Weddings are Golden Toilets…Flush

Is it any surprise to no one that a woman’s second favorite past-time: having a wedding, is a huge waste of time and money?

It sure is.

Or it sure isn’t. I’m not really sure how to answer that question, so I’ll just say it. Weddings are a complete waste of time and money and are the stupidest thing that a new couple can do.

Let me give a hypothetical situation that may or may not have happened six thousand, five hundred times a day every day this year — in America alone.

Johnny Everyman (twenty-five years old with a degree in Business and Economics and a summer job selling kitchen knives) is going to enter into a bond of legal matrimony with Jill Princess-Complex (twenty-two with a degree in Art History and who has never had a job that earned more than minimum wage in her life). Sound familiar? You bet it does.

Is this new couple going to:

A) Put a down payment on a house with their savings and token gifts from family members and friends.
B) Elope for like a hundred bucks to beautiful and romantic Downtown Courthouse.
C) Have an extravaganzic gala that will drain their bank accounts, stock their kitchen with glitzy, over-priced wares from Eddie Bauer, and leave every moment in their relationship from that point on to lurk in the shadows of lost potential.

That’s why men think weddings are stupid. Because we’re better than women at starting a family and laying the foundations for a healthy relationship with a significant other. Call us all softies for it if you want, but it’s completely true.

Here’s fact that may surprise you in a fun way. Even on women’s home turf: weddings, men can run circles around them. For instance — you might want to step back for this one — how many women do you think know the 6 C’s of diamonds, the main ingredient to any engagement ring? As a man, I can just rattle them right off the top of my head and for all you know I’m not even married.

Cut
Clarity
Color
Certification
Carat

And of course the sixth C is the one wearing it.

The bottom line is that calling a comb “Indestructible” doesn’t make it so. It’s still just a plastic piece of shit that isn’t worth the paper it’s printed on.

Next time you’re going to get married men, just think about it like this: Don’t.

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356 Responses to “Weddings are Golden Toilets…Flush”

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  1. diamatik Says:

    L said:

    I’m just curious why the man in this hypothetical situation has a degree in economics and business but is working selling kitchen knifes?

    You nincompoop! Selling knives was his summer job. You wouldn’t know about summer jobs because while a student you always begged Daddy for money to go hanging out at the mall, while the men were busy exploring their abilities in the real world.

    That is why men have better jobs than women later in life. Men start off at minimum wage as students, and thus make sure they do their damn best to get as far away from that income bracket as soon as they graduate. Women, well, we all know what happens to them with the so-called glass-ceiling.

  2. L Says:

    Ok, retard. If he already has a degree than why does he still have a summer job!! He should have a real job. That was my point. Wow, right over your head. Aren’t you smart. And you know nothing about my life so don’t even bother with the rants. I have not relied on “Daddy” for money since I was 10 years old. You have no idea what a lot of people have to go through in their life (men and women) so shut your mouth. And I say again GROW THE FUCK UP.

  3. Necroswordsman Says:

    L said:

    GROW THE FUCK UP.

    Your the one who’s yelling like a small child in a tantrum.

  4. L Says:

    Dick Masterson said:

    L said:

    I’m just curious why the man in this hypothetical situation has a degree in economics and business but is working selling kitchen knifes?

    I take it you’re still in college. Have fun being an intern.

    -Dick

    Actually Dick, I’m 23, I have a degree and I work for the government making $50, 000. Oh and did I mention I have worked full-time since I was 15 and I have a 5 year old. Not bad for a stupid little girl wouldn’t you say?

  5. Necroswordsman Says:

    L said:

    Actually Dick, I’m 23, I have a degree and I work for the government making $50, 000. Oh and did I mention I have worked full-time since I was 15 and I have a 5 year old. Not bad for a stupid little girl wouldn’t you say?

    Aw so precious. How many men did you need to sleep with to get all that? And you work for the government? NO FUCKING WONDER… wait, is that American or England government?

  6. Billy Says:

    L said:

    I take it you’re still in college. Have fun being an intern.

    -Dick

    Actually Dick, I’m 23, I have a degree and I work for the government making $50, 000. Oh and did I mention I have worked full-time since I was 15 and I have a 5 year old. Not bad for a stupid little girl wouldn’t you say?

    No not really. Having affirmative action on your side is a sure plus. And that is a possible negative on the male you mentioned. Women are forced into jobs they don’t deserve. Having a 5 year old bastard at 23 is a great achievement for any young aspring whore.

  7. son of the suns Says:

    Oh so you’re a high paid social worker? Who gives a fuck.

  8. Dick Masterson Says:

    L said:

    Actually Dick, I’m 23, I have a degree and I work for the government making $50, 000. Oh and did I mention I have worked full-time since I was 15 and I have a 5 year old. Not bad for a stupid little girl wouldn’t you say?

    You had a child when you were 18? Congratulations, it’s guaranteed to have crippling self-esteem issues.

    Street walking doesn’t count as working full-time.

    -Dick

  9. son of the suns Says:

    “Having a 5 year old bastard at 23 is a great achievement for any young aspring whore.”

    Lol.

  10. diamatik Says:

    WHy are you humoring her? You all know that little slut is lying.

  11. sonyad Says:

    Funny how money proxied through mommy from daddy (wonder what he even looks like?) was mommy’s money all along…

  12. dalsgaard Says:

    How about a little analysing instead?

    “Actually Dick, I’m 23, I have a degree and I work for the government making $50, 000. Oh and did I mention I have worked full-time since I was 15 and I have a 5 year old. Not bad for a stupid little girl wouldn’t you say?”

    This translates to:

    “Actually Dick, I’m 23, I have no education - but i make $50,000. Oh and did I mention i have worked full-time as a prostitute since i was 15, and as a result of that, I have a 5 year old[?]. Not bad for a stupid little girl would’nt you say?”

    This is funny on so many levels. A self-proclaimed stupid little girl, that claims to have all this success based on absolutely nothing - and spends her spare time on a site like this. I say she has daddy-issues.

    She could never stand up to her dad, so she’s in here to prove to herself that she’s not the retarded whore she really is. Awwww, adoreable.

  13. BJ Says:

    son of the suns said:

    “Having a 5 year old bastard at 23 is a great achievement for any young aspring whore.”

    Lol.

    Leave her alone, fuckwit

  14. sonyad Says:

    How cavalier of manly bidet here. Talk is cheap.

    Why don’t you go subsidize her very palpable financial needs and baby incurred expenses?

  15. e v i l e d d y Says:

    Why not have a BBQ and I’ll bring the beer!!!!!

  16. son of the suns Says:

    BJ stands for cuckold?

  17. John Says:

    Women get help all the time. Look at how many organizations out there for women!! If women are equal they wouldn’t need all those outside help.

  18. Necroswordsman Says:

    John said:

    Women get help all the time. Look at how many organizations out there for women!! If women are equal they wouldn’t need all those outside help.

    Very true.

  19. Female Says:

    If all men perceived women as equally deserving of respect and did not choose to harm them, then women also wouldn’t need outside help.

    First sentence, page 178 of 252 of the pdf/or p162 on the report, and third paragraph, last sentence. Put these sentences together and tell me if it seems likely and sounds familiar.
    http://www.aph.gov.au/hansard/reps/dailys/dr010306.pdf

  20. Necroswordsman Says:

    Female said:

    If all men perceived women as equally deserving of respect and did not choose to harm them, then women also wouldn’t need outside help.

    What about women choosing to hurt men?

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