Breaking the Law!
When I think of famous law breakers, I think of swarthiness, moxy, and above all, competence. If men were s’mores, those would be our mangredients.
Jessie James, Al Capone, George Washington; each one was a criminal and each was moxier and manlier than the last.
What I don’t think about when I think of world class law breaking, is some ranting bitch trying to scream her way out of a parking ticket. Men invented the law. It’s no wonder men are better than women at breaking it.
Also, God gave women tits to get out of traffic tickets. Not lungs and certainly not brains.
Recently a woman broke the law in a way that wasn’t sleeping with one of her high school students. Hot as that may be, it’s actually illegal.
A very stupid British woman — which British women are more than any other species of woman on the planet — named Kate Badger, opted not to pay a £60 fine for throwing an apple core out of her car. Instead, and while simultaneously having three children at the age of 26, she is opting to take the ticket to court and vogue her way out of a possible £20,000 fine or six months in prison. You can see her vogue by following the link at the end of this article. Put yourself in the judge’s shoes for a hearty laugh.
I don’t know what offends me most about this: the atrocious lesson Kate is teaching her children — whom I’ll no doubt have to beat with a roll of quarters one day when I catch them skateboarding around my car, the fact that a legal system is being burdened by the scorn of an unhappy single mom who couldn’t keep a man happy, or the improper disposal of controlled waste.
Any woman under 35 who can’t keep a man is either fat or useless. After 35, she might just be old.
How to Break the Law
As a man who’s broken the law more times than he can count, I feel it’s my duty to illustrate the manly way to break the law and contrast that with the womanly, retarded way. Let’s begin.
1. Keep your story straight!
There’s one thing that will blow a crime like it knows someone famous: changing your story. When you change your story, you’re effectively removing yourself as a piece of evidence. That means the evidence will all start telling the same story and when you’re breaking laws, that’s the last thing you want.
Just because you have the stupidest cover story ever dreamed, does not mean that you’ve been caught. This is something men deal with all the time. Maybe a drunk hooker really did blow smoke into your mouth and then saved a bunch of her whore friends’ phone numbers on your cell phone while you were on your way to the all night jewelry store. The more important question is, who wants to hear about all the nice jewelry you special ordered?
There’s a 51% chance that story will work. Remember, women are 51% of people, and women are dumb as fuck. Women will believe anything you tell them. “Believing anything” is a coping mechanism women evolved in order to maintain some sense of self-worth after spending thousands of years being completely fucking useless. Why else would a fat woman wear earrings? The Orca actually believes she looks better because some twinkly bits of metal are hanging off of her fat, sausage earlobes.
In the case of young, manless Kate Badger, we have the following statements:
“I refused to pay the £60 fine because I didn’t throw the apple core.”
And then moments later:
“I think it’s a ridiculous charge because apples are biodegradable and it’s not like we are talking about a huge bag of rubbish.”
Sometimes I’m amazed at how stupid women sound when they’re not standing in front of you and you can’t stare at their tits.
2. Know when you’re caught!
I drive my car really fucking fast. That means every time I’ve ever been pulled over by a police officer, I was speeding. There’s also a small chance I was driving without insurance and with an expired license, but that’s a different story. My point is, I knew it was wrong and I did it anyway. There’s no reason to waste a bunch of people’s time just because I don’t feel like spending a few hundred bucks on the chance to do it again. When something is fucked, trying to un-fuck it just makes it more fucked. It’s like trying to dig your way out of hole.
So why do women act like that?
In half of everything they do, women are acting on the sting of embarrassment. They’re embarrassed at what they’ve done, so they try to pass it off as something that was just and right and at worst, misunderstood. That way they believe they haven’t done anything wrong at all. They live the lie. A woman’s grasp of morality is childish at best, and at worst psychotic.
Instead of paying her £60 fine, Kate Badger is going to waste everyone’s time by taking her embarrassment and her three children to court to hopefully argue her fate back down to the original £60 pounds after acting like an entitled she-donkey until the judge gives her a look her father should have been giving her since day one.
That’s cute, but I don’t want to fuck you, so shut the fuck up.
Note that I said “everyone’s time”. Kate didn’t chose to waste the court’s time or the cop’s time, she chose to waste everyone in England’s time. Who the fuck is paying for that cop and that judge? Everyone in England.
The law should only be broken for manly reasons; like changing the law itself, or for personal gain. Breaking the law because you’re too embarrassed to admit that you got caught chucking an apple out the window and then flipped out while your kids were watching is womanly and wrong. And since when is risking jail time for the mother of your children worth £60? I guess when you’re the mother, that “when” is anytime.
3. You are guilty until proven innocent!
The notion of being innocent until you are proven guilty is a fun idea for children, but when you’re breaking the law, there is no innocent. There is only “guilty” and “got away with it”. What is going to court over £60 going to prove? That people don’t like paying parking tickets?
Next time you hire a woman, know that if she isn’t taking time off for being pregnant or being on her period, she might be taking time off for something like this.
Behind every great fortune, there is a great crime. And behind every great man, there is a woman. With any luck, the two are related.
Worst Mother in the UK, or Worst Mother in the World?
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February 7th, 2008 at 9:31 pm - IP Man-Hash: ab6278d97cc63
McCain is going to be the next president
February 8th, 2008 at 2:16 am - IP Man-Hash: 720a12647a390
I’ve always been curious about this, is he related to anyone associated with the oven-baked chips and fries company “McCain’s”?
February 8th, 2008 at 9:03 am - IP Man-Hash: e4deaf7d0cbd9
I actually would vote for McCain before Hillary if it came down to it, and I´m a hard-core Democrat.
The fact that he was a POW in Vietnam is neccesary for proper understanding on a deeper level regarding our troops in Iraq.
I feel like if he betrays the troops and prolongs the War, McCain will ¨feel like a heel¨ more so than Bush (who has never been on the front line or even near a real infantry) or Hillary (for obvious reasons).
The main action which will get back this country´s pride and previous glory is immediate withdrawl from Iraq and all Middle Eastern/non-democratic nation´s affairs.
Our weakened Economy and Domestic output begs for it.
February 9th, 2008 at 11:01 am - IP Man-Hash: fe1980c3a0138
your a complete wanker you dont even know the girl and obviously believe everything you read the way you write about women your obviously not getting any. 3kids by the same partner and still together after 10yrs how many people can say that!!!
February 9th, 2008 at 11:10 am - IP Man-Hash: fe1980c3a0138
Your a complete wanker you dont even know the girl!!! The way you talk about women your obviously not getting any! 3 kids by the same partner and still together after 10yrs how many people can say that!!!! Your getting your ‘facts’ from a newspaper so you obviously believe everything you read and as i know kate personally can tell you she is a good mother who loves her kids.
February 9th, 2008 at 12:44 pm - IP Man-Hash: 4b8494f25ae28
Wow, you can’t even tell how old she is, she’s so immature and stupid. It’s a shame there’s no place in this world for spoiled, slutty, stupid little parasites like her. I’m sure we’ll all have hearts a-bleeding when she finally decides it’s time rid the world of one materialistic, superficial, ignorant burden to its ecosystem.
Remember, across the jugular. I’ll feel extra-bad about the attention whore if you do it across the jugular. Or you could just buy a firearm like a normal person and not make as much of a mess for those inferior men to clean up.
February 9th, 2008 at 2:52 pm - IP Man-Hash: be3f682a1d38e
@ leon and anon, did you realize you both have the same IP Man-Hash?
February 10th, 2008 at 10:08 pm - IP Man-Hash: d9438fe1c6108
Of course not. What a ridiculous idea.
Some women obviously aren’t as intelligent, sober, and self-disciplined as Paris Hilton.
-wolfe
February 11th, 2008 at 2:39 pm - IP Man-Hash: de26c695c237c
Here’s here excuse:
“I just couldn’t believe it. I phoned them and explained that it wasn’t me who had thrown the apple, but my friend who has moved away.”
She states she has completely lost touch with this “friend”, and therefor shouldn’t be blamed for not paying the fine and not disclosing the identity of the person who did throw it. I say fine her the original £60 plus court costs, estimated to be £5000.
Btw, this site says she faces an unlimited fine and up to 5 years in prison.
February 13th, 2008 at 1:13 pm - IP Man-Hash: 17d5247e842be
Haha, that actually was funny.
February 18th, 2008 at 10:52 am - IP Man-Hash: 5c7534169421d
Well said! There are definitely flawed areas of logic on this site. It’s just sad that most adults on here can’t see it but a 14 year old can.
February 20th, 2008 at 7:30 pm - IP Man-Hash: 1d8bbc2872c5f
Oh please. Like a 14 year old has any concept of the outside world besides what they get spoon fed by the media. And let me tell you, what they are getting fed is estrogen laced bullshit.
To think this little 14 year old shit for brains thinks he/she is the first person to offer up the idea that “not every woman is like this” to this hardcore crowd of REALISTS is the epitome of foolishness and unfounded self worth only a brat of today can achieve.
When the little shit starts paying their own way in life they have some merit to the community. Until then, fuck off. We’ve heard your canned “thoughts” plenty.
February 22nd, 2008 at 8:38 am - IP Man-Hash: 10dadd48ccbb6
Ha. I read many of your postings and I think they are all funny. Never once did your little ‘insiders’ piss me off, only becuase i find it comical you felt you had to make a website about why men are better than women as if you had to prove it to the world. No wonder your miserable and dont like women, you probabley dont have one and if you do i stilll understand why you dont like women and think they’re stupid, you date the stupid ones- stupid for being with you. Tits are not get get out of tickets either, if you had a mother you would know what they are for. I know this means nothing to you and the only thing i’ll get back from this is neggative but who gives a shit, keep judging.
February 22nd, 2008 at 10:45 am - IP Man-Hash: 53cd2fe91961c
If you knoww no one cares then why speak in the first place, besides attention?
February 22nd, 2008 at 10:48 am - IP Man-Hash: 53cd2fe91961c
and not only that, why did you change your name just to post twice, little ellie? Split personality disorder or just stupid?
February 24th, 2008 at 10:38 am - IP Man-Hash: 17d5247e842be
-detatched
“Oh please. Like a 14 year old has any concept of the outside world besides what they get spoon fed by the media. And let me tell you, what they are getting fed is estrogen laced bullshit.”
That is just great, I had no idea I was being fed stupidity! Detatched, I know those things already. I don’t pay attention to FOX news, tabloids, celebrity shows (such as The Insider), or things of the nature. They’re all laced with idiocracy and are doctored to show what they want them to show, not the genuine truth. Besides, I don’t trouble myself with the news much. I like to keep with the election (go Obama!), which is pretty much the only news I truly pay attention to.
“To think this little 14 year old shit for brains thinks he/she is the first person to offer up the idea that “not every woman is like this” to this hardcore crowd of REALISTS is the epitome of foolishness and unfounded self worth only a brat of today can achieve.”
I am a girl, Chiodos is my favorite band at the moment (I don’t know what Chiodos means exactly, I looked it up in almost every language it sounds like it could be). I suppose “not everyone is like that” is probably a common idea, it is the most obvious and the first to come to mind when Dick’s posts are read. By the way, you may consider yourself a “realist”, I see you all as more of narcissists.
“When the little shit starts paying their own way in life they have some merit to the community. Until then, fuck off. We’ve heard your canned “thoughts” plenty”
You may of heard them plenty, but that doesn’t mean these thoughts are going away (besides, I only come here, what, once a week?). Sure, I don’t pay bills, taxes, gas, or any other fun way to give away money. But that doesn’t mean I have no concept of life or the way it is.
February 24th, 2008 at 10:54 am - IP Man-Hash: 4b8494f25ae28
Ha ha. No.
Don’t try to fight us. We are always right.
February 24th, 2008 at 11:41 am - IP Man-Hash: 17d5247e842be
You’re always right? I did not know that. Thank you for that inspiratiional quote.
April 12th, 2008 at 8:35 pm - IP Man-Hash: 19e75637fa122
Well I can.
May 10th, 2008 at 5:07 pm - IP Man-Hash: 27365ad4632a7
Wow she’s 26? She looks like shes 35.