American MANdol (Idol)

I’ve never watched American Idol. I don’t eat Soy based anything for the same reason. I’m afraid of putting too much estrogen in my system.

For the record, however, men are better than women at American Idol.

Winners

Taylor Hicks and whatever that other fat guy’s name is are worth two Kelly Clarkson’s. I don’t even know who the fuck Fantasia Barrino is. I had to look up her name up on the internet and then I immediately cleared my internet browsing history because she sounds like a fucking stripper.

How can you win a mega-million dollar contest like American Idol and then waste away into obscurity? Be a woman, that’s how. Clay Aiken didn’t even win and he’s so famous I call a friend of mine Clay Aiken just to piss him off.

Simon

Simon Cowell is hilarious. He told a retarded person that they weren’t a very good singer. Women wish they could be that compassionate, but wishing doesn’t make duck shit a dog does it? If Simon Cowell is men than Paula Abdul sure is women.

Paula is a drunk who embarrasses herself in greater severity each and every season. How hard is it to sit around for an hour and give your opinion. She’s got every woman’s dream job. Alas, women are never happy and Paula Abdul is proof of that. She takes one step forward and television decency takes two steps back.

Success

Anytime something is successful, a man was behind it. A man was probably in front of it too, getting knocked off the top of the heap by something bigger, better, and more manlier. Oprah and Harry Potter were fucking flukes. Look up some interviews and you’ll see for yourself. Neither of those women thought they would be as successful as they are.

“I didn’t know it would be so successful!?
“I never dreamt I would be this rich!?

Simon Fuller has never said anything so stupid and womanly.

Tonight, I predict victory for men.

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