Why Does My Mother Wear Army Boots?
I received this email today from a woman reader by the name of Kelly who, like most women, is allergic to grammar and capital letters. Instead of printing her thoughts out and wiping my ass with them as I enjoy doing with all female inquiries and any other emails that should have been written with an e-crayon, I decided to answer it on this month’s Ask Dick.
i don’t know what has happened to you, maybe you are just some single man, (which, by reading some of your articles, i would bet good money on)…
If I weren’t too manly to know that obnoxious little configuration of commas and colons that looks like its rolling its eyes, I would type it here — but I am so I cannot.
Women can’t start, stop, or be in the middle of asking anything without being condescending and insulting. That’s why all female bosses and managers are referred to as bitches — because they are bitches. QED.
I’ll summarize Miss Princess Complex’s email instead of pasting it verbatim because you’re all men and I don’t want to waste your valuable time.
…why would we [women] go into the military? i personally, am going into the air force. Why would i do such a thing if i would follow hitler?
Quick answer: for all the wrong fucking reasons.
Women never do anything for the right reasons. It’s just like how they drive places or eventually figure out how to turn on your stereo when you expressly told them not to fucking touch it since they were too impatient to learn how to turn it on properly and toplessly. Sure, they might get to the end of the maze, they might get your five thousand dollar B&W’s to pump some Dixie Chicks, but at no point were they on the right path.
Why would we go into the military?
Women who enter the military are trying to prove something. It doesn’t matter who they’re trying to prove it to: their fathers, their husbands, God; it’s all the same person: a man. And that’s the end of my explanation. That’s also the end of my explanation for why women shouldn’t be allowed in the military to begin with.
Women are frantic and retarded in the face of stress. Haven’t we all seen the face of a woman trapped in a yellow light or waiting helplessly in the checkout line for her boyfriend to fetch a bottle of soda? Is that the face we want in the cockpit of a fighter pilot with her petrified thumb on a half ton of cluster bomb? Sounds like a half ton of clusterfuck to me.
Of course not. But we men have sewn ourselves into a dickle of a pickle. Instead of shuffling women to the side of life as our great mancestors did before us, we invented technology to cover up for the female creedo of blundery. Things like automatically shifting cars and cameras for those pesky parked cement blockades that come at reversing cars recklessly at up to seven miles an hour — we invented those things to help women cope with life. However, not even technology can make the army female friendly.
Women shouldn’t be in the military because they’re only there to show that they can run, jump, and shoot as good as a man — and not any and all men, just a few of them. Just the one that shoots his mouth off the most. Good for you, sweetheart. All you proved is that the glass ceiling is very real, it’s painted with rainbows of fantasy and delusion, and it’s buried about a mile below ground. See, being in the military is about a hell of a lot more than proving something to yourself. It’s about honor and service and going above and beyond every fucking thing you think you ever were.
Have any of you seen those planes that can take off vertically? How about a stealth bombers? Those are military planes. Regular planes look at those and say to themselves, ‘fuck that’s above and beyond every fucking thing I thought I ever was.’ And that is exactly what I’m talking about.
If your goal is to be as good as a few men, well then you already fucking failed because the Army tee box for men is about a mile back up the road. And what the fuck does Hitler have to do with anything?
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May 1st, 2006 at 3:28 pm - IP Man-Hash: f2a1311f766b9
I note also how quite those female’s have become (some are getting the message)regarding the inequalities everywhere. The totally biased system has turned against males and here we have women posing the question “why are you not worshipping us as you use to ?”.
I wonder.
May 2nd, 2006 at 1:57 am - IP Man-Hash: bcf6a42b6d676
Hmm said:
How pathetic it is that little boys rant about women. Whats up guys? did she dump you or not shag you? Or did you find out she “faked” orgasmed. Aw there there. I can understand you little boys having to “diss” us for being more intelligent than you and no not all girls are whores. It’s more like the men that are cheating bastards. I mean hello what happened to equality? well you know what shove it up your ass you stuck up pricks.
How pathetic and predictable some women become when they are faced with their own inadequecies. There, there, Hmm, I am sure someone in the future will take the time to teach your stupic ass how to capitalize and spell. Well I at least hope there’s still time for that endeavor. Personally I wouldn’t waste the time trying.
Strength and Honor
May 2nd, 2006 at 2:05 am - IP Man-Hash: eadd56da2c7c9
According to the IP Man-Hash, Equality? = Hmm.
She can’t be that keen on equality when she can’t even make her name equal what it was last time.
-Big Al
June 16th, 2006 at 10:28 am - IP Man-Hash: 6dbb0c6b75792
What happened to equality? If these women soldiers want equality, they need to do equal work. The only women who MIGHT belong in the military are the ones who can do the exact same things as the men who are already there.
June 16th, 2006 at 12:00 pm - IP Man-Hash: 980cc8a8ac1a7
I think it’s demeaning to the enemy to have them killed by women. It is disrespectful towards the enemy and dishonourable for both the enemy (to be killed by women) and the home army to have women even serving (remember Iraq’s pow camp?) let alone fighting. It diminishes the already dwindling honour and dignity of modern warfare as well as modern woman.
June 17th, 2006 at 4:24 am - IP Man-Hash: 442ae7cfaf56b
yes…Imagine as a soldier you come into base and said ” I killed three women today !”.
According to the feminasties, he should be proud to have done it as they believe that women should die more often.
Personally, I think this is a good thing as it will finally bring home the lies, the total mis-information those nasty feminazies have been feeding women.
Want to die for the cause ?
Just sign up, “be a man” and die in a foreign country and do what the feminazy expect you to do.
The hive mind is any interesting thing to behold.
July 21st, 2006 at 6:27 pm - IP Man-Hash: afd6613f3668c
I’m an optimist here and I will say maybe she joined the army because she needed money to go to college? get yourself an education and not be a retart?.. maybe she wants to be a better person by having the experience of joining the army or air force or whatever the fuck she was joining?.. Serve your great country for honor?
of course these are my optimisms and I am sure I am wrong when I say she joined because of them.
March 25th, 2007 at 12:31 am - IP Man-Hash: 6cd47684b8155
[...] Why Does My Mother Wear Army Boots?I received this email today from a woman reader by the name of Kelly who, like most women, is allergic … [...]
June 30th, 2007 at 12:34 pm - IP Man-Hash: 4133c5d1c3000
Yes i’d really hate to be in a combat unit that actually had to face the enemy, with female soldiers to the left and right of me! Sure there’s the occasional female rambo that has the guts of a man but they are 1 in a thousand if that many. Even if the soldierette has got the guts, and thats a huge IF - she doesnt have the strength a male has, and i wouldnt want some 110 pound female trying to haul my bloody wounded ass 3 klicks to a dust-off chopper, because any fool would know she is just not physically capable of doing this.
The only reason the military wants females is to free up more swinging dicks to be the trigger-pullers - and hopefully not to replace them on the front lines - which would be the stupidest idea ever implemented.
August 16th, 2007 at 5:34 pm - IP Man-Hash: a30b6e446d3f6
Here’s a joke about women in the military.
A colonel in command of an all-woman regiment had problems with trying to get his unit to attack the enemy on the front lines. The women weren’t physically fast enough or capable of following such orders in going to battle. Many of them were too scared to fight at all.
Until the colonel came up with a brilliant plan. He makes an announcement to his women soldiers and they swarmed over the enemy lines like a pissed-off nest of bees, leaving few survivors.
“What did you tell them, sir?” asked an astonished major.
“I told them that the enemy got a good look at their lines and said that they all look fat in their uniforms.” the colonel replied with a smirk.
Simple as that. Women don’t belong in the military unless they’re only nurses to tend to our wounded, something they did without complaint since the War of Revolution. Women want equality? It’s simply bullshit because none of them were ever drafted to die for their country. And if women WERE drafted, they could simply protest about it and get off scot-free while men who do the same thing are beaten and arrested as draft-evaders.
Show me a group of women who are willing to go to the front line and die in combat, and I’ll show you some beach property in Arizona that I can sell you.
August 16th, 2007 at 6:46 pm - IP Man-Hash: d79dbefdf9858
Yes i’d really hate to be in a combat unit that actually had to face the enemy, with female soldiers to the left and right of me! Sure there’s the occasional female rambo that has the guts of a man but they are 1 in a thousand if that many. Even if the soldierette has got the guts, and thats a huge IF - she doesnt have the strength a male has, and i wouldnt want some 110 pound female trying to haul my bloody wounded ass 3 klicks to a dust-off chopper, because any fool would know she is just not physically capable of doing this.
The only reason the military wants females is to free up more swinging dicks to be the trigger-pullers - and hopefully not to replace them on the front lines - which would be the stupidest idea ever implemented.
Yeah. GI Jane was about the closest to SF or SOG that a female will ever get to. A movie. That’s all it was and all it will ever be. Everyone has a “deer in the headlights” moment when their cherry gets popped in 1st time combat, but I don’t (and have actually seen this happen) want a woman next to me to get that moment, then not pull out of it, then start crying about how she can’t take a human life?! Of course, shortly thereafter said female is either dead or dashing for cover. No thanks. You’re not covering my ass!
MEN ARE BETTER THAN WOMEN
-SGT REYES
August 16th, 2007 at 6:58 pm - IP Man-Hash: d79dbefdf9858
Funny how we saw Jessica Lynch all over the news and she received the “Bronze Star” for all sorts of shit. I’ve served with buddies who have been shot multiple times, evaded capture and turned the tide of many a firefight, fought against trained guerillas. Where is their Bronze Star? Where is the news coverage of them?
Men succeed and receive no acknowledgment from the media.
A Woman fails and gets captured, we bail her ass out and she becomes “America’s Hero”!
Bull-fucking-Shit! That’s all I have to say about that.
August 16th, 2007 at 11:12 pm - IP Man-Hash: 1d7991e476ee8
Sgt. Reyes, I’m with you that Jessica Lynch got waaay over-covered, and she was only covered at all because she was a woman. In her defense, though, she has denied that she is a hero, and has avoided the limelight.
Men do make better soldiers than women. As well as better firefighters, police, and professional athletes. Sorry ladies, it’s true.
September 23rd, 2007 at 7:48 pm - IP Man-Hash: 1e7a1f7f0ed39
To all of the women who respond to Dick’s Post-
Dick makes this because of your annoyances.
You reply because of your insecurities. That’s right. You’re trying to prove something; Something wrong.
Please, for the sake of humanity’s advancement…Keep your cock massagers closed.
September 23rd, 2007 at 9:33 pm - IP Man-Hash: f3f1c500bb544
massagers?
Crap…more idiocy.
January 6th, 2008 at 8:14 pm - IP Man-Hash: 557cf002c6a29
you’re not a gentleman
March 9th, 2008 at 10:38 am - IP Man-Hash: 60bbd967a6d59
But the vast majority are homophobic Nazi cunts.
March 9th, 2008 at 10:43 am - IP Man-Hash: 60bbd967a6d59
Sounds pretty hip to me. If women are smart enough to be Doctors and Lawyers and stand for President, they are smart enough to serve the country that gives them those privileges. Maybe not in the front line where they might endanger good men’s lives, but they should certainly be drafted to serve their country. Nothing wrong with them being killed, either - good thing, in fact. The more, the merrier.
April 28th, 2008 at 5:33 pm - IP Man-Hash: 062703d978411
Brilliant! (And, precisely bullet’d, thanks!). How did the useful and nobel female patriot, the WAC of WWII (grandmother of today’s whackjob) loose her damn way? And they’re all dying off. Nobody ever mentions the duty women are on before they even sign up-O.T.R. Or, what ya doining w/ party favors-you’re not on leave. Or-are you going to acknowledge that you literally have water on your brain once a month, or just keep begging off for some sympathy game? Makes no sense at all.
No doubt America in the Frontier days oft times had the wife on the other end of the saw if a cabin was going to get built. People begged the Lord for sons. Was this optimal? Hell no, but necessary. I think that’s how it should be w/ women; auxillary only. Sure, train them-but they need to have the intelligence to understand why they don’t present next to a man, or their simply not fit for what they could do in a support position or breeding, for that matter.
Somebody will get an ‘A’ in Obvious Class before the sun goes down today.
April 30th, 2008 at 5:47 am - IP Man-Hash: b9acdedb38018
Um, ok, but isn’t it equally demeaning when they have child soldiers fighting as well…?