Television, Syphilis, and Cats!
Like every man in the world, I fucking hate cats.
Women can’t get enough of them though. Apparently women also can’t get enough of having their brains eaten parasites.
Guess what that explains!
A lot.
Toxoplasma gondii is a damn brain parasite found in cats’ intestines. I didn’t read very much about it because this site isn’t about a bunch of boring medical bullshit — and because as far as I’m concerned having a house that reeks of cat piss and shit is worse than any low grade brain parasites anyway. Both are permanent conditions and a miserable way to live your life. If you want the medical stuff, take a day off work and go to the doctor. You might meet a hot nurse. I can’t say for sure because I don’t know where you live. I just give the options.
I read enough about Toxoplasma to see the words “cats” and “severe brain damage”.
Holy Plausible Theory, Batman! Could this explain why women are so hopelessly not as good as men at anything? Widespread acute brain damage? If you have a mighty man-mind like I do — and you do because you’re a man, you bet it can.
Women love cats. As it turns out it’s probably much in the same way that women love high heels and abusive boyfriends. They just can’t get enough of anything that will leave them black and blue. Why wouldn’t that extend to their brains as well? I looked up some brain damage symptoms to prove my suspicions.
“Symptoms include: eating too much or too little…”
If I could summarize women in one sentence, that would be it. It’s like inney/outey belly button classifications for the entirety of womankind. Either she’s a too-muchy or a too-littley — most likely the former.
“Agitation, lethargy, or irritability. Feelings of worthlessness, hopelessness or inappropriate guilt.”
Inappropriate guilt! Can you say anal? In all seriousness, these symptoms proved fuck all to me. Apparently all women have brain damage, and I could not find a separate list of brain damage symptoms for women only. Things like she can’t see purple. I don’t know.
Then I thought it might just be a rare and unique occurrence for a cat to transfer this horrible parasite to a woman host. I used the search function on my internet browsing program to find the word “occur” in the boring document I wasn’t about to read and here’s what I found:
“…by cleaning a cat’s litter box, or touching anything that has come into contact with cat feces.”
Well that’s pretty much every single fucking thing in a cat woman’s house. Including her pillow. If you go into a cat woman’s house, which you shouldn’t, but if you do, just throw your jacket in the mud outside because there’s no chance in hell you’re not bringing it out of that house as toilet paper.
I also searched the document for “symptoms”.
“Possible symptoms include: muscle aches and pains that last for a month or more…”
Again, that’s every woman ever — mysterious pains that prevent her from doing goddamn everything.
Fuck it. All men know when the deck is stacked against them. And that’s when it’s time to quit and walk away. In the case of proving whether or not some women have brain damage, it’s a lost cause. How the hell do you tell if a useless pile of shit is broken? It’s a useless pile of shit! What the hell’s it supposed to do? I guess this brain rot parasite just makes some women even more not as good as men than they already were.
We have learned one thing though. Children know a lot about a lot of things. They have an innocent wisdom that is revered in spiritual texts throughout humanity — boys do anyway. Girls are known only for saying stupid and selfish things that seem poignant in context and only when interpreted by a man. In this case I think we can learn something from the children. Women really do have fucking cooties — millions of little wriggly, brain-eating cooties.
What are three things that rot your brain?
Related Articles:
February 27th, 2006 at 3:17 am - IP Man-Hash: eadd56da2c7c9
Parasites from cat feces are causing deadly brain damage in California sea otters.
Female’s tag line in the forums: “sea otters can be cabbage????”
Coincidence?
I think not.
-Big Al
September 24th, 2006 at 6:15 am - IP Man-Hash: c7a298151bcdd
What?! Are you a mute? I have repeatedly said I am NOT a feminist and I don’t know what feminist ideas you are talking about!
I simply don’t think men are better than women. I think that’s enough reason to be here.
not a feminist either, women are not better than men and men are not better than women. that’s that.
September 24th, 2006 at 6:20 am - IP Man-Hash: 8984a7f2a18a3
I agree with your sentiments. Just one little correction though:
September 24th, 2006 at 6:29 am - IP Man-Hash: c7a298151bcdd
how witty of you.
September 24th, 2006 at 7:06 am - IP Man-Hash: 05bdcb82f843a
Cute, Sam/Pete/Ted/Elitist Prick, but clearly not the same Sandra. As usual, the IP Man-Hash reveals the poser every time. :)
September 24th, 2006 at 7:54 am - IP Man-Hash: 76cebfba7c181
I’m sure you believe that to be true. It is however, statistically improbable that you’ve not picked up on many of the first, second, and even third wave tenets of feminism. Society is permeated with them. Virtually every man here has been at one point or another infected with them.
I suspect as you continue through life, you will discover this to tbe true. you will either choose to embrace the darkness, or repudiate it. This will define what type of human being you are.
Regards,
-wolfe
September 27th, 2006 at 12:18 am - IP Man-Hash: 21afb798fc0fa
I have a question for you Wolfe, why not embrace the darkness? It is as much a part of life as the “light”?
-Strength and Honor-
September 27th, 2006 at 5:56 am - IP Man-Hash: 8daa1bf85f4f8
That is how I live. This is the whole lesson of Star Wars people. The light is hypocritical, weak, and never survives long without being killed by the dark. The dark is seductive, quick, and all powerful in battle.
We know what embracing one side only leads to. The Jedi’s dogmatic devotion to the Light led to their blindness, arrogance, and destruction of their order and the Republic. The Sith’s devotion to the Dark led them to commit heinous acts across the galaxy, enslaved by their rage and lust for revenge.
Only decades later do the remaining Jedi finally “get it” when Luke manages to do what his father could not. Have emotional attatchments without letting them get in the way of his purpose. Learn to accept the darkness within as an equal part of the force, and learn to live in balance.
September 27th, 2006 at 6:36 am - IP Man-Hash: 980cc8a8ac1a7
Plus, Empires are far sexier than Republics.
September 27th, 2006 at 10:41 am - IP Man-Hash: 4555637db20cf
Q - What do you call a woman with 2 brain cells?
A - Pregnant
September 27th, 2006 at 11:34 am - IP Man-Hash: 0363c503d25ea
nice.
October 24th, 2006 at 6:12 pm - IP Man-Hash: 5475964f1d333
http://www.nlm.nih.gov/medlineplus/news/fullstory_40237.html
Women with toxoplasmosis more likely to have sons.
October 25th, 2006 at 9:48 am - IP Man-Hash: 980cc8a8ac1a7
How egregiously distasteful of you Female. Par the course, of course.
February 21st, 2007 at 10:45 am - IP Man-Hash: 356b2e2244d02
That is how I live. This is the whole lesson of Star Wars people. The light is hypocritical, weak, and never survives long without being killed by the dark. The dark is seductive, quick, and all powerful in battle.
We know what embracing one side only leads to. The Jedi’s dogmatic devotion to the Light led to their blindness, arrogance, and destruction of their order and the Republic. The Sith’s devotion to the Dark led them to commit heinous acts across the galaxy, enslaved by their rage and lust for revenge.
Only decades later do the remaining Jedi finally “get it” when Luke manages to do what his father could not. Have emotional attatchments without letting them get in the way of his purpose. Learn to accept the darkness within as an equal part of the force, and learn to live in balance.
The Taoist Ying-Yang symbol is a perfect example of this. It represents the unity of apparent opposites.
Although I still find it ironic that The Yin represents the dark, death, winter and female side of the universe, while the Yang symboilizes the light, life, summer and male side.
February 21st, 2007 at 12:41 pm - IP Man-Hash: adc0a2c9dafc9
Good one
or they could be siamese twins.
February 21st, 2007 at 12:43 pm - IP Man-Hash: 91d6958044e85
90% of women have intelligent DNA in them… but most of them don’t swallow.
February 21st, 2007 at 2:07 pm - IP Man-Hash: 1e9a4fd46c3a7
Oh come on, cats are awesome. Read my blog article, but they can do all the good things of a woman and have none of the losses.
February 21st, 2007 at 3:50 pm - IP Man-Hash: adc0a2c9dafc9
We could take this one step more step and ask…….
Q - What do you call a feminist with 2 brain cells?
A - Artificially Inseminated
May 5th, 2008 at 2:15 pm - IP Man-Hash: 6ab2f231cddf1
i hate cats….soo…what now? not all women like cats. the only person in my family who likes cats is my brother…everyone else is allergic. this claim is stupid.
May 6th, 2008 at 7:36 pm - IP Man-Hash: bf56457dde8c1
As the resident authority on everything Toxoplasma gondii related around these parts, everything Dick brought up in this short read is 100% correct.
As a man, you expect nothing less coming from another man’s mouth, or fingers in this case.
Female, now, is talking out of her ass as always.