Female Mosquitoes and Female Women are the Same
Did you know only female mosquitoes suck your blood? That’s right. Mansquitoes don’t do shit but relax at home I guess — whatever a mosquito would do if it wasn’t being an asshole.
One, two, three and that’s it. With that last item I now have three reasons why women are the same as mosquitoes. That means I can write about it.
Women and mosquitoes both:
1. Suck your blood.
2. Hate “bananas”.
3. Never stop buzzing in your fucking ears.
I’m so confident in my man-race I didn’t even look up the fact that only female mosquitoes suck your blood. A man told it to me. I assume it’s true.
That’s how confident in men I am. I’m just putting it out there as a fact like that because there is absolutely no chance in hell that a man would be wrong about something like that. It’s science and it’s a fact. As far as men are concerned, that’s like having two dead-bolts on a bowling ball. The fucking thing is secure.
Women on the other hand — actually, now that I think about it a woman told me mosquitoes hate bananas. She was a married woman, meaning she’s smarter than women of the single, unmarriable variety, but she was a woman nonetheless. It was probably bullshit.
A simple check of the manternet confirms my suspicions. Mosquitoes indeed do not give a shit about bananas. Why am I not surprised.
It’s because women spread bad advice like they’re playing a life-long game of freeze tag.
“I have a problem,” says a man. “I have something to say that has nothing to do with your problem except probably to exacerbate it,’ says a woman, ‘which I don’t even understand because we women don’t learn words over three syllables. Want to know how I feel about that?”
No I do fucking not.
Gender across species is transcendental. Women mosquitoes suck blood; women human beings suck your dreams and your life right out of your neck. Man essence is easier to get at and more fun somewhere else, but women don’t go down for either of those: easy or fun. They only go down for money. Otherwise, everything’s got to be the hard way all the damn time. Being around women is like watching a broken Rudy DVD that skips and stalls before anything pays off. It’s just a bunch of work.
Someone pass the citron.
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June 2nd, 2006 at 6:39 am - IP Man-Hash: 9438f68e1c745
Although to be fair to the female mosquitoes (from what I remember of my biology classes back in the days) they only suck your blood to provide the right nutrients to their offsprings, so it’s technically education, or at least caring for your kids. So in fact, female mosquitoes are superior to female humans (at least going on a certain MABTW person’s recent experiences with his ex). If indeed “human” is the word to use…
I watched the UK version of the Beauty and the Geek lately and was surprised at how incredibly stupid and ignorant the women were. I think my little brother when he was about 5 years old knew more than them, thought faster and more logically, threw less tantrums and of course learnt much quicker. The questions were of course biased towards the women. I.e. a woman would get some incredibly easy question like “name 4 planets in the solar system” (which they still managed to fuck up) whilst the guys were asked to name the celebrity that went on the front page of Vogue or something in October 2000 because she was wearing a low cut green dress (and to his credit, the guy remembered… astonishing).
June 2nd, 2006 at 10:53 am - IP Man-Hash: ed988c4f684e0
It’s definitely a telling point Dick. Strange how the female is the only one that sucks the life out of people in both species.
Strength and Honor
June 2nd, 2006 at 12:43 pm - IP Man-Hash: 6116c6d6ce072
What are your opinions of the Da Vinci Code?
June 2nd, 2006 at 3:08 pm - IP Man-Hash: 31d418f8fe3da
ok being new to this web site i would like to say that it really brightens up my day, i like pixies idea of comming to irland as being from the uk i know theres nothing better than an irish girl. ;) and abandon, what is it with strengh and honor??
looking at some of the topics we seen to have covered and i am sorry to say i have missed (ie Every woman is a cheating whore) it begs the question of…. were you born from a man?? or was your mother a whore?? please dont take offence as it is your topic i highlight the EVERY woman bit, i mean to say the every bit must be wrong as my mother has only ever been with my old man and i sure your old dear is just as sweet, ergo not every woman is a whore so your post are shown to be faulty, Faulty as in wrong and dare i say it pointless??
what do you ladies think??
June 2nd, 2006 at 3:32 pm - IP Man-Hash: 04657dc4ab0f2
Has some latin in there I got to give it to the ladies… or manginas.
June 2nd, 2006 at 3:35 pm - IP Man-Hash: 29161f3b24509
The Da Vinci Code is just a fictional book/movie. It is written by a great big mangina, Dan Brown. By twisting some facts into an amazing amount of bullshit, he tries to make women feel like it was some great conspiracy as to why they aren’t as good as men by putting the blame on the catholic church.
The whole book/movie is as insightful as a Dr. Seuss poem. I guess that he will get laid a lot because of writing this fairy-tale.
And one last point … it is said that da Vinci was a flaming faggot. He was also born in 1452. I just dont understand why Brown is making a fuss over a painting that a homosexual made in 1498 depicting the last supper. Of course there will be a lot of noise by stupid people who are intrigued by the book (because they are stupid). da Vinci was born about 1400 years after Christ died.
If Picasso, in the 20th century, made a painting with Moses wearing a pair of Birkenstocks, should we then assume that Jews had the technology to time travel, but that is was covered up by Rabbis for thousands of years so that they alone can enjoy the fruits of the future?
Men will do as the Prelature of the Holy Cross and Opus Dei does when it comes to the da Vinci Code … IGNORE IT. It is a piece of fiction, nothiing more.
June 4th, 2006 at 10:25 am - IP Man-Hash: 8f5fa079b338a
Actually, the Bishop in my sister’s diocese has declared that seeing The DaVinci Code will cause you to go to hell.
Well … actually, that’s not entirely true, because I had a conversation with my sister about it after hearing this pronouncement and then joking with my kids that while they could see the movie at home and be ok, they couldn’t see it here without going to hell, and that didn’t make sense to me.
My sister explained that the Bishop had decreed that Catholics who saw the movie imperiled their immortal soul and were therefore forbidden from viewing it. The offense that would send them to hell wasn’t seeing the movie, but violating the Bishop’s directive to not see it.
Personally, I think the Catholic Church does a disservice when it so much as acknowledges a movie like this or The Last Temptation of Christ. I went to both movies not out of any burning desire to see them, but out of a desire to see what the fuss was all about. Particularly in the case of Last Temptation (which is one of the worst movies ever made from any perspective), I’d've never even considered seeing it if I didn’t have to cross picket lines to do so. While DaVinci is a generally mediocre action flick, I doubt I’d've spent money to see it in a theater without the Catholic Church having first hyped it beyond reason.
Last Temptation is just crap, and if the Church had ignored it, about five people would have seen it. DaVinci wouldn’t have attracted anything like a big crowd and would have been one of Tom Hanks’ few flops.
June 4th, 2006 at 1:31 pm - IP Man-Hash: b41f091d0c70f
Let me explain my statement a bit further. I’m not saying that men wont go and see the Da Vinci Code, but what I am saying is that men have enough sense not to internalize the themes of the movie and start debates based on the film’s ‘content’
We’ll leave that type of petty, shallow and silly way thinking for the other gender.
June 4th, 2006 at 2:50 pm - IP Man-Hash: 78a96a042f5b0
Shouldn’t the title of this article be female mosquitos & female humans are the same?
June 5th, 2006 at 10:13 am - IP Man-Hash: b39671b23df39
It should be, but it’s not as piquant that way.
-Dick
June 5th, 2006 at 8:56 pm - IP Man-Hash: 2e402274a7228
If Sir Isaac Newton worried about makeup, we would all still be shitting in wooden houses and dumping it into the back alley.
June 5th, 2006 at 9:03 pm - IP Man-Hash: 49c9ff889fded
Actually the Romans had that bit pretty much figured out.
June 7th, 2006 at 3:39 pm - IP Man-Hash: 7c4cddc7a0544
Yep biff, your his-story is correct.
June 13th, 2006 at 4:48 am - IP Man-Hash: 980cc8a8ac1a7
What is up with HERstory on CNN? What is up with that shit? Just seeing the title put me off enough to reach for the remote so I don’t have a clue what it’s about, but it can only be feminist bollocks judging by the title.
You people have really got it rough out there in the western world. Trouble is, damned shit’s spreading east.
June 12th, 2007 at 12:28 am - IP Man-Hash: d8ad5dc65c4e2
“Gender across species is transcendental. Women mosquitoes suck blood; women human beings suck your dreams and your life right out of your neck. Man essence is easier to get at and more fun somewhere else, but women don’t go down for either of those: easy or fun. They only go down for money. Otherwise, everything’s got to be the hard way all the damn time. Being around women is like watching a broken Rudy DVD that skips and stalls before anything pays off. It’s just a bunch of work.”
ARGGG too true. You can give YEARS of love, devotion, help, and money to a woman. You turn yourself inside out to please her but somehow, nothing you do is ever enough, and nothing’s ever right for more than 5 minutes at a time. And she is able to forget every-single- GOOD thing you did for her, in about 5 seconds after she discovers the seat up, AGAIN!!!! No woman knows the meaning of smooth sailing in a relationship-they will make up problem after problem (all of them your fault, ofcourse) just to have something to bitch about. Dont take my word for it, allow the refrigerator magnet on my ex’s to speak for what passes for Woman-logic. Her fridge magnet says the following: ” I didn’t say it was your fault. I SAID I WAS GOING TO BLAME YOU!”
October 23rd, 2007 at 1:33 am - IP Man-Hash: 8468cdcaea4d7
I heard there is a variety of spider that eats the male after sex.. disgusting!
October 23rd, 2007 at 2:30 am - IP Man-Hash: eb931023b77c5
not just spideys
November 2nd, 2007 at 3:10 am - IP Man-Hash: 540f95f4d5a0c
Succinct, yet a tell-all. Brilliant. http://www.blowmeuptom.com
April 8th, 2008 at 2:44 pm - IP Man-Hash: f834e8084316e
Listen you dumb bitch, in case you are afraid to read the site says no women. So what you feel proud with a woman president? America is much better than Ireland, we could bomb that place right now without any consequences if that doesn’t equal power then what does? You dumb bitch.
April 13th, 2008 at 11:29 pm - IP Man-Hash: 284ad1b3029ee
“Female women”… I’m hoping your intelligent to figure out why I think that’s such a fucking hilariously stupid term to use.
How does being a woman who is married make her smarter than one who is not? It doesn’t, because it doesn’t matter. Marriage is bullshit on paper. You said it yourself Dick, “Marriage is Blatant Ownership of Women”. Only a stupid one would consent to such a thing.