How Is a “Lesbian” Like A Walrus?
They’re both fat as shit.
I was just talking to a lady on the subject of lesbians and how their bodies look strange and Grimace-like, when I received a scientific study from a reader about the very same topic.
Scientifically speaking, men are better than women at being gay; and that means staying in a shape that doesn’t resemble a discarded peanut.
Also, do you know any famous gay women? I don’t think there are any. Martina Navratilova wasn’t famous for being gay. She was famous for looking like a donkey kicked her in the face.
Women love any kind of talk that resembles bigotry or prejudice. It gets their sex-kicker all warmed up before the big game. All lesbians look like Grimace, Canadians stink, black people are better athletes than Chinese people; that sort of nonsense winds them up like a wino on a merry-go-round. Use it carefully as you just might snag yourself a harem.
Men are visual creatures. That’s one explanation for why gay men don’t look like fat lumps of Shitty Putty in hockey jerseys and 80’s hairstyles. Another explanation is that men have class. What do you suppose the disparity is between straight women who own dildos and gay men who do? It’s probably huge. Dildos are pink and overpriced. They’re obviously made for women. That disparity is called class.
And women are obsessed with sex.
“Lesbians” are 2.5 times more likely than heterosexual women to be overweight or obese, says science. Science doesn’t give a shit about why, but that’s okay because I already know.
Women have two things in their lives: sex and chocolate. “Lesbians” can’t have sex, so that leaves only the chocolate. Imagine if you were a Ken doll and after five years of cockteasing, you really wanted to stick it to Barbie in the way that only a man can. That’s manly even for dolls. Well you couldn’t because you don’t have a dick. If you were a Ken doll, you would head over to the Dream Pub and drown your dickless sorrows. If you were a lesbian, however, you’d drown yourself in a pool of chocolate and carbs.
A healthy dietary supplement of dick is God’s secret to weightloss. I’ve told countless women that and until now I never knew how right I was.
That happens to me all the time.
Related Articles:
November 15th, 2007 at 9:40 pm - IP Man-Hash: 4e5f55f1ca283
Haha - So fat lesbians get more pussy then all of us men? They must be doing something right, does anyone have a lesbians e-mail address so I can pickup some tips on how to get laid? Rosie O’ Fathead is famous and quite the lesbian I might add. So about those e-mail addresses?
December 19th, 2007 at 6:41 pm - IP Man-Hash: e75519e6050f6
You are right, Jodi Foster is “fat as shit”.
January 10th, 2008 at 12:44 am - IP Man-Hash: c5ff57380962d
“Also, do you know any famous gay women?”
Jodie Foster, Ellen Degeneres, Mellissa Etheredge, Rosie O’Donnell and Saffron Burrows to name a few.
January 10th, 2008 at 6:39 am - IP Man-Hash: eeb32e3dc6874
I thought we were talking about famous gay women.
January 26th, 2008 at 10:05 am - IP Man-Hash: 704442c4e98b2
A lesbian dosen’t have to impress a man.
February 7th, 2008 at 3:43 am - IP Man-Hash: 115e024ca4394
To Dick,
You’re a very opinionated man I see. Well to be brief, there is always going to be the fat woman or fat man, due to the fact that some people give up on healthy relationships and lifestyles to sit behind a TV or computer and eat their troubles away. Sad yet true, I also read in another post of yours that men have the choice to be fat or no and women with anything above a size 2 are a waist. You see Dick, whether you think all lesbians are fat lonely women there will always be someone to prove you wrong or disprove a theory you’ve put down here.
February 7th, 2008 at 3:45 am - IP Man-Hash: 7b55501cead9a
@ Desiree: Thanks for giving your unwanted input. Now kindly, fuck off woman.
February 7th, 2008 at 3:49 am - IP Man-Hash: b90848ef4fe08
Sis stop being a dumb woman…you mispelled waste and put waist…youre makin him angery. rolf. You know…most lesbians i see are all skinny and happy son of ma bitches….since when did they become fat…and if man have choice to be unheathly fat (not just fat cuz fat isnt always unhealthy due to MEN”S scientific evidence cuz women too dumb to discover that) that means men are being dumbasses and making horrible decisions to be unheathly fat?
February 7th, 2008 at 5:50 am - IP Man-Hash: eeb32e3dc6874
Most lesbians look like Winston Churchill.
February 7th, 2008 at 5:55 am - IP Man-Hash: 4b8494f25ae28
Who in the fuck is that bitch talking to? She’s so fucking stupid, I can’t believe she hasn’t deleted her myspace in embarrassment!
@mike5150
So I suppose lesbians are classy and sophisticated now. By the way, I’ve got this snow shoveling business I’d like to run by you…
February 7th, 2008 at 6:47 am - IP Man-Hash: 0a379370a5fd8
@Desiroob-
Oh, I see, it is easier for the weak to spread the blame, then actually fix the problem at hand.
February 7th, 2008 at 9:19 am - IP Man-Hash: eeb32e3dc6874
Doubt I never said dykes are sophisticated. I said basically most of them resemble a fat middle aged man. Your post actually makes no sense.
February 7th, 2008 at 9:42 am - IP Man-Hash: 4b8494f25ae28
I know, bad joke. The idea of it was that they would have some facade of respectability. The snow shoveling business thing would be hell freezing over.
February 7th, 2008 at 11:26 am - IP Man-Hash: 55548152be297
All the above. Either old or fat. Rosie O’ Donnell? Thanks for that one! There isn’t one comedian that doesn’t joke about her looking like a Man.
Disgusting!
- Sgt. Reyes
February 7th, 2008 at 2:33 pm - IP Man-Hash: eeb32e3dc6874
Sorry Doubt. You still have to admit though most of them are built like him.
February 7th, 2008 at 6:10 pm - IP Man-Hash: c5c3f4aca5f9a
OK, I GOTTA say this,,
Every single woman who posted here with something negative towards men pretty much states that she is a lesbian and we all suck.
EVERY single one of there replies was, shall we say,,diluted.
They all read as twenty somethings that think they are Hot shit and the cats ass. We Men all know that about 6 months ago they were on their knees with a cock down their throat trying to rid themselves of the gag reflex when all of a sudden, one drunken night their lips fell on a vagina.
SOOOOO
NOW their lesbians, I guess within 6 months more time they will be drawn back to “Dark Side” and be bending over for a good hot squirty injection.
Zaphod
February 7th, 2008 at 6:48 pm - IP Man-Hash: 0a379370a5fd8
It definitely reminds you why Fish Mongers are a natural, and bitchy occurence. Their shelf life is limited, past 18 and the second kid……..all downhill from there.
February 7th, 2008 at 7:38 pm - IP Man-Hash: 55548152be297
Correct. She simply has confidence issues and needs to prove everything to herself. IE: That she is desirable to some organism.
- Sgt. Reyes
April 14th, 2008 at 10:05 pm - IP Man-Hash: 284ad1b3029ee
“Men have more class”..what a joke. And only women turn into fat shapeless lumps of putty? Wrong again. Does the image of the hairy, fat assed chauvanist who only eats steak and drinks beer come to your mind? Because that’s not very attractive either. In fact that’s completely repulsive. I wouldn’t call burping loudly and taking about how wonderful feces is “classy”.
May 12th, 2008 at 8:11 am - IP Man-Hash: 2bc5844a0f6c6
poor sad bastards………were all of you abused by women in you childhood…….you have so much against them…..nopen your eyes to the real world….learn about women on your own…..not from dick who has not learnt much