Personally, I have always known date rape victims and drug rape victims are lying whores. Of course “personally” is the worst way to be right about anything. “Personally” is subjective and emotional. It is prone to error and bias. “Personally” is womanly.

Unless you’re a man.

Men have magic black boxes of objectification in our brains that turn all life experience into laws you could wear as ship shaped shoes and walk across water. Men and their mighty, manly opinions on things are air tight. Fuck yea.

Scientifically, all date rape victims are lying whores.

According to a new study brought to us by the Manzillas at Wrexham Maelor Hospital, being a victim of “date rape” is like being a victim of getting a flat tire when you drive off a cliff. You did it, it’s your fault, you’re lying about how it happened because who the fuck drives off a cliff, and you’ve probably got a lot more wrong with your car than a flat tire.

Let me explain.

Recently, it was stated that in the UK, Rohypnol has never ever been used in a case of sexual misconduct. I say sexual misconduct because “date rape” is a crass and manipulative word. I refused to use it from now on. It rapes the true meaning of the word “rape”.

Well no shit. I’ve been to the UK tons of times and I’ve never seen Rohypnol being used. I could have told anyone that and they didn’t need to perform some study about it. Date rape drugs are hard to come by. And if they’re not that hard, they’re still harder than feeding a woman apple martinis by the gallon and reciting retarded lines about her hopes and dreams — all of which are asinine. If date rape drugs are illegal, then why isn’t Bryan Adams? Both work just as well.

Someone performed a study anyway, and here are the results of that study in the form of a boot straight up the ass of every woman who is culturally prejudiced against the way women are treated in the Middle East.

Over 12 months, and out of 75 patients who claimed to be victims of sexual misconduct and drink tampering with Rohypnol, GHB, or ketamine, 0% were found to have it in their system.

Zero fucking percent.

In an unsurprising twist, 100% of these women were found to be drunk as fuck.

65% of “rape victims” had a blood alcohol content of twice the legal driving limit.
25% of “rape victims” were three times over the limit.
20% of “rape victims” tested positive for amphetamines.

In the case of women, besides the flat tire, you’ve also got a 20% chance of being on amphetamines. I’m no vagina doctor, but I’m pretty sure they don’t put amphetamines in the birth control pills that none of these whores were taking when they hit Ladies Night like a drunken tornado of abandonment issues.

After reading through the research article below, which I suggest to anyone who’s first instinct is still to listen when a woman starts talking, I realized the horrible truth of what’s going on in the UK. Apparently some asshole is running around spiking women’s drinks with booze.

Holy shit! Someone call the Special Victims Unit! Bring in the swab kit! Or better yet, fire up the laugh track and call that village where Peter and the Wolf is set. What’s that village called?

It’s called Fantasy Land.

Date rape is so 90’s.

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