Great. I Always Wanted A Mickey Mouse Tie
This is a modern man-age of incredible man-things: more sports magazines than you could read in a lifetime, services that will send you selections of exotic whiskies around the year, televisions that can go back in time, automatic pornography machines.
With all these things of fantasy available to any woman at the touch of a button, it makes you wonder. Why is it that women give such shitty presents?
By the time we men are the age of fifteen or sixteen or so, we know not to expect a lot from women in a lot of ways. One of the more surprising of those ways is in gifts. Especially since women seem to be so fucking obsessed with them.
Let me list the last several presents I’ve received from women here as proof. I’m sure I don’t have to tell all of you men that this set is not atypical.
Socks without the leg things on them.
I have never ever in my life worn these types of socks.
Bod Body Spray.
A shirt with pink and lime green stripes.
A picture frame with a picture of guess who already in it.
Dove soap.
These are things that I need about as much as a fucking hole in the head or a broken bicycle. In fact that’s exactly what I said when I opened half of those presents up.
“Why didn’t you just get me a broken bicycle? You could have easily found that in the trash.”
And just as soon as I had said it, I realized why she hadn’t. Digging in the trash takes work, a lot more work than walking into your local thrifty market and purchasing a 12-pack of Dove soap. You can also store a broken bicycle in the garage or in the trashcan. That’s something that can’t be done with a pack of Dove soap or a pre-filled picture frame that for some reason can’t have a signed 8×10 of Andrew Dice Clay in it even though it’s fucking yours.
Which brings me to my point.
Women get presents for men with one and only one thing in mind: the cheapest and easiest thing to buy that will be a constant reminder of her not only to you but to fucking everyone in the world who happens to see it.
Think you want a remote control boat for Christmas? No. Guess what. You don’t. What you want is a hideous sweater with your wife’s face embroidered across it and a noose stitched into the collar.
Merry fucking Christmas.
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August 4th, 2005 at 6:21 pm - IP Man-Hash: c6efaa21f2b8a
Don’t you think that it is ironic that your name is Dick?
August 4th, 2005 at 7:39 pm - IP Man-Hash: ac62c77584632
Well that’s a typical woman-way to phrase a question.
“Don’t you think…”
If I did I would have said it. How about you let the men do the thinking around here, Hana.
-Dick
August 5th, 2005 at 4:12 am - IP Man-Hash: 38965e6dfe89d
Does it count that my girlfriend bought me a 100 dollar gift certificate to a porn store and an Xbox for Christmas?
August 5th, 2005 at 6:11 am - IP Man-Hash: 46d8304bbb9af
Dick, the characteristic of saying absolutely every thought that pops into your head is an extremely annoying trait, simply because no one cares. Keep that in mind, if you’re capable of not talking about it immediately that is.
P.S. if you want a particular gift, just tell her, it’s not rocket science.
August 5th, 2005 at 8:41 am - IP Man-Hash: ac62c77584632
Good one, sir leaps a lot.
Of course if that were actually true, your girlfriend would have to have a job or a career of some kind. And since she’s a woman we know she doesn’t.
-Dick
August 5th, 2005 at 3:50 pm - IP Man-Hash: 46d8304bbb9af
Dick, what is it you seem to believe, that every woman, even single ones without children sit at home all day on their asses. They pay the rent how exactly?
You’re living in a fantasy, you can pretend there are no women with careers but there just are. Accept it.
August 5th, 2005 at 5:17 pm - IP Man-Hash: f3ae1ac46a2e3
How do single mothers pay the rent while they sit around all day on their asses? Oh, I’m sure you’ll find on your own, Nicole. I’m not going to give you any pointers.
-Dick
August 6th, 2005 at 7:06 am - IP Man-Hash: 26390a6c57528
Nicole said single women without children. Single mothers will get a benefit of some sort however women without children don’t get this kind of help.
August 7th, 2005 at 4:12 am - IP Man-Hash: 38965e6dfe89d
I’m one damn lucky man then aren’t I? hehe She also bought me a playstation two and has her own account on Halo live. Shocking? She has also bought me 50 dollar certificates to Game Stop for games and PC and entertainment equipment. So yes, commen sense would say, and I’m sure you picked this up all by yourself, she has a job. And a high paying one at that. oh yeah, AND she’s gorgeous. oops, AND she’s smart. I hope you find one like that, Dick, you’ll be one happy man.
August 7th, 2005 at 10:06 am - IP Man-Hash: 90732515db7b8
Dick would never be happy with one so much beneath him.
June 26th, 2007 at 11:02 am - IP Man-Hash: 48ed4d1f98cdf
sir leaps a lot is full of shit.
the best present my wife has ever given me was a vacation from her. She went to some fucking spa or whatever. Best gift ever
July 10th, 2007 at 7:36 am - IP Man-Hash: 23394c2a48d46
if so very well done! But most probably not true, and in which case yuou must be a woman out to try and sabotage Dick’s post
August 3rd, 2007 at 11:01 pm - IP Man-Hash: 9a0bebf713c23
The characteristic of saying absolutely everything that pops in his head is an extremely annoying trait, simply because he’s right and it’s about you.
November 12th, 2007 at 11:03 pm - IP Man-Hash: 904f55006453f
Untrue. I care. And so do a lot of MEN AND WOMEN on this site.
The world doesn’t revolve around you sweetheart.
It revolves around Dick. *laughs*
As as far as TELLING your woman what you want, yeah, right. I’ve tried that.
Women like everything to be romantic. Which is fine to some degree I suppose. But if you tell them what you want, then they say things like, “But then it won’t be a surprise!”
It would be really nice if women could get to know men well enough to buy them things they actually like.
I work with a woman who buys awesome gifts for her boyfriend. Things he needs, AND wants. For his birthday, she bought him new hockey equipment, a new hockey bag, a satellite radio for his car, and a bunch of whiskey. And that’s just the stuff I remember. She’s still a woman, but at least he can MANbuy MAN gifts.
April 11th, 2008 at 5:57 am - IP Man-Hash: 500675dc8b6d7
I’m sure this is at least a year late, but seriously, if you didn’t care you wouldn’t reply. Fucking hypocrite.
April 18th, 2008 at 6:28 pm - IP Man-Hash: 90850f55d960b
I (the man-space invader) like to give liquor and naughty magazine subscriptions.