Woman Astronaut Kills Everyone
NASA finally put a woman in charge of a spacewalk and guess what happened. Fuck ups happened. That’s what always happens when you combine women and space. Remember the Challenger explosion? That probably happened because there was a woman aboard.
Earlier today, while doing routine maintenance on a solar panel, dozy astro-broad Heidemarie Stefanyshyn-Piper let a crucial bag of tools float off into space. I highly recommend you watch the video (at the bottom of this article) because reading about a woman screwing up is never as satisfying as watching it happen.
The dead silence you hear as Heidemarie stupidly watches her tools float away is a thousand men at Mission Control simultaneously not saying the same thing.
“Are you fucking kidding me?”
Being about the size of a shitty television set, NASA reports the crucial bag of tools as the biggest thing ever to be lost in space. Contrariwise, Heidemarie describes the event as a “little hiccup”.
“Despite my little hiccup…I think we did a good job out there,” -Heidemarie Stefanyshyn-Piper
Yea right. And Adrian Brody’s nose is a “little crooked”. World War 2 was a “tiny misunderstanding”. San Francisco has “some gay people”. Women are as familiar with accountability as my ass is with a six-toed Snoggle.
What the fuck is a six-toed Snoggle?
Exactly.
This was not a “little hiccup”, it was a massive fuck up. Getting spare sets of million dollar wrenches into space is as high on NASA’s To-Do list as making sure their astronauts aren’t afraid of the dark. They’re astronauts. They can’t afford to be afraid of the dark — or to let mission critical tools fly off into fucking space!
Unless NASA won the lottery recently and has tons of money to piss around, I suggest they remember Dick Masterson’s Rule #1 for Women in the Workforce.
A penny saved is a woman fired.
It doesn’t matter if she’s greasing your space station solar panel or your weasel, just because you want to stick your body parts in her, doesn’t mean she can do shit when you’re not around. Women operate on something called the Zen of Labor. If a woman is working, and there’s no man around to make sure she’s doing it right, is she really working?
No. She’s fucking around and looking at shit to buy online or instant messaging friends. That’s all women do at work all day. Or she’s reading about celebrities online. That’s another thing women do all the time when you’re not looking.
Women are a waste of time. That’s all they do and that’s all they are.
Women Don’t Pay Attention
NASA is currently trying to figure out how to complete the rest of the mission without an entire tool chest. Which I guess means they’re going to fashion wrenches and grease guns out of toothpaste and feces, who the fuck knows. It’s like that scene in Apollo 13 when the nerds back home figured out how to build a circular air duct out of square ducting to compensate for a blown ventilation system. It’s kind of like that, except in this case, the problem wasn’t caused by God (mechanical faliure), it was caused by WADD.
Woman Attention Deficit Disorder
WADD costs employers billions of dollars every year. WADD is why your wife shrunk all your business pants and let your son wreck your new portable DVD player. WADD is how all these kids keep getting swiped at playgrounds.
No matter what’s at stake, women don’t pay attention. They have Woman Attention Deficit Disorder.
Spacewoman Kills Everyone
NASA doesn’t send motherfuckers into space for fun. They do it mostly to set up communications satellites and research shit that no one cares about — but one day they could save everyone from an asteroid. You never know. It could happen. Remember the movie Armageddon? There were no women in that movie aside from the one fucking Ben Affleck and the five fucking Steve Buscemi. That’s how a space mission is supposed to be.
Now imagine if Bruce Willis had accidentally let all the drills drift off into space about an hour into the movie. That is what happened today.
The point is, nothing goes into space for laughs. It goes into space because it’s absolutely necessary to be in space. So what’s a woman doing up there? While watching Heidemarie stare uselessly at her bag of tools as they floated into oblivion, I could hear exactly what she was thinking.
“Help! I need a man!”
Women shouldn’t be cops, they shouldn’t be firemen, and they especially shouldn’t be astronauts. There are too many things to go wrong in all of those professions and each tiny mistake can cost lives. Nothing happens when a woman wastes an afternoon looking for old boyfriends on Facebook, but what happens when a woman is distracted with her vagina or menopause or something while repairing a space station? It fucking crashes.
Manclusion
Men aren’t better than women because we’re more logical, smarter, or because we routinely score better on every quantifiable test ever devised by human beings. Men are better than women because women fuck up constantly. They fuck up constantly and they never admit it.
I’ll let spacewalk officer John Ray take it from here.
“What it boils down to is all it takes is one small mistake for a tether not to be hooked up quite correctly or to slip off, and that’s what happened here,” – John “Super Cock” Ray.
That six-toed Snoggle is called “Restraint”.
Video of Woman Losing Space Tools
Woman Loses Space Tools
Also, check out the continuing saga of Dick Masterson, Chauvinist Detective at the Super Frat!
Related Articles:
Pages: [14] 13 12 11 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 … 1 » Show All
God, this really shows your true face. You are a bastard, a sexist, a sack-arsed baboon, a Satan inspired cuttlefish, and a moronic pentameter.
I feel sorry for you, since you spend your life hating people simply for the sake of hating them. I will move on, while you will rot in your own hostility.
You are also, by the way, using false analogies. Women were suppressed by men and denied education and jobs, and that is why we could never really contribute to society.
Hey, guess what?
1. Our grade maths topper was a girl.
2. I myself am one of the best students in my Humanities stream, and I am a girl.
3. You wouldn’t be HERE without women.
4. I’d love to see the face of your mother.
5. You probably have never had any successful relationships, so you are hating on women because of your own flaws.
6. Maybe you talk about whores so much because you can’t get any better.
Try answering to these without saying “women are stupid”, and I will applaud you.
With nails the fucking size of cockrohes no wonder it is impssible to drive and this is coming froma freaking 14 year old can women just shut thier cunts up
If women didn’t have a lukewarm hole between their legs, they’d have a fucking bounty on their heads.
god ur gay girlz b as smart as any man. I HATE ALL MEN UR ALL STUPID!!!!!!!!
LOL ;)
@missk: If you’re so cool, feminist shit bitch. Why bother posting on a site which says your lame opinion is not required. You live in the “real world” right with unicorns and fairies and what not. Fact: Men created and built this world by themselves, it took 4000 yrs of manstanding blood, sweat and determination. Lowlife feminazis such as yourself have just been lying around and taking credit for men’s accomplishments. You cant just wake up one day and say “men and women are equal”, dumb bitch! Men have been the superior sex for 4000 yrs so there is no way you cunts are equal to us.
ok raj7 whatever makes you happy.
@missk: If you’re so cool, feminist shit bitch. Why bother posting on a site which says your lame opinion required. You live in the “real world” right with unicorns and fairies and what not. Fact: Men created and built this world by themselves, it took 4000 yrs of manstanding blood, sweat and determination. Lowlife feminazis such as yourself have just been lying around and taking credit for men’s accomplishments. You cant just wake up one day and say “men and women are equal”, dumb bitch! Men have been the superior sex for 4000 yrs so there is no way you cunts are equal to us.
The real issue here is why didn’t someone equip the astronauts with some kind of grappling hook that could shoot out and retrieve stuff?
The answer: I guess women must have been responsible for inventing the astro-grappling hook and didn’t do it.
But there is a ton of truth on this site. Woman certainly have some talents that guys don’t, but guys are better workers and more valuable in the workplace overall than women.
You make a lot of good points, and I’m not going to deny that there are plenty of women who fit your description perfectly.
And I think you’re right, most women don’t work as hard as men do. It might have something to do with they way we think. I think it probably has to do with the fact that women tend to think with their feelings more often than not, it’s much easier for men to think logically. And most don’t deserve to be paid the same amount for less work. (Maternity leave, constantly screwing up, and that woman ADD thing you were ranting about.)
But I’m 17 years old, I’m pro-life and very conservative. I don’t buy into the feminist bullshit because most of them are raging liberals who think women are victims, and most are okay with killing babies. Who else do I have as a role model? How can I not admire this woman who walked in space? It takes a certain type of person to do that.
hahahaha @joe blow, so you equate yourself to a penis. that’s sad
people forget that gender is a social construction. you are nothing other than you were raised to be.the Male/Female divide is nothing other than social stratification to favour someone who points and laughs as you rip each other apart.if your society taught you to fight against what you don’t have the intellect to comprehend and appreciate, you were born to some pretty fucked up people. my profuse apologies i’m a descendant of human beings. @ Francine; this isn’t funny, stupid comments that were supposedly funny start genocide. trust me, that’s not funny!
“people forget that gender is a social construction”
You see it’s statements like that, that given women such a bad reputation. If I have to explain why that assertion is so amazingly retarded I would be insulting BOTH our intelligences.
Watcher, you should start engaging in something called CRITICAL THINKING, i would gladly offer an explanation but i don’t think you being the narrow-minded chauvinist you are would grasp it.
Jesus Christ! You should try THINKING, period!
I am astounded (but depressingly unsurprised) at your profound stupidity.
this is so funny!! lol. i’m arguing with an idiot about his refusal to think outside the box. you made my day watcher, thanks.
You have NOT made my day, it is depressing knowing people of such astoundingly limited understanding live and breath amongst us.
I suppose he best I can hope for is that you end up on the ‘Darwin Award’ website someday.
Watcher, you’re super emotional. It’s ok to use websites like this as a front for the deeper issues troubling you and to use social networking sites to degrade people in hope that you’ll feel better about yourself but DEPRESSION is a big word to use in defence of miopic views. Chill out.
missk, you’re a cunt
I feel for you, you hate women for some reason, Perhaps your mother hated you, or well the obvious one, Your Highley Highley GAY!! Yes thats deffinatly it.Or u wheree abused by a women at some point, there is definatly brain damage behind this, as a phycologist i can tell you, you need to see someone about these strong dicriminations agains women. Women have accomlished many more things than men, we just dont go around gloating about it as much as we know men will just take the credit. Im not saying women are better than a street rat! Im simply saying we are better than men. Have a fun lonely Life bitach!
P.s this hate u have in not noraml. take a look around at society, men respect women, love women, lust women. You sit back and hate. Your very lonely man. And if this is your goal well congrats cos every women out their HATES YOU! Every normal mans nightmare, but nopee, for you, you love it. Good luck in your life. Well when you get one that is
Yea i think you should get a lifee yourself, we are men who hate women like you, GET OPVER IT
Hello, woman here,
I completely agree with you dick. Women aren’t good at anything and need to be kept under male supervision at all times. Think how far man could go if he weren’t restricted by women. I almost had a car crash once because I was applying my make up in the mirror and not paying attention. Now i get driven or take public transport because I am evidence women cannot be trusted with cars.
fuck off u sexist son of bitch. people like u should have their testicles nailed to a tree then that tree should be set on fire.
you spout so much neolithic shit that a comparison to a caveman would not be amiss.
go suck on god’s dick (cause I’m sure you believe in that bollocks) and let this be a warning to all that if you let bastards like this go unpunished u end up with a cult.
Fuck women! Women are stupid, worthless shitty people. This all proves it. makes me happy to see stuff like this. Thank God I’m a Man and not a woman. Too bad people don’t make a bigger deal out of things like this in the media. It’s really funny.
Completely sexist. Lol. But hey, your name is “Dick”. What more is there to say?
People take this stuff way to seriously. This site is extremely funny, compared to some of the Klan and Neo Nazi pages. The people offended by this stuff need to get a life.
That said, stupid people do stupid things. Good to know that works in space as well as on earth.
Every time I leave the house I almost get hit by some stupid cunt on her cell phone or doing makeup in traffic. That alone should end all discussion.
For all the guys on this website who are saying horrible things about women, Why do you hate women so much and you all have a mother who brought you into this world? Do you hate yourselves? Yes, there are women out here that fuck up but you can’t let a few crazies make you feel this way about all women. I have been hurt many times but its never made me look at the next guy differently. People use people everyday but you don’t have to turn into a user yourself.
I love womans vaginas. But I hate how they fucking act like they’re better than everyone and everything. And woman fighting in the Marines? Are you fucking kidding?! Is congress actually giving this thought? Men are naturally fighters. We have testosterone. Woman naturally treat mens wounds. It’s what God made them for. I didn’t see any female soldiers when we kicked the Nazis sorry ass. And now woman want credit?! ‘Oh I couldve died any second! It was so scary!’ It just pisses me off how woman think they can just take all of our credit when they did nothing. I believe the world should be like a football field. The men are the workers and the woman cheer them on. Whew!
I think you and all of your followers are absolutely insane. Anyone had a mental health exam lately??? Everyone is entitled to your opinion and here is mine. I would like to know where you get your ideals from? Man and woman are both equal. Both sexes have traits that one or the other do not do as well, so it makes sense that you need both man and woman to make things a whole. Just because a man is in the typical sense stronger and does more manual labor than a women does not make him more powerful or in charge. You think taking care of kids and working a job full time is easy? Or cooking your meals making sure everything is clean and tidy for you. And you know if it wasn’t for woman you wouldn’t be here? I’m sure your mother regrets carrying you for 9 months. Yeah it takes a man to just impregnate someone but it takes someone taking care of themselves and nurturing that child to make it into the world. Anyway what I really think its you all should go shoot yourself this world would be better off since you obviously are down right hateful and disgusting. But you know what eventually you will get whats coming to you If I ever where to come across anyone like you you would be put in your place and you would be crying for your mommy. And btw you can’t forbid me on this site because I am a woman which is discrimination all you can say is you would not like women to be on this site. So cram it. Assholes.
So, you think people should go shoot themselves and you think we’re the hateful ones? Get back in the kitchen cunt.
dude wtf. why does everything have to end with “get back in the kitchen cunt”? i hate that fucking comment. im a guy and i think its the most retarded thing any man could ever say. it shows what a fucking dickhead you are. my moms a single mother, working double for three kids. my dad never did shit. would you say that to your mom?
get back in the kitchen cunt
stupid twat