Miss Teen USA is Functionally Retarded

At a dog show, even third place is still a good specimen of dog. It might not be the best, but it’s a damn good dog. No one’s showing up at the Westminster Kennel Club with a dead monkey on a leash.

Third place at the Miss Teen USA pageant, however, is a mildly-functioning, retarded jackass.

I don’t know whether to criticize the Miss Teen USA pageant for this, or congratulate them on finding such an accurate ambassador for the female gender.

Just kidding. I would never criticize a Miss Anything pageant. They get enough shit from fat broads and Dove soap as it is.

At a recent Miss Teen USA pageant, Lauren Caitlin Upton was asked why 20% of Americans can’t identify the US on a map. This was her answer.

I personally believe that U.S. Americans are unable to do so because, uh, some people out there in our nation don’t have maps, and, uh, I believe that our education like such as in South Africa and, uh, the Iraq everywhere like, such as and I believe that they should, our education over here in the U.S. should help the U.S., er, should help South Africa and should help the Iraq and the Asian countries, so we will be able to build up our future for our children.

For this Gordian Tongue-Twister, and for her pudgy shoulders, Miss Upton was awarded third-place.

The Miss Teen USA pageant exists to exemplify the most desired traits of teen-woman kind. I’ve mentioned elsewhere that women have shitty role models. If my daughter grew up to be Gloria Steinham, I would put the rest of my kids in pinata and mail them to an orphanage in Afghanistan. That said, this is not another case of Lindsey Lohan needs a slap, or a Tara Reid needs some underpants. This is a case of injustice.

I could not think of a more perfect role-model for young women than Miss Lauren Caitlin Upton. That’s why I’m awarding her the coveted MenAreBetterThanWomen.com Honorary Man of the Month Award. You may not be the hottest teen in America, Lauren, but you don’t have anything to worry about because failure is carb-free.

Women don’t know shit about shit. And more importantly, they don’t know they don’t know shit about shit. Fuck third place. Lauren should have been crowned with a $500 handbag for that impressive and clueless fuck-up. It took her an entire day to even realize how stupid it sounded. Now that’s womanly! Third place is for the woman who looks the male judges in the eye while she’s answering.

If I have a balloon animal making contest, and some clown drives a tank onto the stage, he’ll be disqualified. A tank is awesome, but it’s not a balloon animal. A woman might be able to regurgitate The Prince when asked how the U.S. should conduct it’s foreign policy. It’s a good answer, but it’s not womanly.

Lauren deserved first place. Unless there was a contestant who got lost on the way to the pageant and couldn’t call for directions because her cell phone bill ran out of decimal places, this was robbery.

Also, if that statistic is true, I’m betting 100% of that 20% are women.

Call me when you wear off those chicken wings, sweetheart.

Related Articles:

Name (required)
E-mail (required - never shown publicly)
URI

RSS feed | Trackback URI

108 Comments in 87 threads.»

Pages: [5] 4 3 2 1 » Show All

Comment by Tony
2009-12-21 11:32:24 - IP Man-Hash: 2b4808da920b5

Hey,

Come to my site.

http://www.voy.com/219711/

Women are the scum of the earth and they know it. Especially nurses!

 
Comment by Haha89
2009-10-01 12:04:25 - IP Man-Hash: b2a3745f0d705

Chris=Mr. Empty-pants

 
Comment by lol
2009-08-03 18:19:55 - IP Man-Hash: 7974ecc6313ca

are you gay to think that woman cant do shit ???

 
Comment by Nickdaddy
2008-09-25 15:38:00 - IP Man-Hash: 89d7195a791e7

that was extremely fucking painful to watch.

Comment by Kriss
2008-10-10 04:37:34 - IP Man-Hash: b026576c31970

Yea, you fucking said it man.

 
Comment by Danny
2008-10-20 02:18:09 - IP Man-Hash: dd50b3e63f491

How is it possible to be that stupid and still survive? She should be in the bible because it’s a miracle she’s still alive. But don’t worry, I’ll provide you with the answer to my own question: It’s a she.

 
 
Comment by studioline
2008-07-26 06:55:14 - IP Man-Hash: 5b4ba60ab234e

Do you think this Miss America has a clue about anything??? She can only function in an artifficial world where man chase women.

Comment by John
2008-07-26 11:11:02 - IP Man-Hash: 571a53d0ad583

This is not artificial.

What scientific evidence we have is overwhelmingly clear that it is the normal neurobiological mode of behaviour for men and women to adopt traditional heteropatriarchal modes of behaviour.

It is, in fact, feminism which has socially engineered us against our very biological nature, denying gender difference, destroying the natural balance of the male-female relationship, undermining family and sociocultural integrity, exposing our minds to psychosexual aberrancy, and exposing our children to abuse and neglect.

Comment by Saturn V
2008-11-06 18:52:55 - IP Man-Hash: 1d78635c2ce34

Paleolithic era gender equality says differently…..

Comment by RB
2008-11-06 19:28:04 - IP Man-Hash: 3337976cd3b6d

The paleolithic era witnessed the emergence of ‘killer apes’ which later became the first humans.The use of hunting strategies to kill animals led to the formulation of the first abstract ideas, planning and eventually what we call thinking.The hunting ground was the domain of males, while the cave was that of the female.

What you are trying to assert is completely unmerited, unfounded and invalid.

(Comments won't nest below this level)
Comment by Saturn V
2008-11-06 19:34:34 - IP Man-Hash: 1d78635c2ce34

I should have been more specific. Middle and Upper Paleolithic are the eras I speak of. Let me just copy-paste what I was talking about so as to remove all confusion. “There was possibily approximate parity between men and women during both the Middle and the Upper Paleolithic and the end of the Paleolithic (the Middle and Upper Paleolithic) may have been the most gender-equal time in human history. Indeed archeological evidence from art and funerary rituals indicates that a number of individual women enjoyed seemingly high status in their communities and it is likely that both sexes participated in decision making. Additional scientific research of Paleolithic society has also revealed that the earliest known Paleolithic shaman (c. 30,000 BP) was female.”

 
Comment by RB
2008-11-06 19:38:43 - IP Man-Hash: 3337976cd3b6d

The earlier paleolithic ages were different scenarios.There was an ice age going on then, if you hadn’t noticed.Later paleolithic—things changed.I guess you’ll have to wait for the next ice age for real gender equality to happen.

 
Comment by Saturn V
2008-11-06 19:44:47 - IP Man-Hash: 1d78635c2ce34

Middle and Upper are the two later paleolithic ages, for one. Lower=older in anthropology speak. Besides, what you have said is a red herring. who cares what caused the push of human evolution, it’s what came out of it that matters, and what came out of it is not a species with clearly genetically defined roles. The roles are a cultural invention, not part of out wiring.

 
Comment by RB
2008-11-06 19:54:31 - IP Man-Hash: 3337976cd3b6d

I was talking about lower paleolithic age, when the ice age existed.Females were lesser in number, hence their importance to society.

The middle and upper ages were actually characterised by gender-based division of roles as females began to equal the number of men.You should check your sources again.

 
Comment by RB
2008-11-06 20:12:03 - IP Man-Hash: 3337976cd3b6d

Oh and forgot to add.The lower paleolithic wasn’t the same everywhere.The female-dominant cultures also existed in middle and upper.But those were wiped out by stronger male-dominant ones.The few that remained lived on in remote pockets of the earth.

 
 
 
 
 
Comment by John
2008-07-26 06:27:02 - IP Man-Hash: 571a53d0ad583

Well let’s face the facts. The prospects of getting a coherent answer from this girl were never really promising.

She is:

1. “US american”
2. Blonde
3. Female
4. A teenager

That puts her squarely in the retard bracket, with respect to the world demographic.

To be perfectly frank, I’m surprised she started answering the question correctly on cue. (To get her to stop talking on cue was a whole new ball-game, however).

NB. Just kidding about the “US american” part. Even though US secondary school education, and, increasingly, US college-level education are progressively borked and feminised (much like the UK here), I’ve seen college-level teams from the USA (all men) wipe the floor with UK equivalents in University Challenge (most UK teams for which were hampered by token females).

Comment by kalel
2008-07-26 08:51:48 - IP Man-Hash: 8af82d5f29d8f

Women do not have logical ability , only to copy , copy , memorize , that’s what they do all their lives , in college and everywhere.They even copy our behavior and science and say they are men, and wear plastic penises to enforce that wrong idea.

Our logical ability is the most evolved thing this planet ever accomplished , women don’t have it ,because women did not evolve , men had to evolve due to competition between men , like in all males.

“WOMEN ARE NEITHER EQUAL NOR DIFFERENT TO MEN , THEY ARE INFERIOR!!!”

Comment by John
2008-07-26 11:01:37 - IP Man-Hash: 571a53d0ad583

Agree. In problem solving and “skilled” tasks women tend to adopt rote-procedural methods (relying on rehearsed and learnt protocols and instructional guidelines) rather than being able to truly grasp and apply the key overlying principles, and perform at that elevated level of insight.

It does have a very significant effect on long-term performance in highly specialised fields which require complex, lateral and/or abstract thinking. This may explain why women tend to pile into those ridiculous arts and humanities courses at college in their droves, and in some cases come out even more stupid, indoctrinated and inappropriately-opinionated than before. Really, what a waste of tax-payers’ money.

 
Comment by Saturn V
2008-11-06 19:08:11 - IP Man-Hash: 1d78635c2ce34

You have no idea how evolution works, do you? There’s no way in hell only one gender of a population could evolve while the other didn’t. Most of the genetics are on the 22 autosomes, for one. Besides, if somehow a bad specimen survives to breed and only one of the breeding partners is genetically fit, the child will come out with a mix of the traits of the two parents, some of the good ones and some of the bad ones. The only way one population can diverge from another is to cut off all breeding ties, which is not possible to do by gender, obviously. There’s not that much information on the Y chromosome anyway. That’s why men get X-linked diseases, because if they get one bad gene on their one X chromosome, they don’t have a good copy of the necessary gene. The Y chromosome doesn’t have much on it other than the code for making sure the developing child gets a high dose of testosterone in the womb, which certainly doesn’t mean the difference between analytical thinking and stupidity. The genes for the brain are somewhere in the autosomes.

Comment by RB
2008-11-06 19:34:15 - IP Man-Hash: 3337976cd3b6d

Take males=M
females=F

Hunting=M
Foraging=F

Later,

Ownership, war, leadership, labor-intensive activities=M
Light-labor activities, keeping house, raising and nourishing children upto puberty=F

Still later,

All/most outdoor occupations=M
All household occupations=F

Now,

One fucked up mess.

(Comments won't nest below this level)
Comment by Saturn V
2008-11-06 19:36:47 - IP Man-Hash: 1d78635c2ce34

Again, I’ll just copy-paste as to leave no room for argument. “Analogies to the sexual divisions of labor in existent hunter-gatherer societies such as the Hadza people and the Australian aborigines suggest that the sexual division of labor in the Paleolithic was relatively flexible, men may have participated in gathering plants, firewood and insects and women may have procured small game animals for consumption and assisted men in driving herds of large game animals (such as woolly mammoths and deer) off cliffs. Additionally according to recent archeological research carried out by anthropologist and archaeologist Steven Kuhn from the University of Arizona this division of labor did not exist prior to the Upper Paleolithic and was invented relatively recently in human pre-history.”

 
Comment by RB
2008-11-06 19:41:10 - IP Man-Hash: 3337976cd3b6d

Both the peoples you mentioned are isolated ethnicities.The evolution of the human race couldn’t be defined by their evolution.Please tell me, are you are a woman??

 
 
Comment by Zorax
2008-12-30 19:22:47 - IP Man-Hash: fecf692dbca9e

Nyah-nyah-nyah….bitching and spreading the feminist bio-propaganda.

First: True, the genders evolve paralelly in a species, but that does not necessarily mean that the evolution increases complexity in one of them…or makes them “equally better”…for example, see the lucky (or, unlucky) deep-sea species of anglerfish (or, some arthropods…who evolved a bit differently from humans…and where the male is 20-times smaller then the female, basically a pheromone-guided, brainless sperm package…and who finally GROWS INTO AND MERGES with the big, smart female, with only his genital residue sticking out of her body, continuing to fertilize her…

Second: True – brain genes are on autosomes…but that “insignificant boost of fetal testosterone” is, according to the new studies in developmental neurology, responsible for a MASSIVE difference in neuronal migration and neuroplasticity in general…leading to an actually, neuroanatomically OBSERVABLE sexual dimorphism of the human brain…
…and yeah, the way that the mother`s immunological system is diddling with that ole fetus´testosterone (and Y chromosome) is probably responsible for development of male homosexuality…
(The ONLY proven, reliable correlation being the incidence of homosexuality in fourth/and higher/ sons of the same mother..)

Were you a seventh son, too?…;-))

(Comments won't nest below this level)
 
 
 
Comment by Dickhead
2009-05-24 04:30:50 - IP Man-Hash: 5fa452ab0c505

Great! How did they do against the Japanese?

 
 
Comment by Mrtopmop
2008-07-23 17:09:13 - IP Man-Hash: f43652bab0137

Ha, notice how the judge is smirking and trying not to laugh at how amazing stupid her answer is.

 
Comment by P Coderch
2008-04-25 22:48:36 - IP Man-Hash: d95284a9106fb

wolfe said:

“Gloria Steinham”.
Ah it’s the little touches. Thanks, Dick.
@Sin – welcome to the site. I concur.
-wolfe

HEY, WOLFE, HOW IS YOUR MOMMA DOING? TELL HER TO WASH HER CORNHOLE WELL OTHERWISE I WILL BE PUSHING HER SHIT IN TONIGHT. CODERCH LIKES THE BITCHES CLEAN. TOO BAD THERE WAS NO ONE THERE TO PUSH YOU(SHIT) IN BACK WHEN YOU WERE BORN, HUH?

P Coderch

 
Comment by Manos
 
Comment by Manos
2008-04-12 03:59:42 - IP Man-Hash: 815f3775cf668

Look, I’m all for it.. she should have gotten first place. She’s the perfect example of womanhood. and the “evening gown competition” should be replaced with “skin-tight latex clad bananna eating competition”.
Dressing up a whore in a nice dress reminds you that the dress is worth more than what its hanging on. Throw her in attire she deserves. A cat suit with crotch zippers is a good start.
You will NEVER. EVER. EVER!!! see me carrying a woman around wearing clothes that are more expensive than my shoes, unless its high-end whore attire, like see through miniskirts and lucite heels.
~Manos.

 
Comment by Muzalon
2008-02-12 15:52:31 - IP Man-Hash: f556abc1363c1

Hilary said:

In the part where I said that mainly all I get in response is insults.
If you see, all MansVoice called me a moron, I can now add that to the list.

This is you come the great day of masculine retribution, final and apocalyptic:

http://www.pathguy.com/lectures/srkelly.jpg

 
Comment by Rewire
2008-02-06 22:33:37 - IP Man-Hash: bd08b2aaee3ea

I wonder how women can claim equal rights and still give audience to this kind of ‘role-model’. This bimbo has much better things to be doing with that mouth of hers!

Comment by kalel
2008-07-26 08:55:27 - IP Man-Hash: 8af82d5f29d8f

“WOMEN ARE NEITHER EQUAL NOR DIFFERENT TO MEN , THEY ARE INFERIOR”

Remember this , there is no equality shit , and women know it, and try to mask it with sick feminism.

 
 
Comment by Heronimus
2008-02-02 00:44:11 - IP Man-Hash: af56e7b755779

KL said:

Miss Teen USA requires a lot more than looks to be accepted. I know.

Don’t flatter yourself sweetheart

 
Comment by KL
2008-01-26 12:53:57 - IP Man-Hash: cbbf87a6b3cfc

Miss Teen USA requires a lot more than looks to be accepted. I know.

 
Trackback by How to pick up women
2008-01-18 12:03:19 - IP Man-Hash: 824bddffe80c4

how to pick up older women…

how to pick up women the right way…

 
Comment by Hilary
2007-12-21 13:01:43 - IP Man-Hash: e24370fe2bb3c

Most women on this site such as Clair, proudathiest, lalala, and myself present our opinions rationally, so in what way is that calling for cursing?
See, you called me a bitch when I did not regard your sexual orientation, personal life, ect., I state what opposes my thoughts and that’s it.
If you wish that we do not annoy you why don’t you not reply? That is a simple solution.

 
Comment by Billy
2007-12-21 12:56:28 - IP Man-Hash: 44e6eae08303f

Hilary said:

In the part where I said that mainly all I get in response is insults.
If you see, all MansVoice called me a moron, I can now add that to the list.

Great! You see since feminism reared it’s ugly mug we men have had to endure insults almost regularly from you ingrates, but then it’s just a womens way to bitch and whine about everything and even make up shit. Welcome to the bachlash bitch.

 
Comment by Hilary
2007-12-21 12:19:15 - IP Man-Hash: e24370fe2bb3c

In the part where I said that mainly all I get in response is insults.
If you see, all MansVoice called me a moron, I can now add that to the list.

 
Comment by Zardoz
2007-12-21 12:08:33 - IP Man-Hash: 720a12647a390

Hilary said:

Exactly how my point with Zardoz is proven.
Why bother responding?
Do you think that phases me? I don’t care what you think of me so why bother spending time typing it.

Eh? I must have missed something here.. Or does my name just get randomly tossed in every so often?

 
Comment by Hilary
2007-12-21 08:52:55 - IP Man-Hash: e24370fe2bb3c

Exactly how my point with Zardoz is proven.
Why bother responding?
Do you think that phases me? I don’t care what you think of me so why bother spending time typing it.

 

Close
E-mail It
Powered by ShareThis