Why women hate sex.

Out of all the problems that have ever or will ever exist on the Earth, there is only one that men haven’t and will never be able to solve — not because they can’t, because that’s ridiculous, but because the problem is unsolvable by design. Women hate sex.

That’s it, there you have it. The end-all, be-all of cluster fucks. But why?

Do women hate sex — and they do — because of some kind of woman-guilt from an outdated puritan societal dogma? Or perhaps a stigma of guilt or a fear of abandonment? No. None of these things are it. Women hate sex simply because they are lousy at it.

This can be proved in a quick stroll down the checkout aisle at your local market of groceries — a place thick to the rafters with women. Take a look at some of their magazines and you will no doubt see a running theme: ‘Ten Ways to not suck in bed’, ‘Six Things to do to Your Man that aren’t Lay There Like a Futon’, and ‘Honestly who gives half a fuck about socks being on or off? Jesus Christ that’s pathetic’.

Also, much in the same way that a wall probably doesn’t like or doesn’t care about playing tennis with you, it’s definitely not your fault. Don’t let your sympathetic male compassion get the better of you. You could be dancing around like a maniac and pulling stunts out of your figurative ass like Johnny Magic the Wicked Awesome — maybe some whirl-arounds and in your face spikes from across the court — it’s really up to you as the man — but no matter what, the wall will remain unfazed. It just sits there doing nothing like a lump on a log probably thinking that it wants a new expensive coat of paint.

This same theory can be applied to many other things as well. For example: that women hate problems.

In Chinese, the symbol for crisis is the same as opportunity. I haven’t looked that up, but I heard it from a man so it’s probably true because us men have something called integrity. This means that in a time of crisis, we men are at our show stopping best. Take a flat tire on a moonless night for instance. While a man is out changing nuts and bolts and doing all manner of screwing on the side of the road, will a woman so much as think to grab a flashlight and help? No.

That’s because women hate holding flashlights, because they are complete rubbish at it. Force a woman to hold a flashlight when it matters and you’re likely to catch her aiming it into the sky for absolutely no goddamn reason. You’re better off just duct taping it to a mailbox and catapulting it into space.

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6,777 Comments in 5553 threads.»

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Comment by Heather
2008-07-14 22:28:14 - IP Man-Hash: adfc6a2d5f8d6

HELLO?
fucking scumbags, why dont you respond to what i have to say, you got nothing to say back??
go watch your porn and jack off for hours on end, while you sit there and INSULT the ONE THING YOU CANT STOP LOOKING AT

YOUR ALL PATHETIC, HORNY pieces of SHIT!

 
Comment by studioline
2008-07-14 22:23:42 - IP Man-Hash: cb403bff359f4

@ The Man

That was beautifull, my respect.

lolOL

 
Comment by Heather
2008-07-14 22:06:15 - IP Man-Hash: adfc6a2d5f8d6

everything i say is answered with an insult, why dont you actually talk like a respectable human being. dickwads.

 
Comment by Heather
2008-07-14 22:05:28 - IP Man-Hash: adfc6a2d5f8d6

@ the man
what the fuck why dont you actually answer to what i say instead of some bullshit poem, fucking dick.

 
Comment by The Man
2008-07-14 21:52:08 - IP Man-Hash: a875e1b533004

Heather said:

your all disgusting pieces of shit. you talk about woman as though there your pets or something, or like you own them. what the hell is wrong with you? YOU HATE FEMINISTS BUT YOU ARE THE EXACT SAME THING EXCEPT YOU THINK YOUR BETTER THEN THE OPPOSITE SEX, you are just as dumb and retarded as the feminists. REALIZE you are not better then woman. NO MATTER HOW MUCH YOU THINK YOU ARE. GET A LIFE YOU ASSFUCKS.

Like a Night Club in the morning, you’re the bitter end
Like a recently disinfected shit-house, you’re clean round the bend
You give me the horrors
too bad to be true
All of my tomorrow’s
are lousy coz of you

You put the Shat in Shatter
Put the Pain in Spain
Your germs are splattered about
Your face is just a stain

You’re certainly no raver, commonly known as a drag
Do us all a favour, here… wear this polythene bag

You’re like a dose of scabies
I’ve got you under my skin
You make life a fairy tale… Grimm

People mention murder, the moment you arrive
I’d consider killing you if I thought you were alive
You’ve got this slippery quality
it makes me think of phlegm
and a dual personality
I hate both of them

Your bad breath, vamps disease, destruction, and decay
Please, please, please, please, take yourself away
Like a death at a birthday party
you ruin all the fun
Like a sucked and spat our smartie
you’re no use to anyone
Like the shadow of the guillotine
on a dead consumptive’s face
Speaking as an outsider
what do you think of the human race

You went to a progressive psychiatrist
He recommended suicide…
before scratching your bad name off his list
and pointing the way outside

You hear laughter breaking through, it makes you want to fart
You’re heading for a breakdown
better pull yourself apart

Your dirty name gets passed about when something goes amiss
Your attitudes are platitudes
just make me wanna piss

What kind of creature bore you
Was it some kind of bat
They can’t find a good word for you
but I can…
TWAT

 
Comment by Heather
2008-07-14 20:58:07 - IP Man-Hash: adfc6a2d5f8d6

your all disgusting pieces of shit. you talk about woman as though there your pets or something, or like you own them. what the hell is wrong with you? YOU HATE FEMINISTS BUT YOU ARE THE EXACT SAME THING EXCEPT YOU THINK YOUR BETTER THEN THE OPPOSITE SEX, you are just as dumb and retarded as the feminists. REALIZE you are not better then woman. NO MATTER HOW MUCH YOU THINK YOU ARE. GET A LIFE YOU ASSFUCKS.

 
Comment by Heather
2008-07-14 20:52:35 - IP Man-Hash: adfc6a2d5f8d6

Your whole website is ludicrous, and bullshit your sole purpose is to gather together and put down someone because of there gender! AND YOU CALL WOMAN RACIST AND HATEFUL? Your all just a bunch of worthless Hypocritical dickheads. Your not better than anyone, no matter what you fucking think. YOU HATE FEMINISTS? YOU ARE THE SAME THINGS AS THEM ONLY YOU HATE THE OPPOSITE GENDER. YOU DO REALIZE YOU ARE JUST AS PATHETIC AND RETARDED AS THEM. I think Chauvinism is a fucking industry. fuck all of you. get a life. get a girl and SHUT THE FUCK UP

 
Comment by Heather
2008-07-14 20:52:09 - IP Man-Hash: adfc6a2d5f8d6

Your whole website is ludicrous, and bullshit your sole purpose is to gather together and put down someone because of there gender! AND YOU CALL WOMAN RACIST AND HATEFUL? Your all just a bunch of worthless Hypocritical dickheads. Your not better than anyone, no matter what you fucking think. YOU HATE FEMINISTS? YOU ARE THE SAME THINGS AS THEM ONLY YOU HATE THE OPPOSITE GENDER. YOU DO REALIZE YOU ARE JUST AS PATHETIC AND RETARDED AS THEM. I think Chauvinism is a fucking industry. fuck all of you. get a life. get a girl and SHUT THE FUCK UP!

 
Comment by Taylor
2008-07-14 16:20:30 - IP Man-Hash: 7c4b2f2fb1aa0

This is hilarious. I can’t believe anyone would take you seriously-you’re acting like a 10 year old.

By the way, cussing every other word and being incredibily rude does NOT raise your IQ in anyone’s eyes, or gain you any respect.

 
Comment by bola
2008-07-14 14:44:07 - IP Man-Hash: a28a8fa6fa63a

kate said:

i learned from the best -Points tobola-

I think we should leave your dad out of it. Points Tobola, was that his stage name?

 
Comment by no manhole
2008-07-14 14:24:55 - IP Man-Hash: 0a074b6031993

Commander Scott said:

Almost every single woman on the surface of the planet deserves to be infected with AIDS and die a horrible death because of it. The only thing any woman truly merits is the AIDS virus coursing through her bloodstream.

Not a good idea. HIV mutates very quicly due to a poorly efficient DNA polymerase, so with a large pool of infected individuals it is possible that it could mutate into something far more communicable, and wipe everybody off the earth–> except you of course, as HIV is unlikely to cross the species barrier to infect Australopethicus.

 
Comment by no manhole
2008-07-14 14:19:18 - IP Man-Hash: 0a074b6031993

Kate said:

Commander Scott said:

Almost every single woman on the surface of the planet deserves to be infected with AIDS and die a horrible death because of it. The only thing any woman truly merits is the AIDS virus coursing through her bloodstream.

First of all The MAN got it from the Moskito or w.e so WOMEN are better then men becuz we didnt have the first STD and infected everyone we fucked that night

Nah. Its because around 1930 a woman got desperate and allowed herself to be taken by a horny, SIV-infected chimpanzee. And now MEN have to clean up the mess that a some african flapper-chick made. Thanks a fucking lot.

 
Comment by kalel
2008-07-14 14:05:51 - IP Man-Hash: 8af82d5f29d8f

everything about women regarding sex is widely known , and this pises the shit out of them .

 
Comment by kate
2008-07-14 14:01:13 - IP Man-Hash: 1e81df04b5547

i learned from the best -Points tobola-

 
Comment by bola
2008-07-14 13:31:32 - IP Man-Hash: a28a8fa6fa63a

kate said:
i heard Club Fruity was looking for a new drag and u would be so perfect

You should know about being a drag.

 
Comment by kate
2008-07-14 12:57:37 - IP Man-Hash: 1e81df04b5547

ah then u should leave cuz i heard Club Fruity was looking for a new drag and u would be so perfect

 
Comment by studioline
2008-07-14 12:51:56 - IP Man-Hash: 5b8a12483e544

ehhh said:

ahh but wut about gay men? exactly

There are no gay man on this site, moron.

 
Comment by ehhh
2008-07-14 12:47:22 - IP Man-Hash: 1e81df04b5547

ahh but wut about gay men? exactly

 
Comment by Commander Scott
2008-07-14 12:29:09 - IP Man-Hash: f0b0bc078845e

Kate said:

First of all The MAN got it from the Moskito or w.e so WOMEN are better then men becuz we didnt have the first STD and infected everyone we fucked that night

Actually, my frigid dear, men are better than women because women are much more easily infected by sexually transmitted diseases than men. Are not women on the receiving end of the penis? Because the ejaculate is deposited deep within the vaginal cavity itself, women are the ones to both catch and develop symptoms of the disease at a much faster rate than men; such is not the case with the human male who always gives and never receives.

 
Comment by Kate
2008-07-14 12:11:30 - IP Man-Hash: 1e81df04b5547

Commander Scott said:

Almost every single woman on the surface of the planet deserves to be infected with AIDS and die a horrible death because of it. The only thing any woman truly merits is the AIDS virus coursing through her bloodstream.

First of all The MAN got it from the Moskito or w.e so WOMEN are better then men becuz we didnt have the first STD and infected everyone we fucked that night

 
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