Women Drink Wine Stupidly
The number of myths I’m about to bust is so great I don’t even know how to classify this article.
Except I do know how to classify this article. Men are better than women.
You know all the pretentious shit women pretend to pull off in their twenties and then continue to cling to like a fucking life preserver when they hit their thirties and no man will knock them up because they’re so fucking lame and also won’t ever shut their mouth? Men are better than women at that shit.
A recent piece of CBS investigative journalism discovered some shocking news: the decision making processes of women are like three legged dogs. No matter what kind of handicap you give them, no matter how sorry everyone feels for them, they’re still fucked. It’s in our man empathy to pity the handicapped — even the mentally handicapped. Women.
Men are better than women at picking out wine.
I wouldn’t know exactly how bad women are at selecting wine because I’ve never ever let a woman do it. And I have certainly never drunk said wine if a woman decision somehow eluded my mighty man providence. I’m not a time traveler. I can’t be in two hours ago preventing a woman from fucking up my delicious steak dinner with some goddamn Riesling. What is so fucking fantastic about Riesling to women? Is it because it tastes like you’re getting punched by a sugar goblin? Was there some teenage heartthrob by the name of Riesling when women were women-agers? I suppose neither would explain anything anyway because there’s never a reason for why women do anything. They just always do it wrong.
Woman drink shitty wine. I personally took a survey of all the women I could find before writing this article and I found that 100% of them could not name a delicious wine within an ample time period of ten seconds. According to their failures, picking things is man business. If women have to pick anything they fuck it up; wine included. We men have so much class coming out of our ass that it’s physically impossible for us to pick out a foul or mismatched wine.
But that’s not all.
According to the investigative journalism of CBS, men have more than class. We also have the sense to ask for help. Directions, sexual inefficiencies, wine; they’re all the same to men and women can shut the fuck up about it. That’s why men are so smart. We’re always asking for help on things and then we’re always memorizing the help so we don’t have to sound like repeating jackasses and ask the same question twice.
How do women select wine? For once the answer isn’t ‘ask their no-nothing mother what she would do’. It’s even worse.
Women look for cute labels like Yellow Tail’s stupid Kangaroo and kitschy, cutsey, make me vomitey names like Little White Lie or Bitch On The Rag, each with a shittier body and less appetizing flavour.
This whole clusterfuck reminds me of a story. A friend of mine used to tell women he had a tattoo on an inappropriate place. Women are simple minded so this is a perfect pick up line. They can remember all the players. You, her, penis. Also, they get to experience the anticipation of solving the riddle of what this tattoo is and where exactly it is!
My friend does not have a frog tattooed on his cock, but in the end, does it really matter? It just proves my point.
Edit by Dick:
Thanks to Jorge for the following CBS video presentation.
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You got me there. I drink Arbor Mist. $7.99 for 1.5L of alcoholic Kool-Aid. And it doesn’t even come in a pretty bottle. Fail.
-Lady
Real men don’t drink wine. Wine-drinking men don’t carry dicks; they’re pussies dressed in pants. Real men drink Jack Daniels. And wear plaid shirts, a cheap baseball cap from a gas station, overalls, gum boots, and they smell like cow manure. And they carry a gun. George Liquor would spank your bums raw. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/George_Liquor.
Pussies.
These are called rednecks and they have nothing to do with being a men, anyways beer rules, CARLSBERG rules!
as of right now im wearing a plaid shirt, i drink Jim Beam, and my Hat cost 30 dollars, my overalls are in the drawer and i own 7 guns
Wine sucks, drink beer.
Sacramental wine is damn tasty though.
This article and video are exactly why women should not be voting. They don’t do ANY research into the wine or candidate and purchase a fucking label.
Typical.
They do the same with men they fuck as well. My label is my suit and my BMW. And god damn am I appealing.
Reisling and those other girly wines make me want to puke almost as much as pink champagne.!. Someone hand me a bucket
Signed
-man-space invader-
What a stupid cunt.
I’ve tried sake on quite a few different occasions… I enjoy its flavor, but it is so simple a drink I have a hard time noticing differences between different brands. I mean its there… but its kind of like the difference between Coke and Pepsi.
Reisling is actually very nice with sushi- it’s the only time i drink it. i’m trying to develop an appreciation for saki, but it isn’t going very well…
i actually know quite a bit about wine, though, as i have an extensive background in fine dining- both dining and serving.
white wine with steak is just wrong. cabernet is nice, pinot noir is even better.
unless of course that steak is well done, in which case you may as well drink a glass of a-1.
(shudders)
Add the small penis jokes and the thread is complete.
This can’t be serious ,can it?
You people are joking, right?
How can you have an intellectual discussion with a woman?
Which god??? There’s thousands. Ohhh, you mean Zeus…ok then.
Her whining is how she compensates for lack of having a real point. Amazingly, she fails to realise what everyone else can see.
Notice also her propensity to Patronise those with whom she disagrees; it’s a classic logical fallacy attack of the person…rather than legitimate discussion of the topic in question.
Typical womanly ILL-ogic…and how many times have we seen it?
There may be intellectuals here, don’t mean it’s an intellectual forum though. Please for the love of God acknowledge that. You can’t deny it.
Clair, a ton of men here are highly intelligent. Anon is a Mensa member, I am a valedictorian and am hoping to get into a decent american college. Either that or I will remain in my home country to practise law. The men that I know with degrees(I think): Wolfe, Talon, Dakota, Diamatik, Sonyad and if I am not wrong, Anon, Serph(old poster).
There are many others but I care not to give you a whole list.
Did you even read what Anon wrote?
Wolfe is a Professor. Last time I checked, that title was a recognised acknowledgement of superior intellectual capacity and/or capability in a specialised field.
Stating that “Wolfe writes with more grace” is like stating cheetahs run faster than you do…in other words, stating the obvious. What a revelation!
Clair really needs to get with the program on this one…if she has no point of value to make, she should remain silent (or better still, absent).
LMFAO
What? I never made fun of his spelling, I just said Wolfe writes with more grace than him. And it’s no accomplishment to point out my spelling and grammatical errors, I’ll admit I suck at that stuff. Happy?
That was to Clair. Thanks Talon for the backup.