Olympic Grilling in 2008
The grilling of meat should be an Olympic event. It was an event in the first Olympics so what the fuck happened? Don’t believe me? How about it was the very first Olympic event. All those other games were just invented so Greeks would have something to do that wasn’t each other while they ate their Olympically cooked meat. That may sound stupid, but you have to remember a man just said it — therefore, it isn’t.
I can name five Olympic sports right off the top of my head that have less merit than the sport of grilling: women’s basketball, women’s swimming, women’s football, women’s boxing, and women’s fuck-off’ing, which I invite all women reading this to get gold medals in.
Women’s Olympic Grilling? Women can’t grill. They wouldn’t even pretend to. You know why women can’t grill? Because it’s easy. It takes a lot of time and occasionally a grillman has to deal with some inclement weather, but at the end of the day it’s very easy.
Women can’t do anything easy.
Women are such goddamn martyrs everything they do has to be done the hard way. That’s why they’re always involved in drama and sexual harassment at work. They orchestrate that type of shit like work is their personal dollhouse.
That’s also why it takes women an hour and a half to get ready. They’ve taken all the simplicity that is shower, shave, brush teeth; and turned it into some kind of manufacturing fucking nightmare. Secretly watch a woman get ready sometime. It’s not perverse if it’s in the name of science. I shit you not they will just sit on the side of the bathtub for like ten minutes staring into fucking space. Or don’t even be secretive about it. Just bust down a door when your woman is getting ready and catch her red handed. It’s your fucking house. Do whatever the fuck you want. You’re a man.
Here’s something else about showering. If I had to use a contraption called a hair straightener or a hair unstraightener or whatever it’s called, and I knew every day it took about ten minutes to warm up, do you know what I would do? I would plug it the fuck in before I started showering, not after. Actually, that would still force me to wait for 8 and a half minutes so I guess I would just never unplug the thing — or I would shave my head.
Women turn everything they touch into a complex fucking nightmare. Look at their shoes for fuck’s sake. If aliens saw what women wore on their feet, they would have to assume ours is a species of bird or maybe we have wheels on our hands. The point is nothing would choose to walk on spikes of wood all day. Japanese game shows don’t even make people do that.
Meat, fire, and a poking stick? That’s a woman’s worst nightmare; and by that I mean it’s so perfect and manly that it can’t be complicated into oblivion. Grilling is invincible to women and their bullshit.
And so are men. That’s why the economy runs despite women and their incompetence, that’s why governments maintain peace and prosperity despite women and their precious fucking voting, which they always fuck up and just vote with their sexual organs anyway. And that’s why people don’t starve to death, because men invented grilling.
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December 18th, 2006 at 4:43 pm - IP Man-Hash: 789f565d52936
I got that joke, but I felt a bit uneasy laughing about it.
I’m jealous that you mentioned this before I did. But, I have one thing to say one thing in the women’s defence: Women take 90 minutes to bathe, so their lack of logic inadvertently saves 80 minutes of electricity. I’m sure if they knew that, they would begin plugging in their devices before showering so that they can maximise their wasting of water, electricity and time. (And guess who picks up the tab for that?)
December 18th, 2006 at 4:59 pm - IP Man-Hash: 5fdb78f644952
Pure gold.
Forget about winning a medal. Has any woman in the history of the planet ever even successfully completed this event?
-wolfe
December 18th, 2006 at 6:16 pm - IP Man-Hash: 6c8f8add62547
Forget about winning a medal. Has any woman in the history of the planet ever even successfully completed this event?
-wolfe
It’s an infinite event for them that comes naturally.
December 18th, 2006 at 7:17 pm - IP Man-Hash: d4f09ff3cabea
Forget about winning a medal. Has any woman in the history of the planet ever even successfully completed this event?
-wolfe
It’s an infinite event for them that comes naturally.
haha and teeheehee, [because] obviously Billy didn’t get what you said.
SOMEMEN!
December 18th, 2006 at 10:13 pm - IP Man-Hash: 6c8f8add62547
Well maybe I misread this like you misread the “no women allowed” post at the entrance. Now you may proceed to fuk off this site.
December 18th, 2006 at 10:31 pm - IP Man-Hash: d4f09ff3cabea
so which monkey(*) are you
(*) i’ve always preferred the monkey see, monkey do conundrum to the ‘chicken & egg thing’…then there’s the pot & kettle [not really applicable in this case as you've already admitted to "maybe" making this muck-up(**)]
(**) as long as i’m also at fault, because miserable muck-ups do love company, don’t you…
December 19th, 2006 at 2:04 am - IP Man-Hash: 6c8f8add62547
You only make your gender look worse.
December 19th, 2006 at 7:30 am - IP Man-Hash: 01228f36b58fb
How? By being 40 years old and trolling message boards? Yeah, that’ll do it. Like all women past their prime, she should find some secluded place where her looks can fade privately without injuring our man-eyes.
December 19th, 2006 at 10:38 pm - IP Man-Hash: 0c08d40895bb7
I have been a long time lurker on this site, learning all things manly; and I must agree with this post. Anything men can do women will do in 5 times the amount of time it takes men and make it 10 times more complicated!
As for the women who troll this site, it just shows that women can never follow directions, no matter how simple!
December 20th, 2006 at 4:12 am - IP Man-Hash: 5278f73a1b7ea
Not to mention demanding international acclaim when they do eventually finish the task if/when they do.
October 30th, 2007 at 5:38 pm - IP Man-Hash: 9226b8b3a26c1
‘That’s why the economy runs despite women and their incompetence’
I would have to say the economy runs beautifully in that we manage it and women add by (as you said in another posting) being ‘Squawking parrots with credit cards having HSN on speeddial’ (or something to this degree). Family Guy put it best in cartoon form when Quagmire asked if a woman took credit cards (of course the whore says yes) and he slides it through her buttocks like an ATM machine.