Bachelor Parties vs. Bachelorette Bitchfests
Do you know why wedding dresses are white? So the dishwasher will match the stove.
Back when women at least pretended to have class, a bachelorette party was something you might read about in a crudely published pornographic newsletter: a marauding gang of drunk sluts scavenging small towns for attention after midnight.
Prurient Fiction.
Imagine a bachelorette party in the context of a show like Leave it to Beaver. Are you going out with your fiancee this weekend Wally? No I’m not, Beave. Because she’s going out with 8 of her friends to get drunk as fuck, act like a whore, and cry, fight, and slobber over anything with a cock.
Bachelor parties are the epitome of a healthy human society. Bachelorette parties are the opposite. What a fucking surprise it is that bachelor parties are just like this website: by men, for men only. If any women want in, prepare to bare your tits.
Here’s another joke. Do lesbians have separate bridal showers when they get married?
Answer: Who the fuck cares what lesbians do?
Men Are Better Than Women at Bachelor Parties
The problem with a bunch of women getting together and doing things on their own, is that with no man around to tell them what to do and think, they revert to their default behaviors of greed and bitchiness. Women are as short-sighted as junkyard dogs. The only thing they know how to do is eat and fuck whatever is in front of them. That is never more obvious than at a bachelorette party.
Bachelor parties are efficient, precision strikes of bonding and mantertainment. You can’t puke at a bachelor party without hitting a good time or a good dude, and the reason for that is simple. Men know how to put things together. Men know how to do things.
Women only know how to have things done for them.
That’s why women can be trained to make breakfast or whiskey and sodas for you — or to do your laundry and fold the shirts properly even though their mother taught them to fold shirts a different way. I don’t care how your mom taught you to fold them. They fit in the fucking drawers better this way.
Learn how to forget. That’s the secret to a successful relationship.
Women understand the concept of having things done for them so they can do things for you. Ask a woman to do something, however, like get her car serviced or rent a truck to move her bed and all her shit from one apartment to another when you’re already doing to be doing all the lifting and actual fucking moving, and it’s like asking a Chinese person to play Monopoly with you. He won’t know where to start.
Penis Shit
And what is with all the penis shit at bachelorette parties? Penis straws, penis cakes, penis cards, penis dildos, penis hats, penis wands, penis novelty sunglasses, penis candles, penis shirts, penis napkins, penis plates — I could go on.
Women are so immature when it comes to sex, a bachelorette party is their first desperate chance to enjoy something men have been enjoying for millions of years. The other genders sex organs.
Whether you believe in God or evolution, the only reason women were put on Earth was to have babies. Biologically, it doesn’t matter if Hanna Montana has launched two music careers and trained millions of girls worldwide to act like snotty little cunts — how fucking hard is that? She’ll never be more important than her ovaries. That goes for Hilary Clinton too, but Hilary never actually achieved anything, so she’s a shitty example.
Men have been celebrating women’s sex organs since the day we invented drawing stick boobs on cave walls. Women, however, are awkward delinquents about it.
Jealousy, Envy, and the Inability to Recognize Either One
There has never been a more concise description of female personal relationships.
At a bachelor party, no one is jealous of the groom. Fuck, it’s just the opposite! That’s the whole point of a bachelor party. You take the groom out one last time and try to convince him that he’s making a huge fucking mistake. It’s half wake, half wake-up call.
That was pretty fucking clever.
Bachelorette parties, on the other hand, are like buying an XBox 960 Mark 2 the day it comes out, inviting all your friends over for the night, and then only having bought one controller. What’s everyone supposed to do? Be happy that your obnoxious ass is about to have the time of your life?
If your friends are women, and that XBox 960 is a lawyer with blue eyes, get ready for tears, snot, and backhanded compliments.
If you think life is a cake-walk of freebies for women — and it is — then marriage is ten times that. Marriage is the Sucker Lottery, and when a woman wins it, all of her best friends know it and hate the fuck out of her for doing so.
Bachelorette parties are as many sobbing bitchfests and petty arguments as can be crammed into the maximum number of nights a woman can spend around her best friends — like two. Bachelorette parties are an embarrassing spectacle of the modern “independent” woman and a good reminder of why women shouldn’t bring cameras to a bar, shouldn’t have MySpace accounts, and shouldn’t ever be listened to regarding anything.
Women can’t even have fun properly. What could they possibly know about anything else?
The Smurfs
The Smurfs is one of the greatest cartoons ever made because it taught young people of the 80’s one very important lesson: women are irrelevant. They can’t do shit on their own, they can’t figure shit out on their own, and when left to their own devices, they will get picked up by Gargamel like oblivious retards every fucking time.
Men are just fine on their own. In fact, we’re fucking better off. Just because you have to use a toilet once a day, doesn’t mean you owe it any respect.
Manclusion
Bachelor parties are fun as fuck because they have to be. They end in a funeral. That’s pronounced “fun”-eral, as in the death of all fun for the poor sap who’s getting married off. Bachelor parties are where men get together and do fun and awesome shit because that’s what we enjoy. If it was up to men, fun is what we would have all the time. The world is our bachelor party. If a woman isn’t ready to strip, she doesn’t belong there.
The reason bachelorette parties are such shit is because women are shit.
Update: New Shirts!
I ordered 10
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As a woman, I find this list and this whole website, horrible. Your a chavanist and are so stupid. A lot of you’re site also has bad grammar and spelling. I, like many women, take pride in precise and correct speech and writing. Your an idiot. Men are NOT better than woman. You say women talk too much - WRONG. Women just express themselves better than men. You need to get a life and shut up. Also, women are not “whores” just because they want a man who is responsible enough to provide enough. It is true that I will not date a man who doesn’t own a nice car or nice clothes, but that is NOT because I love money. Having a nice car and clothes just shows a man is responsible and thoughtful about the important things in life. Your a moron.
Find ten misspelled words in two hours or you’re a lying cunt.
Then when your two-hour pass has expired, fuck off my website.
-Dick
Your comment DOES NOT DESERVE A RESPONSE. Your an idiot and have no idea what women are capable of. I don’t need to name examples of your grammar mistakes, because they are so obvious and there are so many.
What are women capable of?
Spelling - Right, who the fuck cares. Do we really need an ongoing critique on each others use of ‘i’ before ‘e’ ?
Has a war ever been won with the timely use of a semicolon?
What about a good chat up line - “Hey babe you are so sweet, as in s-w-e-e-t, not s-u-i-t-e, I can spell don’t you know!” Real manly.
Or, to take it further,
GRAMMER MAN!
He fights crime, one extra ‘e’ at a time.
Get over it.
Don’t you mean “You’re an idiot”? Always love it when people picking out flaws in grammer make mistakes of their own.
For a woman who prides herself in precise, correct speech and writing, that sure is one error riddled paragraph.
—- “I, like many women, take pride in precise and correct speech and writing”.——-
LMFAO!!!!!!!!!!
— “Your a chavanist and are so stupid.”—-
It’s “CHAUVINIST”.
And YOU are so stupid.
—- “A lot of you’re site also has bad grammar.”—–
It’s “ALOT” and “YOUR site”.
Fuck off you idiot cunt.
Menarebetterthanwomen.
Is “alot” really one word in America??
BritsarebetterthanAmericans. :P
Btw, its not “Your” its “You’re”. Nice percise and correct speech and writing.
No, actually it is YOUR because that denotes possession; unlike YOU’RE which means YOU ARE.
What makes you think a man needs to have nice things to deserve you? Did you ever stop to fucking think what you should do to deserve him? What kind of car do you drive? By the way, you spelled “you’re” wrong you fucking idiot, its your. And when you said “Your an idiot” you were also wrong. “You’re” = you are. Don’t use fucking contractions anymore.
“Having a nice car and clothes just shows a man is responsible and thoughtful about the important things in life.”
LOL, are you serious. You just PROVED his point. You have to be just someone trying to get a rise.
*sigh* It’s so sad when they don’t realize they’re a whore. Especially when she admits it at the same time she denies it.
Have you ever heard of semantics? “Oh I’m not a whore, I just want to be paid for my attention/services”
Its…chauvinist. Not chavanist.
Hee Hee you spelled chauvinist wrong. How funny! It is CHAUVINIST not chavanist.
I think that you are missing the point - and also, you should be responsible for yourself and independant of any men….
Actually, may I ask you why you are here ‘wasting’ your time on a website you clearly hate?
I’m sorry, but before ragging on someone for bad grammar, go review the difference between “you’re” and “your.” Also, if you want to prove the site is immature, maybe you shouldn’t resort to immature insults.
Girls always try and tell guys that we are “immature”. Its one of whimminz favorite fuckin’ words.
But they have no idea what it means.
A woman ACTUALLY said to me once…..
“When are you gonna grow up and get married???
Being single and fucking whoever you want is really immature.”
I had no choice but to fuck her throat for that.
She asked for it.
If you pay CLOSE ATTENTION,
you will notice that WOMEN ALWAYS think
DOING SHIT FOR THEM means “Maturity”…
and if you do something for yourSELF,
you are “immature”.
As in……
• Being single and fucking whoever you want is really “immature.”
…. But its “mature” to be stuck in a marriage with a whore who won’t suck your dick because she finally got her wedding, dress, ring, house, car and shit she always wanted.
• A guy who finally buys himself the sports car he always wanted is “immature”, and he’s going through a “crisis”.
….. but it’s “mature” if he bought her a $50,000 useless necklace for the same money.
• Dumping a girl because she’s a lousy lay (or doesn’t even put out) is “immature.”
….. but it’s mature to just go into a relationship situation being completely selfish cunt who is SUPPOSED to get whatever the fuck SHE wants, with zero regard for him - when she should just stay home and stay single.
Women don’t even know how to define THEMSELVES,
while pretending to know what maturity means.
Menaremorematurethanwomen.
not all women are like that, and not all men are like that. there are always pros and cons to any arguement, on any side. both men and women do things for different reasons, its all based on an individual’s innate qualities and personal experience. some women would consider the things you list above as something of the norm and others may have a cardiac. some women have been taught that to be mature is to have a house, a family, and a steady pace of life. obviously not everyone will fit into that cookie cutter, so the women’s word for such nonconformist would be “immature”, almost like the way men call women “lesbians” for not wanting to date anyone and be independent. and yes, for some women, all they want is the wedding dress or the house, the ring, ect. but not every woman fits into that cookie cutter either- some women want to do the same thing of what you have claimed “immature”, although you would probably change the word to “whore” or “slut”, and i’m not saying every whore out there is a nonconformist, just that some women like to party and “have fun” more than others. and even more women (might be rare where you live, there are VERY few from what i’ve seen- and i have been around the world a couple of times) that want that family, but they also believe in the fact of equality and independent thinking- so let the husband or boyfriend buy that 50k car, it IS his money, and he DID earn it himself.
i guess what i’m trying to say is that there are good points to your argument, or vent or whatever you want to call it- there are numerous women who have been taught to “catch” the richest man and suck the money from him until they get what they want- but that does not mean that all women are like that, and not all men are like that either. i’ve seen my fair share of men who do exactly what you’ve seen women do. i don’t particularly think you need details on that, i’m pretty sure you’ve heard it plenty from other women’s “drama” so i’d rather not go into that type of argument.
so i guess yes- there are plenty of people (both men AND women) who have more than the fair share of selfishness and stupidity. just noting that not every man and woman are the same.
“It is true that I will not date a man who doesn’t own a nice car or nice clothes”
It is also true that a man worth his shit, won’t date a 18stone colossus.
Babab-booom.
Back at you bitch.
“I, like many women, take pride in precise and correct speech and writing.” - Of course you do, because women don’t have anything BETTER to take pride in. Men have alot of other things to take pride in like SHIT THAT MATTERS.
MEN>WOMEN
“Having a nice car and clothes just shows a man is responsible and thoughtful about the important things in life”
Holy that is a clusterfuck of what should be important in life. Personally, it should be family(friends included) and health(physical/mental). Who the fuck taught you human values you dumb shit woman! All the good mothers I know would shake their head at that comment
Its also called a hen party. Hens get their necks wrung after their egg laying business is over. The same can’t be said for these bitches.
My girlfriend was in (as in bridal party IN) three weddings this summer. Needless to say, I agree completely with this whole article. Every bachelorette party involves someone trying to ruin the fun, countless bickerings and even more borderline infidelities (because none of these girls are single (sidenote: married or involved girls at a bar without their man are MORE likely to sleep with you than a single chick)). I even had to bail out a bachelorette party. I got call while at a separate bar with a friend. Turns out one of these bitches was doing everything she could to drag everyone down. So the girls find out where I’m at and come there to party. My buddy and I turned that bar upside down and a bachelorette party was saved by MEN! Women should stop trying. They already get a wedding day. Having a pre-wedding bash is selfish and excessive. Not a one of my friends is married. Regardless, I already have plans for which dumbshit pal of mine takes that plunge first. As a man, I inherently know how to entertain people and make my friends happy. My friends are now torn between never wanting to get married and wanting me to throw their bachelor party. I’m hoping they pick the former. GUYS: If you stop marrying chicks, they have no reason to throw a bachelorette party. Women require pretext. To them it’s the same as an excuse. Becoming a bride does not absolve you from being a whore. Men, however, can drink and ogle tits anytime. We aren’t pretentious. And when a man gets pretentious some other man kicks his ass. MABTW.
Great Stuff, Dick.
You should relax a little though. You’re almost ranting. And that shit ain’t manly.
Of course ranting is manly. It’s one of the manliest things a man can do: to lay things straight out, cutting through the shit, and getting down to the crux of the matter.
Also, anything Dick says or does is Manly. Case closed.
penis dildos?
I’ve long felt the same way about the worthlessness of bachelorette parties, but it took your refined ability to break this problem down to its root causes, for me to really understand why. Cheers, Dick!
The world is so screwed up because we started listening to women because they’re women. You can’t control nature, you roll with it; it doesn’t matter how fine you dress or how low your cleavage is, if there’s a spot where bears live or where bitchin trees are - don’t build there!
Common sense and practicality is manly.
>>”if there’s a spot where bears live or where bitchin trees are - don’t build there!”
True but for sure in the near future we’ll have the tools necessary to cut down those bitchin trees.
It’s easy to cut them down. Not so easy to regenerate them.
Ecological responsibility - it’s going to take that if we are to survive as a species. It’s quite simple, really - we fail, we die.
I’m already making preparations, because I know nobody will listen. It’s going to take a mass famine, and at least I don’t seek solace in ignorance. I keep a low upkeep and a low impact - that’s all you can really do.
Not easy to regenerate them?
Have you ever, uh, gown a plan before? You take a very tiny object called a seed, and throw it on the dirt. Nature takes care of the rest.
Trees grow back. In fact, the more trees we use, the more forests we plant to replace them.
Ever been tree-planting before? It’s a lot of work, and good money. You’d be amazed how many hundreds of saplings can be planted in a day by 7 people. And tens of thousands can be planted by those same 7 over the course of a summer.
In fact, it takes less time and energy to plant a tree than it does to cut it down.
Do yourself, and the rest of us a favor and jump off the Green-bandwagon. It’s nothing more than a political platform designed to get votes by fearmongering.
Responsibility and foresight are both manly. I don’t steal not because I can’t - oh, can I? - I don’t because it’s wrong and there are easier ways to make money.
Similarly, it shouldn’t take a mass famine for us to exercise ecological responsibility.
Thats VERY true KT……
“Responsibility and foresight are both manly”.
Damn right.
Women don’t see the importance in foresight. They are satisfied with mistakes, hindsight and ” learning” experiences.
“Oh well, I tried my best”, a woman will say.
“It’s all about the process, and learning from mistakes”.
Which is BULLSHIT.
It’s about —>> HAVING THE FORESIGHT TO AVOID LIFE MISTAKES before they cost you dearly.
“Losers always whine about their best,
Winners go home and fuck the prom queen.”
- Sean Connery
Seconded.
There is no more rewarding a learning experience - in mind, body, or spirit - than a close call with your life or limb on the line.
Bungee jumpers and serial burglars are of the same lot. I probably wouldn’t say this if my house was burglarized, mind you, but I often find that there is nothing funnier than when a lying faggot gets his or her house cleaned out.
Course, not worth 20 years, but I could see why someone would steal and am man enough to admit that anyone - myself included - would turn to criminality under the right set of conditions. Be they deprivation of mind, body, or soul.
Oh, here’s a fun exercise:
You’ll notice there are a lot of clubs that explicitly advertise sex favors outside of Nevada. In many of these places, prostitution is illegal.
Why do the police allow these places to exist?
Corruption and bribes is the obvious answer. Also, pragmatically speaking - if the girls aren’t selling their bodies there, it’s the streets under even less regulation; I’m sure many of the places have intimate ties to law enforcement.
You’ll notice it’s the Johns, not Janes, who get arrested. This is to placate the anti-male agenda in the United States. Crimes like getting knocked up and blackmailing the man - many men don’t know the laws, and are rightly fearful of turning to the legal system.
Logic rarely has any leverage in world governments. The people would do better governing themselves, and any attempt to weaken the oppressive maw of consolidated government is sacred in its own rite.
Terrorism? Terrorists?!
How’s “burn you lying faggot motherfucking hypocrite” sound? Governments rule by terror!
Terror and deception.
Things I have thought as a child:
Black men are evil.
Adult men are evil.
Adults are evil.
Children are pure and sacred.
Medicine is whatever an adult gives you.
It’s okay to be a human guinea pig for new and untested drugs.
Despite having a male-line history of explosive brain hemorrhages, my school work is important and it’s important I take stimulants that raise my heart rate and blood pressure.
Trust no one. You’ll never regret it. Love is a lie; government is a lie; right is a lie; order is a thought.
It’s a strained revelation, but you’ll find your sanity thanks you - and if you aren’t me, you may live all of 80 years.
Patient: Doctor, I think your medicine is killing me.
Doctor: I want to help you get better.
For the record, beer slows my heart rate and reduces strain on my cranial veins. In short, a little alcohol a day may lengthen my life span, while doing what I’m told will eventually kill me.
This revelation gives new meaning to the phrase, “Fuck the government.”
Man or woman or child;
Who dies?
Who lies?
But, alas, it is illegal for me to drink beer - and going to jail will kill me even faster. Taking a few blows to the head is murder for the nerves. Ain’t life a bitch?
I guess I may live 80 years, but I’ll never forget that They are just the biggest cocksuckers.
What makes DM so great is that he gets ahead by helping people and spreading information. He deserves every penny he gets.
And great shirt! An awesome subtle way to express the art of chauvinism. Subtlety is a lost art in America; it’s time we start saving out our man-power and making things a bit more savage, chaotic, unpredictable. More wild; we shouldn’t have to go into space to find adventure, that’s pathetic! Also, on that note - look into alternative shelters; they look better than those womanly timber-framed cookie-cutter suburban houses and are a lot cheaper.
Yeah, free thought pays off!
No offence KT but subtlely never was an American art.
Brilliant!
Quality over quantity. That’s the way to go.
Awesome update dude. Said it perfectly. Props to the man!