Ask Dick: Who Can I Fuck?
This question was sent to me by Jordan:
My problem is inherently sexual. I am completely disgusted by American women. I am 22 years old, and I have spent the last three years avoiding sex because I refuse to allow these ugly American bitches to feel “pretty”, regardless of the benefit to me.
It’s driving me up the wall. I honestly feel that if I don’t get laid soon, I will kill myself. Any advice?
This Ask Dick question affected me deeply, as the loss of a man’s life is one of the biggest tragedies there is. Every time I see a bunch of women on television whining about some puppy mill that was just discovered in the trailer next door, it makes me want to throw a cinder block through the television.
Fuck puppies. Some man somewhere didn’t get laid today. That’s a tragedy.
But I’m not a woman, so I don’t let my emotions ruin my possessions or sex drive.
First of all, Jordan, no matter where you are, there are always alternatives to American women. Even in America there are Mexican women, Canadian women, even Polish women. Granted, women from all countries have massive failings that ultimately cannot be compensated for by anything other than your manly charity and pity, but it doesn’t hurt to mix up the genetic deck every once in a while.
That’s why God gave men dicks: to stir up the genetic melting pot.
It may also surprise you that American women are not the most self-obsessed prostitutes on the face of the Earth. That’s an honor that could only go to Australian women. A good and manly way to appreciate what you have is to deprive yourself of it. That’s one of the reasons I throw sandwiches in the street all the time. It only increases my appreciation of them.
Why not take a trip to Australia? A land where women’s noses are bigger than kangaroos, their laughs are as nasal as a dentist’s drill, and their opinions are twice as loud as they are stupid. Also, they’re the worst in bed.
Australian women are so bad in bed, they don’t even know when sex is happening. The rape statistics down there are completely fucked.
Lastly, and perhaps my best piece of manvice is: lower your expectations.
Women can’t meet anything with grace. Deadlines, your parents, your expectations; no matter what, you end up with fuck ups, embarrassment, and a three-year dry spell.
Would you try to engage a child on the merits of Reaganomics? No, but you might perform a magic trick for them and send them on their way. Would you expect a man to wash your dishes after you were done eating? Would you expect a broken television to fix itself after I threw a cinderblock through it?
No.
Men are better than women. Having sex with women is basically a form bestiality; albeit a socially condoned one. And it always will be. At least until they invent a word for having sex with someone who is mildly retarded.
Related Articles:
November 9th, 2007 at 3:38 pm - IP Man-Hash: dd54a06b85169
I LOVE this site!!! It’s the funniest shit I’ve read in awhile, and alot of it is true!!!
I have a good job, I’m smart, I’m good lookin, I’m funny and I take care of MY fucking business!!
I HATE whine-tits, stupid people, bad drivers, clingy needy twats, people that are so fucking full of themselves they don’t even know we are at war!! I hate people that are driving down a fucking highway with mile markers posted at every mile and have no fucking idea where they are when they break down!!!! FUCKING WOMEN!!!! Women should NOT drive those big ass SUV’s, UNLESS they have been taught by a MAN!!!
I love beer, and sex and football, motorcycle racing!!!
I FUCKING hate those stupid chain emails!!!! And the emails that YOU bitches think are so cute and fuzzy and hope I have a good day!!!! Just send me the jokes that make you bust out laughing, the dirty ones, and the NEED to know political ones!!! Don’t send me the one’s about how a man is breaking into cars in my area and the things I should do to protect myself, if a man tries to break into my car I’ll just blow his fucking head off. End of story!!!!
How come you never see a man on tv talking about his son that got killed, and trying to cry soooo fucking hard that you think he might hurt himself? This stupid bitch on tv last night did just that!! Seriously, no tears AT ALL!!!!! I thought she was going to keel over dead from the effort she put forth TRYING to cry!!! Stupid bitch!!!
To me, it goes like this: Women give sex to get love and men give love to get sex!! PERIOD!!!
Shut your fucking whining, spewing pie hole!!! NO ONE gives a fuck that you can’t wait to go to the mall and shop!!! I only shop when I need beer, or my pants wont stay together anymore and people are offended by them!!! And NO ONE give a FUCK that your “bff’s” boyfriend cheated on her b/c she wouldn’t suck his dick!!! Just SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!
If you have something to say, just fucking say it, then SHUT UP!!!!! And get me a beer!!!!
I also DO NOT give a fuck that Jack fucked Suzie on Friday night then Jill on Saturday night!! Good for all 3 of them!!! Atleast someone is getting LAID!!!!
A great man once said to a woman “Just the facts ma’am”, and that about sums it up!!!
As far as who you can fuck? You can fuck anyone you want to fuck. Just add a little alcohol (it’s makes blow jobs better!!), and it reduces inhibitions, then you’ll really have a good time!!
Your 22 fucking years old, you should be fucking everything and anything that will let you!!! Don’t get into a serious relationship, your too fucking young. Plus all that will do is wreck your fucking head!!! And don’t overlook fat chicks, sometimes they are better in bed because they are more appreciative just to have some company and the chance to get laid!!! Hot chicks sometimes just lay there because they are hot, and they know it so they feel like the don’t have to do anything.
And trust me brother, STAY as far AWAY as you can from chicks that say they’ve been molested, they are fucking broken and can’t be fixed, EVER!!!!!
Fuck, I guess I had alot to say, but I’m bored now so I’m gonna get a beer and watch some football, I have the Dallas/Philly game on my DVR!!!
November 9th, 2007 at 4:47 pm - IP Man-Hash: f68191fe56ea6
stop fapping
November 10th, 2007 at 12:09 am - IP Man-Hash: ceeb4e25bbf8e
There we go with those little speculations running around your little head again. Your sex jokes aren’t funny, they’re just dull and inappropriate - they get you attention, but then if I smelled like shit and was morbidly obese I probably wouldn’t have to worry about that.
Run along now, honey. You’re too ungrateful for my liking. I’d fuck you if I knew you, but again that would be far more trouble and money than it would be worth. There is superior, cleaner, and cheaper pussy - I really don’t give a shit if I miss out on the penis jokes and alimony.
November 10th, 2007 at 7:37 pm - IP Man-Hash: f68191fe56ea6
You’re the one that said you were a spectator…so what else are you doing besides fapping?
Haha, are you trying to say I’m fat and smell like shit? try and make half decent assumptions.
I wouldn’t let you near me. Plain and simple. Oh and miss out on the penis jokes? Gee buddy, way to talk yourself up…
November 10th, 2007 at 7:38 pm - IP Man-Hash: f68191fe56ea6
And anyway the whole incest thing, your the one that reckons your “concubines” call you daddy….
November 12th, 2007 at 1:46 pm - IP Man-Hash: 2631c4500e56d
I think everyone of you manfucks leaving comments here, especially the child molester doubt and the pathetic 400lb manvoice are just running scared. scared to death. and rightly so. women were held down by men for so long because you all know that it is women that are better than men. and we fought our way out of your chains - we were the most oppressed group of people on the planet and now we have a woman running for president. HA! MF’s! she might not be the first woman president but you can bet your pimply fat asses that someday a SHE will rule this country! then you all can get the fuck out of the best country in the world and go continue your search for the virgin child. the “pure one” to stick your laughable appendage into. only she, with no life experience or ability to compare would allow such a disgusting thing. You idiotic fucks. i can see you now. sitting at your computer, in the dark. ALONE. naked, bulging, hideously gross. And Looking for the next uneducated “concubine” to stick your pathetic dick in. I can almost smell you and it makes me gag. All your fucking penis can do is spit. You cannot even carry on your worthless genepool without a woman. WHO has the ABILITY TO CREATE LIFE? Your genitals are sad and disgusting and hang their pathetic heads in shame. Go on and continue thinking men are better than women. shout it to the rooftops! And the next generation (if a woman even cares to look at your hideous cheese-filled fat rolls long enough to allow conception) of men will be the ones cooking meals, raising the children, and kissing MY ASS!
November 12th, 2007 at 3:25 pm - IP Man-Hash: eacd08d8bcef0
A women can do nothign without a mens approval.
Nope no woman president unless the male elite say so, and it would be just for shits and giggles. Women were never held down from nothing.
Only men had the knowlege to make a life for people. Women wouldn’t be here without men. Women are worthless and incapable of achieving the things men do. Women have had 40+ years to prove otherwise but can’t.
Women don’t create life, you’re just like an oven that the baker uses to make the bread. You women are too stupid to see how feminism is using you and you go right along with the social destruction filled with lies.
Women suck as people.
November 12th, 2007 at 3:27 pm - IP Man-Hash: 77fd3754a1322
We have an incoming lesbian lunatic at 12:00. Shes carrying a heavy load of emotional rants and several rounds of pathetic insults…….Request permission to laugh my head off……over!
November 12th, 2007 at 4:56 pm - IP Man-Hash: dd54a06b85169
FCKULSRS, SHUT THE FUCK UP you stupid bitch!!! Did it EVER occur inside that little, tiny thing between your ears that YOU are supporting this site by clicking on it and posting a comment? Dr. Phil says that you put out what you feel you truly deserve, well then, I bet your in an abusive relationship? God knows you deserve to be!!! Suck on that for a while!!!
Go get me a fucking beer!!!
And GOD FUCKING help the USA if Hillary is appointed President!!!!
November 12th, 2007 at 6:28 pm - IP Man-Hash: 2631c4500e56d
Billy, your comment makes me feel even further that I was correct about my mental image of you, except this time I added beer gut and taped up glasses to your pathetic posture….I would never ask you permission for a damn thing, Id rather Bobbett your dick off than ask your freaking permission. I am my only master. Get over it. As for the lesbian comment? I find it absolutely hilarious that you said that Geeza. All over this site are comments from women calling your stupid asses gay, and the first thing you can say is how pathetically stereotypical they are for saying it. So I guess you are acting like a woman now, huh? Do you need a tampon bitch? Why dont you go bleed somewhere else? Nothing, and I do mean NOTHING, you can say will EVER make sense to me. Nor will it ever make me question who I am. BB&MB? Why dont you get fucked? Peice of shit! I would NEVER allow my husband to hit me, talk down to me, order me around etc…. Hed be gone and I would have his shit. Thats just the way it is. And yes, Im married and my husband has got to be the coolest Manly-man I have ever known. But hed be a dead mother fucker if he ever hit me. As far as domestic abuse, The way you all talk about women, it has GOT TO BE your g/f’s or wives (but u prob dont have either of those two do you? I cant see how.) that are getting the shit beat out of them by you shitheads. I hope they slice you in your sleep. By the way, Ill bring you a beer…………loaded with arsenic. Suck on that and sleep shitface!
November 12th, 2007 at 7:03 pm - IP Man-Hash: 77fd3754a1322
I’ve seen enough whingeing and moaning posts from women here to know that your initial rant from beginning to end screams ‘Hello? I’m an angry, militant, man hating, frustrated, lesbian feminist!”.
If you’re married (which I doubt very much), then you must make one hell of a miserable couple.
November 12th, 2007 at 7:47 pm - IP Man-Hash: 2631c4500e56d
Actually Geeza, your pathetic attempt at making me feel like a mad angry “militant” woman could not have been more useless. And my husband is very happy. I attend to his needs and he attends to mine. Not that I owe you any sort of explanation but the only man-hating I am doing (or have ever done for that matter) is on this stupid website. Its you ignorant “men” that has provoked me, and as a matter of fact, the only use I see for this website is to ignite the flames of another feminist movement. Good Job guys. Get in the kitchen. Ill take my chocolate chip cookies with extra nuts.
December 24th, 2007 at 4:14 am - IP Man-Hash: 7b55501cead9a
*Yawns*, I love to see how you are going to get me in the kitchen or start another feminist movement, sweetheart. Rest assured, the next time the drums of wars are sounded, men will be marching. Words. Are. Out. Blow me bitch.
December 24th, 2007 at 4:21 am - IP Man-Hash: 720a12647a390
You’re already fat enough. No cookies for YOU!
January 18th, 2008 at 6:22 pm - IP Man-Hash: 18460e070aee6
Ok and heres where Matt steps in and lays a manly sized bitch slap down on this scandelous fat dyke.
Listen up you mullet-havin, hairy cunted, minge eatin dyke of a whore, YOU do not create life, YOU dont wake up in the morning and suddenly say, “I think im gona be god and create some life today”, if you had that ability you’d of used it when you were 12 to be popular and sport the kid around like a handbag until he starts talking, then just magically *poof* up another one.
That isnt how it works, especially for lesbians like you.. See, you NEED men to create life as much as we NEED you to do it, but hey if your happy with a clone baby so you can see just how fucked up you can make yourself truley be if you had a good head start, go right ahead
I am sick and tired of this, “All you men can fuck off out the country” “if there was no men thered be no rape or crime” blah blah BULLSHIT, if there was no men there would be no more children bein born, there life as you know it would sease, no one would shave there legs, you’d all sit on your fat asses eatin candy until you die of a heart attack. No one would be making batteries or new vibrators for you, no one would be boxing up chocolates, no one would be supplying power to your TV so you dont have to move, and your not gona get up and do any of that, why should you? its easier to sit on the couch and bitch and complain about “Why hasnt a man fixed this yet” why? Cause you fuckin wished em all into oblivion!!
But the best part… the BEST part, if men vanished tommarow.. thered be nobody about to PAY YOU to sit on your ass all day and contribute NOTHING WHAT-SO-EVER to society, not to mention in 30 years youd all be dead from having killed each other over the last pair of heels in your size for fucks sake.
You do not create life. You recieve sperm, thats it… and you dont even get to choose when you get to make life, My boys are always about and at any time i can bust a fat nut and guess what, they’ll do there job, they’ll swim thru your barren desert of a uterous looking for an egg that just aint there. You on the other hand have a certain ammount of time each month you can get pregnant, thats your window, if you dont get a baby daddy by then, your ass has to get a job, and we know that wont happen.
In summary (sorry bout the length) Your a cum bucket that can only do a half assed job, and then dont even do that right.
January 18th, 2008 at 6:37 pm - IP Man-Hash: 55548152be297
Your husband is happy? Poor, poor Mangina if in fact you truly are married. Bitch don’t make me laugh. You women couldn’t handle a military if your lives depended on it and anything else for that matter. Proof is in the pudding.
… and you’re the proof that Menarebetterthanwomen.
- Sgt. Reyes
April 15th, 2008 at 5:23 am - IP Man-Hash: 09b607c8c4b90
Dear FCKULSRS,
If you ever read this, thank you so much for the hearty laugh you gave me.
“Love” (but not really),
Karu
April 23rd, 2008 at 9:19 am - IP Man-Hash: 7df871ec47ee7
Mate, I’ve done crosstraining in Israel and Switzerland, and believe me, women there are fighters of equal calibre to the men
April 23rd, 2008 at 9:21 am - IP Man-Hash: 7df871ec47ee7
Further, Dick knows nothing about Australia, or for that matter australian women. He bases everything he knows on stereotypes.
So what is a steretype? It’s the brains way of not processing individuals, but rather, processing archetypes to reduce strain on its self. Hence, Dick’s brain NEEDS to use stereotypes in order to think in any way about women, a subject he has little comprehension of.
Therefore, He fails to understand or comprehend, resulting in sub standard writing
April 23rd, 2008 at 9:32 am - IP Man-Hash: d653cff06dec4
Is that why the Israelis plan to disband female combat units?
It’s been done a thousand times. You come here with a male name talking about male things with half truths and half propaganda and think you’re clever. You can’t alter the radical hate here with your pathetic wordsmything. Go get a job for a political campaign wordsmything and ‘relieving tensions’ via handjobs. You’ll need practice for when the mass rapes arrive.
Stick a gun in your mouth immediately you pathetic vaginal scumvoid.