Television, Syphilis, and Cats!

Like every man in the world, I fucking hate cats.

Women can’t get enough of them though. Apparently women also can’t get enough of having their brains eaten parasites.

Guess what that explains!

A lot.

Toxoplasma gondii is a damn brain parasite found in cats’ intestines. I didn’t read very much about it because this site isn’t about a bunch of boring medical bullshit — and because as far as I’m concerned having a house that reeks of cat piss and shit is worse than any low grade brain parasites anyway. Both are permanent conditions and a miserable way to live your life. If you want the medical stuff, take a day off work and go to the doctor. You might meet a hot nurse. I can’t say for sure because I don’t know where you live. I just give the options.

I read enough about Toxoplasma to see the words “cats” and “severe brain damage”.

Holy Plausible Theory, Batman! Could this explain why women are so hopelessly not as good as men at anything? Widespread acute brain damage? If you have a mighty man-mind like I do — and you do because you’re a man, you bet it can.

Women love cats. As it turns out it’s probably much in the same way that women love high heels and abusive boyfriends. They just can’t get enough of anything that will leave them black and blue. Why wouldn’t that extend to their brains as well? I looked up some brain damage symptoms to prove my suspicions.

“Symptoms include: eating too much or too little…”

If I could summarize women in one sentence, that would be it. It’s like inney/outey belly button classifications for the entirety of womankind. Either she’s a too-muchy or a too-littley — most likely the former.

“Agitation, lethargy, or irritability. Feelings of worthlessness, hopelessness or inappropriate guilt.”

Inappropriate guilt! Can you say anal? In all seriousness, these symptoms proved fuck all to me. Apparently all women have brain damage, and I could not find a separate list of brain damage symptoms for women only. Things like she can’t see purple. I don’t know.

Then I thought it might just be a rare and unique occurrence for a cat to transfer this horrible parasite to a woman host. I used the search function on my internet browsing program to find the word “occur” in the boring document I wasn’t about to read and here’s what I found:

“…by cleaning a cat’s litter box, or touching anything that has come into contact with cat feces.”

Well that’s pretty much every single fucking thing in a cat woman’s house. Including her pillow. If you go into a cat woman’s house, which you shouldn’t, but if you do, just throw your jacket in the mud outside because there’s no chance in hell you’re not bringing it out of that house as toilet paper.

I also searched the document for “symptoms”.

“Possible symptoms include: muscle aches and pains that last for a month or more…”

Again, that’s every woman ever — mysterious pains that prevent her from doing goddamn everything.

Fuck it. All men know when the deck is stacked against them. And that’s when it’s time to quit and walk away. In the case of proving whether or not some women have brain damage, it’s a lost cause. How the hell do you tell if a useless pile of shit is broken? It’s a useless pile of shit! What the hell’s it supposed to do? I guess this brain rot parasite just makes some women even more not as good as men than they already were.

We have learned one thing though. Children know a lot about a lot of things. They have an innocent wisdom that is revered in spiritual texts throughout humanity — boys do anyway. Girls are known only for saying stupid and selfish things that seem poignant in context and only when interpreted by a man. In this case I think we can learn something from the children. Women really do have fucking cooties — millions of little wriggly, brain-eating cooties.

What are three things that rot your brain?

Related Articles: