Excuse Me, Waiter. I’ve Got A Woman in my Technology.
The reason 20th century women have entered technology in shrew-nosed flocks isn’t because “oppression” ended. Socrates and Magellan were killed because they were interested in science. That’s the worst kind of oppression: oppression of men.
Death by hemlock and spear is also more oppression than any woman has ever been subject to.
Women love baking and cleaning. How is making them do it being oppressive? It’s like sending a disobedient child to his room with a crate of Twinkies, a keg of Cherry Coke, and more video games then God.
At some point in the past twenty years, men decided it would be hilarious to tell women smarts were attractive. The mirror over my bed isn’t a magic mirror. It doesn’t reflect cleverness. Don’t tell that to women in technology though! It would break their nerdy little hearts.
Women in the 50’s were dumber than dirt. If you gave a 50’s cavewoman access to a modern washing machine, she would probably try to cram her baby into it because it “looked like fun” and that way she could “wash the kid and the clothes at the same time”. Irresponsible to say the least.
The selection of remotes on display in any random household media room would melt the mind of a 50’s woman.
That’s actually the most brilliant thing man has ever done: manventing the relay-race, HAL-deactivating clusterfuck that is the modern television remote control. It’s getting to the point that if I want to watch TV in a strange man’s house, I am forced to grab remotes at random and press buttons in an exaggeratedly humorous way until the man of the house intervenes.
‘That’s how women do it,’ I say. Of course I’m right.
Today, women are given a choice in role models. They can act like grown up versions of themselves, like Paris Hilton or Hilary Clinton. In other words, drunken amateur pornographers who don’t have the self-respect or dignity to kick their cheating men to the curb — also Hilary Clinton has cankles. Or little girls can follow the role models men have created for them. Dora the Explorer works. Kim Possible also works. Not all women are Mexicans — unfortunately.
Helper monkeys are great, but they don’t cost you your house when you trade them in for a Roomba.
Modern women are entering technology because men told them it was sexy. Their brains still don’t function as poorly as they never did. That hasn’t changed. No woman invented algebra. But women did invent the Girl Scouts, an organization whose main source of revenue is guilting and beguiling family, friends, and shoppers into buying their shitty cookies. Only two or three of Girl Scout cookies are any good. The rest are shit. They know that, but they pad your order with them anyway like they’re doing you a favor.
If I wanted any Shortbreads, I probably would have put a fucking mark in the box. I’m a man. I can read.
Thanks to us men, women can now calculate how much sexier having a “brain” makes them. Unfortunately, all their calculations take the form of obnoxious proselytizing, annoying self-promotion, and deceptive recruitment practices.
Women in technology are like the KKK. They’re always looking for new members.
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July 16th, 2007 at 11:23 am - IP Man-Hash: 2c8448dad3d5f
IT sucks. Avoid this career like the fucking plague.
July 16th, 2007 at 11:26 am - IP Man-Hash: 2c8448dad3d5f
It was, not is. Now it’s something much, much more.
The oppressed have become the oppressors.
July 16th, 2007 at 12:29 pm - IP Man-Hash: 5fd634f6ed1ed
Feminism was never about equality in my opinion. Thats just an excuse they used. Like Hitler blaming the jews for everything.
July 16th, 2007 at 12:52 pm - IP Man-Hash: 160e0041dcad8
Funniest thing ever written on this site. Also true.
Seeing women push each other down to get at a table of cloth cut into silly shapes at a big sale is even funnier.
Least the men are getting along.. as men can do.
July 16th, 2007 at 1:31 pm - IP Man-Hash: 9bfa3d631d19c
How the hell did I miss that gem? Damn, that was funny. Nice touch, Dick.
July 16th, 2007 at 1:43 pm - IP Man-Hash: 9067881603671
Funniest thing ever written on this site. Also true.
Seeing women push each other down to get at a table of cloth cut into silly shapes at a big sale is even funnier.
Least the men are getting along.. as men can do.
As someone else stated (I do not remeber who - but you know who you are) men can sit next to each other fishing for two hours saying nothing, but be closer to each other afterwards.
July 16th, 2007 at 3:54 pm - IP Man-Hash: 5fd634f6ed1ed
How the hell did I miss that gem? Damn, that was funny. Nice touch, Dick.
Tell me about it. I’ll laugh at that for days to come.
July 16th, 2007 at 9:01 pm - IP Man-Hash: 1f5458e582f5e
I have a question about the comment posted by “Woman 1″ 3 comments below mine……..why dose she pretend that someone is going to wast there time reading that bullshit someone needs to stop her she is doing that thing that women do when no one listens I think its called stateing an opnion hahaha
July 16th, 2007 at 9:19 pm - IP Man-Hash: c406e944e31e4
I guess you’ve never been to a midnight sale at Best Buys or whatever you call it over there, or the opening post-xmas sales on Boxing Day, when whitegoods get marked down to $100 and they’ve only got about 2 fridges marked down on the showroom floor. Men run. They scramble up escalators and try to walk on other people’s shoulders like sheep dogs. It’s not funny. It’s the mark of the most desperate shoppers ever. They happen to be men.
July 17th, 2007 at 3:26 pm - IP Man-Hash: 980cc8a8ac1a7
Priceless. Kind of reminds me of something…
For connaisseurs, of course.
July 17th, 2007 at 3:28 pm - IP Man-Hash: 980cc8a8ac1a7
I lay shattered and scattered across the floor.
Poor me!
July 17th, 2007 at 4:07 pm - IP Man-Hash: 980cc8a8ac1a7
Oh, my! I missed her previous, elongated gem.
One dumb, thoroughly indoctrinated broad…
July 17th, 2007 at 4:55 pm - IP Man-Hash: a13ba81333017
@SonyAD As so rarely happens, we appear to be in complete agreement.
Cheers,
-wolfe
July 30th, 2007 at 6:26 pm - IP Man-Hash: 191242b12610c
women don’t know anything about anything
July 30th, 2007 at 6:29 pm - IP Man-Hash: 0629d637efdaf
women not only suck at technology but they also suck at cooking now. that’s terrible
July 30th, 2007 at 6:31 pm - IP Man-Hash: 0629d637efdaf
women suck at cooking too
July 30th, 2007 at 6:33 pm - IP Man-Hash: 0629d637efdaf
women even suck at being women, geez
July 30th, 2007 at 11:54 pm - IP Man-Hash: f618d3a941f24
Women simply suck as people
September 27th, 2007 at 5:00 pm - IP Man-Hash: 5556903c41ed8
A wheel wrench is a very simple piece of technology which you can use to make changing a flat tire (wheel) extremely easy. Without it the job would not be impossible, but you’d need to figure out some other way of loosening those really tight wheel nuts; a bitch of a problem.
This might arise if, say, some woman cleaned out your trunk to make it look real pretty but then stupidly didn’t put the fucking wheel wrench back in because she “didn’t think about it”. A fuckup that a Man has to fixup. Meanwhile, you’re out somewhere on the side of the road in the pouring rain with a flat tire, thinking you’d rather have a wheel wrench right now than a clean fucking car trunk (or alternatively wait for the autoclub for 2 hours).
Clearly, a wheel wrench is THE fucking tool you’re gonna need when driving around in the car anywhere. It’s a simple piece of technology which uses scientific principles of leverage…applying a small force to achieve a greater force at the far end of the lever and get the job done. You might think this would suit weakling women perfectly. It doesn’t.
Ever seen women try to use one? Aside from the statistical rarity of the event, they have no idea about leverage. It’s really pathetic. They’ll usually be rescued by some charitable Man, and we’ve all seen it.
Cooking in the cave while Men were out hunting, resulted in women not evolving problem solving brains, strong arms, mechanical aptitude…or a 21st Century understanding of how to use a wheel wrench. In a group of 2 people changing a tire (one of whom is Male), you’ll never see the fe-male doing it. Why is that?
October 31st, 2007 at 10:46 pm - IP Man-Hash: 540f95f4d5a0c
Yeah, imagine that: men putting effort into saving money on merchandise with redeeming and lasting utility and value (white goods). I guess we would be deemed more valuable in your eyes if we were going for a handbag we’ve already got ten of; or that twentieth pair of shoes that will be in next spring’s rubbish sale. Once again, female “logic.” Gotta luvit.