Women Suck At Boardgames
There are a lot of things that are exactly like life. Actually most things are like life. That’s why men are such good poets and musicians. We make comparisons between things and life as I have just done. It’s called being creative.
Boardgames are also like life. And guess what, women suck at them.
Have you ever played Monopoly with a bunch of women? Odds are unless you were playing strip Monopoly you didn’t have a good time. As fun as men are, even we can’t have fun while playing boardgames with Nature’s Kill Joys.
Women suck at boardgames.
They can’t read the rules because they’re fucking illiterate. They can’t explain shit to anyone — they can’t even explain what about the game they don’t understand so that you as a man can explain it to them in a condescending way. Is it more wrong to be condescending than just lie to someone who doesn’t understand “Roll some dice. Move that number of fucking spaces and do what the fuck the space tells you to for fuck’s sake?” It is if you’re a woman. That’s because women don’t even consider lying wrong at all. Technically lying and giving to charity are the same to women.
All boardgames work the same. You take a turn, you throw some dice, and then you move your little piece around; just like life. Women wouldn’t know how to move a piece around if a manual was attached to it — and in the case of boardgames, it is.
I played a game recently, I don’t remember what it was called, but it involved coming up with words that started with the letter ‘N’ as quickly as possible. I had never played it before, but as a man I know how to play all games. All men are built with a universal game instruction manual included in their man-brains. It goes like this:
1. Do not read the fucking instructions.
All games come with fucked instructions and reading them is a waste of time. Did you know the $500 bonus for landing on Free Parking isn’t even in the Official Monopoly Rule Book? You’re also only allowed to have one hotel. I’ve never heard of such feminised Monopoly Rules. Just thinking about that makes me sick.
It doesn’t matter what instructions say about anything, all you need to know is how to play a game the way it’s supposed to be played: manlily.
2. No practice rounds.
Women need a practice round for everything. They need a practice marriage, they need a practice job, they need an entire practice life to get all the fucking kinks out. Otherwise you just have a grown-up child-woman wandering around aimlessly chucking money all over the board when everyone’s just waiting for her to roll the fucking dice or start crying.
3. Women cannot multi task.
Women are complete shit at multitasking. Do you know what the purpose of boardgames is? Well I do because I read the back of the Scattergories box while a bunch of silly women were trying to figure out why several of the game’s instructions seemed to contradict one another. Here’s a hint ladies, you don’t understand shit.
The purpose of games is to fuck around with your man mates.
I can think of 26 points worth of ‘N’ words. Who the fuck cares? Did I win any money? Did I win another beer? No. Then who the fuck would count that as anything?
Women. That’s who.
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January 10th, 2007 at 6:29 am - IP Man-Hash: f8e31aa00d797
Not to mention table top role playing games. Whenever a woman joins a gaming team, the fun is sucked totally out of the game. Why the fuck do the characters women play have to bitch and complain like their reality counterparts?
January 10th, 2007 at 7:46 am - IP Man-Hash: 728b946ea13a4
The only good games have guns and laser swords in them.
January 10th, 2007 at 12:51 pm - IP Man-Hash: b9b7e9fe9772b
Ha! Try an MMORPG. The women in mine are treated like gods. As part of psychological education I played as one and she was rich within 2 days. Just shows how pitiful women are at video games.
Agreed. (Metal Gear Solid series. Man-Heaven!)
January 10th, 2007 at 1:44 pm - IP Man-Hash: a15da7ae7cd26
“Ha! Try an MMORPG. The women in mine are treated like gods. As part of psychological education I played as one and she was rich within 2 days. Just shows how pitiful women are at video games”
On dialup? Preposterous.
January 10th, 2007 at 5:54 pm - IP Man-Hash: a77aa1ac9b61d
“Agreed. (Metal Gear Solid series. Man-Heaven!)”
Solid Snake is my man role model.
Take’s a badass motherfucker to smoke cigarettes and have a body built for battle.
January 10th, 2007 at 6:23 pm - IP Man-Hash: 365a6de4f5125
Jack Bauer is the world’s only real role model. Bauer is German for badass.
January 11th, 2007 at 9:02 am - IP Man-Hash: cf304ee0b851b
He’s a pussy. Has to torture people to make up for his taking orders from women and buearocrats. He barely breaks even in manpoints IMO.
Darth Vader has to be considered too. Physically, he may only be half man… but he killed his wife, tortured his daughter and cut his son’s limb off for his beliefs. That’s manly.
You aren’t German are you? Because you’ve said you’re a third worlder and I always thought Germany was well off. I mean you’ve got the autobaun.
January 11th, 2007 at 9:27 am - IP Man-Hash: 365a6de4f5125
I’m not German, I’ve never been to Germany, and I don’t speak German. I just thought that saying Bauer was German for badass was humourous. I hope I didn’t offend anyone there.
January 11th, 2007 at 9:38 am - IP Man-Hash: cf304ee0b851b
Where are you?
January 11th, 2007 at 6:41 pm - IP Man-Hash: b9b7e9fe9772b
Not to mention kill his father, his brother, a shitload of terrorists, defeat several large nuklear walking tanks, and then jump in the sea after one.
(Huge metal gear fan)
Even Raiden was cool (defeated terrorists and… like 25 metal gears(the tanks)
January 11th, 2007 at 8:44 pm - IP Man-Hash: 98c4f9c613c11
Spoken like the true nerd you are…
P Coderch
June 12th, 2007 at 2:45 am - IP Man-Hash: 0a9da2624b803
If woman can’t play board games does that mean that men can’t play games board?
Cuthbert Higgensbottom
June 12th, 2007 at 11:35 am - IP Man-Hash: 4555637db20cf
God-damn, you’re lame.
June 17th, 2007 at 8:13 am - IP Man-Hash: bf69147d1fc98
Never let women become the banker in Monopoly. They will try and distract you “look outside, it’s Haleys comet!” and snap up a few hundred when you’re looking outside.
They should have a “womans” board game structured around Monopoly and call it “Bitchopoly” with boxes that read “divorce him”, “cheat on him” and the comunity chest could have cards that tells her to get a boob job, get plastic surgery, avoid the pre-nup, go on a diet, or stock up on tampons.
The spinner (I know Monopoly does not have one, but in the man world, we can add it) can have catagories that say ,go shopping, you have pms-no pussy for him, give him a blow job or some such shit.
When she passes go, she gets money from the bank to go buy shoes and gets a bottle of midol.
I was in an adult book store once (not that I frequent those places, I was just doing a disertation paper on the types of people that actually go in those places, yeah, that’s it, I was just doing a research paper)
On the wall next to the inflatable dolls, vibrating pussy and restraints, I saw a game called “Pornopoly”
Now there’s a MANS game, you pass go and collect a plate of ribs, a beer and a blow job, the game pieces are metal cocks, harleys, guns and all things manly.
Instead of hotels and houses, you had strip clubs,
bars, taverns and pizza parlors.
And the instructions, There was just this big smiling face printed on a sheet of paper.
The bummer is that women would still not be able to figure it out (like in life).
-Banzai out
July 4th, 2007 at 8:07 am - IP Man-Hash: 4555637db20cf
I want to kill Jakob.
July 4th, 2007 at 9:14 am - IP Man-Hash: 980cc8a8ac1a7
I think he’d like that too.
November 15th, 2007 at 9:53 pm - IP Man-Hash: 7f747dc91c76a
I knew that when you land on Free Parking you get all the fines and stuff paid to the bank… And you are allowed to have more than one hotel. Oh, and I don’t need a practice round.
December 6th, 2007 at 3:30 pm - IP Man-Hash: e24370fe2bb3c
Wow Dick
That is a really pointless topic.
So what? The few times that you’ve played a boardgame with a girl she’s lost.
Big Deal.
I am virtually undefeatable at monopoly.
January 21st, 2008 at 4:56 am - IP Man-Hash: aa871a3792e9a
If women can’t do anything right, does that mean that you have a PUS WEEPING CUNT ???
May 6th, 2008 at 8:40 pm - IP Man-Hash: ae7411819c740
Ahahaha! Agreed. I have met only one other girl who can sit through DnD with me with out whining.
The chicks who LARP just to tag along with their boyfriends suck too.