Take Two Of These And Call Me Never
Men are better at being sick than women. We’re better at getting sick too, which is another point. Because nine out of ten times you do not actually need a fucking jacket when some nagging woman says you do, and that’s called being efficient any way you slice it. Any man will tell you that. From eight to eighty.
Men being better than women at being sick simply means no whining, no complaining, no hideous sweat pants, no watching fuck the libido horseshit on Oxygen all day, no cravings, no massive weight gaining for three days, no mini-vacations, no crying jags, and no moratoriums on oral sex.
Men don’t pull any of that ridiculous shit.
The thing to keep in mind here is that most women are faking it when they claim to be sick. They get a sniffle and its SARS. They drop a tea kettle on their pinkie toe and it’s broken and probably has gangrene. They suck at reading and speaking (and they all do) and all of the fucking sudden they have Adult ADD or dyslexia or some horseshit that they have never mentioned to a medical professional. Yea. Nice bullshit, bullshitter.
Even if women really are sick when they say they are — unlikely — they’re not trying to get better by carrying on like a stuck pig. When they’re doing is putting on a production of Taming the Shrew and guess who the fuck is co-starring.
I know what you’re thinking men. All this is true, but how can we know it. Easy.
Women have better fucking immune systems than men. Women don’t even know what an immune system is, but it’s 100% totally true and I would bet my life on it.
I don’t have any facts to prove it though — except for this. Women cram enough chocolate and Bon-Bons and fucking Cherry Garcia ice cream down their fucking throats to get diabetes faster than you can say Low Carb Brownies. How the hell do you explain that? I’ll tell you how with my mighty man reason. A super charged resistance to diabetes and illness.
I’m rocking the boat here and I know it. A healthier immune system seems like a good thing. After all, men are smarter and stronger than women and those are important reasons why men are better than women at everything. Shouldn’t having a better immune system make women better than men at something?
No. No, no, fuck no it doesn’t.
Does giving women more handouts in the workplace or in the universities make them any better at working or thinking? No. Does buying a woman a luxury SUV because she got tired of her old car make her a better driver or not an ingrate? No it fucking doesn’t and there’s plenty of evidence for that, just go for a drive or hold a door open for a woman.
It’s like I’ve always said. You can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make her drink.
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September 25th, 2005 at 5:15 pm - IP Man-Hash: 1c02f21d37550
What and spelling?
-Dick
September 26th, 2005 at 8:24 am - IP Man-Hash: 681f2e2cfc31a
so, in your post, Ness, are you saying that arguing with a teenager is not worth my time? I’m not sure I understand where the stats are that point to my “arguement” is losing. Dick, am I losing?
September 26th, 2005 at 9:32 am - IP Man-Hash: 56806c0431943
Of cource I am a women, I’m old enough to be married and have children after all. Besides it’s a proven fact that gilrs mature older than boys.
September 26th, 2005 at 9:51 am - IP Man-Hash: f3ae1ac46a2e3
How in god’s name can that possibly be proven at all? Do you know what prove means? Good Lord. Does it involved cutting a piece of the child’s hair off and counting the rings? I mean honestly Nicole. It’s proven that girls mature faster than boys? Proven. I’m at a loss for words.
By the way, you’re not a woman because you’re equipped to be a woman. By your logic you’d also be a prostitute. Then again, all women are.
-Dick
September 26th, 2005 at 11:32 am - IP Man-Hash: 56806c0431943
“All women are prostitutes”?!
What a load of bull shit. One second were bad in bed and the next we do it for a living. Your one big contradiction Dick.
September 26th, 2005 at 11:42 am - IP Man-Hash: f3ae1ac46a2e3
Excuse me. Ladies of the evening.
But seriously, sucking at a job doesn’t mean you don’t get paid for it.
-Dick
September 26th, 2005 at 11:48 am - IP Man-Hash: 56806c0431943
You’d know all about that wouldn’t you Dick. What exactly is it that you do. Write comments. Claim your benifits. And not much else.
July 15th, 2006 at 7:57 am - IP Man-Hash: 5900ebf696253
.
Did she just say that her brother is a male? Totally amazing! Thanks for informing us about this spectacular phenomenon. Who would have ever thought that her brother could actually be a male?
July 15th, 2006 at 10:08 am - IP Man-Hash: 980cc8a8ac1a7
It’s an old topic.
July 16th, 2006 at 4:44 am - IP Man-Hash: 77c24a4f6fadb
Haha, thats funny coming from a woman. Of course you would know about claiming all of the benefits wouldn’t you Nicole?
-Strength and Honor-
September 27th, 2007 at 8:54 am - IP Man-Hash: 4333be6256471
Dick, I respectfully (since that is how all men treat other men) disagree with the idea that women have better immune systems than men. I believe (and by believe, I mean know, since I am a man) that men, in fact, do have better immune systems than women. However, being the generous men that we all are, we allow bacteria and viruses to feed off of our bodies so long as it doesn’t get in the way of our responsibilities. Women would never be so kind to anything other than themselves or their goddamn chihuahuas that they keep in their fucking purse that makes them look like fucking idiots.
You’re doing God’s work here, Dick.
February 17th, 2008 at 4:14 am - IP Man-Hash: 921c38c0d8c30
Do you realize what you just said? You said, “Girls mature older than boys.” Meaning, girls reach maturity at an older age than boys. Meaning, Boys mature earlier than girls. And yes, that IS a scientifically proven fact! Thank you for supporting Dick Masterson, and proving his points for us.
I also find it frightening that a woman would consider herself ready to have children, and unable to spell the word “course” correctly.
Not much else…
Hmm…last I checked, Dick appeared on a TV show watched by millions of people. He has a book being released soon, and has hundreds of online followers.
April 8th, 2008 at 8:28 am - IP Man-Hash: 56bcfd32d0019
“Women have better fucking immune systems than men. Women don’t even know what an immune system is, but it’s 100% totally true and I would bet my life on it.”
Immune systems vary from person to person.
Factors include things like:
-proper diet
-whether or not you smoke, drink, or use recreational drugs
-the amount of sleep you get
-whether or not you have any STD’s
-any sort of blood disorder that causes you to have low antibodies
-the climate you live in, where you work.
Yes, everyone’s immune system is different from the person’s beside them.
No one is “better at being sick”
THIS MAN SOUNDS LIKE AN ANGRY 18 YEAR OLD BOY WHO DIDN’T GET TO GO TO PROM BECAUSE HIS DATE REJECTED HIM
April 8th, 2008 at 8:29 am - IP Man-Hash: 56bcfd32d0019
“hundreds”
will never be enough.
April 18th, 2008 at 7:10 pm - IP Man-Hash: 90850f55d960b
Women think that drinking a diet coke reverses the affect of eating the whole chocolate cake.
-man-space invader-
May 6th, 2008 at 12:27 am - IP Man-Hash: 7580f87dec6e7
Ooo! I actually, for the most part, quite agree with this. You don’t really need a jacket! Colds are caused by viruses, not actual cold. If you ask me, getting sick from being in the cold is actually more of a placebo effect. Being warm is nice, but jackets aren’t really necessary.
On the other hand, women do know what immune systems are.
The skin: the first line of defense. Keeps what ought be inside in and what ought be outside out. Hairs and cilia and such line the nose, and mucus traps bacteria and such, preventing it from entering the body. Then there are white blood cells. Lovely globs of cellular matter, they are. They eat bacteria/viruses through phagocytosis. Antibodies and such are made when foreign life enters the body which aids in the white blood cells’ process. So on and so forth. I need not explain the whole process; it’s excessive.
May 6th, 2008 at 12:54 am - IP Man-Hash: e9a7aeb58b124
Throwing obvious information at a comedic article is only ignorant grandstanding.
May 6th, 2008 at 1:04 am - IP Man-Hash: 7580f87dec6e7
Or proof that not all women are ignorant to the workings of the immune system.
However you prefer to look at it.
Isn’t it most intriguing how there’s always more than one perspective to everything? Nothing is black or white. The world is in color.
May 6th, 2008 at 1:24 am - IP Man-Hash: e9a7aeb58b124
Color has nothing to do with fact. Not only is it obvious that he’s being sarcastic it was already obvious that not all women are ignorant of the immune system. Those who have to point such things out are usually trying to convince themselves while massaging their ego.
May 6th, 2008 at 6:12 am - IP Man-Hash: 7580f87dec6e7
The color comment was a side note. Just stating that I love how perspectives vary. And if you’d like to believe the last, then go right ahead. Who am I to stop you? I’m not trying to convince anyone of anything.