The Car Says…Vroom

Women love purses and shoes and all kinds of other glittery shit that wouldn’t turn the head of someone in need of an exorcist. It’s true across the board too. Don’t let any woman tell you that she’s not into it — or anything else for that matter — because she’s lying.

There isn’t a single woman alive who can resist the charm of a cheap looking handbag made by a pack of orphans in another part of the world who are whipped and starved half to death everyday while they slave away over a pair of pink flip flops with little snowmen wearing sunglasses on the bottoms.

See. That’s how easy it is to make a hot women’s fashion. Just think of the stupidest thing you can think of: flip flops with snowmen wearing sunglasses. Look at me I just shit myself with the cutest fucking thing ever seen on the beach. How about a cat with a little pilot’s hat flying a bi-plane. And his name is Oscar the Flying Kitty.

Fuck I just made myself sick. And also — as a warning for you teenage men out there — those kinds of cutesy bullshit things are not signs that a woman is fun, easy going, or interested in snowmen or anything else that they might seem at first glance. They’re actually signs of the exact fucking opposite.

Now we get to the part of this article — what I like to call the meat of this article — where we discuss how men are better than women. Today it’s because men like sports and cars and sports cars and not purses, shoes, lip gloss, cheap-shit jewelry or anything else made by whipped Asian children.

Cars and sports are totally different. Firstly, no one is whipped. Second, they’re both awesome in the most man-tastic of ways. And if you’re a woman who doesn’t want that proved to you right now, you should stop reading this and get the fuck off of my website.

Cars and sports and men talking about them nonstop, are all ways of sharing experiences. To men, everything we do is about growing emotionally and sharing. Women wouldn’t know that even if it punched them in the side of the head because men don’t hold a fucking parade for themselves when they’ve broadened their horizons by an inch and three community college courses, but it’s still completely true.

Cars and sports are about going fast and feeling the speed and ultimately — wielding the kind of power that men have to wield on a daily basis to keep the entire fucking world spinning in place. That’s why we talk about these things so much. To learn from each other and be helpful. If you listen to women talking about their useless knick-knacks on the other hand, all they’ll talk about is price. Typical.

Women only want to expand their horizons if it involves a shirtless, pretty-man guru of some kind. That’s why their hobbies and interests are all stupid-ass junk and also immature.

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8 Responses to “The Car Says…Vroom”

  1. The Duster Says:

    Nice observations, you may want to patent the sandal idea ASAP.

  2. Gabriel Cantalk Says:

    >Women love purses and shoes and all kinds of other glittery shit that wouldn’t turn the head of someone in need of an exorcist.

    You’re getting better man! You’re getting better all the fucking time! Keep it up.

  3. Nicole Says:

    Don’t kid yourself that rich well paid men made those trainers and fancy sport jackets you wear.

    If your going to insult us for wearing things which are not fair-trade then at least make sure you’re not guilty of the same crime you fucking hypocrite.

  4. Chris Says:

    nicole’s got a point about that, it’s not like Nike pays their people more. But that doesn’t detract from the point that women buy much more retarded shit than men.

  5. Nicole the near-retarded poetry writing sixteen year old (get it) Says:

    How do you know this? Where are you’re facts?

    Is Dick saying that the people who run these slave labour factories are all women?

  6. alen Says:

    “Women are responsible for 83% of all consumer purchases.”

    http://www.roadandtravel.com/newsworthy/newsandviews04/womeninmarketpl ace.htm

  7. Heinrich_Himmler Says:

    Dick - so true, -
    Women adore frivolity because it’s easily dealt with, and dispensed with. Men are persistent, annoying, and need constant maintenance, just like cars - if a woman doesnt like a purse or her earrings, off to the trash they go! And thats that. She can work her female mind to the maximum extent, i.e. the next 5 minutes. If the car doesnt work, the plane flight is late, or the man is drunk in her bed cause he left the tolet seat up and he is, indeed, whipped - thats a problem a woman doesnt want to have. How to deal with it? Can’t! Time to change your mind, car, or best of all, boyfriend or husband! (FOOL!) If its the latter, it works even better - you get to double the pain for all humanity! (My theory on what ultimately starts wars: Men get to manifest their manliness by blowing other people into hamburger. However, I could be so wrong.)

  8. MEAT, BEER & FIRE Says:

    Alen well done! I love the fact you can shut that bitch Nicole up with some man facts.

    Something a woman will never be able to do. Nicole get the fuck off this website. If this site is bothering you start your own… wait you are a woman and don’t know how. If you manage to learn the basics of HTML your site will undoubtedly suck… FUCK YOU!

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