The Institution of Marriage — Prison Style

Women love attention almost as much as they love money. That’s because money and attention are the same thing. Women are simple like that. Usually things they like are always actually the same thing. In this case, you can trade both money and attention for sex. Same thing.

By extension women also love stalkers, babies, and black eyes. They’re all just heaps more attention — another shovel of shit on the compost pile of a woman’s life. Have you ever seen a group of women at a wedding having a Cry-Off? That’s what I call the game women play where they see who can get more emotional over some stupid bullshit.

It doesn’t matter who wins. What’s important is who loses. And that’s you.

Every once in a while, some woman (or women more than likely) will rub all her little logic brain cells together for an hour and spark the end-all, be-all of cluster-fuck attention magnets. It’s an event of such preposterous gravity and chaos that it hits the life of a girl and everyone around her like a comet made of fucking diphtheria.

Men are better than women at not marrying convicted rapists, child molesters, and fucking murderers — which women do all the time.

What’s the worst thing a man’s ever done? I don’t even care and it doesn’t matter because nothing could be dumber and more transparent than marrying a fucking convicted murderer and rapist. It happens so much that they don’t even report it anymore.

Of course by “they” I mean the woman-infected media. If the media was run by men, which it should be — and also is, but I mean more obviously, like how a man runs a dogsled team — women and their gratuitous fuck-ups would be on a permanent ticker tape parade across the bottom of the screen.

“…Local woman trades child for new XBox video game console. When asked why she replied, ‘I wanted to get him a new XBox for Christmas’… …Fat woman surprised when heel breaks! More at 11!…”

There would also be more swearing on the news because we men don’t have sticks up our asses about that manner of shit. That’s a waste of time.

Why in the hell would a woman marry a convicted murderer? Does she have unresolved issues from her childhood? Yea, that’s probably it. Or at least it would be it if this were a fantasy camp for hugging and playing bongos and new-age patting yourself on the ass for doing fucking nothing.

It’s not.

Women marrying murderers is like a man marrying a woman who has a neurotic compulsion to make sandwiches and perform fellatio — that’s a science word for blowjobs. Think about it. Anyone on death row already has shitloads of attention at their disposal. So much attention that it overflows their glass daily. It’s just begging to spill all over a pretty little gutter that is his would-be prison-bride.

There’s also no potential for sexual contact. That’s every woman’s fucking dream.

A more despicable spectacle it has almost never been my misfortune to witness. Fuck this topic. I’ve disgusted myself.

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