Equal Pay for Equal Backstabbing

Recently, women have come out en masse waving a giant banner that says:

“We don’t have equal pay yet, but we’re much closer!”

What you can’t pick up on the news unless you have a Tivo, is the fine print at the bottom of the banner that says:

“Total Bullshit!”

Women get paid less than men for doing the same job. That’s the way it has always been and that’s the way it will always be. Let’s ignore all the arguments of potential maternity leave, higher insurance costs, and increased likelihood of expensive sexual harassment lawsuits for a second. Let’s just get down to brass tacks.

Firstly, women don’t do as good a job as men at anything. That’s obvious of course, but what the hell. Let’s just throw it in the trash too. No, the real reason that women will never make as much as men at the same job is because if a woman doesn’t take any given job for less pay, another other woman will come along and steal the job right out from under her. The process is called undercutting; it’s gutting your own potential job market like a fish. And it’s completely insane.

Men don’t have this problem, because men live by a Men’s Code. It’s a value system. It’s a feeling that a man has at all times that says he is doing the right thing. Really, it’s hard to put into words exactly due to the inherent limitations of language — even when wielded by a man, but the code goes something like this:

Come on now…Are you trying to pull some shit?

Women have no such code. That is why they are always actively involved in pulling several manners of shit at any given point in their lives. Some of it might be the process of stealing their best friend’s boyfriend; it might be shoplifting a Hello Kitty backpack at the mall. Women are chronic shoplifters as well. They keep that pretty well hidden, but have you ever seen a man caught for shoplifting? Nope.

Finally, the varietal of shit being pulled will manifest in wage undercutting. A man would never do that without good reason. The voice of a much smaller man inside of his brain would pipe up and say “Come on now…Are you trying to pull some shit?”

Women are so goddamn competitive though, even when nothing is at stake, that they will gladly eviscerate themselves just to send a fellow woman into a back alley somewhere to rot.

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