Take Two Of These And Call Me Never

Men are better at being sick than women. We’re better at getting sick too, which is another point. Because nine out of ten times you do not actually need a fucking jacket when some nagging woman says you do, and that’s called being efficient any way you slice it. Any man will tell you that. From eight to eighty.

Men being better than women at being sick simply means no whining, no complaining, no hideous sweat pants, no watching fuck the libido horseshit on Oxygen all day, no cravings, no massive weight gaining for three days, no mini-vacations, no crying jags, and no moratoriums on oral sex.

Men don’t pull any of that ridiculous shit.

The thing to keep in mind here is that most women are faking it when they claim to be sick. They get a sniffle and its SARS. They drop a tea kettle on their pinkie toe and it’s broken and probably has gangrene. They suck at reading and speaking (and they all do) and all of the fucking sudden they have Adult ADD or dyslexia or some horseshit that they have never mentioned to a medical professional. Yea. Nice bullshit, bullshitter.

Even if women really are sick when they say they are — unlikely — they’re not trying to get better by carrying on like a stuck pig. When they’re doing is putting on a production of Taming the Shrew and guess who the fuck is co-starring.

I know what you’re thinking men. All this is true, but how can we know it. Easy.

Women have better fucking immune systems than men. Women don’t even know what an immune system is, but it’s 100% totally true and I would bet my life on it.

I don’t have any facts to prove it though — except for this. Women cram enough chocolate and Bon-Bons and fucking Cherry Garcia ice cream down their fucking throats to get diabetes faster than you can say Low Carb Brownies. How the hell do you explain that? I’ll tell you how with my mighty man reason. A super charged resistance to diabetes and illness.

I’m rocking the boat here and I know it. A healthier immune system seems like a good thing. After all, men are smarter and stronger than women and those are important reasons why men are better than women at everything. Shouldn’t having a better immune system make women better than men at something?

No. No, no, fuck no it doesn’t.

Does giving women more handouts in the workplace or in the universities make them any better at working or thinking? No. Does buying a woman a luxury SUV because she got tired of her old car make her a better driver or not an ingrate? No it fucking doesn’t and there’s plenty of evidence for that, just go for a drive or hold a door open for a woman.

It’s like I’ve always said. You can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make her drink.

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