Whore-o-ween: Now For Kids!

If it looks like a stripper and costs like a stripper then it’s a stripper.

This Halloween, woman-kind has lowered the bar of decency yet another inch in their eternal quest for gold at the Whore Olympics, by giving their daughters the key to the Halloween Slut closet six years ahead of schedule.

If you haven’t been watching the news, or you haven’t attended any elementary school Halloween parties, let me tell you about the trick or treat you’ve been missing.

Jailbait.

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I hereby give MenAreBetterThanWomen.com’s coveted Honorary Man of the Month award to every mom and daughter combination who’ve conspired to put their pre-teen in one of these massively inappropriate outfits this season. Good work, ladies. You are pioneers in feminist ass-busting just like me, Dick Masterson.

All women are prostitutes. They’re not all lady businessmen; they’re not all able to spot the difference between a bounced check and a bar of gold; and they’re not all about to listen to reason for the first time as if they were a broken 70’s television set with wood paneling and a UHF knob that suddenly sprouted Bluetooth.

All women are whores.

That’s what Valentine’s Day is. One day set aside where you can pay your wife 50 dollars for a blow job. It’s cheaper than Christmas.

That’s what alimony is. In both prostitution and divorce, you’re paying the whore to leave. If you’re married, make sure you get your money’s worth before the bill comes. It’ll be the size of your phone number.

That’s what Halloween is. Whoretopia.

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I’m sickened each time I hear an ad promoting science and math among little girls. Little girls are stupider than their adult counterparts — way stupider. Now we’re supposed to teach them math just because the radio tells us to? I have a better idea. Why don’t we all just field goal kick footballs into each other’s nuts because the radio tells us to? That’s as pointless as putting a Calculus book in front of a little girl and not expecting three hours of crying and 50 dollars of Toys R Us.

No matter what their age, a woman’s affection is the same cost.

Feminism has been trying to cram the square peg of The Woman into the round hole that is The World for years. And they’ve been doing it with such Herculean tantrums, everyone has adopted their motto.

Women are more than whores.

What the fuck is wrong with a whore?

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Some of the greatest whores in human history have been whores. Putting your little girl into one of these obscene costumes isn’t negligent; it’s catapulting her into a life of whoring that is very much a reality for women.

Who knows what pinnacles she’ll reach. She could be a famous actress or a wealthy lady-lawyer. Both careers require tremendous amounts of whoring. She could even be president — or at least make a mockery of an attempt at running. After all, who else but a fucking whore grins like a rictus idiot while their husband fucks a fat pig on national television. That’s what it takes for a woman to become president.

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These outrageously over-sexualized costumes are not only illegal to jerk off to, they’re also an SAT prep course for pre-teen girls. Buy your son a chemistry set or a calculator. Don’t waste your daughter’s time. And don’t waste her future on books.

The only thing you do when you cram a square peg into a round hole is shave off the corners. Then you don’t even have a square, you have some kind of fucked, rounded oblong with a Women’s Studies degree and a cunt that hasn’t been cracked open since Thriller. Instead of cramming a square peg into a round hole, why not just chuck it into the sewer.

Happy Whore-o-ween to all the men. And to all the women, fuck off my website.

Oops, women did it again.

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