One Cheeseburger, Please. Hold The Jibber Jabber.

If you’re pressed for time on your lunch break and you walk into your favorite restaurant only to see a teamful of broads manning the registers, just turn around and walk the fuck out because you are definitely going to be late for work. Unless you want to be late for work for whatever man reasons you might have. In that case, signal that you’d like all employees in earshot to being a round of bullshit chatting by walking up to the register and ordering.

“Hi. I’d like a cheeseburger and five minutes of giggling. Oh great. Thanks. You already started.”

From Dell to Jack in the Box, women serve customers about as well as they serve pithy, insulting remarks — very poorly. Here’s why.

Everyone knows that men have natural instincts to conquer land and animals. Over ten thousand years, that instinct has evolved to produce thriving economies and the ass kicking’s of diseases and hunger all over the world. Without men grabbing bulls by the horns, the human race wouldn’t even have words for “shelter”, or “no dysentery” or “abortion clinic”. And that would be a waste of everyone’s time.

Women, however, have what is commonly called a “nesting” instinct.

That’s horseshit though. “Nesting” is just another nice name we’ve given to something terrible that women do all the time. Like “empowered”. That’s a nice name we have to use to describe women who behave like whores. “Career driven”. You guessed it: un-fucking-dateable.

What is called a woman’s nesting instinct should be called an infecting instinct. It’s a woman’s natural desire to get into any situation and sour the whole shit with touches of the only things she knows: endless jibber-jabber and kitschy, homey, chumpy little knick knacks and inappropriateness’s. And even with their pictures and plants and hour long birthday breaks, the bottom line is that women are never comfortable at work. That’s why there are so many sexual harassment lawsuits — because women who have jobs are wound up tighter than an epileptic in Vegas.

Women are also extremely insensitive. See for yourself if you want to lose your job. Just tell a hilarious joke to a woman. If women hear anything even slightly off-colour the reason they automatically assume the worst is because that’s how they would have meant it, and that’s insensitive.

The equation here is that women bring their love of sitting at home and gabbing or doing jack shit into the workplace; instead of going with the flow or fitting in the way that men do. When multiplied by a staggering insensitivity to the customer, that equals shitty customer service. And that’s poor business.

That’s why I always say:

A penny saved is a woman fired.

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61 Responses to “One Cheeseburger, Please. Hold The Jibber Jabber.”

Pages: [1] 2 3 4 » Show All

  1. joey Says:

    Dick,
    Why would you make this website anyway?? Do you honestly think that you are going to do anything but piss a bunch of women (and men) off? Also, WHY DO YOU HATE WOMEN SO MUCH??? I am looking foreward to how you are going to ansewer my two questions:)

  2. Mansman Says:

    Katie said:

    Dick,
    though I must admit I find you very witty, …You don’t have two beautifull(sic) breasts and…so…I…have to post shit like this.

    Any way you cut it, their horseshit still doesn’t make sense. Watching them clumsily try to divert attention from this with ad-hominems, is amusing.

  3. Dick Masterson Says:

    joey said:

    Dick,
    Why would you make this website anyway?? Do you honestly think that you are going to do anything but piss a bunch of women (and men) off? Also, WHY DO YOU HATE WOMEN SO MUCH??? I am looking foreward to how you are going to ansewer my two questions:)

    “joey”, why did you enter an email address of katie.pember@yahoo.com?

    -Dick

  4. diamatik Says:

    Dick Masterson said:

    “joey”, why did you enter an email address of katie.pember@yahoo.com?

    … because of the laws of women. I have to point out that we all knew joey was a she when we saw her spell “foreward.”

  5. wolfe Says:

    @diamatik good one. For me it was the five question marks when two would do. But we’re all slightly smarter than the average bear. Or joey. Or woman.
    -wolfe

  6. wolfe Says:

    Hmmm that is me… let’s see if this set of credentials prove it.

  7. sonyad Says:

    wolfe (2) Says:

    Apparently not.

  8. Wolfe Says:

    Indeed. Turns out I have to sign in in upper case. Thanks, wordpress, for violating 30 years of convention in case.
    -wolfe

  9. sonyad Says:

    I thought you enjoyed little pleasure like that. Don’t you code in see?

    - Booka Shade - Vertigo

  10. Wolfe Says:

    @Sony I did. Not so much these days. And C lets you choose case. Ditto BSD. WP does precisely the reverse; it forces the first letter to be uppercase. Personally I’m in favor of user choice.

    -wolfe

  11. Eliza Says:

    I have to admit, women do chat a lot when they could be doing more productive things. I’m like my dad, without the asshole, I like things to be done quickly and effeciently.

  12. diamatik Says:

    Eliza said:

    I’m like my dad, without the asshole, I like things to be done quickly and effeciently.

    WTF?

  13. e v i l e d d y Says:

    She must defecate through her vagina.

  14. sonyad Says:

    What does that make anyone who’s ever laid her?

    - booka shade - double identity

  15. UGK Says:

    Dick Masterson said:

    “joey”, why did you enter an email address of katie.pember@yahoo.com?

    Hahahahahahahaha Dick you deserve an award. This not the first time you have caught females pretending to be men on this website!

  16. Dick Masterson Says:

    Only a woman would be stupid enough to give her actual email address to someone she hates.

    -Dick

  17. Aidan Says:

    Joey(katie) you got to realize all men who read anything can almost instantly pick the sex of the person who wrote it.

  18. Heartless Bitch Says:

    While it’s kind of unnecessary for me to point out what’s wrong with this, I’ll do so anyway.
    1. As a young woman with a job at a grocery store, I’m going to tell you that I don’t give a fuck about talking to any customers. Don’t flatter yourself, asshole; I have no desire to talk to you. All I want to do is get you the hell out of there as fast as possible.
    2. Most people with a minimum wage job at a place such as a fast food place or grocery store are not “career-oriented.” The majority of us are getting an education to get a REAL career so we can stop being slaves to complete assholes.

  19. Karu Says:

    Heartless Bitch said:

    While it’s kind of unnecessary for me to point out what’s wrong with this, I’ll do so anyway.
    1. As a young woman with a job at a grocery store, I’m going to tell you that I don’t give a fuck about talking to any customers. Don’t flatter yourself, asshole; I have no desire to talk to you. All I want to do is get you the hell out of there as fast as possible.
    2. Most people with a minimum wage job at a place such as a fast food place or grocery store are not “career-oriented.” The majority of us are getting an education to get a REAL career so we can stop being slaves to complete assholes.

    You seem to have missed the point. Those were examples of euphemisms. They did not apply to the burger-broad in question. Perhaps your education should have included reading skills?

  20. charley Says:

    Dick,

    I’m going to keep this short and simple. I agree with your comments on this topic 100%. Now, to all you fucking ladies out there….fuck off.

    -charleythebrown

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