Weddings are Golden Toilets…Flush

Is it any surprise to no one that a woman’s second favorite past-time: having a wedding, is a huge waste of time and money?

It sure is.

Or it sure isn’t. I’m not really sure how to answer that question, so I’ll just say it. Weddings are a complete waste of time and money and are the stupidest thing that a new couple can do.

Let me give a hypothetical situation that may or may not have happened six thousand, five hundred times a day every day this year — in America alone.

Johnny Everyman (twenty-five years old with a degree in Business and Economics and a summer job selling kitchen knives) is going to enter into a bond of legal matrimony with Jill Princess-Complex (twenty-two with a degree in Art History and who has never had a job that earned more than minimum wage in her life). Sound familiar? You bet it does.

Is this new couple going to:

A) Put a down payment on a house with their savings and token gifts from family members and friends.
B) Elope for like a hundred bucks to beautiful and romantic Downtown Courthouse.
C) Have an extravaganzic gala that will drain their bank accounts, stock their kitchen with glitzy, over-priced wares from Eddie Bauer, and leave every moment in their relationship from that point on to lurk in the shadows of lost potential.

That’s why men think weddings are stupid. Because we’re better than women at starting a family and laying the foundations for a healthy relationship with a significant other. Call us all softies for it if you want, but it’s completely true.

Here’s fact that may surprise you in a fun way. Even on women’s home turf: weddings, men can run circles around them. For instance — you might want to step back for this one — how many women do you think know the 6 C’s of diamonds, the main ingredient to any engagement ring? As a man, I can just rattle them right off the top of my head and for all you know I’m not even married.

Cut
Clarity
Color
Certification
Carat

And of course the sixth C is the one wearing it.

The bottom line is that calling a comb “Indestructible” doesn’t make it so. It’s still just a plastic piece of shit that isn’t worth the paper it’s printed on.

Next time you’re going to get married men, just think about it like this: Don’t.

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362 Comments in 362 threads.»

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Comment by ilodycarxyta
2008-12-08 05:54:48 - IP Man-Hash: ef259b5319bf0

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2008-11-23 02:24:50 - IP Man-Hash: 836f1c5117808

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Comment by Derrick
2008-11-02 20:08:43 - IP Man-Hash: 04f8a94d72767

Thank you Dick, you have shown me the light. I’m 24 w/ a Master’s degree and never had to pay a student loan because I saved when I was 4. I’m single I have a small house, 3 vehicles and a Wave Runner and guess what? I manage all my expenses, because that i am a man and can keep things financially sound. If I was married, I’d be driving my old junker from high school and being in debt for paying for too much bon bons, and Macy’s credit card debt for clothes that she wouldn’t even wear. Being single is the way to go.

I’ve also heard the comment from a woman about me being old and having a heart attack and no one’s around. My response: LifeAlert pendant.

Men I urge you do not get married if you plan on being happy with your life. If you wish to get married, be prepared to spend your hard earned cash on unnecessary expenses (bon bons, clothes, purses, shoes, increased car and health insurance, plastic surgery, and a larger more expensive house and have to get new furniture when she gets tired of it, plus more.)

Thank you for reading and thank you Dick for openning my eyes to the truth.

 
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2008-06-28 08:24:31 - IP Man-Hash: a28a8fa6fa63a

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This spam link and also the ones above are identified by Firefox 3.0 as “attack sites”. Apparently these sites try to install some illegal shit on your computer.

 
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Comment by Sway
2008-04-18 18:17:28 - IP Man-Hash: 90850f55d960b

As a woman, knowing what lying bitches we are, I don’t understand why any man would get married.

 
 
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Comment by Billy
2007-12-16 15:30:58 - IP Man-Hash: 8e86de744d7eb

Doubt Fish said:

Girly-girls:
Fighting free speech with spam mail since 1996…
Apparantly a little sign is not good enough for these whores - my former email address got signed up for 100 or so Christian-group spam newsletters. I suppose that’s one way to force your opinions on me - and then the skanky bitch impersonated her father.
I also fucking hate, hate the girly-girls who say they’re using their bitch’s computer to put us in our place - with smack talk.

Anyone who would do this shit in person, if our culture was fair and just - I’d rip their fucking braces out. I had a fucking bitch explain to me that she got braces at 20 to look younger - to look like jailbait. I just walked off, but due to her generally snotish attitude and the way she exploited people made me want to introduce her to the joys of lopsided bras.

I completely understand. Women suck as people

 
 
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2007-12-05 11:23:40 - IP Man-Hash: 0a379370a5fd8

Wow. So basically, those last posts are the reason women and Bot programming do NOT go hand in hand.

Men spell Mantastically, women and bots do ONE thing: take up space and don’t put anything worth a fuck out.

 
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