Expect the Unexpected…ly Stupid
I was sent the following question by a reader Mark.
“It’s pretty much inevitable that I’m going to have to deal with woman coworkers someday. In these times where women almost always have the legal upper-hand, what advice would you give to young people entering the job market?”
Believe me I have plenty of advice for young people. I’m a man so good advice shoots out of my mouth like a bee hive packed full of honey.
Young people are fucked when entering today’s job market. Shows like Ally McBeal and Futurama, which feature female characters written by men who don’t fuck up constantly like real-life women, have just about brainwashed today’s youth into satire. Here’s what to expect.
Repetition
The first thing you should expect when working with women is to have to fucking repeat yourself like a hundred times a day. See, women don’t listen the same way men do. Men can hear something, remember it, and then classify the information they heard as bullshit, funny stuff, important stuff, or trivia. You remember it and after thinking about it for a man-second, you will deal with the information accordingly.
Women, as I’ve previously discussed, have the memory of tractors. They can’t remember, so they have to do all that processing in real time; like snapping your fingers in front of a toddler’s face to take a picture.
What that means is fuck you. If something is important, you have to say it in it’s entirety to a woman so she can figure out that it’s something to remember. Then you have to repeat it again so she can remember it, and finally you have to repeat it a third time so she remembers who said it.
Creative Fuck Ups
Even with your mighty man brain, you cannot predict the “clever” and unorthodox ways in which women will completely fuck up. Just like you can’t figure out the wrong answer to 2 plus fucking 2. Is it 6? Is it airplane? Who fucking knows.
Sometimes it’s just marginally stupid, like repeating the same fuck up six times and expecting the last to work. But sometimes — sometimes it’s a real brain buster. Like a woman pouring an ink jet cartridge into the paper feed, or a woman addressing 500 envelopes to your office because she thought the return address went in the middle.
Conclusion
Always expect a fuck up when dealing with women in the workplace. Especially if you’re giving them something easy to do like show up at 8 or get you a wake up call at 9:30. Unless it’s typing something that’s already on another piece of paper or stacking paper plates, do it yourself.
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That’s funny–I work for a highly successful marketing company (I’ll keep myself relatively anonymous, but let’s just say it’s part of one of the ‘big 4′ media conglomerates) that is consistently earning over 150% of our fiscal sales goal every week this year. Our top 3 salespeople are all women.
Just saying.
While that’s very good to hear, it does not prove that women are equal to men, if “equal” is defined as “being generally capable of excelling as much as [name of demographic group] in all vital areas of activity.” Also, you have to give some proof of what you say. Without that, your assertion is baseless.
I worked for an Internet company for 8 1/2 consecutive years before I went independent and we fired just about every woman we hired to do anything but fetch us lunch.
We didn’t fire them because they were female.
We fired them because they were incompetent.
The tragedy is…. it actually wasted time and money to bothering hiring them in the first place.
And the media is the cornerstone of degeneration, something to be proud of Sam. Tell us honestly, what gender do you mainly aim your marketing at? Top 3 people are women, no suprise there, who else do you ask what women want, idiot.
One thing that you will find with woman when you first start working is the preferential treatment they receive. I work at pets supplies plus as a stocker (i put away more than a ton of product everyday by myself) and the woman that work at the cash registers make 2 dollars more than me even though they do less then half the work I do. (and are responsible for most of the stupid mistakes I have to deal with daily.) They are allowed to take breaks whenever they want. The woman who is the manager of my store(here after referred to as fat bitch) took away the stockers smoke breaks yet fat bitch doesn’t say shit when these girls take 15 minute bathroom breaks. Fat bitch will let them go into the back if they are having a “bad day” and sit down, yet I put away a ton of product and just want to have a cigarette. At least when the only male manager we have is on duty he doesn’t tolerate that shit.
Dr. Dick is the man(redundant i know but the highest praise available)
Voluntarily employing females is simply a really bad business decision.
In a physically demanding job, you have a 3/4 strength worker on FULL pay.
In a mentally demanding job you still have a 3/4 of the time worker because the last 1/4 is the hormone affected period.
In an unskilled or mundane repetitive job, you have the yibber yabber problem where instead of achieving a set output, there’s a shortfall caused by wasteful jaw flapping, no drive to achieve and absent mindedness (daydreaming about Prince Charming, shopping, or having a baby).
Government Departments are famous for their inefficiency, and they generally have a minimum 50% compulsory female staff quota. Without even mentioning the YEARS of maternity leave absences or factoring in non-appearances from “my kids are sick” days, it’s simply madness for ANY business to consider employing females (unless it’s a strip club).
Women really have to get with the program on this one. Fucking up society by fucking up productivity, will eventually come back and bite them on the ass in a thousand different ways.
It’s already happening. Well done, ladies.
You do know most women hardly notice their hormonal fluctuations besides the obvious bloody side-effect. It’s just that the ones who make a big deal about it are most noticeable. You can’t tell when someone on their period isn’t making a big deal about it, but you can tell when someone is being a bitch.
I was watching South Park, and one of my favourite episodes is the one with the Underpants Gnomes. When I look at this clip, I often wonder if women in the workplace view business models like them damn gnomes.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OCZaKSko5I8
Oh yeah. It happens, Chris. And the sad things is, that makes things worse for the tiny number of competent women in engineering.
-wolfe
When I was studying engineering I learned that female engineers typically make 10 to 15% more to start straight out of engineering school simply because they are females and the companies trying to fill “affirmative action” quotas really want them.
So NO, the hypocrites deserve no respect !
Besides they hide behind their job titles, like all women do and then whine about some BS wage gap !
Job DESCRIPTION disparity is the issue that should exposed. Just because the female wore high heels and a mini skirt to work doesn’t mean she can’t help unload the supply truck or put the water bottle on the cooler !
Long fingernails aren’t a valid excuse either, you employment parasite !
Don’t even start on this one!!! I can vividly recall working with some loser who was hired because “she tried really hard in the interview.” Believe me, it’s true. I knew the idiot that did the hiring. Those were his words.
Of course, she was incompetent and when this was more than apparent she cried to the boss, complained about her “home life” (she lived alone with a cat – quel surprise!), and then walked around telling all who had no choice but to hear that she did not get any respect because she “did not have a penis.”
Wait it gets better: after suffering in her job and making no headway, and after being shunted aside by a male coworker for her incompetence, she accuses him of sexual harrassment. The poor fuck has to go through a three year investigation. The investigator was chosen by the woman who launched the action, and so was completely biased. And the workplace’s “Sexual Harrassment Unit,” which needed a “conviction” if only to justify their loser jobs, did their damnest to conceal information, etc. The only thing that saved his ass was the testimony of his coworkers and old emails he dredged up. The outcome: no grounds for harrassment but he was told to find work elswhere (his contract was not renewed). She stayed and remains there until this day.
How are they hypocrites? I agree, it’s asinine that they get paid more for filling a quota, but so be it. They presumably chose a field they wished to study, and did so, without regard to pay. If they’d wanted pay they’d have gone for stripping; if they’d wanted little work they’d have gone for women’s studies.
With the exception of academia, most female engineers I’ve encountered don’t do so. They actually act like men, and expect to be responsible “if the gears work loose”.
Well, actually, it does, because men are better than women.
I half agree with you, Machine, I don’t like quotas, AA, all that rubbish.
But the one area where I’ve actually seen some women stand up and be competent — engineering … I’m decidedly hesitant to trash them.
Regards,
-wolfe
Applause goes here. I work with so many competent women engineering students. Maybe if people don’t want to be surrounded by idiots (of both genders), they shouldn’t find themselves where idiots gather.
When I was studying engineering I learned that female engineers typically make 10 to 15% more to start straight out of engineering school simply because they are females and the companies trying to fill “affirmative action” quotas really want them.
So NO, the hypocrites deserve no respect !
Besides they hide behind their job titles, like all women do and then whine about some BS wage gap !
Job DESCRIPTION disparity is the issue that should exposed. Just because the female wore high heels and a mini skirt to work doesn’t mean she can’t help unload the supply truck or put the water bottle on the cooler !
Long fingernails aren’t a valid excuse either, you employment parasite !
I agree John. Great article. Sheesh, I am not a lawyer (IANAL), but you’d think if she hurled a metal object hard enough at a car to crack the safety glass, she’d be guilty of assault. You’d think. But I guess I live in the world where crazy law-breaking women get to assault men with impunity.
Bob: WTF? She is a fake engineer? That actually is actionable in most of North America. If she doesn’t have both a Bachelors in Engineering and certification by the appropriate state/provincial(if Canada) body, then she can’t use (or have used on her behalf) the term ‘engineer’.
It can’t appear on her business cards or nameplates. If she doesn’t qualify, you should consider taking action.
Notwithstanding the premise of this site, real female engineers should be treated with respect. Fake ones shouldn’t.
-wolfe
That is a great article, John.
-Dick
I was wondering why after 3 weeks at a new job my pay still hadn’t arrived, despite the fact my contract said “pay every friday” and I had filled in the relevant timesheets. Ok, I was wondering after the first week but thought it would be lacking respect to the company to ask them so early. After 2 weeks I sent an email to the finance department, and the 3rd week I went to see them, and realised that I shouldn’t expect to be paid before next year: the whole department was made of women.
Why you’d put women onto a job so important as organizing men’s pays I don’t know. Probably because all the men were doing the hard stuff i.e. designing $5 billion oil rigs and pipelines. And those quotas have to be filled right? Oh wait, we do have a female engineer. Her name plate says “environmental engineer”… what else!
Women mess up in far more than just the workplace. This link from angryharry.com
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/article/0,,2089-2291279,00.html
Is particularly telling. Particulary the third paragraph.
…the Brooklyn mother in question was wheeling her toddler across a road in the trendy Park Slope neighbourhood when a car shot past her, narrowly missing the pushchair as it braked for traffic lights at the end of the road”
Why is this women getting any positive press at all? If a car shot past her, only to brake at the lights at the end of the road, then she was FUCKING jaywalking, and deliberately put her own child at risk by being too lazy to walk to the end of the block, where the LIGHTS are. ( I dont actually have anything agaist jaywalking, Im just sensible enough to know that its my own damn fault if I get hit by 2 tons of steel, cause I was too lazy to walk to the corner)
She is being heralded as a hero by the media for “standing up” to the driver of the car, who was in the right. If the driver had been a woman, this shit would have disappeared, and she WOULD have been sued for the damages + Emotional distress!
Legally, pedestrians always have the right of way, and if a car hits one–regardless of the circumstances–the driver is to blame.
Just saying.
Uh…no they don’t. Most of the time they do but not all the time. Like jaywalking for example. If somebody walks out in front of you and you hit them it is their fault. You could even sue them for damages to your car.
Women are like uranium. Useful, but toxic even in small doses, and, with the right isotopes, a self-destructive disaster if concentrated to critical mass.
A few years back, I was looking at a friend’s plan to reorganize his clinic. (He was a professor/research physician with a dozen or so people working for him). All the secretaries were neatly grouped together.
I said “My friend, are you insane? You do know they will do nothing but gabble together and waste the entire day”. He got a shocked look on his face, then … satori… enlightenment.
Needless to say, he split them up, and his practice was efficient and helpful to both men and women.
-wolfe
I have been seeing a different side where men get paid the same as women and are still expected to do more work or pick up the slack.
Women are born slackers. The words women utter are rarely ever truthful. Truth is not something women like or comprehend.
You’ve hit the nail right on the head, Dick. I would like to add that I find it amazing that women still have the nerve (well, I’m just being nice by saying ‘nerve’ instead of ‘lack of scruples’) to expect the same pay as a man for a similar job title.
How many times have you heard that feminist hogwash about women having to work twice as hard as man? The truth of the matter is that they have to do the job more than once because the fucked it up the first time.
Men get paid more because they are more efficient. Men have complete their own workload and still have to pick up the slack of the women employees.