Internet Dating is Sick and Wrong
Internet dating is sick and wrong. It’s like being a woman senator with tuberculosis. It’s sick and wrong, contagious as hell, and worse yet: it’s womanly.
Whenever I need to decide if something is good or fucked beyond all comprehension, I place the characteristics of said thing on a scale between manliness and womanliness and sum up the pieces. That’s how I know ringtones on cell phones are womanly and a loss of Man Points.
1. Ringtones are never as good the second time around — neither is a woman.
2. Ringtones have the same effect on people as a womanly perfume — everyone associates some sensory experience with you.
3. Ringtones annoy me during movies.
Three womanly strikes means it’s time to throw your cell phone in the trash because “vibrating” is also a loss of Man Points. Women like that.
If you’re going to date — which is something I advise against — at least date with your dignity and your balls intact. That not only saves you significant loss to your Man Points, it also increases your chances of ending up in a fulfilling, sexual “relationship”.
1. Internet dating is a perversion of technology.
Technology is meant to save lives and achieve the unimaginable; like landing on the moon or having a four hour erection. It’s not meant to do something any jackass with a twenty dollar bill and pick-up lines he memorized off the list below could do at a T.G.I. Friday’s ten minutes into Happy Hour.
Would you like a drink for free?
I just moved here from England. Is it true that American girls don’t like to give head?
Do you like dogs?
Dick Tip!
Pick-up lines are just like women. They’re all the same and for maximum effect, they should be used as often as possible.
On the scale of manliness vs. womanliness, perverting technology is as womanly as it gets. Women use technology to create problems, not solve them. That’s because technology solved all the problems a woman could ever have with the invention of duct tape. Once the mouth is shut, all of a woman’s problems magically disappear. It’s as if none of them existed in the fucking first place.
2. Internet dating is a perversion of sex.
The human sexual appetite has evolved over thousands of years. Women constantly criticize men for obsessing about sex, but perhaps women would all like to go fuck themselves. If it weren’t for sexual obsession, men would never have boned the hideous she-monkeys that comprised our species thousands of years before Christ was born. Without deviant monkey rape, there would be no “us”.
Attraction is a complicated thing, which I will now explain in layman’s terms.
For a woman, attraction is based on how much time and money it takes for a man to delude a woman into thinking it’s a good idea to fuck. This process continues indefinitely. In the case of men, attraction is based on how much time and money — and bullshit — a man is willing to spend on some trophy tramp for the privilege of fucking her. This process continues indefinitely.
Wait a minute, that’s not complicated at all.
And that’s exactly the mistake every woman on every internet dating site makes the second she clicks “Join”. Over-complicating something that a rat can do with its eyes closed by finding some other rat — or gerbil or whatever — to fuck. That means every woman on every internet dating site a neurotic nightmare.
3. Internet Dating is a perversion of “awesome”.
I would never want to date a woman who wasn’t impressed by my expensive watch. That means I’ll never use J-Date until it features the following question:
Impressive Watch? Yes / No
If YES, please provide a picture of said watch in the space below.
Being awesome means having a bunch of awesome stuff and not being afraid to use it. And internet dating caters to the exact opposite: an uninspired mass of crap and regurgitated nonsense that sums up everyone on the planet in two paragraphs and a quote from Family Guy. Women love internet dating for exactly that reason. They can browse endlessly and egotistically over the same bullshit and never make a decision because the flood never ends. For women, internet dating is like shopping for shoes and working at the Post Office all mixed in one.
Dick Tip!
Women on personals sites who say they like “Family Guy” or “Adult Swim” are fat as fuck.
Manclusion
You can’t pervert sex, technology, and “awesome” without striking out of Man Points. Internet dating is womanly and a sham. If you’re thinking about joining a personals network or emailing one of those sluts you’ve heard so much about on MySpace, just talk to a real girl instead.
Girls are dumber than shit and easy to talk to because of it. They don’t know how money, politics, or even their own orgasms work, and they’ll be forever grateful to you for teaching them. Man the fuck up and use the internet for what it was designed for: work or porn.
Just try not to do both at the same time.
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January 17th, 2008 at 7:51 pm - IP Man-Hash: 0a379370a5fd8
And speaking hardly means you are intelligent, a failing every Man here see women so often do…..
January 18th, 2008 at 6:01 pm - IP Man-Hash: 55548152be297
It’s basically trolling for hookers. None of the internet women I fucked were worth more than just that. A fuck.
- Sgt. Reyes
January 23rd, 2008 at 1:53 pm - IP Man-Hash: e24370fe2bb3c
I find internet dating to be a pleasant way to meet the stalker of your dreams. There is a reason that they are forced to meet their soulmate online, mostly the reasons are not good, no matter what it says on their “profile”. I find it slightly degrading to find love online, more so unsafe.
An example is my mother, who had a boyfriend who was a horrible person (he gave away our dog without telling us for several weeks so would not be able to get him back), and he also cheated on her multiple times. After breaking up, he sent her his eharmony profile to show her he “moved on”. That shows you who is on the internet dating sites.
All in all, one of the very, very few posts that I agree with.
February 1st, 2008 at 10:36 pm - IP Man-Hash: bf2a9c1d0e309
What’s wrong is getting (junk) mail from horny 40 year old men who can’t get a date in real life thus resort to the internet via myspace dot com to pick up girls not even half their age. I do agree though that the internet was meant for better things..
February 1st, 2008 at 11:31 pm - IP Man-Hash: 4b8494f25ae28
Well that wouldn’t be a problem if you educated them on their prospects overseas, both economic and social, now - would it? Oh, what’s wrong, you’re a shallow, stupid whore who needs sexual gratification because it’s the only type you’ll ever hope to get from people infinitely more successful than you merely due to the fact that they contribute, in some way, to the world as opposed to take from it.
http://youtube.com/watch?v=NvuTv8zMSz0
February 1st, 2008 at 11:39 pm - IP Man-Hash: bf2a9c1d0e309
Well then Doubt.. thanks for taking the initiative to reply with a “you’re a shallow stupid whore [yaddayaddayadda] you don’t contribute to the world.” I guess you do more so than me then? Le sigh, if only I was more like you. Then this world would be just magical and we’d all drink wine and be happy- SURE.
February 2nd, 2008 at 12:10 am - IP Man-Hash: 0a379370a5fd8
No, but in this “real” world, you would shut the fuck up and move on.
I doubt Doubt not at all, but I doubt you can read the english language as “No Women Allowed” evidently passes smoothely through that hole the catholic priest drilled in your skull to let the demons out.
Le Lame. What’s wrong with 40 year old womanly Shrews’ posting on a man site? Besides being stupid that is………..
Men built the internet. Therefore on principle, like most women or children, you know not what you speak of.
February 2nd, 2008 at 12:16 am - IP Man-Hash: bf2a9c1d0e309
Yes, so efficient right? As if a puny “no women allowed” sign would do anything. C’mon we all know Dick wants females to post here, it makes his life practically. The only thing is that he wants to see them get all worked up from what he posts, so obvious I would say. But I see that as useless. I’m not going to get fired up over the internet like some ‘noob’, what the fuck. I don’t care what other people believe, everyone has different opinions. So getting all bothered, well, that would be beyond pathetic now wouldn’t it.
February 2nd, 2008 at 12:23 am - IP Man-Hash: 0a379370a5fd8
Oh, indeed efficient, but it stops not the desperate Troll indeed, as you have proved yet again. Puny? Only if you pack milk sacks and a vag around, and puny only if you cannot read english, or understand it.
Actually, as Dick points out, your troll-like usefulness to men is as a Verbal Punching bag, of which you ladies are VERY good, like sex, at taking it while laying down. Of course he wants you here, everyone likes making fun of the retard retreads that come through.
Uh……..I guess you don’t get the fact that this is for MEN, not Lumberjack Dykes wanting to make Fish Pancakes. Hence, probably why he says it to men, for men. Useless is the 12 years you spent in the 9th grade and didn’t get all that english soaked up.
You won’t get fired up at all. The stupid ones never do, but then again, I do feel guilty (only slightly) about beating up on a weakling, nay, a puny.
Very good, now you know why no man here gives a fuck about your opinion, and different as that may be, you seem to be bothered enough to keep running your fucking head, chatterbox. And here you go “choob”, I just, again, handed you your rather flabby ass: You have been Pwned.
February 3rd, 2008 at 5:46 pm - IP Man-Hash: bf2a9c1d0e309
Ah contraire- You actually have it a little mixed up. Rather (when you really do think about it …) the “stupid ones” you speak of would be the ones to “get fired up”. You know this is correct, don’t bother denying it.
You seem bothered enough to angrily reply within a heartbeat with your little elementary-style method (as in, name-calling).
“Pwned”.
February 3rd, 2008 at 6:04 pm - IP Man-Hash: 0a379370a5fd8
Incorrect, but I don’t expect you to understand basic reality, it is quite obvious you live in your own. Of which, I hope the assholes figure out you are missing, and take you back. I easily deny an argument you are too slow to make, and not smart enough to debate.
The ones that get “fired up” are the ones that believe and are smart enough to understand, not a dried out parrot like yourself, constantly repeating another morons’ shit.
I seem bothered enough to send a fucking wannabe punk on down the road, and am not angry at all, though, at your intellectual level I can easily understand why you see it that way.
To Whit: I am simply better at debate, and insulting, than you will ever be.
Hence, why you keep posting. Elementary is when you cry about getting your ass PWned…….you know, like I keep doing to you.
Nice argument by the way……….oops, that’s right, you never had one, except the shit in your head called, “Personal Opinion” and lacks everything like Truth & Fact. Feel free to get one if you want..at any time.
February 3rd, 2008 at 7:46 pm - IP Man-Hash: bf2a9c1d0e309
Hmm, last I checked, I’ve been living in the same reality as you or anyone else you see, rather than my own.
And I definately ‘understand’ your point… you need not worry on that part. I just choose to not believe in your opinion. But you see, if I allowed myself to get fired up (like some do) I would be like many of the people here who come and type in capitalization things such as “ohmagah you so stupid” [insert random angry babbling] or whatnot. I’d rather be levelheaded, collected, and sensible. If that bothers you, I don’t care.
And no, I don’t respond because I’m insulted. I respond most likely because the reason you respond. I’m actually rather hard to offend and that only can show that I choose not to feel inferior in any way or insecure in any beliefs I hold.
On another note, I suppose we just have different ways of defining things. See, when I think constant name-calling with every other word (by the way, I noticed you withheld a great deal in that last post and it’s appreciated- whether it was intentional or not..) I certainly don’t think “ah yes, what a debater”. You may.. but I don’t.
And believe me, I know as well as you that I’m not changing your point of view or beliefs on ANYthing. In all actuality, I really don’t care to. I respect your beliefs and am simply offering another way of looking at things. Or maybe just something to read, either way it doesn’t phase me.
February 3rd, 2008 at 9:16 pm - IP Man-Hash: 55548152be297
Until women straighten out I don’t see that there is any other ‘way of looking at things’, Sandra.
It’s fucked, Dick called it, women hate it.
- Sgt. Reyes
February 3rd, 2008 at 10:08 pm - IP Man-Hash: 0a379370a5fd8
Bleh. Same old argument, like all women. “I exist, and therefore am right”.
Nice long post though, and here I was fearing you had emptied your skull with the one-liners.
To no ones’ surprise whatsoever, you have more to say on the subject.
Actually, any subject ever. Yes, FINALLY you understand that your point of view is irrelevant, and no one wants to hear it, because it is the broken “equality” record that skips through womens’ vaccuous skulls.
Good for you, you actually DID figure that part out.
Sgt. Reyes, it is like Donkey Punching a Gopher. You just know it is funnier than shit, but it’s not like you didn’t know the Gopher would bitch about it.
Or, bitch MORE about it. They look at it like all women look at it, they are the only opinions in existence that are right. Hence, why they keep showing up to speak.
February 3rd, 2008 at 10:24 pm - IP Man-Hash: bf2a9c1d0e309
I don’t ignorantly assume my opinions are all right and only my opinions are right, but I get that vibe from you? I seriously didn’t come here to start some fight, just to simply respond to some of Dick’s posts. I casually read some of his posts/rants/whatnot every now and then when I have the chance. Recently I’ve decided to respond to some since I haven’t in ages. The last thing I need is some sort of lame internet drama. Oh yes, drama in it’s lowest form. I surely hope you’re not trying to do so? Hmm.
February 4th, 2008 at 12:57 am - IP Man-Hash: e5ec0e56ca184
Stop trolling - No one cares.
February 7th, 2008 at 12:49 pm - IP Man-Hash: f52729ff0c4a5
Internet Dating is Sick and Wrong if you putting yourself out were and waiting for something good to happen. Most of girls are not even real, many losers just pretend to be a woman. It’s sickening me to spend so much time chatting with someone you don’t really know anything about. Big dating sites are simply pathetic, they offer you to find a perfect match. What is the point searching for perfect match, if you don’t even know that the person is real ?
Here is what I’m doing to weed out the fakes from the real. It’s not a dating site, but is solves fake people problem. I have this online ID, I send it to her and ask to see hers.
This service verifies the true identity of the person and his/her recent photo and lets him/her to open one time ID that can be sent to anyone. The ID is time limited, so no one can reuse it pretending being you. I’m asking girls to open an account and send me the invite to view their IDs, if they don’t want to I just move on. Truth be told that some were bitching about spending the 15 bucks, or that it was strange, but you know what for me that’s a sign. Its called IDlevel.com
February 7th, 2008 at 1:26 pm - IP Man-Hash: 0a379370a5fd8
Recently Sandra, it was proven your are a retard, that happens to speak like a parrot on crack cocaine.
Feel free to (A) have an argument or (B) shut the fuck up.
Either way, down the hall to the left, last door on the right.
April 18th, 2008 at 7:07 pm - IP Man-Hash: 90850f55d960b
Dick you forgot to mention that women who internet date are most likely fat as well, but they won’t tell guys that up front, they wait until they end up meeting in person and wasting the guy’s time.
-man-space invader-
April 23rd, 2008 at 1:56 pm - IP Man-Hash: 2f360e3aff16a
better to have loved and lost than to marry the psycho