The Subconscious Man Brain

Science should be renamed as man’s best friend. Or better yet — if science could combine itself and a dog, well then we’d be talking.

We’d not be talking about those Sony Aibo’s either. Those things are pieces of crap.

A new study says the unconscious brain is a better decision maker than the conscious brain. No shit. I guess that’s why men are so much better than women at not fucking their lives up so bad that the government needs to set up temporary housing for them and their beaten children just so they can think about how badly they fucked up and hope to get a job at a gas station. It’s because men let their subconscious brains do all the thinking.

Think about it — or better yet don’t! As a man, you’ll reach the correct decision either way.

Men spend their “off time” being productive. They build chairs, write hilarious and factual websites, watch TV. Whatever a man does when he isn’t thinking, he’s occupying his conscious mind with task after task. Women, however, do not.

Women let their conscious minds wallow like pigs in a pool of mud and shit; free to muddle up the thinking process at will. Women gab endlessly if they’re doing anything at all, and if they’re not, they’re probably just sitting in the car taking two hours to pick the kids up from soccer practice. I see that kind of shit every day.

“How was your day honey?”

“Busy!”

“Was that because it took you two hours to pick the kids up from soccer practice? Why didn’t you spend that time learning how to read a fucking watch?”

If thinking were baking a delicious pie of meats and spices, women would upend a bag of fast foot and Cool Ranch Doritos into a casserole dish and then drop it on the table with a frown and a fucking tedious diatribe about how you’re about to not appreciate something worthless. Men — just like we do in every single other aspect of life, take our time. We let thoughts and ideas sit on the back burners of the mind — where our think grease has been collecting for decades. That’s how you get the good flavor. It’s that old grease in the back.

Look it up for yourself, men. Or better yet, just go do whatever awesome and productive thing that you want. Next time you think about any of this, the answer will be sitting there for you like the finest pint of ale you’ve ever drank in your whole damn life.

Read about women and their lazy brains

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