Miss Teen USA is Functionally Retarded
At a dog show, even third place is still a good specimen of dog. It might not be the best, but it’s a damn good dog. No one’s showing up at the Westminster Kennel Club with a dead monkey on a leash.
Third place at the Miss Teen USA pageant, however, is a mildly-functioning, retarded jackass.
I don’t know whether to criticize the Miss Teen USA pageant for this, or congratulate them on finding such an accurate ambassador for the female gender.
Just kidding. I would never criticize a Miss Anything pageant. They get enough shit from fat broads and Dove soap as it is.
At a recent Miss Teen USA pageant, Lauren Caitlin Upton was asked why 20% of Americans can’t identify the US on a map. This was her answer.
I personally believe that U.S. Americans are unable to do so because, uh, some people out there in our nation don’t have maps, and, uh, I believe that our education like such as in South Africa and, uh, the Iraq everywhere like, such as and I believe that they should, our education over here in the U.S. should help the U.S., er, should help South Africa and should help the Iraq and the Asian countries, so we will be able to build up our future for our children.
For this Gordian Tongue-Twister, and for her pudgy shoulders, Miss Upton was awarded third-place.
The Miss Teen USA pageant exists to exemplify the most desired traits of teen-woman kind. I’ve mentioned elsewhere that women have shitty role models. If my daughter grew up to be Gloria Steinham, I would put the rest of my kids in pinata and mail them to an orphanage in Afghanistan. That said, this is not another case of Lindsey Lohan needs a slap, or a Tara Reid needs some underpants. This is a case of injustice.
I could not think of a more perfect role-model for young women than Miss Lauren Caitlin Upton. That’s why I’m awarding her the coveted MenAreBetterThanWomen.com Honorary Man of the Month Award. You may not be the hottest teen in America, Lauren, but you don’t have anything to worry about because failure is carb-free.
Women don’t know shit about shit. And more importantly, they don’t know they don’t know shit about shit. Fuck third place. Lauren should have been crowned with a $500 handbag for that impressive and clueless fuck-up. It took her an entire day to even realize how stupid it sounded. Now that’s womanly! Third place is for the woman who looks the male judges in the eye while she’s answering.
If I have a balloon animal making contest, and some clown drives a tank onto the stage, he’ll be disqualified. A tank is awesome, but it’s not a balloon animal. A woman might be able to regurgitate The Prince when asked how the U.S. should conduct it’s foreign policy. It’s a good answer, but it’s not womanly.
Lauren deserved first place. Unless there was a contestant who got lost on the way to the pageant and couldn’t call for directions because her cell phone bill ran out of decimal places, this was robbery.
Also, if that statistic is true, I’m betting 100% of that 20% are women.
Call me when you wear off those chicken wings, sweetheart.
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September 27th, 2007 at 9:07 am - IP Man-Hash: 94d1cf4d5638d
women are the ultimate plug and play device, trouble is that they need constant rebooting, expensive updates and are incompatible with all your other devices. God help you if you try to add extra memory ports too…
October 15th, 2007 at 6:31 pm - IP Man-Hash: bb7f8ddf38a5a
it’s terrible that as a teenage female I have that kind of feeble minded skank “representing” me.
we’re not all that stupid.
October 15th, 2007 at 8:46 pm - IP Man-Hash: 999461e62bd0b
I don’t believe all of you are, however this is what you are represented by, and what many women emulate.
-Strength and Honor-
December 17th, 2007 at 2:29 pm - IP Man-Hash: 1ace054919063
Oh, those silly, silly U.S Americans.
December 19th, 2007 at 12:26 am - IP Man-Hash: 982c7f40b2b82
At a recent Miss Teen USA pageant, Lauren Caitlin Upton was asked why 20% of Americans can’t identify the US on a map.
The only correct answer, as any man would know is NOT that 80% of respondants were male. It’s a good guess though.
The correct answer is obviously 20% of the survey GIVERS were woman who could not comprehend that people do not answer obvious questions honestly.
December 21st, 2007 at 7:38 am - IP Man-Hash: e24370fe2bb3c
That was very funny, especially Asian countries, Japan is so much smarter then us! They go to school six days a week and take a test in order to go to high school, and if they don’t pass their family is shamed!
But, as to Tyrannical’s post, the percential of 80% is mixed gender.
I did find her speech hilarious though, but that is just human nature, we love to laugh at others expense.
December 21st, 2007 at 8:35 am - IP Man-Hash: 6d3bb32787b07
Like how I am laughing at your expense, moron.
December 21st, 2007 at 8:52 am - IP Man-Hash: e24370fe2bb3c
Exactly how my point with Zardoz is proven.
Why bother responding?
Do you think that phases me? I don’t care what you think of me so why bother spending time typing it.
December 21st, 2007 at 12:08 pm - IP Man-Hash: 720a12647a390
Eh? I must have missed something here.. Or does my name just get randomly tossed in every so often?
December 21st, 2007 at 12:19 pm - IP Man-Hash: e24370fe2bb3c
In the part where I said that mainly all I get in response is insults.
If you see, all MansVoice called me a moron, I can now add that to the list.
December 21st, 2007 at 12:56 pm - IP Man-Hash: 44e6eae08303f
Great! You see since feminism reared it’s ugly mug we men have had to endure insults almost regularly from you ingrates, but then it’s just a womens way to bitch and whine about everything and even make up shit. Welcome to the bachlash bitch.
December 21st, 2007 at 1:01 pm - IP Man-Hash: e24370fe2bb3c
Most women on this site such as Clair, proudathiest, lalala, and myself present our opinions rationally, so in what way is that calling for cursing?
See, you called me a bitch when I did not regard your sexual orientation, personal life, ect., I state what opposes my thoughts and that’s it.
If you wish that we do not annoy you why don’t you not reply? That is a simple solution.
January 18th, 2008 at 12:03 pm - IP Man-Hash: 824bddffe80c4
how to pick up older women…
how to pick up women the right way…
January 26th, 2008 at 12:53 pm - IP Man-Hash: cbbf87a6b3cfc
Miss Teen USA requires a lot more than looks to be accepted. I know.
February 2nd, 2008 at 12:44 am - IP Man-Hash: af56e7b755779
Don’t flatter yourself sweetheart
February 6th, 2008 at 10:33 pm - IP Man-Hash: bd08b2aaee3ea
I wonder how women can claim equal rights and still give audience to this kind of ‘role-model’. This bimbo has much better things to be doing with that mouth of hers!
February 12th, 2008 at 3:52 pm - IP Man-Hash: f556abc1363c1
This is you come the great day of masculine retribution, final and apocalyptic:
http://www.pathguy.com/lectures/srkelly.jpg
April 12th, 2008 at 3:59 am - IP Man-Hash: 815f3775cf668
Look, I’m all for it.. she should have gotten first place. She’s the perfect example of womanhood. and the “evening gown competition” should be replaced with “skin-tight latex clad bananna eating competition”.
Dressing up a whore in a nice dress reminds you that the dress is worth more than what its hanging on. Throw her in attire she deserves. A cat suit with crotch zippers is a good start.
You will NEVER. EVER. EVER!!! see me carrying a woman around wearing clothes that are more expensive than my shoes, unless its high-end whore attire, like see through miniskirts and lucite heels.
~Manos.
April 12th, 2008 at 4:01 am - IP Man-Hash: 815f3775cf668
April 25th, 2008 at 10:48 pm - IP Man-Hash: d95284a9106fb
HEY, WOLFE, HOW IS YOUR MOMMA DOING? TELL HER TO WASH HER CORNHOLE WELL OTHERWISE I WILL BE PUSHING HER SHIT IN TONIGHT. CODERCH LIKES THE BITCHES CLEAN. TOO BAD THERE WAS NO ONE THERE TO PUSH YOU(SHIT) IN BACK WHEN YOU WERE BORN, HUH?
P Coderch