867-530…4?

Men are better at using a phone than women. Unlike popular myth says.

Want to know how bad women are at using the phone?

Women using a telephone is like dropping a human invention off on an alien planet. Like a Frisbee for example. What are aliens going to do with a Frisbee? Who knows, maybe eat off of it or worship it. It doesn’t matter because what they won’t do is use it for its purpose: to throw in the air.

That’s what women are like with phones. Endless using, no purpose.

Like usual, when it comes to using phones, women fuck up right off the starting block. Seriously, watch a woman dial a phone. They stare at the buttons as they dial like they’re trying to solve a crossword puzzle with no questions. You want to know why that is? It’s because they have no idea where the fuck the next button is. No woman on Earth from 8 to 80 has the button order of a telephone memorized. And that’s laughable. When women dial a phone they go on a seven digit scavenger hunt. And if it’s long distance good luck. Ask a woman to order Chinese food or a pizza and see what kind of bullshit excuse you get. That’s why.

Women should never be allowed to use an ATM for the same reason. It wastes everyone’s time. Of course if you’ve got a woman on your hands with access to an ATM card you’ve got bigger problems than sitting around waiting for her to find the ‘5′. Women should be able to use ATM cards like a 5 year old should be able to drive a car: only on the drive home and on a man’s lap at all times. That’s common sense.

Women jabber on the phone non-stop. In the car, on the job, in the church. No matter where they’re doing it it’s inappropriate because it’s never about anything. Everyone knows that and it isn’t funny. Besides, isn’t that what a phone is for?

Let me tell you that you’re right. Telephones are for communicating par excellence. Let me also tell you that you’re about as wrong as a man can possibly be — barely.

When women are gabbing away on the phone, they’re gabbing away just like they do in real life. Prattling on and on like mules about inane bullshit and how the barley tastes while never once listening to anyone but themselves. Actually I take that back. Without ever listening to anyone at all period. Women definitely don’t listen to themselves talk. That’s why you can never bust them on anything they just said. When it comes to listening to words and ideas women have less memory retention than a kid’s chalkboard that got left out in the rain. Have you ever tried to write on one of those? They don’t fucking work and they make noises like the world is coming to an end.

If you have a woman in the house, replace the telephone handset with a banana with the number ‘3′ on it and see if she even notices the difference.

Related Articles: