Wallow in It

Men are ten times classier than women.

Curse Words Make Sugar-Plum Fairies Cry

Posted in Wallow in It on July 15th, 2005

I can’t count the number of times I’ve been chastised by a raving schoolmarm (who should have been minding her own fucking business) for tossing a few baudy, blue color words into a conversation. As a man I use swear words, or “sentence enhancers” as I call them, with extreme discretion and in proper taste at all times. That doesn’t seem to be enough for women though.

And why would it be? It is perfectly reasonable.

Women say that swearing is uncouth or inappropriate. What I say to that is, are you fucking serious? That’s the stupidest of shit that I have ever heard it. And I’ve heard plenty of stupid shit.

The real reason women hate swearing is because they actually think curse words are magical. [Read more]

Father’s Day: Trick or Treat?

Posted in Wallow in It on June 17th, 2005

Every man in the world knows that Father’s Day is complete bullshit. That’s why none of us bat an eye when it comes around. Men don’t like to waste their time getting bent out of shape because of a bunch of nonsense.

We men also know that if you want to do something nice for a man, you just do it. You don’t make a big fucking deal out of it. You don’t act like you deserve a prize for stopping off at Best Buy on the way home from getting your hair done and spending more of that very same man’s money on a gift certificate.

So why is Father’s Day so contrary to the man-spirit of things?

Guess what. It was invented by a woman. [Read more]

Steel Magnolias Can Eat Shit.

Posted in Wallow in It on May 23rd, 2005

When us men want to sink our teeth into only the very manliest (and therefore best) of cinema, we turn to the greats: Die Hard, Tremors, Caddyshack. Then, after we’ve whet our appetites with those warm-ups, we turn to one of the man-est movies of all of time: Dr. Strangelove. [Read more]