There are two things in life you can count on: death and shitting.

Fuck taxes.

Women invented taxes. [Read more]

A bunch of fatties got together recently and didn’t watch TV, didn’t throw back any pints, and didn’t injure their ACL’s in mantastic feats of weekend warriorism. What they did do was watch boring TV (most likely), talk about how much having “curves” defines them more than their shitty collection of porcelain cats (most definitely), and sweat gravy.

Yes that’s right, this bunch of porkers were women. Guess what they also did.

They invented the scholastic discipline of Fat Studies. What in the fuck? [Read more]

One of the most revered women in history should be Florence Nightingale. Except for one thing; it’s called history and not shitstory.

Florence was allegedly a large motivating force behind sanitization in hospitals and the entire profession of nursing, both of which have saved hundreds of Man Lives. Man Lives are lives lived by men and are thus spent in the pursuit of manly things like building space ships and curing cancer and being worth a fuck. Manly.

Nightingale isn’t one the most revered woman in history though. Not only because women are allergic and afraid of history — threaten a woman with a treadmill and the History Channel and she’ll do whatever you want to escape, but also because men, who are better and smarter than women, can see right through Nightingale’s hype and bullshit. [Read more]

Here’s some science for your man ass.

It’s certainly not for your man penis because this science says women hate sex.

It turns out they’re allergic to it. Bullshit. [Read more]

I am not a big fan of the dentist. I don’t like to make a big deal out of it because making a big deal out of shit that scares you is a womanly thing to do.

Women think being afraid of shit like driving and doing math makes them more attractive. I don’t know why. It’s probably because they learn too much Chinese Philosophy and other shit at community college — shit their woman brains can’t handle. See, in Chinese Philosophy there’s something called the Yin and Yang which describe the opposing forces of gender in the natural world. It naturally stands to reason that if men are afraid of nothing, which we are, women should be afraid of everything — especially math and driving! It makes them more womanly and thus more attractive.

Also, I am not afraid of the dentist. [Read more]

Recently a woman was shot six times in the head and none of the bullets penetrated her skull.

What a fucking surprise I said to the television who told me about it. The pen is supposedly mightier than the sword, right? If something as powerful as an idea can’t penetrate the invulnerable layer of a woman’s particle board skull, what makes anyone think a fucking bullet could?

Women are like cockroaches. Their stupid opinions could survive a nuclear holocaust. [Read more]

Ask any gay person this and he’ll tell you the same thing: “lesbians” are all fucking faking it.

“Lesbianism” is like being an animal rights activist (and also being a woman). Are those Prada shoes made out of fake leather? Is that Ortho Tri Cyclen (AKA Super Whore Pills) not made of bear bile? Wasn’t Hitler a vegetarian?

If you thought about any of those questions, you just lost a hundred Man Points. [Read more]

I’ve said it once and I’ll say it again because it was funny and completely true. Women having babies is like an octopus shooting ink at a shark come dinner time — except this octopus has six tentacles in the shark’s wallet and also a layer of whore paint all over its face.

And one of its other tentacles has a foot for sticking down it’s fucking throat in front of the shark’s boss and parents. [Read more]