How Is a “Lesbian” Like A Walrus?
They’re both fat as shit.
I was just talking to a lady on the subject of lesbians and how their bodies look strange and Grimace-like, when I received a scientific study from a reader about the very same topic.
Scientifically speaking, men are better than women at being gay; and that means staying in a shape that doesn’t resemble a discarded peanut.
Also, do you know any famous gay women? I don’t think there are any. Martina Navratilova wasn’t famous for being gay. She was famous for looking like a donkey kicked her in the face.
Women love any kind of talk that resembles bigotry or prejudice. It gets their sex-kicker all warmed up before the big game. All lesbians look like Grimace, Canadians stink, black people are better athletes than Chinese people; that sort of nonsense winds them up like a wino on a merry-go-round. Use it carefully as you just might snag yourself a harem.
Men are visual creatures. That’s one explanation for why gay men don’t look like fat lumps of Shitty Putty in hockey jerseys and 80’s hairstyles. Another explanation is that men have class. What do you suppose the disparity is between straight women who own dildos and gay men who do? It’s probably huge. Dildos are pink and overpriced. They’re obviously made for women. That disparity is called class.
And women are obsessed with sex.
“Lesbians” are 2.5 times more likely than heterosexual women to be overweight or obese, says science. Science doesn’t give a shit about why, but that’s okay because I already know.
Women have two things in their lives: sex and chocolate. “Lesbians” can’t have sex, so that leaves only the chocolate. Imagine if you were a Ken doll and after five years of cockteasing, you really wanted to stick it to Barbie in the way that only a man can. That’s manly even for dolls. Well you couldn’t because you don’t have a dick. If you were a Ken doll, you would head over to the Dream Pub and drown your dickless sorrows. If you were a lesbian, however, you’d drown yourself in a pool of chocolate and carbs.
A healthy dietary supplement of dick is God’s secret to weightloss. I’ve told countless women that and until now I never knew how right I was.
That happens to me all the time.
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Holy christ that was such an awesome piece of words
Funny as F*, laughed myself silly at the Navratilova comment.
I’ve often wondered about lesbians though, who do they try and con into doing the chores?
On dr phil dick said “all women who are lesbians are faking it”. I agree that some women do it to get the attention from males, but if you’re a lesbian, you’re a lesbian! Just as if you were gay and liked men.
You know, you do get skinny, athletic lesbians. Their called “lipstick lesbians” but thats beside the piont, you shouldn’t be sterotyping or catagorizing lesbians into the walrus breed.
This reminds me of christans. As soon as someone confronts them about their beliefs, they think of the most rediculous respons possible because they don’t want to be wrong, they don’t want to be marked down as some fucking shit head whom has no idea what she/he is on about.
You’re all exactly the same, thinking of more and more radiclous reasons to hate and attack women and women whom are gay.
It’s so stupid.
Lesbians get fat for the same reason they become lesbians, to try to piss men off. Men like sex and skinny women. And since granting or withholding things men like is women’s only means of survival, becoming a fat lesbian is by female logic (or lack thereof), a fantastic idea. Why trap one man in a marriage where and become fat and obnoxious and deny him sex, when you can be fat and obnoxious and deny sex to ALL men everywhere simultaneously. Like most things females attempt, this plan fails miserably and men are not fazed. At which point the female will keep the charade up forever, by sinking further into her delusional mind frame and insulting men verbally, rather than admitting to being wrong. Additionally she believes by insulting men so blatantly she increases her chances of being raped.
You are attracted to a walrus?
http://moondance.org/1997/summer97/nonfiction/religion.htm
Karma.
lesbians are useless pieces of shit , one day they like sucking dick , the next day they’re licking pussy.
NO U
Who the fuck is Saffron Burrows?
Dick, you missed something important.
While this topic was fun to explore, it was totally pointless. Since lesbians don’t interface with men, they’re useless. Figuring them our serves what purpose?
Please, save your mantillect for tasks deserving such a tool. Would you use a CnC Milling Machine to chop wood? No, you’re a man, so you use your forehead!
poor sad bastards………were all of you abused by women in you childhood…….you have so much against them…..nopen your eyes to the real world….learn about women on your own…..not from dick who has not learnt much
First of all, females aren’t allowed on this website. The entry pass is a penis. If you don’t have one, get lost.
Secondly, your swearing and bitching will not close this website or make some guy realise the “ills” of his ways. Stop wasting our time and filling this website with useless comments. This website is awesome. It’s funny, makes a lot of sense and has well-written essays. Why do you want to ruin the fun of a lot of guys and possibly girls too?
And bitch, we will learn from where we want. Who the fuck are you to tell me not to learn from Mr. Masterson? And have you ever thought that THIS might be the real world? Not the fancy shmancy place where men and women have “equal” rights, even though there is a hugh wage gap and everything to the last kilo of mayonaise you consumed was MANufactured by men. “nopen [sic] your eyes…”!! Why don’t you prove that men and women are equal? Go and create a flying car, or discover an alternative source of energy. If you do, not only will I believe that men and women are equal, hell I’ll say that women > men.
Who told you to read these fine literary manchievements? Don’t like it? FUCK OFF. Oh my God, does this even need to be said? Grow up.
By the way Mr. Masterson. Words cannot describe how awesome this website is. Thank you for creating it.
Women need no facts to believe they are better than men. That´s why the elites could brainwash them with feminism.
Men do need facts and if they fucking open their eyes, the proof is all around.
Men>women
“learnt?”
“Men have more class”..what a joke. And only women turn into fat shapeless lumps of putty? Wrong again. Does the image of the hairy, fat assed chauvanist who only eats steak and drinks beer come to your mind? Because that’s not very attractive either. In fact that’s completely repulsive. I wouldn’t call burping loudly and taking about how wonderful feces is “classy”.
As opposed to dumping your fatrolls in front of Operah and nagging about every fricken thing while munching every available bonbon in reach?
A fat man doesn´t have to ask “Am I Faaat?” every 5 minutes. We know how or bodies look and deal with it how it pleases US. Therefore Men are better than women at being fat.
“I wouldn’t call burping loudly and taking about how wonderful feces is “classy”.”
That because you’re a woman, and whimmin aren’t fun.
Correct. She simply has confidence issues and needs to prove everything to herself. IE: That she is desirable to some organism.
- Sgt. Reyes
It definitely reminds you why Fish Mongers are a natural, and bitchy occurence. Their shelf life is limited, past 18 and the second kid……..all downhill from there.
OK, I GOTTA say this,,
Every single woman who posted here with something negative towards men pretty much states that she is a lesbian and we all suck.
EVERY single one of there replies was, shall we say,,diluted.
They all read as twenty somethings that think they are Hot shit and the cats ass. We Men all know that about 6 months ago they were on their knees with a cock down their throat trying to rid themselves of the gag reflex when all of a sudden, one drunken night their lips fell on a vagina.
SOOOOO
NOW their lesbians, I guess within 6 months more time they will be drawn back to “Dark Side” and be bending over for a good hot squirty injection.
Zaphod
Sorry Doubt. You still have to admit though most of them are built like him.
All the above. Either old or fat. Rosie O’ Donnell? Thanks for that one! There isn’t one comedian that doesn’t joke about her looking like a Man.
Disgusting!
- Sgt. Reyes
I know, bad joke. The idea of it was that they would have some facade of respectability. The snow shoveling business thing would be hell freezing over.
Doubt I never said dykes are sophisticated. I said basically most of them resemble a fat middle aged man. Your post actually makes no sense.
@Desiroob-
Oh, I see, it is easier for the weak to spread the blame, then actually fix the problem at hand.