If Only Money Could be Made Out of Chocolate
You know what kind of lame feminist bullshit I hate the most? Feel good, horn-trumpting, back-patting, we didn’t do shit but we deserve a parade, lame feminist bullshit.
Wait a minute. That’s everything that comes out of a feminist’s big fat mouth.
Dove soap has recently poisoned afternoon drive time with a campaign to sell soap to fat women. It’s just like the time Rolex decided to market to slovenly hobos who haven’t worked in eight years. Oh wait a minute, that didn’t happen because it’s fucking stupid. It’s just as stupid in fact for one simple reason. In order to be advertised to, you have to not be in the middle of averting your eyes in disgust and trying to choke down bile.
As if those husky women ads weren’t enough, Dove has now started this embarrassment.
The Campaign for Real Beauty.
Apparently women suffer from an epidemic of low self-esteem. That’s why they throw themselves at successful looking men like stunt-frogs in a Double Dare Physical Challenge. Because just like men, women think they’re worthless.
The Campaign for Real Beauty, you see, is trying to end that. Guess how. By taking free money.
If free money (donations for doing fucking nothing) could cure women’s self-esteem, then every woman on Earth would think she had a penis — or as I call them, magic self-esteem wands. The real reason women have no self-esteem is not because of lack of charity, but because they don’t ever do anything and they constantly fuck up. In a man’s world, that kind of low self-esteem is called good instincts. That’s why men don’t have low self-esteem; because we don’t fuck up like a hamster on fire running into a house made of toilet paper.
Just for fun let’s go over the reasons the Dove Ego-Inflating Charity was created — according to their website.
Over 50% of women say their body disgusts them.
Funny. I say over 50% of women and their bodies disgust me.
The body fat of models and actresses is at least 10% less than that of healthy women.
And a whiskey and soda is 100% more whiskey and soda than you need in a healthy diet. Here’s another fun fact: minimum wage is the most you need to earn to enjoy an acceptable quality of life in any civilized country. The message here is that’s precisely what women aspire to be: minimum wage.
67% of women think they “need to lose weight”.
This is the only statistic I have a problem with. The truth of it is that 100% of women need to lose weight. Start around the midsection, ladies, and when that’s all taken care of you need to lose about three pounds of clothes. Am I right guys. No seriously, I think I’ll start my own charity for this cause. It will be called the Masterson Fund to Put Fun-House Mirrors in Every Woman’s Bathroom on Earth. Our slogan will be, “Give Women a Purpose”.
In all seriousness, where can I sign up to give money to this travesty? And how can I make sure my monies won’t manifest in a slew of commercials encouraging women to sit on their fat asses and do absolutely nothing everyday?
Here’s a good alternative.
Enjoy Coke, Ladies. Not the refreshing beverage. I’m talking about Cocaine — because at this rate nothing else will make you feel worth a damn.
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February 22nd, 2006 at 9:24 am - IP Man-Hash: 5535e40fca630
Actually, the whole site is rediculous. Probably created by a short fat bold man. (similar to the people who write articles on it). I have no idea what I am still doing here. Probably having a good laugh at those proud authors.
February 22nd, 2006 at 11:34 am - IP Man-Hash: f3ae1ac46a2e3
Nice Man-Hash ladies. And thanks for the compliment. I haven’t been called a bold man in at least a week.
-Dick
February 22nd, 2006 at 2:09 pm - IP Man-Hash: 38a2f30530df7
“Valerie Says:
February 22nd, 2006 at 8:06 am- IP Man-Hash: 5535e40fca630
Erica Says:
February 22nd, 2006 at 9:24 am- IP Man-Hash: 5535e40fca630″
As many times as we expose this effort (the brilliant hash#) we still have females doing the same over and over again.
Would this be split personality disorder or maybe some form of psychosis.
I am undecided.
February 22nd, 2006 at 2:23 pm - IP Man-Hash: 38a2f30530df7
Pardon me for butting in but I have the appropriate link on my site for this
February 23rd, 2006 at 12:14 am - IP Man-Hash: 5475964f1d333
CJ, you and Dick really are serving a useful social purpose. I commend you on presenting yourselves as a repulsive example for other men of how not to be.
February 23rd, 2006 at 1:31 am - IP Man-Hash: 38a2f30530df7
Female, for fuck sake. Take you evening primrose oil.
July 6th, 2007 at 3:16 am - IP Man-Hash: 23394c2a48d46
Oi darling! My dad already taught me how to think of and treat women… like shit! Funny thing is you like it as secretly you are shitty little whores and being treated like shit makes you feel honest about your selves once in a while.
Jesus Christ women are the most illogical creatures on the planet one look at the home page and they can tell they will not like the contents of this site. Yet they proceed to comment and argue about the issues raised.
Conclusion - They must just want to fuck you dick!
September 18th, 2007 at 6:48 pm - IP Man-Hash: b654751f5f4fb
what the hell is wrong with u guys? men are the ones that sit around on their fat asses all day- men wouldn’t kno wat to do without woman cuz they can’t do shit. guys are just pigs and usually, men are the fat ones. woman actually work hard, and they don’t get any credit for it.
September 18th, 2007 at 7:46 pm - IP Man-Hash: c41fe27e96c6a
Men are the fat ones usually. When was the last time you took your head out of the trough long enough to look around?
September 18th, 2007 at 7:51 pm - IP Man-Hash: b24fa70c8e643
Without Men, wo-men would still be hanging up curtains in caves.
September 21st, 2007 at 12:07 pm - IP Man-Hash: 2c8448dad3d5f
Is there, perhaps, a link to this important fact, so that we can read it over and be impressed by your glorious revelation?
Didn’t think so.
September 21st, 2007 at 12:33 pm - IP Man-Hash: 9b7a2b3eaa486
Most credit I know women get is their husband’s Credit Cards.
September 21st, 2007 at 1:30 pm - IP Man-Hash: 6d2bcc78aa95d
Right, but you have no problem listening to NOW claim that all males are capable of rape, or any of thier outrageous claims against men. Those women are smart and witty arent they. But when men write about issues concerning men, oh well they must be short fat and bald… oh the Hypocracy!!
Face it Erica, your still here because you know were right, females are angry and hatefull creatures, who loath themselves more than they loath men, and you want to know why… dont you.
September 21st, 2007 at 1:31 pm - IP Man-Hash: 6d2bcc78aa95d
Actually, if you look it up, obese woman far out number obese men. Probly because thier sitting around on thier asses collecting welfare, because they have no idea who the fathers are.
December 3rd, 2007 at 6:11 pm - IP Man-Hash: e24370fe2bb3c
I don’t think that I am worthless, I consider myself as someone that will one day make a difference to something, whether it be donating to a charity or adopting
December 18th, 2007 at 10:26 pm - IP Man-Hash: 9b8661e6da7fc
hahaha
January 6th, 2008 at 8:17 pm - IP Man-Hash: 557cf002c6a29
Wow, this is really pathetic. Now you go after women’s bodies. This is a big ploy. You are grasping for straws now. You don’t have a leg to stand on. It’s obvious you’re losing control and feel threatened by women. You should.
January 26th, 2008 at 11:33 am - IP Man-Hash: 704442c4e98b2
Weak stupid men. That’s all you are.
January 26th, 2008 at 12:01 pm - IP Man-Hash: 955ecd7b9aea4
Why?
January 26th, 2008 at 12:08 pm - IP Man-Hash: 4b8494f25ae28
She’s projecting again. It’s kind of like how when you reverse the genders of the SCUM manifesto, you get a surprisingly accurate first-person evaluation about the western female.