Never Ever Ever Ever Hire a Female Attorney

There was a time when lawyers were not hated like vermin. Do you know what happened between then and now? Women joined the practice of law.

It’s completely true. Check your history books.

In 1970, women made up 10% of first-year law students. I suppose those were the “lesbians” of the day. Interestingly enough, lawyers weren’t hated in the 70’s. Remember Night Court? That show was full of lawyers and everyone loved it.

Today, women have bumble-fucked their way into 52 to 90% of law students and Guess what, everyone fucking hates lawyers.

If you want to ruin something — and I mean completely ruin it; even something as simple as a game of darts or a barbecue — just let a woman join in on your reindeer man-games. That’ll ruin it like a stripper with whooping cough.

Women have a certain way of ruining about them. I’m sure the French have a word for it, but I don’t know French because I’m a man. Perhaps it has something to do with women and their two half-retarded X chromosomes — like how trying to force two similarly charged magnets together just doesn’t work.

There is nowhere women and their Nature of Ruin rears its ugly head more than in the practice of law.

Try a game of man-logic with me. Imagine a woman. What’s she doing? Is she marrying someone who gave her gonorrhea? Yea that sounds about right — or at least still fucking him and keeping Suprax under the pillow. Or maybe she’s convincing her boyfriend not to take an incredible job and opportunity in the publishing business overseas so she can sit around Dade-County, Florida with her bitch friends and mother and work on her Art History Masters.

Yea, that’s worth a shit in a shit storm! A woman with an art history degree! Fuck you.

The point is that women lawyers are just women in fancy suits with a 3 year degree in the obedience school of keeping their fucking yaps shut. Some people call it Bitch School, but I think that’s a bit crass for this article. That is what happens though when women go to law school. It’s Chinese water torture for them, except instead of water it’s getting made to look like the dumbest fucking imbecile on Earth every time they opens their mouths.

Women lawyers will drop cases to get pregnant. You can bet your entire ass on that.

It happens too. Fuck the pill. Fuck condoms (not literally of course because birth control is and always will be women’s problem). It still happens. When it does, you will find yourself with a fistful of subpoenas and an assful of foot from your ex-wife’s co-council.

I forgot what comprised Dick’s Big List of Man Jobs, so I’m going to have to make it up again right on the spot like men do everything. Here are my top five jobs women should never ever under any circumstances be allowed to do.

1. Army Men
2. Lawyer Men
3. Political Men
4. Anything where shutting the fuck up is important
5. Driving

I think I’ve made my point.

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