Women’s Blogs = Logs

Between jobs and drinking buddies, there are a lot of inane clutterings about the world men know little about. Sewing is one of them. Scrapbooking is another of these things. Scrapbooking is so womanly that I have banned myself from ever appearing in a scrapbook. Such a notion sickens me.

Life is meant to be lived, fellows and gentlemen. It’s not a science project. You don’t hit life with a noxious aerosol concoction of chlorine and formaldehyde and then mount it in a shadow box.

I am a man. I am the anti-scrapbook.

Another lame activity men know little about is called “bloggingâ€?.

The process of writing things down regularly and putting them on the internet is called blogging. In my research for this article, however, it seems to me that writing things down for about three months and putting them on the internet is called “bloggingâ€?.

What I also found during my research is that all internet blogs can be categorized thusly: blogs that are content rich and provide information or a unique perspective into given events and social phenomena, and blogs that are full of whiny shit and smiley faces.

In other words, blogs have as many genders as people.

Here’s some startling facts to shock and amaze you:

1. 95% of blogs are written by men.
2. The rest are absolute shit.

Women blog like they speak. They have limited vocabularies stunted by gingivitis and Teen Dream magazine, and all they do all day long is talk about themselves. Women hate themselves; and their blogs all suck because that’s all they fucking talk about.

Today I thought about my cats!
Tons of perverted guys are emailing me! Gross!
I have bipolar!

You do not fucking have bipolar.

You don’t have A.D.D. You don’t have dyslexia. You don’t have a slow metabolism. You don’t have psychic abilities. You don’t have trust issues. You don’t have any problems in the whole goddamn world. You just have a vagina and an internet account and not a clue how to use either.

Men, on the other hand, are so great and positive about ourselves that sometimes I tell a boring story about me even when I know it’s boring. I don’t even fucking care. Women just want to make themselves sound as dumb as possible, both in the real world and in their shit blogs — or should I say: shit logs? It’s how they attract mates.

Men will never stop trying to fix a problem. It’s in our man natures. That’s why the show House MD is such a great show. It’s realistic. Fuck Cosmo and seventeen, the real way to keep a man forever is to constantly behave like a hapless fuck up.

Write about what you love. A great man once told me that, or perhaps I figured it out for myself and also have enough humility to assign it to a great man. Do what you love. Maybe that’s what a great man once told me.

Well women hate themselves. That combined with their inability to write makes them a noxious concoction of shitty “bloggingâ€?.

Women can’t blog for shit. Men are better than women.

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