t see any love…so we assume that since you are throwing nothing but anger and hostility at us and think all women are [insert trait here], it must be because you think of women as less then men.

    Or option C. we arrive at a logical conclusion after living out real life. Its pretty simple. Who you wanna play and have fun with? The guys. Who make great companions? The guys. That doesnt mean you hate women; it just means their only purpose is for sex.

    Clair said:

    Why would you want to be with someone or have sexual desires for a less then satisfactory person? You can’t love someone that you have no respect for, so since there is no respect for women here (that we see….yes there may be some hidden discourse, but I doubt dick is this smart), and only respect for men, we assume you’re gay.

    Why not? Back in the old days, men even had sex with slave girls. Do they love them? Fuck no. Do they respect them? Of course not!! Then why do they have sex with them? Simply put, biology - biological primordial instincts.

  18. *~*Girly girl*~* Says:

    Necroswordsman said:

    You know, IF any of us were rejected by women, it’s quite underhanded using it to make a point.

    Personaly, I love women. Nice to hug and cuddle. When they aren’t backstabbing you.

    That was really sweet. That’s all you needed to say. I LOVE to HUG and CUDDLE! I smother my boys and my man with lots of hugs and kisses and cuddling. I would give my very LIFE for my little guys and my husband . I would NEVER stab them in the back. I KNOW my place in my family. My father always told me the man is your provider, protector, leader and teacher and when I married my husband he is all of those things and much more. I put myself last and my husband and boys will ALWAYS come first, not because I am told to or even have to, it is because they deserve no less. My husband Commands respect he does not demand it, like some are trying to do on here. Just a little hug and cuddle could get you so much IF you had the right women, I personally enjoy it and would take a little huggin and cuddles and snuggles any day over ANYTHING…

  19. Necroswordsman Says:

    *~*Girly girl*~* said:

    Necroswordsman said:

    You know, IF any of us were rejected by women, it’s quite underhanded using it to make a point.

    Personaly, I love women. Nice to hug and cuddle. When they aren’t backstabbing you.

    That was really sweet. That’s all you needed to say. I LOVE to HUG and CUDDLE! I smother my boys and my man with lots of hugs and kisses and cuddling. I would give my very LIFE for my little guys and my husband . I would NEVER stab them in the back. I KNOW my place in my family. My father always told me the man is your provider, protector, leader and teacher and when I married my husband he is all of those things and much more. I put myself last and my husband and boys will ALWAYS come first, not because I am told to or even have to, it is because they deserve no less. My husband Commands respect he does not demand it, like some are trying to do on here. Just a little hug and cuddle could get you so much IF you had the right women, I personally enjoy it and would take a little huggin and cuddles and snuggles any day over ANYTHING…

    I see. Well, if that’s true, you seem a perfect example. However, I, have witnessed how women can backstab you and make your life hell. Personally witnessed, in real life, not on the internet. I’ve seen it.

    I only fully trust the women in my family.

  20. Clair Says:

    MansVoice said:

    Or option C. we arrive at a logical conclusion after living out real life. Its pretty simple. Who you wanna play and have fun with? The guys. Who make great companions? The guys. That doesnt mean you hate women; it just means their only purpose is for sex.

    Why not? Back in the old days, men even had sex with slave girls. Do they love them? Fuck no. Do they respect them? Of course not!! Then why do they have sex with them? Simply put, biology - biological primordial instincts.

    Is it hard for you to look at your mother and think, “yeah, you’re only purpose in life is spread your legs for dad’. That is so disrespectful. Are you fine thinking that your future daughters only purpose is to lie on her back and suck cock? You’re sick.

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