Today marks the end of Female Illiteracy Month, and thus the end of my Dick Fights Female Illiteracy Contest, where one lucky lady could strap on some spellsmanship and win herself 50 dollars — or a video game for a starving child.
Today was the deadline.
Color me unsurprised to find only a fistful of submissions man-stuffing my mailbox. Many of them were filed improperly and have been disqualified. There were one or two fatties trying to horn in on the action — at least I’m sure they were as they didn’t mention their weight, which was a clear violation of the contest rules. The remaining few told me what I already knew and what I’ve said many times: as a man, my spelling is beyond perfection.
I’m surprised I received any submissions at all.
The lady-winner is a 121-pound Pennsylvanian who wishes to go by the name Lady. While her spellsmanship may be slightly better than that of the average woman, she is certainly no more creative when it comes to nicknames. I watched a cousin of mine playing video games online the other day, and there was a dwarf named Nad Knocker. If that guy was a woman, he would have just been called Dwarf.
The only woman nicknames worth a damn are twirling around a pole.
Lady found three spelling â€śmistakesâ€?. However, as I look at the â€śerrorsâ€? presented, I find it much more likely my keyboard was the culprit in these syntactical deviations. A spelling error looks like cowch or esofogus, not gold and donkey style.
The ‘d’ in gold and the ‘f’ in golf are right next to each other. Keyboards are like dishwashers. If they were invented for men, they would actually work. These hybrid she-boards are not designed for fingers of a manly girth.
Dick’s Man Link Bonanza!
From the ashes of one glorious mantest, springs the birth of another.
Starting today until noon of August 1st 2007, I am offering the same $50 cash prize to the man who can send the most traffic to MenAreBetterThanWomen.com. I know a lot of you do it, now you can get paid for it.
Dick’s Man Link Bonanza! Rules
1. Use the following URL to link to MenAreBetterThanWomen.com
2. Visitors can be sent to any page or post on the site.
3. Each IP address will be counted only once.
4. In case of a tie, there will be a sudden death 24 hour overtime.
5. Use the following URL to check your standing:
6. In lieu of the $50, you may select a video game for a starving child — or a child who is at least very hungry.
Think of this like the second coming of Jesus. Except this time, the Truth is a lot funnier.