The Missing Hen House Entrance
Women can’t do a lot of things in this man-world. Some man once wrote a song about that in the 40’s or 50’s or some other such man year. The lyrics said:
“It’s a man’s world, but it wouldn’t be nothing without a woman or a girl.” -James Brown
Obviously that was written during a time when women knew how to shut their fucking mouths when they don’t know what they’re talking about: always. The world may be nothing without a bunch of women and girls around fucking up, but I’ll tell you something else. With them around the world is one enormous run-on paragraph.
Men are better than women at using the Enter key.
The reason girls score above boys in primary school and all the other grades is because reading what girls write is the equivalent of eating like a 60 ounce tofu porterhouse steak. Indeed it is a monumental task, but you lose about a billion Man Points for ingesting that much soy. Did you know soy increases your estrogen levels? Stick that in your pipe and chew on it next time you think eating a soy burger to fuck a vegan is worth it. It’s not. Soy is exactly like vegans in that way. They’re both after your balls.
Additionally, the quickest way into a vegan’s bed is to trick her into eating meat. All vegan women are full of shit. They’re just looking to be smacked back in line.
Women can’t take an opinion, think it out, and then compose their ideas worth half a shit in a hail storm. That’s why they can’t use the Enter Key properly. As every man knows it’s one of the many tools for composing thoughts and expressing them properly; the most important tool being not having a head full of shit and shopping, which women already lack.
Go read any email you’ve ever gotten from a woman. Or better yet, read any comment a woman has left on this site. What you’ll see is a giant goddamn crossword puzzle with no clues and no black squares. It’s letters in every fucking direction the eye can see and none of it worth shit. Think the answers are in next week’s edition? Don’t hold your fucking breath.
I know what you’re thinking, ‘Dick, not all women are the same. Or are they?’
Yes they are. All women are guilty of every single thing I say they are — especially this one. And especially everything I say about marriage. There’s no such thing as exceptions when it comes to women; there’s just women who are better than others at lying. Isn’t that something to be very proud of!
While it’s true some women use the Enter key to fuck up their thoughts via neglect, it is also true some women fuck up by treating Enter like a set of parentheses.
It isn’t.
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August 31st, 2006 at 6:31 am - IP Man-Hash: 01cca260d4865
oi wolfe i AM English and will speak or spell how i see fit. spastics like you have nothing to teach REAL people like me so stop trying to sound clever and get your fucking camel off the highway
August 31st, 2006 at 6:38 am - IP Man-Hash: dc4b477cfd13b
Well, it’s good to know that rampant illiteracy in the English-speaking world isn’t confined to the United States …
August 31st, 2006 at 6:57 am - IP Man-Hash: 01cca260d4865
Oh i’m not illiterate, just arrogant, and a cunt so fuck you. fucking yanks.
August 31st, 2006 at 7:09 am - IP Man-Hash: 4555637db20cf
That was a joke, right? Either that, or you’re just a plain old liar. Please don’t get confused with the words liar and lair. A liar is one who does not speak the truth, while a lair is where you go to fellate chavs for £20.
August 31st, 2006 at 7:32 am - IP Man-Hash: 01cca260d4865
you’re a joke cockmatik. just because your a virgin doesn’t mean you have to stay at your parents house all day bithcing about women like a little child. why don’t you have another wank.
August 31st, 2006 at 1:22 pm - IP Man-Hash: d691254030680
Dumb cunt
August 31st, 2006 at 5:50 pm - IP Man-Hash: 76cebfba7c181
@Billy “let me help you” Ha! Thanks.
@Luka: I concur entirely. I was raised and taught similarly. It comes of crazed unionized female hippie teachers from the 60’s and 70’s (what we think of the 60’s didn’t culturally end until well into the 1970’s) dictating curricula. Yes, I exaggerate slightly.
@Stef: You and your ilk have spewed vile racism, bigotry and prejudice over these boards. Now it’s “spastics”? Insulting people by calling them “homo”, “yank”. “retard”, “spastic” simply reveals your own prejudices and petty bigotry. Do you realize that you’re actually violating the laws of your own country? Pretty sure we could get you bunged up for hate crimes if you were unfortunate enough to knowingly aim insults at a boardmember also in the UK… where I should be next week. Have away!
-wolfe
September 2nd, 2006 at 4:05 am - IP Man-Hash: 3cb7d74d61f4b
Hey Dick,
Why not make up some new quotes just to see how ridiculous they sound. I am thinking for example:
“This is one small step for a woman, one giant leap for humanity.”
This just brings up the image of Madonna stepping off the ledge of a skyscraper, thus sparing mankind from any more of her illogical, bone-hag, attention-whoring. It certainly does NOT bring to mind the man-feat of the first time a human foot stepped onto extraterrestrial soil…
September 2nd, 2006 at 4:13 am - IP Man-Hash: d20832255de93
lol.
September 2nd, 2006 at 4:16 am - IP Man-Hash: d20832255de93
Women aren’t manly enough to kill themselves.
September 2nd, 2006 at 4:22 am - IP Man-Hash: d8f419652ad49
That’s a good point, Andy. I’ll work something up like that.
-Dick
September 2nd, 2006 at 2:56 pm - IP Man-Hash: 76cebfba7c181
WARNING: Following post is dark and grim, though responsive to something said above. Skip over if you’ve not a strong stomach or just don’t want to read something depressing.
That’s an incredibly dark thing to say, sots, but there’s definitely a kernel of truth there. I shall say something even darker. If memory serves, men kill themselves far more than women; women attempt suicide far more than men. Women appear more frequently to use it as an attention-getting gesture.
I know when I studied the literature, it was interesting to note the number of women that made sure they’d be discovered, then slashed their wrists at 90 degrees to the veins. Scars can be better disguised and method is not very effective, but it gets attention. Those men that chose to kill themselves usually made sure they were alone, then slashed along the line of the vein, meaning a much more rapid hemorrhage.
We could either conclude that women are not very good at killing themselves, or that they’re very good at seeking attention. I lean to the latter.
All that said, of course anyone that commits suicide and anyone that attempts it needs help. Nothing above is meant to denigrate their sad mental condition, whatever their gender.
-wolfe
September 2nd, 2006 at 5:52 pm - IP Man-Hash: 109bcf0dfd9d2
wolfe, you may not be aware of this but the word ’sad’ is often used interchangeably with the word ‘pathetic’ in Australia.
September 2nd, 2006 at 9:16 pm - IP Man-Hash: 0a25aba878123
Heh, actually I had a female-friend (FUNNY TERM ISN’T IT?) who tried to commit suicide recently… of course that is what she told me. Too bad I care so much and called the authorities. It was probably to get some sympathy and attention. She lived after all…
September 2nd, 2006 at 9:47 pm - IP Man-Hash: 109bcf0dfd9d2
and obviously you would have preferred her dead. Let’s hope you wont be asked to do the eulogy at her funeral.
September 3rd, 2006 at 8:03 pm - IP Man-Hash: 76cebfba7c181
Elsewhere as well, though hardly interchangeably.
Presumably you were concerned about the fourth meaning. I think the context is clear enough that any reasonable reader would be capable of discerning the connotative meaning behind my choice of word in this case.
-wolfe
September 3rd, 2006 at 11:02 pm - IP Man-Hash: c20b47cbcee08
Yes, I knew what you meant but thought clarification might be good because this isn’t really a reasonable website.
October 19th, 2006 at 11:26 pm - IP Man-Hash: 7f0331adb6577
yet u post on it day in day out
October 19th, 2006 at 11:58 pm - IP Man-Hash: 980cc8a8ac1a7
Ah, the impetuousness of women.
June 4th, 2007 at 3:21 am - IP Man-Hash: 6df99a3d3b5db
Dick, you’re right again. May i expand on this. You will receive only two types of email from a woman;
1. Minimal words used, maximum abbreviations used as well. They will try to convey their point with the absolute minimum words since smoke language is no longer viable.
2. You will be sitting there reading the Gettysburg address, possibly stretching into a second email. Upon the end of which, there may be a point of some kind.