Breaking the Law!
When I think of famous law breakers, I think of swarthiness, moxy, and above all, competence. If men were s’mores, those would be our mangredients.
Jessie James, Al Capone, George Washington; each one was a criminal and each was moxier and manlier than the last.
What I don’t think about when I think of world class law breaking, is some ranting bitch trying to scream her way out of a parking ticket. Men invented the law. It’s no wonder men are better than women at breaking it.
Also, God gave women tits to get out of traffic tickets. Not lungs and certainly not brains.
Recently a woman broke the law in a way that wasn’t sleeping with one of her high school students. Hot as that may be, it’s actually illegal.
A very stupid British woman — which British women are more than any other species of woman on the planet — named Kate Badger, opted not to pay a £60 fine for throwing an apple core out of her car. Instead, and while simultaneously having three children at the age of 26, she is opting to take the ticket to court and vogue her way out of a possible £20,000 fine or six months in prison. You can see her vogue by following the link at the end of this article. Put yourself in the judge’s shoes for a hearty laugh.
I don’t know what offends me most about this: the atrocious lesson Kate is teaching her children — whom I’ll no doubt have to beat with a roll of quarters one day when I catch them skateboarding around my car, the fact that a legal system is being burdened by the scorn of an unhappy single mom who couldn’t keep a man happy, or the improper disposal of controlled waste.
Any woman under 35 who can’t keep a man is either fat or useless. After 35, she might just be old.
How to Break the Law
As a man who’s broken the law more times than he can count, I feel it’s my duty to illustrate the manly way to break the law and contrast that with the womanly, retarded way. Let’s begin.
1. Keep your story straight!
There’s one thing that will blow a crime like it knows someone famous: changing your story. When you change your story, you’re effectively removing yourself as a piece of evidence. That means the evidence will all start telling the same story and when you’re breaking laws, that’s the last thing you want.
Just because you have the stupidest cover story ever dreamed, does not mean that you’ve been caught. This is something men deal with all the time. Maybe a drunk hooker really did blow smoke into your mouth and then saved a bunch of her whore friends’ phone numbers on your cell phone while you were on your way to the all night jewelry store. The more important question is, who wants to hear about all the nice jewelry you special ordered?
There’s a 51% chance that story will work. Remember, women are 51% of people, and women are dumb as fuck. Women will believe anything you tell them. “Believing anything” is a coping mechanism women evolved in order to maintain some sense of self-worth after spending thousands of years being completely fucking useless. Why else would a fat woman wear earrings? The Orca actually believes she looks better because some twinkly bits of metal are hanging off of her fat, sausage earlobes.
In the case of young, manless Kate Badger, we have the following statements:
“I refused to pay the £60 fine because I didn’t throw the apple core.”
And then moments later:
“I think it’s a ridiculous charge because apples are biodegradable and it’s not like we are talking about a huge bag of rubbish.”
Sometimes I’m amazed at how stupid women sound when they’re not standing in front of you and you can’t stare at their tits.
2. Know when you’re caught!
I drive my car really fucking fast. That means every time I’ve ever been pulled over by a police officer, I was speeding. There’s also a small chance I was driving without insurance and with an expired license, but that’s a different story. My point is, I knew it was wrong and I did it anyway. There’s no reason to waste a bunch of people’s time just because I don’t feel like spending a few hundred bucks on the chance to do it again. When something is fucked, trying to un-fuck it just makes it more fucked. It’s like trying to dig your way out of hole.
So why do women act like that?
In half of everything they do, women are acting on the sting of embarrassment. They’re embarrassed at what they’ve done, so they try to pass it off as something that was just and right and at worst, misunderstood. That way they believe they haven’t done anything wrong at all. They live the lie. A woman’s grasp of morality is childish at best, and at worst psychotic.
Instead of paying her £60 fine, Kate Badger is going to waste everyone’s time by taking her embarrassment and her three children to court to hopefully argue her fate back down to the original £60 pounds after acting like an entitled she-donkey until the judge gives her a look her father should have been giving her since day one.
That’s cute, but I don’t want to fuck you, so shut the fuck up.
Note that I said “everyone’s time”. Kate didn’t chose to waste the court’s time or the cop’s time, she chose to waste everyone in England’s time. Who the fuck is paying for that cop and that judge? Everyone in England.
The law should only be broken for manly reasons; like changing the law itself, or for personal gain. Breaking the law because you’re too embarrassed to admit that you got caught chucking an apple out the window and then flipped out while your kids were watching is womanly and wrong. And since when is risking jail time for the mother of your children worth £60? I guess when you’re the mother, that “when” is anytime.
3. You are guilty until proven innocent!
The notion of being innocent until you are proven guilty is a fun idea for children, but when you’re breaking the law, there is no innocent. There is only “guilty” and “got away with it”. What is going to court over £60 going to prove? That people don’t like paying parking tickets?
Next time you hire a woman, know that if she isn’t taking time off for being pregnant or being on her period, she might be taking time off for something like this.
Behind every great fortune, there is a great crime. And behind every great man, there is a woman. With any luck, the two are related.
Worst Mother in the UK, or Worst Mother in the World?
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February 5th, 2008 at 10:20 pm - IP Man-Hash: 666508dec08b7
@stonemonkey: Well said. I spent 8 years in a male-dominated field. Generally speaking, my philosophy was simple, judge me by the work I do.
As a female in that environment, don’t demand acceptance just because you’re a woman. Treat everyone with courtesy and respect, know what you’re doing, and be willing to learn from your mistakes. Don’t ask someone else to do what you’re not willing to do yourself, and do make sure you finish the job. Don’t flash your boobs around, don’t sleep around. Be professional.
It doesn’t matter if everyone likes you, it matters if you get the job done right.
February 6th, 2008 at 8:50 am - IP Man-Hash: 6654687001342
I know that there are women out there who are like this…..Im getting married to one. The problem is that there are not enough. Like Dick has posted before, ” I wanna be a whore when I grow up” or something like that. Just take a look at womens magazines (which are usually edited, owned, managed and written by women). They are so full of shit. Sure FHM etc has a few scantily clad women in them, but they are mainly comedy, and useful tips (like how to build shit). I think the biggest pressure for women to remain big boobed bimbos that connive and manipulate is coming from women themselves. Just take a look at what the younger generation of women have as role models.
Men cant fill that gap for women. We cant supply you with somebody to look up to. That ball is in the womens court.
Ripley (from the Alien series) is a great example of this. Appeals to both sexes for different reasons.
My personal feeling is that after the big feminist and equality movement of the 80s and 90s women realized the shit they had got themselves into. Thats when some of those social crutches were taken away for a brief period, and women learned that being liberated took a lot of effort. Its cliched as hell, but great power comes with great responsibility. Now I can see a little bit of back-pedaling on behalf of (not all ) women.
February 6th, 2008 at 10:05 am - IP Man-Hash: ae2b789fa969a
getting married?
Are you nuts? Thsoe women say anything you want to hear just to put that ball around your ankle. It’s a financial step. After the wedding cake something wierd happens to them.
Pink Floyd - Careful with that axe Eugene.
February 6th, 2008 at 1:07 pm - IP Man-Hash: 666508dec08b7
I think that a big part of the problem is with our celebrity-obsessed culture, where behaving badly is deemed far more press-worthy than doing good things. How long did the death of Anna Nicole Smith play 24-7, and there were actual critical events taking place at that time, with Iran as I recall? You have people actually holding up Paris Hilton as a good role model, because she “has the business acumen to promote herself, and use that celebrity to market her fashion lines, tv shows, etc.” Never mind that she has the morals of a horny goat hyped on speed.
You look at tv and books, and another example is a series being promoted to young preteen/ teen girls called Gossip Girls, in which the series descriptive is:
“Welcome to the Upper East Side, where my friends and I live, play, and sleep, sometimes with each other. Enter the scandalous world of Gossip Girl: a world where everyone is gorgeous, everything is fabulous, and jealousy and betrayal are everywhere you look.”
Trust me, should that book series ever cross the threshold of my door, it’s getting burned to teeny tiny cinders. Literally.
As far as the equality movement goes, I think that a big area where we run into problems is pushing women into areas regardless of whether they were qualified or not, in order to fill a PC quota. Look at that first girl who got into The Citadel. Out of shape, didn’t really want to be there, and quit in the first few months. Huge press on the whole thing, then over. Doesn’t matter that later there were girls with the drive, the toughness, and the fitness level, the percieved standard had already been set.
February 6th, 2008 at 3:41 pm - IP Man-Hash: 0a379370a5fd8
All of the above, which can be directly blamed on everyday women who will eat complete shit because they lack the brain-power to tell Oprah “no”.
February 6th, 2008 at 5:32 pm - IP Man-Hash: e1caec5062137
Ffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu uuucccccccccccccccccccccccckkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk. You whores are really going to do it aren’t you? You’re going to put Hilary in the white house because you want to see if a woman can be in charge of a FUCKING COUNTRY… and make history doing so. That’s all it is isn’t it? WHO CARES WHETHER SHE CAN ACTUALLY TAKE THE RIGORS OF THE JOB WITHOUT MORE SOBBING? LET’S MAKE HISTORY, PAINT THE WORLD PINK, AND SPRINKLE FLOWER PETALS EVERYWHERE. I got to get out of this pussy country.
February 6th, 2008 at 8:57 pm - IP Man-Hash: c5c3f4aca5f9a
Bravo!!! Bravo!!! I commend the both of you. I agree completely.
I would also like to add one thing “Responsibility”
(Forgive my rambling, Im tired)
I see SO many women that when they do something and it turns out good they show off and suck up all the attention for all its worth.
As soon as something bad happens, even if they are directly involved, the first thing you hear is “Its not my responsibility” and there are thousands of resources for women to fulfill and dilute there heads, absolving them from all guilt. Most of those resources can be found with one simple Google search. Lets not forget that it is woven within our society so tightly that all women are always right. These thoughts are thrown at us every single day.
How many commercials, sitcoms, anything on TV, can you personally think of where the guy is portrayed as a ignorant dufus? Not even capable of walking across the room the right way.
From our own society, women are shown more and more that men are complete idiots. That women are always right. That a man is only good for a job that brings money to the house and to make a few kids. After that he is worthless. This is when the woman is allowed (in societies eyes) to go out, complain loudly about her man, and then cheat on him with the approval of all of her friends.
This trend continues and propagates itself to this day. This is what our children are learning, seeing, and experiencing about the world around them. No wonder we are creating so many slutty, irresponsible, females. One look at myspace in your local Zip code will tell you everything you need to see or know.
Women, you have taken Chivalry, Respect, and Responsibility from MEN as a sign of weakness far to long.
You wanted equality, we gave it to you. You haven’t done anything with it, I mean nothing at all.
“Lead. Follow, or get out of the way” Takes on a whole new meaning now, doesn’t it?
As for Clinton! I hate her, she only took the senate posting in NY to run for President. I myself being a New Yorker, am appalled that she used my State and my tax money just to use us as a stepping stone. If she is willing to do that just to run for it, what would she do once she got in there?
OK, Im done, Zaphod
February 6th, 2008 at 11:05 pm - IP Man-Hash: 2e9f52b62c482
Yep.
The truth is, no matter what women say, they are going to vote for Hitlery because they are selfish as fuck. That is why, I am considering changing my views to end suffrage for these whores.
I thought the New Yorkers said that Clinton won’t be securing their vote? What happened? I blame… women and the manginas.
February 7th, 2008 at 12:55 am - IP Man-Hash: bf2a9c1d0e309
Just proved your theory wrong, I never wanted to vote for Hillary and don’t intend to. I know many females who are supporting other candidates. As for myself, I like Edwards (who dropped out sadly) and Gravel (who won’t win, le sigh). I dislike Obama and Clinton (Obama more so, I don’t see much good in him), but either way I’m not into either but I don’t have pretty much any republican views. Leaving me stuck at the moment, I’ll probably just go independent. Anywho, so what if a female did want to vote for Hillary? That doesn’t mean she’s doing it JUST because she’s a woman. She has qualities that people, male or female, could see as good and admirable. The biggest “Hillary fan” I know is a guy. He’s the roommate of one of my friends actually. So who’s voting for who? Any other disappointed Edwards supporters other than myself?
February 7th, 2008 at 7:10 am - IP Man-Hash: c5c3f4aca5f9a
Lets just face it Sandra. Most of the population in the United States is as dumb as rocks. They are lead around like sheep and told what to do, where to go, what to buy, how to dress and who to vote for. The only reason this keeps happening is because the general core of people keep doing it.
I think what Superman, myself and Mansvoice are trying to say is,,,,
If most people are sheep, more women then men, then more women are going to vote for Hitlery just because she IS a woman. They have no idea what her track record is as a leader or what her stance is on a host of different topics/issues. They will vote that way because that is what they are told/supposed to do. It is a sick cycle. Most women cannot even properly perform the basic decision making skills to solve a simple situation. They will believe whatever is put in front of them without question. Never underestimate the power of stupid people, women for this point. It is my SAD SAD opinion that Hitlery will be our next president due to the sheep like mentality that presides in our infantile society.
May God have Mercy on our Souls,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
I am not going by any “study” or “report” or a damn “poll”. I’m using my God given Man talent of “Common Sense”
Open your EYES and see the world around you as it Truly is.
Zaphod
February 7th, 2008 at 7:41 am - IP Man-Hash: 0a379370a5fd8
I don’t guess she understands that people left with only TWO choices end up being forced to vote for one of the two…..
However, Sheeple is a current American “popular” problem. That would be why Britney Spears will never serve jail time for stupidity, but James Brown did. That is also partially the explanation for why she did get votes.
It is easy on the OTHER reason: To keep Obama out, they voted for Hillary, since most states are “closed” systems. Come generals, Hillary will not win………
But, as Mark pointed out elsewhere, just because you SEE a thing in public doesn’t make it “real”. You are only seeing a primary, not the end result after the General Elections.
February 7th, 2008 at 7:48 am - IP Man-Hash: abcb2a5281006
Zaphod, you are so right about the sitcom situation. You have to go back to the 50’s before you see that men played a better role. You can also see it in the off-hand way women treat mens opinions. The biggest thing I hate is the double-standard (which one you may ask), that generalisations about men are simply taken for granted. Men think with their dicks, we are aggressive, we are non-communicative etc. Society just says of course. Yet when you make a negative generalisation about women, your suddenly a sexist pig. I think its because men know what their faults are. I wouldnt deny any of the above generalisations as a general rule for men.
Men might have big egos (you try having a dick, and a shit load of testosterone in your system ladies), but women have big, FRAGILE egos. Their sense of self and sanity is sitting on a teetering set of scales. It doesnt take much to upset that balance, and drastic action is needed to set the scales right again.
February 7th, 2008 at 8:09 am - IP Man-Hash: ae7375fd8a8b8
This is why, men are ruling the world. Women like Sandra cannot grasp simple logic without being assisted by a man. FFS, it is obvious why women are voting for Hitlery; matriarchy. Essentially, women want to use her as a tool to disparage men or come up with some loserish “girl power” rants.
God, I once held America in high esteem. If Hitlery gets elected, it is going to change my perceptions gents.
February 7th, 2008 at 11:46 am - IP Man-Hash: 55548152be297
I don’t want to see how bad she can fuck up. God! It gives me the shivers to know that she might take control of one of the most powerful military machines in the world.
Prepare for WWIII Gents. One menopausal hotflash and we’re fucked!
- Sgt. Reyes
February 7th, 2008 at 12:03 pm - IP Man-Hash: 666508dec08b7
I agree and disagree with you there. I do think that unfortunately, a lot of women will vote for her just because she is a woman. However, from what I’ve observed, these fall into a certain catagory of women: single, metropolotan types who have never had any real responsibility, welfare types, or the type that have been through multiple divorces/ abortions/ etc, think nothing of wasting money on sparkly things, too much free time, and think that Susan Sarandon is the epitomy of political and ethical wisdom.
The other catagory that I would put out there is the rural/ somewhat suburban/ small town, conservative areas that generally speaking, people from the larger metropolitan areas tend to completely disregard. Here, I’m talking about women who have families, responsibilities, and moderate or conservative principles, and don’t have time to waste drawing peace symbols in front of recruiting stations and having yoga-outs. (Yoga-out, as in apparently Code Pink thinks this is an effective peace rally technique in front of said recruiting stations.)
Talking for myself, I don’t trust her farther than I can spit in a hurricane. I think that the Clintons are some of the most corrupt folk around, and I don’t trust her/ them to act in the best interests of the country. On general principle, I’m not against a female president, but only if she is truly the best qualified candidate available.
February 7th, 2008 at 1:47 pm - IP Man-Hash: c5c3f4aca5f9a
Nice posting Lynn, but lets take this one step further and inject some more common sense and logical thinking.
Your first category of women is correct. I would expect a large number of my fellow Men to agree with you and myself on that subject.
Your second category is where I would have to disagree with you. Not for the context of what you are saying. More rural areas, believe it or not, tend to hold more intelligent and decent human being’s, female’s included. The area where I am disagreeing is the # of decent women. They are much smaller in comparison, and it is a dying breed. I have lived in the city, small city, suburban, rural and middle of nowhere. The trash from the me,me,me,me female point of view has crossed large gaps to find itself in the rural area I now live in. I would expect it to be infecting more and more areas as time goes on. Basically, the decent, rural, have there head on straight, woman has got to be outnumbered 1000 to 1 in my opinion.
Not so good odds when it comes to voting, maybe the popular vote shouldn’t count as much as we think ???
To be honest, my vote will most likely be for McCain. Any man that can suffer years of being a POW and still feel the need to get things fixed in today’s world, sounds pretty good to me. At this point in time, I’m not looking for the best and almighty possibility, I’m looking to vote for someone who will at least try and who would be at least up front about screwing me to the wall.
Zaphod,,,,,,Zippity DO DA!
February 7th, 2008 at 2:24 pm - IP Man-Hash: 17d5247e842be
Hello.
First off I would like to say that I am 14 year old and find this website very humorous. I’m not offended, I’m not an easily offended person in general, I find it more interesting. I do find it funny though, with the examples and insults you use in your posts (I’ve read more than this article before deciding to post).
Being completely serious, what women have you met that has given you this idea? I understand that you must’ve met many in your lifetime, seen them on TV, and read about them in newspapers or magazines. But do you see Paris Hilton and actually consider that all women may be like that? No doubt, there are plenty, but certaintly not all. I personally do not idolize her or in any way want to be like her, she is not an example of a good citizen, or even a good person.
I’m not trying to change your views, that would be endless with no payoff, but just to say that not every woman or girl is like you describe in your posts, and that some actually aren’t like Paris or Lindsay or any others like that, with actual hopes and expectations for ourselves. I personally want to be a malpractice lawyer, my great uncle was one, and I have wanted to be a lawyer for basically all of my life, though I still have several years to decide my future.
Also Dick, note that most women you will read about in the newspaper scandals, they are probably not in there for positive reasons, so don’t compare all womens driving to her or any others for that matter. My dad lets me drive sometimes in empty parking lots, and I am a good driver and cannot wait until I am able to get my liscence.
February 7th, 2008 at 4:24 pm - IP Man-Hash: 666508dec08b7
@ Zaphod: I’ve seen the trend that you’re talking about in the rural areas. My folks are dealing with the sudden intrusion of HOA’s and HOA nazis where they live. My thinking is, if I own the property, unless I’ve got someone staked out on the front yard in an ant bed, it’s none of anyone else’s business what plants go there, or whether I park my car in the driveway or the garage, etc.
Unless we’re talking about small barky dogs. I hate small barky dogs. they never shut up.
I’m 50/50 on what you’re saying on the dying breed bit. I’ve seen trends out there that have the uber-feminists frothing at the mouth that would indicate to me that the pendulum is swinging back the other way. Abortions are down, more and more women are electing to leave their jobs for the time it takes to raise their kids, and John Kerry didn’t get elected. Unfortunately, these type of people don’t get nearly as much press or attention as the Feinstein’s and the Sheehan’s of the world, probably due to voice pitch or something.
I was undecided between McCain and Romney, but that’s pretty much a moot point now. I thought it was pretty funny last week that there was flak on McCain because he called some senators jerks and a**holes, in my book that’s not necessarily a bad thing.
February 7th, 2008 at 9:31 pm - IP Man-Hash: ab6278d97cc63
McCain is going to be the next president
February 8th, 2008 at 2:16 am - IP Man-Hash: 720a12647a390
I’ve always been curious about this, is he related to anyone associated with the oven-baked chips and fries company “McCain’s”?