A Scorching Case of Bullshit
It’s winter time and that means it’s the season for many of man’s favorite things. Tight sweaters (for obvious reasons), loose sweaters (for putting on those extra pounds), and fire.
I was starting a fire just last night when it occurred to me. I have never seen a woman start a fire.
I don’t think a woman ever has.
Changing a tire is a man’s work as well, but I’ve seen a woman do it. Obviously I haven’t seen a woman do it as many times as I’ve seen a woman attempt do it, but that’s the way life works. Women are just not very good at things.
Starting a fire, however, is something that I’ve never seen a woman do.
Think about it for yourself if you don’t want to take my word for it. Who lights the grill? Who lights the campfires? Who lights the Christmas turkey on fire because he knows everyone is sick of turkey?
Men, that’s who.
The only thing I’ve ever seen women doing while a fire was being started is bitch, and I’m not so sure they knew a fire was being started at all. Women don’t understand cause and effect or anticipation in the same way that men do. That’s why instead of saying, “Let’s go eat,” they say shit like “I’m hungry.” Or instead of, “Can you turn the heat up?” it’s, “I’m cold.”
Boo fucking hoo.
The point is not that women are annoying. I don’t need to write about that. Even women know its true and they don’t know anything. The real point is that women have no concept of power or self-determination. That’s why they whine about what they are instead of just getting off their ass and putting on a tight sweater or eating a fucking sandwich.
That’ll be how the first female presidential campaign gets derailed into the bottom of the goddamn ocean. I can see it now.
“You think you’re hot shit, Madam Senator, but have you ever started a fire?”
“No. My husband takes care of that.”
Damn right he does. That’s what men are for. Taking care of it.
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Your article made me think of my tiny, Mexican mother-in-law. She has to start the grill to make fajitas. She’s a damn good cook. Otherwise it seems you’re right again. I’ve never started a fire nor growing up did I see any other woman do it. Unless you count cigarettes, my hair, or the stove. Drives your point right home doesn’t it? :)
Men are usually the problem solvers I’ve noticed except in one canse and one case ONLY. They will drive around forever and not stop to get directions. Even then, he makes me go ask someone. But it’s no big deal, he just wants to keep his pride.
Anyhow, I enjoyed reading this one!
Dick:: Don’t expect to see one light a fire anytime soon, I haven’t either, at 46
Women are allways first to feel cold (repeating myself) they don’t move fast enough to generate internal heat. This is why 1: They rarely if ever sweat (unless on a treadmill or in a hot climate) 2: Live so bloody long (imagine running a car (automobile) constantly at 15 mph, how long will it live?).
Fire rocks. Chicks don’t do fire. Chicks do marshmallows and S’Mores. Don’t forget one thing though, with their duplicitous selves, women do get men fired with their two-faced lies. One day that too will end. We’re hipped up to your tricks now. We trusted you and you let us down one too many times. Game on. You’re fired.
That’s the spirit Banderman, enough is enough, don’t just comment here, point out the obvious to males as often as you can.
Hey Dick, you have proven to me that God is a woman. Men hate them, Women hate sex, gays, minorities, women, children and life…
But, thanks also for exploiting yourselves….
Now women know perfectly, and also the hopefully dumber ones also stop befriending men, sadly it will ruin guys hopes of bedding her, most of what you say probably will.
Haha
Poor good guys, sadly most are too weak and whiney to defend a woman anyhow, that’s why women have always had themselves and l earn the hard way. Something men never had to do, unless they were black or a minority and had to put up with powerful white men.
The weak men are weak because women have neutered them. Try telling a battered wife how weak her man is *LOL*. Better yet, try telling her husband.
We don’t defend you because if you die, nothing of value will be lost. Now get the fuck off this website.
This one typed a lot of ‘words’ but didn’t say anything per usual.
The most stupid four paragraphs my eyes have ever had the displeasure of reading, albeit completely unintelligible. Pandering to Black guys and trashing Caucasian men will gain you no points around here, sweet pea. The ‘victim mode’ thing went out with the slinky.
IF there was a god it’s undoubtedly a female, look at the mess the world is in. Female in power equals chaos. Nice attempt to split men by race btw, too bad for you that we’re actually capable of independant thought.
Kudos, Dick, on another well thought-out and proven topic (of course, being a man, you are already programmed to make sense, so no additional thinking or proving was needed– you were simply doing your job, and efficiently at that, just as all men should).
Your statement about a woman’s lack of sense regarding cause and effect was dead-on. An ex-gf of mine, which I had the misfortune of dating, used the very phrase you mentioned in your article. It was a humid Summer’s day and I was driving her and myself to the movies (because God forbid I would ride in her car and trust a woman behind the wheel). Being the man that I am and having the instinct to solve problems naturally, I turned on the A/C so we could cool off from the scorching heat and about 2 minutes later she starts whining “I’m cold” instead of asking me to do something about it or turn down the A/C. I swear it’s like dealing with an infant.
Oh well, I suppose putting up with that girl’s mindless gibberish and stupidity wasn’t too bad of a trade-off for fondling her tits and getting her to play with my balls.
-The Renaissance Man
Men love fire. It consumes, creates, destroys and is fascinating to watch.
How manly.
No concept of cause and effect, personally I think that they’re capable of recognizing these things. However since they don’t have to, they don’t. Its like dealing with a child. Men have been coddling women for too long, let them see what life is really like.
-Strength and Honor-
Wolfe,
You are very welcome. Anything I can do to make life a little easier for us all. But remember you have to tell them to unwrap the log a little at first (I figured they would ignore the instructions printed on the side).
But this is a small price to pay for good head after a long day of fishing!
Chris
Chris, you’ve suddenly made me realize why those chemical logs exist. I never could figure it out before. Thanks for increasing my store of knowledge.
-wolfe
My old GF tried once. I swear the I almost passed out from all the smoke! I recall she was holding a match to a log, waiting for it to ignite.
From then on I bought those chemical logs so it would be easier for her. She still fucked it up and waited for me to do it.
She gave good head, though!
Oh god yes. The amount times I have been asked if I was listening to them when they have been conversing with themselves internally (see, they just never STFU!), well, let’s just say a buck each would have me rich man now.
At the Bastard hacienda, the female of the species refuses to even approach the open fire place, lest the fire gods eat her soul. Glad the fate of humankind isn’t in their grasping, bitch claws. We would otherwise be, rightly fucked.
Whether I ask them anything or not, they answer questions that exist only in their minds.
-Dick
The reason wimmin’ don’t light fires, is that wimmin’ have not a clue about cause and effect, as you have brilliantly stated in the past.
Yes, those wimmin’ who say, I’m cold, or I’m hungry, and can’t do anyting about it for themselves, but wait for some MANtastic guy to take the hint.
I don’t take signs, or interpret signals. I know cause and effect.
I know that if I am cold, I light a fire, and it takes heat, oxygen, and a fuel source.
Hey, Dick, ask those broads that hang round this Mantastic brain food you write, if they know about the triangle necessary for fire.
The Geezer
http://www.thespinmeister.blogspot.com
http://www.hatemalepost.blogspot.com
Bravo Dick, indeed I have never seen a woman start a fire. I have seen many stare blankly into the flames, as though since fire, much like the TV, is bright maybe Oprah will some how appear in the flames. Even when i was a child my father always started the fire. I believe that women are too arrogant to admit that they don’t know anything about fire, heat or food, and that is why that say things like “i’m cold” or “i’m hungry.” You have excellent insight Dick, this is masterfully written. Well done.