Mommy Dearest
There’s someone in every man’s life that he learns to appreciate just about the time he moves out of the house. This is someone who should be respected at all times. Their advice is golden and tempered with experience. It should be treasured. This is a person to whom a man can confide all of his secrets.
It’s his fucking attorney. Who did you think I was going to say? His mother?
Eat shit.
Women listen to their mothers. That’s why their lives are a Cheerio away from total calamity at all times and why they never know what the fuck they’re doing. Women listening to their mothers for life advice is like a man consulting The Great Zoltar when it comes time to do the taxes. Wish you were big? Those fucking fines sure will be.
No man on Earth listens to his mother. He listens, yes, but it’s like how a man listens to a fifth grade piano recital — I don’t mean the piano recitals with one of those genius freaks either. I mean a normal, crappy sounding piano recital. Usually it’s painful.
The real problem here is that women listen with their ears and not their eyeballs like men do. Women are always busting our balls for it, but it’s the secret to being a man. Listen with your fucking eyes.
See, when women hear what their mothers are saying, they’re listening to shitty advice, they’re thinking about shitty advice, and then ultimately they manage to fuck up fucked up advice even worse than you thought possible. That’s women for you. What they don’t do is listen with their eyes like a man. They don’t sit there and look at what’s going on and think to themselves, “Maybe The Great Zoltar doesn’t know shit about my taxes. Maybe he’s just a carnival attraction.”
Speaking of how good and great men are. Men can have entire conversations just with our eyeballs. In fact that’s the only way men communicate. Try it for yourself. Sit down to watch TV with a woman and mute the television. You will probably have to slap a wad of duct tape around the heehawing donkey’s mouth, but give it a shot. Keep in mind that if you resort to a gag, no one will believe such a wild story.
You will find after a half hour that you understood the entire television program completely. Subtexts, subplots; they all made sense to you. You knew who the bad guy was within the first ten minutes.
You women, however, will not have picked up a goddamn thing. That’s women alright. Two pretty eyes that don’t work, two ears that do, and a ham sandwich for a brain.
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How do you know they’re not listening? Are you their ears? Are you a woman? What the hell do you know?! You know nothing. Nada. Zilch. But of course as you are a man, and American to boot, you think you know everything. Clever people acknowledge that they don’t know everthing. They have the insight to know that they don’t know it all. They do not presume or assume and so remain curious and able to learn new things and get smarter in the process. Narrowminded people are either fearful or intellectually incompetent, though a case could be made that the latter precedes the former.
Women may listen better and recognize sound patterns better, I’ll give you that just for the sake of argument. However, comprehension isn’t mentioned.
You may hear what I say better than, say, Dick does. But I guarantee he’ll KNOW what I meant. You’ll try to FEEL what I meant. I tell my Dad straight out, no inflection and other touchy-feely woman BS… “I love you Dad” and he knows and a manly half-hug is exchanged. You do the same with a woman… watch out!! No inflection and they FEEL that you are lying, didn’t mean it…. the list could go on endlessly depending on the current emotion she is feeling.
Further evidence that Dick is right. A guy walks into bar and see’s a friend across the room… they exchange “wassup” nods. An entire conversation just took place. The nod by the instigator says “Hey man how are you I’m good thanks good to see ya”. The responders nod says “SSDD glad you came how ’bout a beer”. Two women see each other anywhere and it’s 30 minutes of non-stop chatter, each one waiting for their turn to talk and not really listening.
Female, women are good at one thing and one thing only: Being sex objects for us. The rest of your ’superiorities’ are lies men have to tell in order to fuck you, sell you girly magazines, make you watch idiotic soap operas and sell all kinds of shit to you shopping maniacs. If you women were indeed masters of communication and interpreting subtextual meanings, you would understand this, and Dostoyevski and Freud would be females.
No Honestly, really, fair dickum, wommin are just it.
Next, it will be telling us wommean actually communicate, they are the worlds most self-exalted communicators. Just ask one of them. They communicate, really they do really communicate. They are the communicatists.
Trouble is, the dumb bitches communicate with themselves only, as they feel “angst” and a hightened “victimhood” more then males do, damnnn !
But now we have the usual bullshit forwarded by the resident troll trying to once again tell us that wommin are not really the total sexist, self-serving, vain, self-orientated bitch-factor they really are.
Really makes the effort made by the resident troll superfluous, does it not !
Women are better at recognizing patterns in noise? That’s why everyone knows Mozart’s sister’s name right?
Pathetic.
-Dick
Pfft. Like I’ve told you before, women listen better, and in fact, a man said that studies prove this, ie, women hear patterns in noise better than men do. Patterns in noise = vocal inflection = subtext. Combined with the use of female eyes, a woman’s understanding is light years ahead of a mans, most especially in the case of interpreting people’s stated meanings (plural, see: doubletalk)/subtextual meanings, ie, the emotion in the voice, ie, where the f the speaker is coming from. I do agree with one thing you say, and only one thing, men can speak with their eyes…but so can women, even if they’re blind.