Drive on Thru to the Other Side
I know I’ve already covered the topic of the fast food Drive Thru, but I’m doing it a different way this time. As a man I can do anything I want in multiple ways. That’s how we men avoid fucking things up like drunken octopi with tack hammers duct taped to their tenaculars. We try things in different ways.
The only things women can do, they do in only one way. That’s not only ineptitude, it’s laziness; and in some societies it’s called the Seven Year Itch — when men get sick of coming home from a long day at work just to have sex with a futon.
Women can’t do the Drive Thru. Let me tell you a story.
I was ordering some burritos in a Drive Thru yesterday evening and I was just two feet shy of the order box. I could hear the woman inside barking for my order, but she couldn’t hear me. That’s fine, I thought. I’ll just wait — but then I noticed something.
After placing her order, the woman in front of me had pulled up a random distance and then stopped her car, thus leaving a four or five foot gap between herself and the car in front of her. A four or five foot gap that was keeping me four or five minutes away from eating a delicious burrito.
Usually I would do nothing about this. Women go halfway in everything that they do, why should driving a car through a lane with concrete bumpers be any different? Even children can do that. It’s called bumper bowling. Not women though. And every Drive Thru in the world has the tire marks and broken flood lights to prove it.
Besides, if you make it your business to correct every feminine fuckup you encounter in any average day, you’ll quickly find yourself exhausted, hen pecked until you can hear the indignancy in your sleep, and probably bald or impotent. No thanks.
The drive thru is just like everywhere else, you should be as close as possible to the car in front of you at all times. It’s on the first page of the fucking driver’s manual for Christ’s sake. Or it should be. I’m a man so I don’t read manuals. Most of the fun in having things is figuring out how they work on your own. It’s called building character.
I was going to backup a little bit in the Drive Thru last night because when I inched forward, my radio receiver had entered one of those spots where you get no reception — I call them Women Zones, but lo and behold what did I see. Some other halfwit woman in a car that was a hundred times more powerful than she could manage had pulled up right behind me.
Typical.
Women are guns a blazin’ when it comes to getting what they want, but as soon as they’ve given their two cents or “gotten theirs” so to speak, you are shit out of luck, my friend.
I honked half-heartedly at the women in front of me and then threw in the towel. She had absolutely no idea what I could possibly want her to do and her enraged shrug said exactly that to a T. She had absolutely no idea what I could possibly want her to do when the only thing in the world that she could have possibly fucking done was pull forward.
It’s bumper fucking bowling, you crazy bitch. What does honk mean? Turn up your radio? Fuck.
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November 30th, 2005 at 3:29 am - IP Man-Hash: b7795a2dc403c
Hmmm, I have to agree with this post slightly. Women, especially the ones in 4WDs and those over 30 cannot drive. I was taught to drive defensively and super fast by a highway patrol cop so I do not consider myself in this category of women of which Dick speaks. Nothing you have to say in response to this post will change my mind one iota.
November 30th, 2005 at 6:30 am - IP Man-Hash: b212d2a0b7284
Look I know how irritating that is. No idea about distances or showing any consideration about other people.
It’s the “Me,Myself,I” mentality demonstrated by wimmin all the time.
What about when they approach a roundabout, they do not have stop signs! That’s not the idea, it’s to keep traffic moving and what do they do ?
They stop.
Why?
No one knows.
There may be a traffic infringement officer on the other side of the roundabout that only she can see has told her via ESP that she must stop.
Look around and wait for some imaginary car.
If that was all it would be simple and we would wear that type of stupidity, but no.
Traffic lights are another major problem for women.
Like “yes means no”, “green means red” to a female as they will slow down at any green traffic light.
Again WHY.
It’s probably that same imaginary officer, the one you can only see when the prozac levels reach a certain saturation point in the body.
November 30th, 2005 at 2:58 pm - IP Man-Hash: f0e613eb82949
Your experience, Dick, doesn’t surprise me.
In a world where even the most simple and basic solution to a problem seems a thing of beauty to a man (yes, we’re talking about a drive-thru), a wimmin will, without fail, find a way to take a nasty ‘ole biggie-sized dump on it…
July 6th, 2007 at 6:20 am - IP Man-Hash: 23394c2a48d46
What the fuck do you women think “no women allowed” means?
FUCK OFF find another forum start your own site for fuck sake Dick wrote an article that mentioned women using the men’s toilet and them usually getting back into the line for the ladies when they encountered a “what the fuck do you think you are doing!?!”
Well what the fuck do you think you are doing?!? Going and bitch about men in a site for bitching about men you are fucking outrageous cunt whores I hope your wombs prolepses!
October 2nd, 2007 at 4:39 am - IP Man-Hash: 2385f3847dc8b
The woman in Dicks example did not pull forward because her distance judgement and spacial perception were deficient, she was incompetently not paying due attention, and she clearly had no regard for anyone else except her fucking self. That’s called being an ignorant cunt.
She had a big gap in FRONT of her vehicle, but her “enraged shrug” was her way of disclaiming responsibility for anything and everything about the situation, like there was nothing she could do…because “she was stuck in a queue”. It’s the typical “victim” excuse again. No responsibility here.
Her perception of the situation was limited by her own stupidity and lazy thinking. The worst part is, she didn’t even REALISE it.
If she’d been going through her kids school zone not paying attention like that…her driving incompetence just might just get them killed. I wonder if she’d fucking pay attention then.