A Scorching Case of Bullshit
It’s winter time and that means it’s the season for many of man’s favorite things. Tight sweaters (for obvious reasons), loose sweaters (for putting on those extra pounds), and fire.
I was starting a fire just last night when it occurred to me. I have never seen a woman start a fire.
I don’t think a woman ever has.
Changing a tire is a man’s work as well, but I’ve seen a woman do it. Obviously I haven’t seen a woman do it as many times as I’ve seen a woman attempt do it, but that’s the way life works. Women are just not very good at things.
Starting a fire, however, is something that I’ve never seen a woman do.
Think about it for yourself if you don’t want to take my word for it. Who lights the grill? Who lights the campfires? Who lights the Christmas turkey on fire because he knows everyone is sick of turkey?
Men, that’s who.
The only thing I’ve ever seen women doing while a fire was being started is bitch, and I’m not so sure they knew a fire was being started at all. Women don’t understand cause and effect or anticipation in the same way that men do. That’s why instead of saying, “Let’s go eat,” they say shit like “I’m hungry.” Or instead of, “Can you turn the heat up?” it’s, “I’m cold.”
Boo fucking hoo.
The point is not that women are annoying. I don’t need to write about that. Even women know its true and they don’t know anything. The real point is that women have no concept of power or self-determination. That’s why they whine about what they are instead of just getting off their ass and putting on a tight sweater or eating a fucking sandwich.
That’ll be how the first female presidential campaign gets derailed into the bottom of the goddamn ocean. I can see it now.
“You think you’re hot shit, Madam Senator, but have you ever started a fire?”
“No. My husband takes care of that.”
Damn right he does. That’s what men are for. Taking care of it.
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January 26th, 2006 at 12:43 am - IP Man-Hash: e616b9a6becce
Bravo Dick, indeed I have never seen a woman start a fire. I have seen many stare blankly into the flames, as though since fire, much like the TV, is bright maybe Oprah will some how appear in the flames. Even when i was a child my father always started the fire. I believe that women are too arrogant to admit that they don’t know anything about fire, heat or food, and that is why that say things like “i’m cold” or “i’m hungry.” You have excellent insight Dick, this is masterfully written. Well done.
January 26th, 2006 at 9:47 pm - IP Man-Hash: 93a2cd85060bc
The reason wimmin’ don’t light fires, is that wimmin’ have not a clue about cause and effect, as you have brilliantly stated in the past.
Yes, those wimmin’ who say, I’m cold, or I’m hungry, and can’t do anyting about it for themselves, but wait for some MANtastic guy to take the hint.
I don’t take signs, or interpret signals. I know cause and effect.
I know that if I am cold, I light a fire, and it takes heat, oxygen, and a fuel source.
Hey, Dick, ask those broads that hang round this Mantastic brain food you write, if they know about the triangle necessary for fire.
The Geezer
http://www.thespinmeister.blogspot.com
http://www.hatemalepost.blogspot.com
January 27th, 2006 at 12:02 pm - IP Man-Hash: f3ae1ac46a2e3
Whether I ask them anything or not, they answer questions that exist only in their minds.
-Dick
January 27th, 2006 at 7:01 pm - IP Man-Hash: bb36fac7f1b05
Oh god yes. The amount times I have been asked if I was listening to them when they have been conversing with themselves internally (see, they just never STFU!), well, let’s just say a buck each would have me rich man now.
At the Bastard hacienda, the female of the species refuses to even approach the open fire place, lest the fire gods eat her soul. Glad the fate of humankind isn’t in their grasping, bitch claws. We would otherwise be, rightly fucked.
August 13th, 2006 at 10:41 pm - IP Man-Hash: 0d17ac160ff85
My old GF tried once. I swear the I almost passed out from all the smoke! I recall she was holding a match to a log, waiting for it to ignite.
From then on I bought those chemical logs so it would be easier for her. She still fucked it up and waited for me to do it.
She gave good head, though!
August 15th, 2006 at 9:23 am - IP Man-Hash: 76cebfba7c181
Chris, you’ve suddenly made me realize why those chemical logs exist. I never could figure it out before. Thanks for increasing my store of knowledge.
-wolfe
August 15th, 2006 at 10:32 am - IP Man-Hash: 0d17ac160ff85
Wolfe,
You are very welcome. Anything I can do to make life a little easier for us all. But remember you have to tell them to unwrap the log a little at first (I figured they would ignore the instructions printed on the side).
But this is a small price to pay for good head after a long day of fishing!
Chris
August 18th, 2006 at 4:23 pm - IP Man-Hash: 732987aa5d932
No concept of cause and effect, personally I think that they’re capable of recognizing these things. However since they don’t have to, they don’t. Its like dealing with a child. Men have been coddling women for too long, let them see what life is really like.
-Strength and Honor-
October 18th, 2006 at 1:36 pm - IP Man-Hash: 1e9dacab61935
Men love fire. It consumes, creates, destroys and is fascinating to watch.
How manly.