Mommy Dearest
There’s someone in every man’s life that he learns to appreciate just about the time he moves out of the house. This is someone who should be respected at all times. Their advice is golden and tempered with experience. It should be treasured. This is a person to whom a man can confide all of his secrets.
It’s his fucking attorney. Who did you think I was going to say? His mother?
Eat shit.
Women listen to their mothers. That’s why their lives are a Cheerio away from total calamity at all times and why they never know what the fuck they’re doing. Women listening to their mothers for life advice is like a man consulting The Great Zoltar when it comes time to do the taxes. Wish you were big? Those fucking fines sure will be.
No man on Earth listens to his mother. He listens, yes, but it’s like how a man listens to a fifth grade piano recital — I don’t mean the piano recitals with one of those genius freaks either. I mean a normal, crappy sounding piano recital. Usually it’s painful.
The real problem here is that women listen with their ears and not their eyeballs like men do. Women are always busting our balls for it, but it’s the secret to being a man. Listen with your fucking eyes.
See, when women hear what their mothers are saying, they’re listening to shitty advice, they’re thinking about shitty advice, and then ultimately they manage to fuck up fucked up advice even worse than you thought possible. That’s women for you. What they don’t do is listen with their eyes like a man. They don’t sit there and look at what’s going on and think to themselves, “Maybe The Great Zoltar doesn’t know shit about my taxes. Maybe he’s just a carnival attraction.”
Speaking of how good and great men are. Men can have entire conversations just with our eyeballs. In fact that’s the only way men communicate. Try it for yourself. Sit down to watch TV with a woman and mute the television. You will probably have to slap a wad of duct tape around the heehawing donkey’s mouth, but give it a shot. Keep in mind that if you resort to a gag, no one will believe such a wild story.
You will find after a half hour that you understood the entire television program completely. Subtexts, subplots; they all made sense to you. You knew who the bad guy was within the first ten minutes.
You women, however, will not have picked up a goddamn thing. That’s women alright. Two pretty eyes that don’t work, two ears that do, and a ham sandwich for a brain.
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February 8th, 2006 at 1:22 am - IP Man-Hash: 76cebfba7c181
The irony is delicious.
I am glad Female knows everything about Americans, men, and Alan. How clever and insightful of her that she never presumes nor assumes and remains curious.
-wolfe
February 8th, 2006 at 2:12 am - IP Man-Hash: eadd56da2c7c9
Who else remembers when Female advocated murdering those who disagree with her?
February 8th, 2006 at 2:50 am - IP Man-Hash: eadd56da2c7c9
There’s something vaguely irritating about being called narrowminded by someone who can see through a keyhole with both eyes.
There’s something extremely irritating about being called “intellectually incompetent” by an amateur astrologer.
And there’s something about having to put up with a histrionic pseud of a harpy who hasn’t the wit or sensitivity to leave a site where the default page politely asks her to leave that pisses me off.
But, I don’t state pissed off for long. Tomorrow, it will all be sport again.
Like shooting fish in a barrel.
February 8th, 2006 at 6:37 am - IP Man-Hash: 281c250662a27
And what’s really sad is that she obviously hasn’t listened here. Any man on this site could come to the conclusion after reading my posts that this post was not a blanket assumption, that I do not speak unless I have reasonable knowledge of that which I am addressing. As with all my other posts I have drawn knowledge and conclusions from education and experience. Ask any woman how a conversation with a friend went and she will repeat her assertions verbatim and will relate her friend’s remarks and either not important enough to remember or totally ridiculous and not worth hearing. It obviously struck a chord that my observations are so astute.
“Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt.”
– Abraham Lincoln
January 18th, 2007 at 4:23 pm - IP Man-Hash: ba762c815a452
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January 18th, 2007 at 6:23 pm - IP Man-Hash: 0363c503d25ea
This will be lost on the jealous, good-for-nothing brainless male haters on this site. These guys were born failures, they live as failures, they will die as failures.
They aren’t men, they aren’t even quite human. LOL
January 18th, 2007 at 6:25 pm - IP Man-Hash: 0363c503d25ea
Mozart believed she was more talented than he was. If she’s not recognized that’s because jealous, untalented male retards like you couldn’t COPE with female talent and brilliance.
Go on being useless and bitter, Dicky boy.
January 18th, 2007 at 6:54 pm - IP Man-Hash: b9b7e9fe9772b
Nah, you’re giving enough of that as it is.
February 13th, 2007 at 10:08 pm - IP Man-Hash: a2dadaa74aa7e
February 13th, 2007 at 10:25 pm - IP Man-Hash: adc0a2c9dafc9
We should go back to trading daughters for something of value.
November 23rd, 2007 at 9:41 pm - IP Man-Hash: 5059c8121fbfd
why are u such a sexiest prick?
i have never had anything against men.. now after reading this it makes me sick..
ur a total sexist baskard.. who probally hates women cuz he is jelous of us.. u probally had somehting bad happen to u when u where little like.. a whole lot of girls rejecting u becuase ur a total prick..
i hate men like u
men that think women don’t deserve shit..
women have more respect for people and things..
i hate u.. i can’t belive some low life person like yourself has made a whole website about this..
your a pathetic prick..
November 23rd, 2007 at 10:25 pm - IP Man-Hash: 58f66b0866fa9
Wow the sexiest prick..
grow up and then learn to spell.
Nobody is jealous of a dumb bitch like you
November 23rd, 2007 at 10:50 pm - IP Man-Hash: f68191fe56ea6
You’re joking, right?
December 16th, 2007 at 12:34 pm - IP Man-Hash: e96ecf97101d6
Sorry Dick but you´re partially wrong on this one.
My Mother gave me the best advice a man could ever recieve.
¨Watch where you put your dick, Jon, be OH SO careful, just don´t turn out to be dumb like your Father.¨
She said it much more discretely than that. But it´s probalbly the best advice I´ve recieved and probably will ever recieve, from a man or woman.
December 16th, 2007 at 3:20 pm - IP Man-Hash: 8e86de744d7eb
Jon did you realize how insulting that was to your Mother?
Seriously she stepped all over herself on that comment.
Maybe I should explain since either, A: Your manbrain hasn’t matured enough to understand deeper things, or,
B: You’e really a girl which I could understand.
Here it what she said in depth. Your Dad was dumb enough to put his Dick in me which was a mistake since I made his life hell.
December 16th, 2007 at 3:24 pm - IP Man-Hash: 8e86de744d7eb
Well no, but fortunately I didn’t have Daughters. I’m sure you’re as happy about that as I am in this day with the fem virus effecting so many women.
April 13th, 2008 at 12:15 am - IP Man-Hash: 09b607c8c4b90
Makes sense, really. Even she knew what a cunt she was, but she at least had enough of a sliver of compassion for her own son to give him a warning about women like her.
April 16th, 2008 at 12:09 am - IP Man-Hash: 048feb320cb7d
Holy fuck.
That pile of text makes my head explode.
Did you absorb any part of what Dick just said?
You women….just rambling on about nonsense the same way a fucking baby would cry when it doesn’t get what it wants.
Is it some kind of mental defect with you manholes?
Not being able to comprehend the topic at hand instead of turning an actual intelligent debate into a shit throwing contest and speaking about whats wrong with Men (yes Men with a capitol) and spewing irrelevent bullshit?
Cunts are dumb.
April 16th, 2008 at 3:14 pm - IP Man-Hash: 062703d978411
My kid’s 20, and I can’t believe he was told this (having had internet relations w/ and 18yr old who is pregnant, who he now wants to meet):
“watch it, watch out, Honey. Girls aren’t in their right minds when they’re pregnant. You and a child that’s not even yours will be left her mess. She could be the devil after that baby’s born!”
Ha! So he really was a planned pregnancy afterall.
April 16th, 2008 at 3:18 pm - IP Man-Hash: 062703d978411
Excuse me, Madame, but they have come up with a terminology for women’s ability to hear and interprett subtle inflection, and question it constatnly; it is called ‘Bipolar Disorder’.