It’s All Downhill From Here
It’s part of human nature to go through a midlife crisis. You’re old, you’re bald, you’re comfortable in your job and your marriage; the only thing that will cure your woes is a brand new convertible.
Notice how I didn’t say “affair”. That’s how women go through their midlife crises. Men buy a cool new toy to toot around town with — maybe ruffle the feathers of the establishment as they blow through yellow lights at 65 miles an hour. Women fuck up their families.
I was doing some research on this topic and I found that the average age of a midlife crisis for a man is 46. That’s perfectly reasonable, I thought. That’s right at the point where a man realizes that the big drop in the roller coaster of life was at the beginning and no one told him to stick his hands in the air for it. He should have realized it because of the huge climb, but that’s not how it works. It’s over now and the rest of the ride is just humps and cheesy little jerks that make your neck hurt.
‘Keep your hands in the car at all times,’ haunts his dreams.
So a man does what a man does best: solves the problem. He buys an enormous TV or a ride on a helicopter or a sky diving 10 trip pass that gets used twice until he herniates his back and then everything is good like gravy in a matter of years.
Women, however, are different.
The average age of a woman’s midlife crisis is 17. It’s at that point when women get that glazed look over their eyes and start talking about ridiculous things like goals and dreams and a bunch of other bullshit that they have absolutely no intention of doing and aren’t to be taken seriously by any man over the age of 12. Men do that during their midlife crises too. They say things like, “I’m going to be a painter.” Of course he’s not going to be a painter. It is only a whim of silliness to be indulged for as long as it takes for him to realize that. That’s exactly how it is when a young girl says things like, “I want to be a lawyer” or “I want to be a doctor” or “I believe in animal’s rights!” Sure you do honey. Sure you do. Maybe we should give them the right to vote!
Of course I’m kidding. An animal shouldn’t be allowed to vote any more than a woman should be allowed to vote. Donkey’s and women vote in exactly the same way. A donkey will punch any chad you want for a carrot. Women just need a — well I’m sure you all already know.
A man’s midlife crisis is a desperate and brief act to reclaim a life he once had. That’s a woman’s entire life: desperation and grabbing onto straws that not only don’t exist, but never existed at all. For men, however, it is also a time to reflect on what stupendous things that he has accomplished throughout his life. A family, a career, a hilarious and amorously promiscuous neighbor friend with a funny catch phrase — these are the things a man will take stock of during a midlife crisis.
The only thing women realize during theirs is that they’ve never fucked a black guy.
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Jesus H Christ. Look at yourselves, arguing to absolutely no ends because there isn’t a right or wrong answer. How about don’t fill the page with shitty grievances which you constantly raise to one another, and get back to the matter in hand.
The stupid bitch says that in light of the fact that everybody here wants her to leave. Right, always the ‘it was a stupid argument anyways’ line, isn’t it?
Okay, if it takes an idiot to win a stupid argument, what does that make you, manhole?
I know you aren’t a bright one, so let me make the philosophical connection for you.
You are the worst kind of hypocrite - the one who projects her own moral and intellectual shortcomings onto any group of individuals - as broad in definition as men or as narrow as male ‘homosexuals’ - judged by yours truly, of course.
In a recent example of your hypocrisy, you say I am anti-gay. However, just a few hours ago, you were calling a girl a male homosexual as an insult. Through the repetitive (which you claim I am) theme of your provocations, you repeatedly harass the gay community. Then you talk about not having strong convictions.
You just say whatever suits you best, showing that your ethical perception is remarkable underdeveloped, as is everything else about your intellect - hey, you’re below average. Simply put, what you believe at any given time is that what is good for you is good and what is bad for you is evil.
And you bitches say you wouldn’t vote for Hitler.
What a stupid whore.
http://www.google.com/search?hl=en&q=feminism+fascism&btnG=Search
Ha ha, this is fucking hilarious! You act just like your stereotypical bitch - whenever you lose an argument, your response is always, “It was a stupid argument anyways!”
So nobody cares how I feel? Right, I’m not going to ask you how you know that because I’ll get an equally shitty explanation.
However, if you were a man, you would know that I’m not conveying FEELINGS here. I am conveying information and KNOWLEDGE.
You sure are a fuck wit. Christ, stupid people need to learn their place.
@Doubt: I don’t think that there is anybody here that GIVES a flying fuck about how you feel, in light of the act that most your posts are these useless mutterings that mean absolutely nothing.
I think its interesting that the most clear post that you’ve ever written was the last one, suggesting that you feel strongly against gayness. The best thing you can do is not to give a shit about it, and roll with it, dick wad. Not everything is going to conform to the wacked-out extremist psychology that your brainwashed to in church service. Maybe you should learn to be an independent thinker instead of another jerk-off in herd that follows the rantings of some dip-shit preacher. Good day.
We do not want to hear any more gay jokes. We do not discuss homosexual acts here. You are a social leper here - nobody likes you except - GASP! - the other feminist trolls. You are a bitch and we all know it. There is no ‘us’ here, just you against us.
You are a liar, a coward, and an idiot. You are below average and subhuman. You want to know why you can never cum? Because you’re the same fucking object that every man in your life knows you are, you frigid whore!
I do not need life advice from a defective fuckbox. You have no position here, you’re just an outsider generating mutual resentment from us because you won’t shut the fuck up about gay sex. I fucking hate gay sex. I hate gay porn, gay jokes, gay stereotypes.
You piss me the fuck off with all of your disgusting, filthy perversions. You are a sick, sick whore and you deserve to be slaughtered in the same way that little miss ‘Anonymous’ does. Why? Because you would just as soon see a man beaten to death because of what? Because you saw the fucking ‘Vagina Monologues?’ You think that is an excuse for murder?
Do not ever talk about gay sex again. I am sick of that shit - I really, really am. I speak for all of us when I say that none of us want that bullshit here, and none of us want you here.
You need to fuck off right now. I am fucking sick as fucking hell of all of the gay jokes over and over again. Fucking cockmongler bitch.
Go burn in hell, ungrateful whore.
Doubt: do us all a favor and shut the fuck up! We are all tired of you licking Mater Dick’s ass every time you possibly can, you writing the same old shit over and over again. We don’t learn a fucking thing from you, except how not to raise teenage boys. To some degree I’ve defended your ass (from Bored) so it would be nice if you were a little more polite, you ungrateful twerp.
Combining both meta-themes of this thread (gayness and the UFC), there are several on-line rumours that Chuck Liddell is gay. May be utter nonsense, of course…
Manhole, you aren’t better than any of us and you’re dumber than a coal bucket. We all gang up against you because you are bitchy and unlikeable, little miss 5′4″ 120 pounds.
I have proven you to be a liar and a coward, so your words carry no weight here. You are below average - below average intelligence, height, strength, and talent. You are boring and stupid, which is why you always know what is best for everybody except for you.
Why are we so pissed off at you? It’s difficult to put into words you can understand, so let me just give you a little social experiment:
Go up to a black man - alone, you cowardly bitch- who has earned an honest living every day of his life and call him a ‘nigger.’
You know I have to say I envy you guys. In some ways, youve got it made—sex just about whenever you want. That’s a dream for hetero’s here in america. You all live an interesting lifestyle. I guess the HIV thing isn’t much fun.
Let me guess: You love Cher, right?
It ain’t easy being hetero–and Im like a serious hetero (9.5/10). It’s really a pain, and I can’t hump fat chicks. Fortunately I have an outstanding porno collection.
actually, it IS kinda groovy. i don’t know about “whenever the hell” i want, but i can’t say i’m ever at a loss for (safe) fun times.
when it gets to the whole LTR thing, it sure gets complicated, though.
men aren’t programmed for fidelity.
btw, i don’t do bars, or bath-houses, or glory-holes, or rest stops.
these days, a couple of good websites are all you (or any other curious fellas ;-)) need to meet like-minded playmates.
I do have a question for you, Mister j-gay-man: Do you feel pity for us “breeders” b/c our amount of sex is restricted by women’s fickle romantic desires? Does it feel good to know you walk into any gay bar and get your brownie desert whenever you want? It must be great to have sex whenever the hell you want.
sigh… guess i’m just lookin’ for love in all the wrong places again…
seriously though: work on that possessive pronoun thing.
it’s been real, dude.
What is this: My personal nightmare episode of “queer eye for the straight guy?” No thanks. Your not go make any bunghole buddies here, dude.
bingo, manhole. now, by adding your stats, are you putting yourself up for grabs here? ’cause i kinda like the big n bearish fellas. you furry at all?
xo j-ro
Chuck Liddell isn’t bald, he has a mohawk. Every time he fights my boys and my husband all have to have a mohawk just like him…..yea, he could clearly kick your butt.
Yea, slightly bigger than him, but he could clearly kick my ass. Also,Im not bald..at least yet.
Im a 6′4″ 220lb male.
Really??? That big??? Your bigger than Chuck Liddell himself.
I seriously doubt, Doubt would be interested in Kelly B. or anyone like her.
Young man: why are you wasting precious posting space with your repetitive ad-homen attacks one me? I would like to suggest to you that you direct your attentions to your like-minded newbie here, Kelly B. Rather than calling her a “cunt” or “a whore”, I suggest a skillfully written e-mail declaring your romantic interest in her. Although she claims she has a boyfriend, as one poster suggested, her bf may require batteries (ie a vibrator), so that should not hold you back. She needs to be approached by a real man instead of electronic devices, but as your still growing, I’m sure a teenager like you could be better than a vibrator for her temporary satisfaction. Go for it, young man!
I think j-ro is gay man b/c I suggested he find a bath house and he said that he may justto do that.
Im a 6′4″ 220lb male.