Memoirs of a Prostitute. She’s a Fucking Prostitute.
You know the most recent extremely popular movie rife with pandering and self-righteous entitlement bullshit that makes me fucking sick — otherwise known as a “Chick Flick”? It’s about an Asian prostitute living every woman’s dream of suffering the shame and indignity of being labeled a whore (for money and not for a house), but not actually having to fuck for her stripes.
Yea. Since you’re all men, I’m going to assume you haven’t seen Memoirs of a Geisha — just like I haven’t. That would be a huge loss of Man Points. My mother paraphrased it to me though.
Let me break it down for you thusly: Memoirs of a Geisha is about a hooker with a small peculiarity. She doesn’t hook. She just trains for it her whole fucking life but never gets down and dirty. It’s like watching Rocky on your friend’s piece of shit DVD player where it freezes at the second to last chapter every time. What a waste of an hour and a half.
Who was that guy who was talking about writing women so well and said, “I think of a man and take away reason and accountability”? Was it Jesus? Probably. It doesn’t matter though because it could just as well be any man who’s ever picked up a pen.
Men are better than women at writing about women. That’s because it’s easy as shit to write about women and men are good at easy things — just like we’re good at everything. To write about women, you just have to think of the most selfish and stupid thing that a character can do at any time and have them do it. Like in Citizen Kane, or Married with Children. Those women characters are absolutely fucking perfect and exactly how women behave. If any man ever needed inspiration to write about a woman, he just went to a toy store during Christmas, or gave a bum a charge card and drove him to a liquor store.
Women don’t know the first thing about writing about women. It’s like asking a person with no arms how to do jumping jacks. You’re a dick for doing it, and you’re going to get a no-assed job. That’s worse than a half-assed job. There’s less ass. The reason is that women are stuck right in the middle of their own whirlwind of horseshit. They can’t very well write about all their lame and predictable fuck ups when they have no idea how they keep getting themselves into them.
Stories and characters and writing about them need arcs and plots and character developments and such things. No woman has ever had a development. Women all think they’re perfect and go to the grave thinking it. That’s why they’re such fucking clown shoes at everything. If you want that, you have to open a man-story. Like anything with Clint Eastwood or Die Hard. Those have so much development you’ll be dizzy with it by the end.
Memoirs of a Geisha is a bunch of crap. Women love it because it’s how all of them want to live their lives. Thinking and talking about everything like it’s never going to happen; sitting on their ass all day; and then just lying there and getting fucked by their imagination when it comes time to pay the rent.
What a joke.
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January 4th, 2006 at 9:21 pm - IP Man-Hash: 260414653bcae
Oh it definitely was. Unfortunately I have no way to verify that without losing a thousand Man Points.
-Dick
January 5th, 2006 at 1:10 pm - IP Man-Hash: 4fcada9323419
Dick, Wolfe, perhaps we should collaborate on our own book and send it to Oprah. We could call it “Memoirs of a self centered, incompetent, life stealing, money whore, who doesn’t know to keep her mouth shut.�
January 5th, 2006 at 2:54 pm - IP Man-Hash: 9ce784134409b
Melvin Udall is the name of the character, played by Jack Nicholson in “As Good as It Gets.”
The character played by Helen Hunt really is a portrayal of the modern American Woman. Single mother, low paying job and falls in love with a bad boy who she thinks she can fix up becuase he spends money on her.
January 5th, 2006 at 2:56 pm - IP Man-Hash: f3ae1ac46a2e3
It sure was Melvin.
It was also a great movie until a deep rooted psychological disorder was cured by bitching.
-Dick
January 5th, 2006 at 5:52 pm - IP Man-Hash: 76cebfba7c181
Yep, a good film (and I was aware of the source, hence my exact quote, I just thought Dick’s attribution to Jesus was uh… audaciously amusing, albiet absolutely irreverent.)
[quote]Dick, Wolfe, perhaps we should collaborate on our own book and send it to Oprah. We could call it “Memoirs of a self centered, incompetent, life stealing, money whore, who doesn’t know to keep her mouth shut.
[/quote]
Heh. Brilliant, Oldone. Except we could actually earn considerable money by applying Udall’s prescription, and writing it from a perspective while we imagine the removal of all reason and accountability…
-wolfe
January 9th, 2006 at 12:56 am - IP Man-Hash: a659aedfb537f
Ha ha, love it Wolfe :) That fat retard is useless, and without men she would NOT be able to run her show. For Oprah is a typical mindless female !
January 18th, 2006 at 3:47 pm - IP Man-Hash: c9f3d64ff5217
I agree whole heartedly Undergroundpatriot.
January 19th, 2006 at 1:03 pm - IP Man-Hash: 645e530646808
So typical of Dick to babble on about a film he hasn’t even seen.
Does your mother know you think she is a cheating whore who sits around on her fat arse every day watching opera?
January 19th, 2006 at 1:04 pm - IP Man-Hash: f3ae1ac46a2e3
My mother is slim as a rail. How dare you, madam.
-Dick
January 19th, 2006 at 1:05 pm - IP Man-Hash: 645e530646808
But she is a cheating whore huh Dick?
January 19th, 2006 at 1:31 pm - IP Man-Hash: f3ae1ac46a2e3
Absolutely not. She’s a saint.
I’m not going to be answering any more questions about my mother. Use the search function if you have any. Or better yet, fuck off my site.
-Dick
January 19th, 2006 at 1:33 pm - IP Man-Hash: 645e530646808
So not ‘every woman’ is a cheating whore then Dick.
I wonder if you can admit you were wrong.
Got any sisters?
January 19th, 2006 at 1:36 pm - IP Man-Hash: 3e513170dd78c
Does anyone attack your family Nicole? Do you know why? Because its a childish thing to do. Your momma jokes went out with the 90’s, its not only rude but takes the intellectual capacity of a 4 year old. If you would like to be treated as an adult start acting like one.
January 19th, 2006 at 1:44 pm - IP Man-Hash: 645e530646808
Dick shouldn’t talk badly about all women if he doesn’t want his family to be lumped into that category.
January 20th, 2006 at 5:28 pm - IP Man-Hash: f75c92aeb197e
Thats the only leg that you fems have to stand on, and it isnt much.
‘Your mother was a woman so you have to respect all of womankind.’
Respect to ones own parents is a different thing entirely. Men understand this otherwise we would have taken offence as our own female family members would have been implied.
I suppose if Dick had stated that 95% of women are whores that would have been much better. But then it would only have been for the benefit of a moron like you, so just as well he didnt bother.
January 21st, 2006 at 6:08 am - IP Man-Hash: 76cebfba7c181
More accurate, yes. Better? I see a method in Dick’s madness [literary ref, not insult, for any dimwitted women reading]. As Arielle astutely noted, by tarring all women with the brush, Dick forces any intelligent women reading to really reflect on whether or not this applies to her, and to what degree. It’s also funnier, though more disturbing.
Yes, it is a shame that certain people are so dim they can’t grasp certain truths.
My views only, of course.
-wolfe
January 22nd, 2006 at 1:18 pm - IP Man-Hash: 645e530646808
Geeza, you’ve really topped yourself with that stupid answer.
Of cource most men think their mothers arn’t whores, that suggests that a hell of a lot less than 95% are, seeing as most women become mothers at some point.
Idiot.
January 22nd, 2006 at 2:56 pm - IP Man-Hash: f75c92aeb197e
Do you even realise what you’ve just said?
If a man thinks that his mother isnt a whore……this suggests nothing except his opinion of his own mother.
I could easily respect my mother for being my mother, and at the same time believe that 95% of women are whores. Whether they actually are or not has nothing to do with my opinion of my own mother.
And you using mens ‘opinions’ to bolster your pathetic arguments is laughable.
Nicole, if you are going to argue, try to use logic. It will help you to avoid looking like another feminazi moron.
Oops. Looks like you’re too late.
January 22nd, 2006 at 7:16 pm - IP Man-Hash: 569f85f5b5e41
Look like a feminazi moron? You should see her myspace page. The little piggy used to link to it on every post.
-Dick
March 29th, 2006 at 7:04 am - IP Man-Hash: eadd56da2c7c9
Ah yes.
All together now:
N is for Natural
I is for Inspirational
C is for Charming
O is for Optimistic
L is for Luxurious
E is for Excellent
And V is for vomit.
-Big Al