This article also marks my appearance in the SuperFrat/Dick Masterson cross-over comic, as the world’s first Chauvinist Detective. Check it out for more reasons why thinking that women are shit at everything is a good idea.

While on Dr. Phil, I offhandedly referred to my work as the Art of Chauvinism. Little did I know how brilliant that was.

The Art of Chauvinism is the application of one simple universal principle: Men Are Better Than Women. It’s true from the day we’re born to the day we die. It’s true in every single facet and function of life. It’s true for the smallest of insects to the largest of professional wrestlers. Peacocks are better than peahens, men are better than women at loading a dishwasher, and Mars is better than Venus. If you spend enough time on Venus, your fucking face will melt off.

Chauvinism solves all of life’s mysteries and it will get you laid. But here’s something I bet you didn’t know. Chauvinism is also guaranteed to make you more money! [Read more]

Welcome fellows and gentlemen to the Dick Masterson/Super Frat crossover comic event!

Stay tuned all month to find out how I save the day as the world’s first Chauvinist Detective — and maybe teach the boys at Lambda Sigma Rho something about the Art of Chauvinism.

While reading this amazing comic, I thought of something profound.

Men are better than women at comics. [Read more]

This letter was sent to me from America’s Heartland.

Dear Dick,

I live in Nebraska where anyone with a decent job can afford to buy a house. Recently, I’m seeing a trend in the amount of women who feel that they can AND SHOULD buy their own house. “How the fuck do these women expect to mow the lawn?” I asked a friend of mine who is buying a house. She replied, “You.” After I finished laughing, she asked if she could borrow my lawnmower to do it. “How are you going to get the mower from my house to yours?” I said. She replied, “Your truck.”

Property ownership for women should be discouraged, starting at the real estate agent.

CE in Nebraska.

Well said, CE in Nebraska. Women should not own property.

A woman owning property is like giving a monkey a dog on a leash. It doesn’t mean the monkey has a pet. It means some idiot tied a dog to a monkey.

Women owning property doesn’t mean that they themselves aren’t property.

But what’s the worst that could happen? So a few women buy a few houses and fuck them up, it’s not like that will fuck up the entire global economy, right?

Wrong. Women caused the subprime mortgage meltdown. [Read more]

Sometimes, I feel like the doors of a Hometown Buffet ten minutes before it opens. Every day, dozens of fat broads line up to bust me down.

Settle down you fucking cows, they serve that shitty lasagna all day.

Today, I’m going to be talking about one of these fatsos. One who has captured my attention like a humpback whale off the coast of Big Sur. Fellows and gentlemen, meet Donna Jackson.

Today, I’m giving Donna Jackson the chance to shut down MenAreBetterThanWomen.com. [Read more]