10 Reasons Why Watches Are So Manly
It was recently brought to my attention that I have never weighed my manly weight in on the topic of watches.
Expensive watches are the manliest mancessories there are. Watches are twice as manly as old man clothes and ten times manlier than the manliest of Man Bags.
Here are my top ten reasons why.
Dick’s Top Ten Reasons Why Watches Are So Manly
10. Watches tell the time.
‘Where’, ‘Why’, and ‘How’ are stupid and womanly questions. That’s why men don’t ask directions, interrogate our lovers, or make any plans ahead of time ever. The only question that matters is ‘When?’
Women couldn’t show up on time if their lives depended on it. You could give a woman a watch, but unless a hand comes out of it that drags her to where she’s supposed to be, it won’t make a difference.
9. Watches come off.
In the old days, you had to roll your sleeves up when some asshole was about to get popped in the mouth — even if you were the asshole. Shirts were expensive back in the 20’s and money didn’t grow on trees like women think it does.
A watch prepares you for a rousing game of fist-mouth by coming off and being given to your least-drunk friend, or the guy who secretly doesn’t want to fight. Once the watch is off, you can let The Smothers Brothers or The Hammers or Prince Utopia and Buck Dynamo, or whatever you manlily call your fists, out for a whirlwind tour of Teeth Town.
8. Watches are distracting.
Many years ago, I was watching a man give a Power Point presentation to myself. When his computer engaged it showed a website detailing divorce law in the local municipality. Obviously, he had been looking at it before the presentation.
At that moment, the soon to be single presenter began adjusting and jiggling his watch like an epileptic magician at a child’s birthday party. His steel and ebony fireworks thoroughly dazzled and distracted me from all marital shenanigans.
I was mansmerized by it.
7. Watches can be engraved.
What else can a man get engraved? A wedding ring?
Congratulations. You’re fucked!
6. Watches are Risky!
Consider getting really drunk and running around town trying to balance six thousand one dollar bills on top of your head — like wearing a sombrero filled with money. That’s what it’s like getting drunk while you’re wearing an expensive watch. Risky as shit. It’s like picking your sister’s wedding cake up from the store and then taking it down a water slide just for the hell of it.
It’s manly to laugh at risk. An expensive watch laughs through a megaphone.
5. Watches are not distracting.
Watches are manly because they’re not distracting like hoop earrings and giant, fuck-off fingernails and diamond necklaces that trick you into looking at some grandmother’s boobs. Men don’t go in for that sort of bait and switch.
4. Watches last forever.
If you stack up the years watches have lasted to the years marriages have lasted, marriage does not stand a chance. Some watches have been handed down three generations. No marriage has ever done that, because that would be called incest.
3. Watches are fashionable.
Everything goes with green.
Watches go with an outfit like a clueless expression goes with a woman. They’re a perfect fit no matter what.
2. Watches are conversation starters.
Women are all degenerate sex-addicts. However, often times a haze of sexual lust will overwhelm their she-brains and faculties of speech. Hot women need an excuse to talk to you. They all think you’re attractive. You’ve got a penis and that’s what women are after.
But they’re also after money.
Isn’t it ironic. It takes several thousand dollars to get a woman to open her mouth, but nothing at all in the universe will shut it — nothing legal anyway. That should have been in that stupid song.
1. Watches Get You Laid.
An expensive watch is like a penis. You can use it to have sex.
Japanese girls are especially vulnerable to this. They will fuck your watch all day just because of your expensive dick — and vice versa.
If you have a few grand lying around, spend it. It’s the manliest thing you can do.
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RE: “Watches are not distracting”. A man can always tell how big a bitch she is by the size of her hoop earrings. The bigger the hoop, the bigger the bitch. This observation is not wholly scientific, but accurate nonetheless.
Shit! that is so fucking true!
Ha! This is freaking hilarious!
yeah everyone has a mobile phone now days, so a watch is pretty useless and I being useless is pretty much what dick does
Then you be sure to never expect a USELESS diamond engagement ring….. or a USELESS wedding dress…. or a USELESS wedding…. or a USELESS marriage contract….
Women like you are more USELESS than watches.
somebody got left at the altar I see. was it because you kept spending all her money on watches
No, somebody wasn’t left at the altar. A man with any brains wouldn’t go NEAR an altar – let alone stand there and watch a cunt parade up to it.
He actually stopped four weddings in the last 3 years. Awesome.
Look at the women getting al ad hominem on our asses again.
Instead of making insulting assumtions how about you argue the point?
Here’s a manstat for the day. 99.99999% of women’s ‘arguments’ in these comments are things like. You’re still a virgin, or you live in your mom’s basement.
“…and I being useless is pretty much what dick does.”
We couldn’t have written more accurately and succinctly about you, ourselves.
Thank you.
I’llShootFishInABarrel-IfMyWatchShowsThatIHaveTheTime
The girls are running scared; the truth is their enemy. I am loving it.
umm you said watches are a distraction and then you said they aren’t.
maybe you should get these things straight before posting them? or else it just makes you seem stupid.
The distraction and lack thereof occur in different contexts. Both are used differently to be pro-watch examples.
Maybe you should get these things straight before posting them, otherwise it makes you appear stupid.
Note how when repeating your closing statement back to you, I improved the sentence. You’re welcome sugar tits.
200 MAN POINT LOSS FOR YOU DICK.WATCHES ARE FOR CUNTS BECAUSE THEY ARE TOO FUCKING STUPID TO LOOK AT THE SKY AND FIGURE OUT WHAT TIME IT IS. THEY ARE ACCESORIES THAT A MAN HAS NO NEED FOR. WATCHES ARE FOR WHEN CUNTS DOUBT THEMSELVES AND NEED REASSURANCE THAT THEY ARE DOING WHAT THEY ARE DOING AT THE RIGHT TIME. MEN KNOW THAT NO MATTER WHAT THEY ARE DOING IT IS THE RIGHT TIME TO BE DOING IT BECAUSE THEY ARE A MAN AND SELF-DOUBT IS FOR PUSSIES.
OTHERWISE KEEP UP THE GOODWORK DICK
O_O
http://www.mensuck.com/jokes.php
Why do you think that the people this site are interested in that link?
Or did you post it in order to readdress the balance? Because there aren’t enough Men are so dumb joke websites out there are there? At least post a link to something where there are the trace elements of a display of wit.
This was the first ‘joke’ I encountered after clicking the link
A high school chemistry teacher was once giving a lecture on organic chemistry and he asked his class to give him an example of something that would be an example of a waste of it. A bright girl raised and her hand and said, “You are and all the other men on this planet.”
My fucking sides! Someone stitch them back together!
…freak.
yep seriosuly this guy must be a freak that doesn’t get laid.
Ad hominem again girls.
Sure – that “reasoning” really explains all those love letters whimmin write to prison inmates with whom they’ve had NO previous acquaintance.
Nina’sAttentionIsStillTransfixedOnThose99Luftballoons
satan is a man too.
Satan is not a man, you stupid bitch.
Satan doesn’t exist… just like Santa doesn’t exist.
Snap out of it.
You have to excuse her, Chris.
Women like to believe all kinds of untrue shit in their heads. “Satan is a man” is something a woman would RATHER BELIEVE than the VERY high probability that “Satan doesn’t exist’.
Women are not interested in truth. And you will probably be called an asshole for saying “Santa doesn’t exist” too.
Best thing a man can do is dress up like Santa,
and force-feed her his cock and cum.
That should confuse her nicely.
LOL! Mark – you were SUCH a pussy when I first met you, but you really have come long way in a really short time.
Well I have learned that everything women say, think and believe — is a lie.
- “Satan is a man”.
- “I deserve respect”.
- “Not sleeping with a man will get his respect”.
Everything. That fact must be force-fed to them along with your cock.
The church is a patriarchal organisation. Ergo: it is run by men and preached by men. And seeing as the majority of protagonists that appear in the Bible are male, it was also most likely written by a man. And while there are female followers, Christianity is a mythology predominantly prolonged by men. So when you called that woman stupid because she claims Satan is a man, you were actually calling these men and the foundations that these men built stupid. By which, you are contradicting everything you and this archaic site stand for. If you’re going to exploit technology to vent such ridiculous ideas (that none of you would dare to voice outside of cyber reality) the least you could do is be consistent. Not that I expect you to understand much of that. Perhaps you should get an education beyond that of the failing American high school curriculum?
Oh tomi you sound so clever, but condescending arguments does not a wise man make.
I wouldn’t go quite as far as to call someone who believes in Satan stupid (more misguided) and I certainly wouldn’t call the men who built the christian institution stupid. They were very clever, manipulative men. So there’s no contradiction is there?
Do you attribute sheep with the same intelligence as a shepherd? Of course you don’t.
How do you know I wouldn’t voice my opinions outside of cyber reality? To be honest I find this site more funny than anything else, but there are truths wrapped up in the extreme rhetoric here.
I’d also like to know why you assume we’re all no more educated than an American high school student. I myself happen to be a British university graduate.
Your argument (apart from the sheep=shepherd fallacy) was well constructed until you closed on an insult.
Your degree wouldn’t be in ‘Buffy Studies’ from some ex polytechnic would it?
”How do you know I wouldn’t voice my opinions outside of cyber reality? To be honest I find this site more funny than anything else, but there are truths wrapped up in the extreme rhetoric here.”
Very true.
Watcher, you caught me red handed on the ex-polytechnic but not buffy studies. It was English literature. The point is I’m not a product of the “failing American high school curriculum”.
You are awre that I’m a man right?
I was arguing against tomi’s ‘point’ that “when you called that woman stupid because she claims Satan is a man, you were actually calling these men and the foundations that these men built stupid. By which, you are contradicting everything you and this archaic site stand for.”
Sorry Sir.
I was putting the ‘beat down’ on a few females and you kind of got hit in the cross fire, collateral damage sir.
“Buffy Studies”.
Fuck that’s hilarious.
But why are you pretending where you got your degree matters when it comes to the subject of women?
Religion is not some FACT – its a belief system.
Much like “Satan was a man” and “all men are pigs” has no validity whatsoever when you live in a world where everything you see, touch and use you HELP you…… was built, designed, packaged and sold to you by a MAN.
Its like that belief systems that “ALL MEN ARE PIGS”…and all “men only want sex”.
So women are useless for anything but their vaginas, and then a man wakes up and go gets himself another vagina and this SATISFIES a woman’s core belief system.
SHE: “SEE I TOLD YOU ALL MEN ARE PIGS!!!”
Wrong —>> SHE’S A GOOD FOR NOTHING WHORE.
However…… “nice, intelligent guys get laid” is a belief system that is FALSE, holds no merit, and has been falsely pounded into your head since birth.
And you bought it.
That’s some intellect you got there.
Where did you say your diploma was from?
Who cares. It will never get you laid. You would have been better off with a diploma in Buffy Studies. At least understanding how empty-headed women are will get you some decent head.
Acknowledging the fact that men are better than women WILL get you laid. I wish I could tell those who embrace the bible to snap out of it too….. but first things first.
No worries, I noticed some of the things I said in that post may have led readers to believe I was a broad.
Namely “condescending arguments does not a wise man make.” Once I posted that figure of speech I thought, hang on people might think I’m having a pop at men.
Any way no hard feelings.
None taken.
There are are of bullshit sayings out there and “condescending arguments does not a wise man make.” is only one of them.
In fact, many “nice” out there (and those who condescend condescending arguments) actually think they are BETTER than other guys because they are so “NICE”.
….. but when you are being NICE in order to make someone LIKE you more —>> you are being manipulative.
You don’t have to be broad to be a gynocentric. There are about 95% of men out there are pussified manginas who – like you – would have a problem with what is written here….. and they have about as much of a problem with it that the Catholic Church has with science.
Chris are you talking to me?
I think you’ve misread me there.
1: When did I say being nice and intelligent gets you laid?
2: I am an atheist.
Talking? no. Typing, yes.
1. You didn’t. I was the one said that it doesn’t. You were too busy waving your diploma in English Literature around like you were looking for a vagina to put it in…. but its just us dicks here.
2. Who cares really. Religion is personal.
Chris I wasn’t saying “no hard feelings” to get people to like me. It was in response to an apology. Why should I give a shit if strangers on the internet like me or not?
1. I mentioned I was a UK university graduate because someone said we (men on this website) were something along the lines of uneducated past American high school. Someone else asked me if that degree was in Buffy Studies. So I corrected him. How does that qualify as waving it around?
2. Religion is personal it it? Is that why you say “I wish I could tell those who embrace the bible to snap out of it too….. but first things first.” only a few posts above? That’s why I told you I was an atheist, because you appeared to think I was religious.
”Why should I give a shit if strangers on the internet like me or not?”
Sounds like a free thinking male to me so far.
1. That’s OK. I graduated an honors scholarship student too, but just because a woman says “You’re all probably stupid, gay, live in your Mom’s basement, cant get laid and you have no dicks”…. obviously doesn’t mean anything.
When a woman tries to shame me with that language, i don’t take out my diploma…. I take out my cock.
THAT was my point.
When a woman calls you stupid,
you smile and throat-poke her.
2. Religion IS personal. I NEVER bring it up in conversation, so why does every one else???… as if they could even have the capacity to understand it at all.
No No. when someone shoves their religious beliefs in your face, its always best to do what it takes make sure they get the message to never do it again.
We’ll have to agree to disagree on argument style but as long as you know that I am as Harry put it a “free thinking male” we can co-exist.
I’d rather not argue with guys on here because we have a common enemy but I resent being called a “pussyfied mangina”. I couldn’t let that stand.
Well then one wonders why you would go out of your way to come here and hammer this “archaic site” and pretend you would rather not argue.
Women are not my “enemy”.
On the contrary!
There is no better place to deposit sperm.
You shouldn’t have taken the ‘enemy’ statement quite so literally.
I didn’t say I’d rather not argue at all. What I was driving at was that I’d rather not argue with men on a website called menarebetterthanwomen. If we argue among ourselves then we are no better than women.
I think we’ve got to the bottom of the problem. You think I’m the person I was arguing against. I didn’t call this site “archaic” I was quoting from tomi’s comment.
“archaic site”
Fair point also, I had forgotten that comment. I still stand by my earlier comment though. Unity is whats required from men these days, not alpha male pushing matches that all too easily fall into. A. Nother also said this earlier. ”You girls keep chatting about esoteric philosophy while the boys go ahead and get things done.”
Time for me to get off, find some middle ground fellas.
Cheers Harry
Solidarity brother.
I shouldn’t have taken the ‘enemy’ statement quite so literally?
This, coming from a literary diploma holder.
Anything that is typed here will be taken “literally”.
Because that’s what “literally” means.
There is no tone through the ether so you can’t grade the intensity of how much (or how little) should be be taken literally.
An English Literature Major would know that.
The problem is that women here (and plenty of men as well) all seem to think that they men on here regard women as their “enemy”.,…. and its all over this website.
• “If you hate women so much….”
• “If you hate women so much….”
• “If you hate women so much….”
• “If you hate women so much….”
Its important to make it clear (however literally its perceived) that woman are NOT the enemy, and that I DON’T hate them.
We wouldn’t throw our cocks into something we hate.
This forces women to look at themSELVES – as INDIVIDUALS in all their glorified independence – and observe their OWN behavior, and take responsibility for it when men walk away from them.
This forces women to say:
• “Omg he’s not really gay, I’m really a cunt”.
• “Omg he doesn’t really have a tiny dick, I’m just not fuckable”.
• “Omg he didn’t dump me because he is an asshole. I am uninteresting , good for nothing , insufferable bore”.
This is very healthy for women.
Sorry for not putting scare quotes on the word “enemy”. That would have eliminated any confusion. It wasn’t anything more than an everyday fuck up.
Of course being a man I can concede that I was wrong rather than persisting and drowning in self deluding bullshit.
The rest of your comment, I would have to agree with.
Can I ask what your degree was?
Certainly.
I have a PHD in common sense.
I keep hearing that’s rare.
Cheers.
More so every day. Have a good night/morning.
The interesting thing is this country has non-stop broken-dick commercial marathons on TV as if the men have a “PROBLEM”.
Women have been saying men’s super hard dicks were a problem all throughout history…. and suddenly now its a man’s problem when he cant get it up for a fat, ignorant Americunt????
If women stopped injecting their tits, behaving like cunts, writing books like “why men love bitches” and believing that shit….. there would be no dick-pill commercials on TV and we wouldn’t need viagra.
Never have , never will.
But there is a reason for that.
Ameriskanks are NOT EVEN WORTH FUCKING ANYMORE. And that is one pathetic reality.
But instead of admitting ” I am fat repulsive cow nobody wants, I am good for nothing, I have hideous behavior and an off-the-chart sense of entitlement” they think the men STILL have a problem.
No no. *WE* don’t have a problem.
When men don’t even want to fuck women unless they take a pill first, the women have a BIG fucking problem.
http://www.mensuck.com/jokes.php
hahaha, she meant that metaphorically…See men just cannot accomplish esoteric philosophy.
That’s clever of you, make excuses for each other that always end in, “stupid men what do they know?”
Why should we discuss what gender a made up scapegoat is? You girls keep chatting about esoteric philosophy while the boys go ahead and get things done.
hahahhahaaa. watches are manly tools right? haah thats def why they come in female designes. People please don’t start commenting back to me saying ‘WOMEN ONLY WHERE WATCHES BECAUSE THEY THINK ITS FASHIONABLE”. Women wear watches to tell time! Whooo surprise surprise. A watch is used to tell time?? thats an unthinkable concept. lmao. Some women buy nice, expensive designs and they also come across as ‘fashionable’. Wow! they killed two birds with one stone! Dick, your just jelous you can’t pull that off!lol
bullshit, once i asked a woman why she bought an expensive-ass watch, the answer:
“i just wanted jewlery, it tells the time, that’s a plus”
there you go, i’m not making this hit up, it happened this very week
Большое спасибо автору. Возможно, в будущем я и на самом деле реализую подобную идею. :)
I would explain why its not a contradiction but i have better things to do with my man time(, which I can measure with my watch).
“What else can a man get engraved?”
Guns. Engrave nifty sayings on your .50 caliber rifle’s muzzlebreak like “have a nice day” or “long distance relationship” or “Alimony this!”
Women look at 3 things to judge whether a man is fuckable or not – 1. watch 2. shoes 3. teeth. Yes watches get you laid and yes it’s pathetic. But its not the men wearing them that’s pathetic, it’s pathetic that women do it.
Watches ARE manly.
I’m Italian so of course mine is a 47mm Panerai…
A chick wouldn’t be able to lift her arm wearing one of these…
http://farm2.static.flickr.com/1408/1394565783_f8ceb71ccb.jpg?v=0
Lol. That’s because they so are. All women should have to go in barefeet, for how manly shoes are.
shoes ARE manly!
i have a pair of old school made in the USA “bostonian” black dress shoes.
triple leather at the toe. i just KNEW that the triple toe would come in handy one day.
i caught my last “fiancee” cheating on me.
(yes i got the ring back-another story for another day)
the law was standing nearby (outside a club in NYC)
so i kicked the *man* ( former wing-man after that night) straight in the ballz
he flew backwards about three feet and landed on his ass
the shoes are too small to wear nowadays but i STILL have them.
Now i wear USMC NCO dress shoes.
and yes, the toes are ‘reinforced’
i dated my wife for five years before we tied the knot.
it was a backyard party with maybe 50 friends.
everyone chipped in.
it lasted the weekend.
life can be good, if a guy lays out the rules
and that’s that
guy things are mysterious to the young and clueless “womyn”
ft
Uh huh.
Bravo with the whole shoe thing. Yah wow, triple leather toe, enough to make someone fly backwards 3 feet from a kick. Aamazing.
So WTF is up with “womyn”
All of a sudden its not not even worth it to spell that correctly? Hahaa dumbass. Give me a break.
men aren’t mysterious…..
Thank You.
I appreciate that compliment.
Men are not mysterious because WE PROVIDE ANSWERS.
You know why whimmin ARE mysterious?????
….because there is NOTHING TO BE FOUND — no matter HOW HARD OR DEEP a Man looks at you.
The minute a man stops looking at you,
that mystery is SOLVED.
Menarebetterthanwomen.
Like one of the english writers once said “A woman is like a Sphinks without a secret” – Oscar Wild
because All women are submissive – that’s the whole secret.
That’s not a “secret” at all. ;)))
So, women don’t have a secret = women are not mysterious ;)))
MABTW
I wouldn’t say this about women in classical music.Especially Indian classical music.I had trained in the Sarod and the Sarangi for a few years.There were some pretty good women there.Some of you may also have heard about Lata Mangeshkar, my favourite Indian female singer.Her voice was so perfect, the musicians tuned their instruments to it, in fear of making a mistake in the tune.However, Indian boy and girl ‘rock’ bands are as shitty as the large intestine of a blue whale.Same goes for MOST western bands, and ALL western girl bands.
If anyone’s interested in classical music, here are some links to the works of the Late Ustaad Nusrat Fateh Ali Khan, my favourite classical singer of all time:-
http://youtube.com/watch?v=evMMGGcDoSA
http://youtube.com/watch?v=BQsMEuMitE4
http://youtube.com/watch?v=Q5gOUW8udGU
Women are low-grade cunts. And that is NO secret.
Don’t mean to nitpick but Wilde was Irish.
Look at JayZ or P’Diddys’ watch…..
I hate watches, I just my IPOD…
Ipods are peoplish…
oh boy…
Very plausible debate we have, the title gives away the lack for a good debate regardless..
Waiting for “Shoes are manly” next.
All I can say is WTF.
Also, I am wearing a watch. I am a woman. I use it to tell the time, so that I may not be late for things. I do not wear it because it is a piece of jewellery to make me look good. Also, a woman paid for this watch, and a woman set the time on this watch. The time on it is correct.
Hmm…I’d say that this is a very pointless list you have created.
once upon a time, about 15 years ago, i thought i needed an esxpensivewatch to prove
so i bought a Tag. nothing spectacular, just stainless steel and battery powered. at the time it cost $1K in a watch store in Southampton VIllage , Long Island New York, USA.
not for nothing but i’ve had occasion to use it as a right hand “knuckle-duster”.
on all such occasionss, the other individual decided he did NOT need to have my watch.
i STILL wear the sukker.
at my age, (55), i don’t need no “steenkin’ new watch”.
this one works quite well.
this thing once fell out of my hand 20 stories up at cancun, bounced about three feet into the air (according to witnesses) and stayed at the bottom of a green-scum filled swim pool for two days and it STILL keeps ticking.
accurately.
women……wonderful to sex but otherwise clueless.
that’s it for tonight
ft
Then you are correct.
Plus, its a list about.. watches…
You’re a retard if you make lists about watches.
Yea on time to be gang banged. women was created to slut it up. women suck! lmao
8. Watches are distracting.
5. Watches are not distracting.
????????/
Lol! I think distracting in some ways and not distracting in others. They’re distracting when it counts, but they’re not excessively distracting otherwise. At least, that’s as much as I understand from it.
Hilarious. Probably one of the best things I’ve read here, really. I wear a watch, sir Dick. If it makes you feel any better, I wouldn’t be wearing it had my mommy not decided I should be wearing a watch. Erm. ^^ Hilarious, though. I love the site. Interesting.
Cassie.
Ah yes, the paranoia. You only think he’s cheating on you because you’re projecting your own whorishness onto him.