The Crappiest Vault in the World
I was coming back to the office from a late lunch today and much to my dismay the elevators were broken. At least they probably were. They were taking way too long so I took the stairs. In the stairwell, there was a small piece of paper on the landing.
“Paper?” I said. “On the ground?”
Now, I swear that this absolutely true. The paper said the following:
Issues
1. Smoking
2. Drinking
3. Never Listens
Tap dancing shit! I thought. I know exactly what this is.
There’s an old saying that goes, “Two men can keep a secret so long as one of them is dead.” I think it’s a cowboy saying or something, but I hope it isn’t as it is a load of bullshit. As many men as you want can keep a secret because men have a little thing called integrity. One man, ten men, a hundred men; if any number of them give their word they’re not going to tell anyone about your dark doings, you can proceed with full confidence that they will not.
Take me for example. I know hundreds of terrible secrets that I’ve never told anyone. One time I dated a girl who liked to bark like a dog during sex. Disturbing yes, but also humiliating and something that I would never divulge.
That’s the difference between men and women when it comes to keeping secrets. If men ever tell betray someone’s trust or good faith, it’s for a good purpose; like to organize an intervention or have a laugh over a pint. It’s all the same shit, everybody wins. It’s not to harvest themselves some sweet pity like it is for women. When women keep secrets — well, how about I let the list speak for itself.
4. Condescending about school
5. Always tired after work
6. Lesbian pornography!
The pornography was emphasized.
Women will take every secret you tell them and store them away in a bank vault like a doomsday device. As soon as they feel like they’re being fucked with (which could be at any random time. Nothing you do has anything to do with it), it’s Show and fucking Tell at the Apollo. Her and all her friends will come back from the next bar-cruising, girls night out thinking you’re some kind of perverted workaholic and incidentally also wanting to fuck the shit out of you. That’s how women work.
7. Cigarettes in bed
8. Makes fun of my mother.
9. Likes to be peed on
Men hold secrets and their opinions in their heads where they belong. Women, however, have both on the tips of their tongues — or even worse: written down on a piece of litter. I can picture his list for their next counseling session already.
Issues
1. Constantly fucks up.
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November 10th, 2005 at 1:37 pm - IP Man-Hash: 74897c0fa77df
I have always said that if you want to know about someone’s husband go to her hairdresser/stylist. She will have a complete and comprehensive list of moaning and whinging from her everytime she sets foot in the place and that would be very often, even weekly.
Bugger the cost of putting another colour in the straw like mane, vanity must be upheld.
November 10th, 2005 at 6:15 pm - IP Man-Hash: 1cc2bd319db66
Hello everyone i am new to this site, as i have also introduced myself to Mr. Masterson. I am a 25 year old guy from Denmark, who is studying latin+philosophy pro tempus, so if my English in any way isn´t understandable in the forthcoming text, you will have to excuse me, as I am not English. Now about the matter of the theme, which is, as I understand it, a matter of keeping a secret or a promise, which you think men are better at, than women. Well, I am not gonna say it´s true in general, as I can only refer to my individual subjective self, from where the view is alias yours, but that doesn´t mean it´s true in general. But from my own experience, I know that women are not good at keeping secrets compared with men, perhaps because they chatter more then men do, then it´s just a matter of time before the secret become the subject?.
Anyway I am quite familiar with the honor codex, that i.e. the marines in the U.S. have (semper fidelius) always faithfull. This is a good example of men in an organized hierarchy or chain of command, where they know the importance of keeping promises, or not saying secrets, as it would only harm his friends around him. One can only imagine what has happended to the codex today, as us army exploits the Mexican emigrants by giving them green cards, for the purpuse of fighting someplace where they didn´t want to be in the first place.
Hello Christian J. nice to meet you. You are quite right in this, as women even here talk behind people´s backs here. Hehe each time I rode with bus to university I had to hear some irritating women talk about someone behind her/his back, which meant that a poor student like me was forced to buy an mp3-player, just to keep myself sane �
November 10th, 2005 at 7:43 pm - IP Man-Hash: 3197600a7f7f8
Welcome half-soul, I was in your country about 9 weeks ago and loved it. Nice place, did Kobenhavn (Copenhagen) and Tivoli to name a few.
How are the feminazies going over there ?
As if I am interested !
November 11th, 2005 at 4:59 am - IP Man-Hash: 1cc2bd319db66
Mate it’s funny you are asking me about this. I have been a member of SF socialistic folk’s party), for some time, because I thought it important to help the poor and foreigners here, but I was recently thrown out of SF for criticising this group http://www.4klover.dk: which is a part of SF. First I commented their rather stupid name, because 4kløver which is a symbol of luck ect. Would lose it’s meaning if one of the members were to leave the group, and thus people, who beforehand had their name imprinted in their head, would now see the group as an ironic joke. but as you guys can probably imagine, this wasn’t the only critics I came with. I asked them about their goals, because they promote equality between sexes in the society, government ect., so I had to ask them, why they weren’t 2 women and 2 men, as this would be the most logic step, when promoting equality. Obviously they didn’t get this either. The only other party here, which is interesting after SF, is a party called Enhedslisten which is basically communistic, and they want equality between women and men in all possible ways, even the military. If I was to chose to be protected by i.e. the best elite force here “Danish jæger-korps�(this group can be compared with probably the best force in the u.s. “green beret�) which consisted of either men or women I would naturally chose men, and so would any women interested in survival. So I think I am going to live in a political celibacy for a while.
November 11th, 2005 at 6:45 am - IP Man-Hash: 6396f28ed0619
“I commented their rather stupid name, because 4kløver which is a symbol of luck ect. Would lose it’s meaning if one of the members were to leave the group, and thus people, who beforehand had their name imprinted in their head, would now see the group as an ironic joke. but as you guys can probably imagine, this wasn’t the only critics I came with. I asked them about their goals, because they promote equality between sexes in the society, government ect., so I had to ask them, why they weren’t 2 women and 2 men, as this would be the most logic step, when promoting equality.”
It is always great to see another brother whom has seen the light at the end of the feminazie hate tunnel.
As you have found out for yourself the feminazy is not interested in equal opportunity but only female dominance.
Bless their little blackened souls if they had one.
Good to see you made the gutsy effort and showed those arsewipes what they really are about.
Well done.
November 13th, 2005 at 1:12 pm - IP Man-Hash: 1cc2bd319db66
I have some good news. When I said I was thrown out of SF(www.sf.dk ), I was apparently wrong, because I just got a letter today from SF inviting me on some courses in politics.
hi Christian, nice to hear that you have been to Denmark, many americans i have met, thought it was the capital of sweeden hehe. many danes however are racists, as the party in power here “venstre” is in a consesus with a very rightorientated party DF(danish folks party), an this party wants to get rid of many foreigners, even though many of them don´t have a home anymore. moreover i also want to help the poor and i want to fight for a society, where you can get free medical help, where schools and universities are free ect. like they are atm, but many signs are showing that this will go in the other direction. and what about the feminazis? well i am quite charming of nature, so i´ll probably go up to them and say: “hello girls!, i know you want to know why i have become so sucessful right?, well it because of my co-worker, i wouldn´t have made it, had it not been for him. if you all go down on your knees i´ll introduce him for you”. :D
November 13th, 2005 at 7:09 pm - IP Man-Hash: 1cc2bd319db66
i have cancelled my membership, even though i like 90% of their idears, i don´t like the feministic group being asociated wih the party, because they don´t represent the ideas i am in controll of. rene´descartes said in his meditations: “larvatus prodeo”(i come forward in a mask). i would just live my life among them in a lie, and therefore my raison d´etre would be nullified, but i guess you have to be able to do that, in order to become a politician.
btw (Mr. Masterson, or Dick if i may call you that)is it allowed to have i.e. a philosophical discussion here? because it would be nice to discuss something else than women all the time. perhaps philosophy, history languages or science ect.moreover these subjects do also indirectly imply, that men are better than women, as we have forged cultures, idears and intellectualism with our minds.
November 13th, 2005 at 9:32 pm - IP Man-Hash: 00ec4afa1ec15
Half-Soul, if you’re a man, you can talk about whatever you want. That’s because as a man you know what you’re talking about.
Feel free to take any discussions into the Man Forums.
-Dick
November 14th, 2005 at 5:54 am - IP Man-Hash: 1cc2bd319db66
the reason why i asked you was purely out of politeness. i am a man, and i also know what i am talking about. of course i will also discuss women, and how inferior they are to us, because i am a realist, and know that we are better then women. Dick i am not here to sabostage the direction of the themes here(that being one of he reasons you question my gender). i would never want that to happen.
September 12th, 2006 at 8:33 am - IP Man-Hash: 4555637db20cf
I apoligize for reshashing this post, but it has always been one of my favorite readings by Mr. Masterson because of its accuracy.
As soon as she is upset with you, one of the first thing a woman does is to broadcast all of your secrets. At first I thought that Dick may have been mistaken, and the list was merely going to be used by her so she won’t forget anything during one of her nagging sessions. But then, behold:
That wasn’t something she wanted to nag him about. If it was, she would never have obliged in the past. I’m sure that woman had that last on the list of things to tell her friends. Women are so anoying that way. They’re all a bunch of walking contradictions. One time they say:
but then as soon as you do, they are quick to broadcast your few inadequacies to the world. And then they wonder why we clam-up our feelings so much. Cause and effect are totally lost on women.
September 12th, 2006 at 11:45 pm - IP Man-Hash: 5f25557f12b69
Absolutely true, diamatik.
-Dick
September 16th, 2006 at 12:08 pm - IP Man-Hash: 88c1e58dc3ca7
‘Cause and effect are totally lost on women.’…
yeah so but[t] supply and demand aren’t…for the most part, at least, well…more often than never…
September 16th, 2006 at 12:36 pm - IP Man-Hash: 1c4d2e8189903
Supply and demand is simply a part of cause and effect dumbass. They are so similar in principle that you have to be a women to differentiate them like that.
-Strength and Honor-
September 16th, 2006 at 12:48 pm - IP Man-Hash: 980cc8a8ac1a7
Ah, the insipid 5th wheel again. Predictably, ceaselessly rambling senselessly.
September 17th, 2006 at 5:10 am - IP Man-Hash: 48e0f6600996e
I think the whore was trying to say that there is a demand for her but[t] she supplies it for a price. What she needs to realise is that we do not want her cooties, and that she would garner much more profit standing on a street corner than soliciting here.
September 22nd, 2007 at 11:37 pm - IP Man-Hash: f3f1c500bb544
Dick i am ashamed of you…i thought you said you werent gonna divulge it :P youve just told a secret :D
September 23rd, 2007 at 4:17 am - IP Man-Hash: 980cc8a8ac1a7
Twit.