Cinderblock is to Comfortable as Women are to Clever
Do you know why women don’t think the Three Stooges are funny? Because women aren’t funny. The Three Stooges are pretty much as hilarious as it gets.
To a woman, “funny” isn’t a special thing like it is to a man. It’s not a way to blow off steam because women don’t need to blow off steam. They usually don’t have jobs and definitely don’t have any real responsibilities, so what the fuck? Their lives are about as easy as a doormat’s.
To a woman, being “funny” just means saying something obvious and then laughing at it like a mule.
Usually the things women say to make themselves laugh don’t even have jokes in them. They’re just untrue, usually crass things that seem like they have jokes in them.
Men, on the other hand, are like magic comedy-machines, able to pull off incredible feats of funny whenever it’s required. Watch and I’ll prove this now by thinking of something funny right off the top of my head. I don’t even have to try, I’m already thinking of it preemptively. In fact, I bet all of us men are thinking of something fresh and hilarious, I just want to make the point.
Let’s say there’s a chicken sitting in a nest on a grass field. It’s a pretty close up shot. Then the chicken gets up and checks some eggs it’s sitting on. They’re doing just fine. Then a man wearing full football gear comes running across and punts the chicken through some goal posts.
See, that’s hilarious, and any man will be able to produce something equally as funny on command.
Part of the reason women are not funny is that they are not fun. To a woman, having fun and being happy is the man-equivalent of getting kicked in the groin. They’ll avoid it at all costs because they would rather eat a cardboard box than be obliged to be nice to someone for making them laugh. Women also are not funny because they can’t listen for shit and therefore don’t even know when they’re not being funny.
The only times that women are funny is when they are laboriously set up by a man who takes pity on them and they manage to blubber out a clumsily crafted insult that was sort of what the obvious put-down was, but not quite. All the men around laugh and then blush shamefully because they know it was more embarrassing than funny. Meanwhile, all the ladies within earshot start thinking of shitty comments to make about the new comedienne for attempting to have a good time and not exhibiting some feminist dogmatic-bullshit mantra that pretty much equals being a shrew and a bitch.
Men are so funny because when we’re not keeping the world spinning, pretty much all we do is sit around and practice being hilarious. Women just sit around and take turns spewing out the wildly predictable consequences of their latest dumb mistake and giving each other backhanded compliments and sideways glances behind the storyteller’s back.
Women also can’t take a joke and can’t be made fun of — even if they deserve it. That’s part of being fun. It shouldn’t be any surprise really, because women have no experience in dealing with any real responsibilities. That’s why they throw a temper tantrum if they’re getting a ribbing — because they think pointless shit matters when it actually doesn’t.
For example, let’s say a woman says that North and South Dakota are actually two parts of one big state instead of two entirely different states (most women will say this if you wait long enough, by the way. Test for yourself. Women don’t know shit about geography). If you make fun of her for that, she’ll flip out with such hysteria that you’ll think something serious just happened instead of something that doesn’t fucking matter at all.
Something that matters is being two weeks late for work or getting your car stolen and then crashed through your house. To a woman, that shit is equally as important as her saying that her sun glasses are lost and then having it pointed out that they’re right on her goddamn head.
Women suck at geography for totally different reasons then why none of them are funny. Also, saying women are as funny as cancer, isn’t funny. That’s a perfect example of a joke that women make. There’s nothing funny about cancer. It’s a terrible illness that affects millions of people. People like Lance Armstrong, John Kruk, and Tom Green.
Case Study:
Let’s take a look at a prominent female-blogging, hen-haven as a case-study.
It’s a site run by women for women (perhaps that’s why the page looks like a dictionary cluster-fucked a thesaurus). Their tagline is “Well-behaved women seldom make history.”
Let’s ignore the tragically typical ploy for empowerment by the obtuse reliance on cock-teasery and ask a more obvious question: why in the fuck didn’t one of these crazy broads register missbehaving.net?
The second ’s’ makes it clever. It turns ribald debauchery into an epigrammatic poetic musing.
Let’s answer our own question then. No one registered missbehaving.net because women wouldn’t know funny if it bit them on their giant ass.
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December 10th, 2007 at 7:03 pm - IP Man-Hash: c4d026b819ad4
Sweetheart, you need to write something for IGetDick.com
-Dick
December 10th, 2007 at 7:05 pm - IP Man-Hash: c6b2f88d038e6
and why is that???
December 10th, 2007 at 7:19 pm - IP Man-Hash: c4d026b819ad4
Because women who watch Dr. Phil need to know it’s okay to want to bone men like me.
-Dick
December 10th, 2007 at 7:46 pm - IP Man-Hash: c6b2f88d038e6
lol i woukd cuz ur gorgeous and drhil is amusing
December 10th, 2007 at 9:03 pm - IP Man-Hash: f71f8d833f517
You need a lot of help and education.
A lot of what you say and advertise is just wrong, such as “women can’t do math.” It was a woman who was awarded the first M.D. degree.
Another woman who was gifted in math is Marie Sklodowska, who received degrees in math and science, and developed radiation treatments for cancer, defying another one of your stereotypes that “women haven’t contributed to the cure of diseases.”
It is awful for you to name someone “Man of the Month” who based Miss Teen South Carolina’s response to her question on Miss Teen America as a response that “all” women would answer. She said she was “overwhelmed,” but any person, man or woman, can see she isn’t very smart.
What if you were born a woman? There was only a 50/50 chance of that happening. Would you settle with your current misconceptions that you could never be able to be successful, for the rest of your life?
December 10th, 2007 at 9:07 pm - IP Man-Hash: c6b2f88d038e6
lol, no he fuckin rocks!
December 11th, 2007 at 12:58 am - IP Man-Hash: 85bf193220789
A woman was awarded the first M.D? If that is true, does that somehow make her the first doctor? They’ve had Medical degrees since about 1220, and women weren’t exactly in a position to be a bearer of one. “Another woman who was gifted in math?” Doctors don’t really need to be the best mathematicians, that sentence construction fails. Marie Curie is the example you can give us of exceptional female scientists. Please, provide at least a score. There’s at least 5 times that many exceptional male scientists (although, to be fair, with so many excellent male scientists, “exceptional” sorta becomes the norm). You don’t need to pick those that can win Nobel Prizes, feel free to include Jane Goodall and others who prefer the company of apes to humans.
Teen South Carolina isn’t likely to suffer any from being dumb, as women can go through life without intelligence or hard work. This is quite a bit more difficult for men, unless their fathers were exceptional.
Only a 50/50 chance? Although the option for gender is binary, the chance is not. Some people are more likely to produce female offspring then male ones, typically, males are produced by better-fed, more stable families. Some guys, like Henry VIII, just kept crapping out when it came time to roll the sticky dice.
December 11th, 2007 at 1:01 am - IP Man-Hash: 85bf193220789
Oh, remember that Curie died of radiation poisoning. Guess she didn’t catch on to the concept of a lead coat.
December 11th, 2007 at 4:55 am - IP Man-Hash: 44436308bd6b0
That’s just not nice
December 12th, 2007 at 9:01 am - IP Man-Hash: 51cb7508a7f6d
every time a chik talks here I take a shit on the toilet laughing! haha
December 16th, 2007 at 10:48 pm - IP Man-Hash: 89322a0dd10d4
a very popular male actor once had this advice given to him by his father,
never marry a stupid woman. now since divorce rates are over 5o per cent. i guess men are coming to this realization
December 17th, 2007 at 5:06 pm - IP Man-Hash: 627dcefaf7a0a
December 17th, 2007 at 5:09 pm - IP Man-Hash: 72c181ad4ee0e
Um sweetheart i think the problem is NOONE wants to lay you and if they do them they are paid or despret.
December 17th, 2007 at 5:21 pm - IP Man-Hash: 627dcefaf7a0a
December 17th, 2007 at 5:22 pm - IP Man-Hash: 627dcefaf7a0a
December 17th, 2007 at 5:22 pm - IP Man-Hash: 627dcefaf7a0a
December 17th, 2007 at 7:32 pm - IP Man-Hash: e1ebb0077be79
ELLEN!!!!!!!!! OF COURSE!
April 12th, 2008 at 5:28 am - IP Man-Hash: 09b607c8c4b90
Figuring out how to use the internet, are we?
April 13th, 2008 at 7:09 pm - IP Man-Hash: 062703d978411
Ahhh-the immortal Horowitz Bros.! R.I.P. I don’t which brings a tear to my more-Larry (Fine) chasing his shoe around the dance floor, Moe’s head stuck in the pipe, or parts of the engine falling out as the general drives away. It’s all good, good as ACME brand.
There is no such things as a funny female without boring sacrcasm. Only Ellen Degenerate…errr…ese…comes even close.
It begins when she’s dressed like a guy.
April 15th, 2008 at 11:04 pm - IP Man-Hash: 24e7d06ce0f74
To R_Tomasi:
“A woman was awarded the first M.D? If that is true, does that somehow make her the first doctor?”
M.D. Master’s Degree. Ph.D=Doctor. I’m fairly sure that you aren’t a doctor if you have an M.D. You are probably thinking of when a name is signed “X, M.D” which means “Medical Doctor.” ”
Marie Curie is the example you can give us of exceptional female scientists. Please, provide at least a score. There’s at least 5 times that many exceptional male scientists (although, to be fair, with so many excellent male scientists, “exceptional” sorta becomes the norm).”
I would be interested in seeing that “score.”
“…as women can go through life without intelligence or hard work.”
I would like to see a study on that. If you insist on making such broad generalizations, you really should have research to prove it.
“Only a 50/50 chance? Although the option for gender is binary, the chance is not. Some people are more likely to produce female offspring then male ones, typically, males are produced by better-fed, more stable families.”
As a future note for you, every zygote/fetus is female until a certain stage in development. Please consult a biology book. Also, do you have any proof that males are produced by better-fed, more stable families?
A shame. Your argument may have actually been insightful, if it hadn’t lacked sufficient proof.