Women Suck At Boardgames
There are a lot of things that are exactly like life. Actually most things are like life. That’s why men are such good poets and musicians. We make comparisons between things and life as I have just done. It’s called being creative.
Boardgames are also like life. And guess what, women suck at them.
Have you ever played Monopoly with a bunch of women? Odds are unless you were playing strip Monopoly you didn’t have a good time. As fun as men are, even we can’t have fun while playing boardgames with Nature’s Kill Joys.
Women suck at boardgames.
They can’t read the rules because they’re fucking illiterate. They can’t explain shit to anyone — they can’t even explain what about the game they don’t understand so that you as a man can explain it to them in a condescending way. Is it more wrong to be condescending than just lie to someone who doesn’t understand “Roll some dice. Move that number of fucking spaces and do what the fuck the space tells you to for fuck’s sake?” It is if you’re a woman. That’s because women don’t even consider lying wrong at all. Technically lying and giving to charity are the same to women.
All boardgames work the same. You take a turn, you throw some dice, and then you move your little piece around; just like life. Women wouldn’t know how to move a piece around if a manual was attached to it — and in the case of boardgames, it is.
I played a game recently, I don’t remember what it was called, but it involved coming up with words that started with the letter ‘N’ as quickly as possible. I had never played it before, but as a man I know how to play all games. All men are built with a universal game instruction manual included in their man-brains. It goes like this:
1. Do not read the fucking instructions.
All games come with fucked instructions and reading them is a waste of time. Did you know the $500 bonus for landing on Free Parking isn’t even in the Official Monopoly Rule Book? You’re also only allowed to have one hotel. I’ve never heard of such feminised Monopoly Rules. Just thinking about that makes me sick.
It doesn’t matter what instructions say about anything, all you need to know is how to play a game the way it’s supposed to be played: manlily.
2. No practice rounds.
Women need a practice round for everything. They need a practice marriage, they need a practice job, they need an entire practice life to get all the fucking kinks out. Otherwise you just have a grown-up child-woman wandering around aimlessly chucking money all over the board when everyone’s just waiting for her to roll the fucking dice or start crying.
3. Women cannot multi task.
Women are complete shit at multitasking. Do you know what the purpose of boardgames is? Well I do because I read the back of the Scattergories box while a bunch of silly women were trying to figure out why several of the game’s instructions seemed to contradict one another. Here’s a hint ladies, you don’t understand shit.
The purpose of games is to fuck around with your man mates.
I can think of 26 points worth of ‘N’ words. Who the fuck cares? Did I win any money? Did I win another beer? No. Then who the fuck would count that as anything?
Women. That’s who.
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Thanks,
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Christopher Wodja
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Хороший блог :) Люблю почитывать каждую ночь (ну и в другое время тоже :)).
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The comments could really use a “flag as spam” option.
Also we play were all money taken by chance or community chest cards gets put in the middle and if you land on free parking you get it.
This reminds me of a funny story. Me and a couple buddies of mine were at a friends house playing monopoly and his girlfriend came over in the middle of the game. First thing, this girl was a stripper, was cheating on this guy(in fact everyone at the table had fucked her, me included.) and was fucked up on xanax. Anyway she kept complaining, and starting fights with him. He had slowed the game up so much that we took his money and properties and redistributed them around the table when he was outside fighting with her. He came back in and was pissed so we told him that he seemed busy so we kicked him out of the game. Sucks to we were having a good time drinking and bullshitting and she ruined it.
Greetings!
Where at you in a city it is possible to look football?
sorry for typing errors I write through the translator.
In advance thanks -)
Is this the best? Everybody in my class could play chess but me, I had the highest test scores….
women have their own chess league because they can’t compete against the Man superior brain, women are inferior from all points of view.
1. Do not read the fucking instructions.
I don’t need to. When I was little I loved to play with Lego. I could look at the picture on the front of the box and build what it was perfectly! No instructions required. Not everything is solved by reading instructions.
2. No practice rounds.
I have seen plenty of men say “Let me try this a couple more times”.
3. Women cannot multi task.
……….LOLOLOLOLOL.
This one honestly make me burst into laughter!
I take care of 650 computers rendering 750 shots at a time with up to 400 frames each. Don’t try to say I cannot multitask. LOL. They have all women as render wranglers at work for a reason! Oh, and it used to be all men… Before it stressed them out and they left within the week. I remember hearing them say “We can’t do this!” “We can’t keep up!”.
This shit is gold!
Laughter is the best medicine, and this site’s off the wall beliefs make my ribs hurt! Thank you!
Okay, firstly the reason you probably have all women as render wranglers is because it’s a low skilled, boring, monotonous job and women cost less.
Secondly, women cannot multi task. Men cannot multi task. No human ever born (with the possible exception of Mel Gibson) can truly multi task. Why? Because it is neurologically impossible. By multi tasking I mean doing a non-mundane task whilst attempting another, for example; conducting a job interview while answering emails or driving a car whilst applying make-up, not tasks such as blinking whilst walking.
For any interested men out there see New Scientist 7th April 2007 “Our flawed talent for multitasking”.
This is the opinion of actual research scientists studying multitasking rather than the opinion of Oprah Winfrey or some woman thinking, “I can brush my teeth and take a piss at the same time, wow I am a multitasking genius or something!”
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ahahaha, this reminded me of a Dane Cook episode talking about manopoly.
“Monopoly, there’s another little game. We had Monopoly, everybody had it. No one liked it, even if you thinked you liked the game, you didn’t. And it’s simple why, ok.
‘Cause this is anyone here two and a half hours into a game of Monopoly, ready?…
*Booush* “FUCK THIS GAME! It’s 4 in the morning grandma, YOU WIN! I’m sitting on Baltic with crap! I’m paying luxury tax out the ass! And I hate when you’re the banker, where did you get the pink 50’s grandma? Don’t fucking touch me grandpa, Nana is a cheating whore!”
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Ahahaha! Agreed. I have met only one other girl who can sit through DnD with me with out whining.
The chicks who LARP just to tag along with their boyfriends suck too.
DnD is awesome, and I love LARP’ing without tagging along. I do it myself and its fun!
If women can’t do anything right, does that mean that you have a PUS WEEPING CUNT ???
… Don’t you mean Seeping?
Wow Dick
That is a really pointless topic.
So what? The few times that you’ve played a boardgame with a girl she’s lost.
Big Deal.
I am virtually undefeatable at monopoly.
Same, first time I played it ever and with the family I kicked ass LOL. It was awesome.
I know, right? He bases his views on his few encounters. Just because that one woman ruined the fun of the board game, that doesn’t mean EVERY woman is that way. Personally, whenever I see someone using the words ‘all’ and ‘always’ I regard it as garbage. You have not met EVERY woman on this planet, so therefore your point is null and void.
I knew that when you land on Free Parking you get all the fines and stuff paid to the bank… And you are allowed to have more than one hotel. Oh, and I don’t need a practice round.
I think he’d like that too.